Dave Matthews Band on "Late Show with Dave," 'twas just announced. Check 'em out July 27 and Friday, July 31. Per "LS:" "On the broadcasts, the band will perform songs from their latest hit release, Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. Additionally, Dave Matthews will sit down for an interview with Letterman on Monday, July 27, the night of the band's first performance that week."
(Getty Images Photo)
This is big "Late Show with Dave" news -- Paul McCartney is gonna be in the house on Wednesday.
Most famous time on this particular stage was about half a century or so. And how memorable was THAT last time? (A correspondent, "Laurie," scolds me for saying this will be the first time back; she insists he was back on the stage in the early '90s for a special. Thanks, L.)
Details/clips on the jump...And a walk down memory lane...
Things Overheard at the "Fire David Letterman Rally"
From tonight's show...
10. “David who?”
9. “Well, it was nice of CBS to provide the catering.”
8. “We should have done this years ago.”
7. “What idiot turned Broadway into a pedestrian mall?”
6. “Isn’t there always a crowd demanding Letterman be fired?”
5. “March around the potholes, people.”
4. “Can we also get CBS to bring back ‘Gunsmoke’?”
3. “When does Cheney get here with the waterboarding gear?”
2. “He should apologize for that hairpiece.”
1. “Thanks for coming, Regis.”
(Reuters / CBS Photo)
Yes, gang: You knew this was coming.
A poll! The poll! (We love polls.)
Make your voice heard.
Here.
Now.
Click away:
Sarah Palin has accepted the apology. John McCain said everyone should just move on. Dave would love it if everyone did. But will they? So here's where we stand...Some people out there are still mad, and some just want to forget about the whole thing. Where 'o where do you stand? On to the poll!
(Getty Images Photo)
Yes, it does appear over.
Sarah Palin has accepted the apology, and her written response aired on "Today" shortly after 7. "Of course I accept [the apology] on behalf of young women like my daughters."
There was more, but there were no "ifs," "ands" or "buts." It was unequivocal - apology accepted.
A couple minutes earlier, during an interview with John McCain, David Gregory asked about the Letterman flap and apology. Said McCain:
"I appreciate the fact that he did and I think we ought to move on."
And so everyone should.
Here's the full statement, released early this morning:
"Of course it's accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who 'joke' about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve," she said.
"Letterman certainly has the right to 'joke' about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction," Palin said. "This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America's Right to Free Speech - in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect."
Meanwhile, I see that the Firedavidletterman rally - yes, it's really called that and so is the Web site - is still going forward today. But it's going to be a sad, lonely and cranky affair, I suspect: What are the organizers going to demand? That Dave issue the apology in multiple languages, including Urdu? That Dave never make tasteless jokes again? That Sarah Palin really didn't mean to accept the apology? That the cool and bracing summer air of Juneau has deluded her judgment?
OK, OK, I'm being a little flip. There may be other ways for Dave and/or CBS to get this problem behind them; the New Agenda, a Westchester-based group that says it's nonpartisan and dedicated to helping girls and young women from violence, has some thoughts. Go to the jump for that...
Continue reading "Dave Letterman's Palin nightmare over? " »
(Getty Images Photo)
On last night's show.
For the jokes.
You know which jokes.
The relevant part of the transcript is below, followed by the full transcript on the jump.
This all comes after the first commercial break. Meanwhile, in the monologue, there were a handful of Letterman-in-the-volcano jokes from the host himself:
"I got a call from mom and she said she's supporting the governor..."
"Bernie Madoff...the most hated man in America...[he pauses] ME, Bernie Madoff..."
Re: The Iranian elections..."violent protests, national outrage. No, wait a minute: That's me."
His apology was delivered straight-ahead, without comic flourish (or just one), in stark contrast to last Wednesday's defense. It was Letterman like you've never seen him.
And why, you ask, didn't Dave apologize last week? Because - I am reliably told and as he explains here - perception had overtaken reality. No one believed him when he said that the joke wasn't about Willow, so...time to clear the air.
Also told: Dave made this apology on his own; no pressure from those whose job it is to apply pressure, notably Leslie Moonves, his boss. (Do I believe this? Does it matter what I believe?)
Nonetheless, a rally - sponsored by the people who got those tea parties up and going in April - is happening outside the Ed Sullivan tomorrow, and at this moment, it's STILL going forward...
Here's the key question: What has Gov. Palin got to say about this? She released this statement very early this morning:
"Of course it's accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who 'joke' about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve," she said.
"Letterman certainly has the right to 'joke' about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction," Palin said. "This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America's Right to Free Speech - in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect."
Here's another question: Why did Dave refer to only one joke tonight, when there were actually two - the Rodriguez one on Monday, and the Eliot Spitzer one on Tuesday?
Here's Dave:
"Well, my responsibility – I take full blame for that. I told a bad joke. I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception. And since it was a joke I told, I feel that I need to do the right thing here and apologize for having told that joke. It’s not your fault that it was misunderstood, it’s my fault. That it was misunderstood.” (audience applauds) “Thank you. So I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I’m sorry about it and I’ll try to do better in the future. Thank you very much."
How big a deal is this? At this point, it's huge. Clearly, CBS has been under intense pressure, and that means Les Moonves has been under intense pressure, and that means Dave has been under intense pressure. No one - and I do mean NO ONE - knew this would get to this point, and by apologizing now, Letterman is almost feeding the firestorm.
His critics - they've been everywhere, and they have been vocal - were infuriated by his semi-mea culpa on last Wednesday's show. His efforts to thread the needle, by saying the joke was really about Bristol and not 14-year-old Willow, have almost made the problem worse.
Reason is, the conservative cultural warriors who are out for blood now say he shouldn't have made the joke about EITHER. In fact, some liberal culture warriors agree.
This apology seems to have addressed this, but will it be enough?
Dave's Palinpalooza may not be over yet. Michael Patrick Leahy, an organizer of the so-called "tea party" tax protests in April and behind tomorrow's rally, told me after the apology was made public: "If he has sincerely apologized, that's a good first step," but said the rally will go forward, and that other steps need to be taken; declined to say what those "steps" might be.
On to the jump, and more coming...
Continue reading "David Letterman apologizes; Sarah Palin accepts" »
(Pix: Rick Wilking of Reuters and John Paul Reuters/CBS)
What's that I hear out there? People - YOU - clamoring for answers about Dave Letterman, Palinpalooza, and the meaning of it all - as opposed to just more furious rants from the Right (or Left?)
You've come to the right place!
I will now avail you of my (nearly) thirty years of Letterman-watching-and-writing. Of my (nearly) thirty years of watching this man, interviewing him, and producing thousands, yes, thousands of articles on him, for every newspaper from Variety, to the LA Times, to of course, Newsday.
-Photos: David Letterman's memorable guests
To the questions:
Is Dave Letterman a good guy?
I can hear some of you say, 'what a stupid question, Gay. Why would you start with that. Who cares if he's 'good.' WHY DID HE INSULT THOSE POOR GIRLS?' To which I'd say - hold on, cowboy. It is important. Letterman IS a good guy, a genuinely good guy. Sure, he's got his faults. Sure, he can be mean. Sure, he can tell stupid vindictive jokes. But at heart, he's a generous, good and sensitive person. Seriously.
So why did he make those wicked jokes about those poor girls - either Willow or Bristol?
There are a few reasons. First of all, Howard Stern was guest Monday night, and Letterman knew he was playing to a rough house, or rougher than normal. (Under regular circumstances, he might have tempered the lines - "might," but not necessarily.) Second, Palin's been a favored target for many months - and on some level that even Dave doesn't fully understand, he likes her. He likes his favorite targets - with the possible exception of Bush/Cheney. Third, in his head, he thought he was making standard-issue jokes about A-Rod and Spitzer's sexual peccadilloes - it probably never even occurred to him that the jokes were about the Palin daughters. They were foils - unfortunate ones, as it turned out.
How does Dave now feel about all this?
It's tearing him apart. I guarantee you. He's having sleepless nights. He's beating himself up. He's furious with himself. 'How could I be such a ninny...' That kind of thing. He's angry at himself because A) it never occurred to him that this would hit the fan the way it has, and he prides himself on being smarter than that; B) he IS upset that someone would think he'd say something perverted about a kid; C) he knows he's handed Palin a political wedge issue; D) on some level he respects her "mama bear" attack. Yeah, sure, he can be cynical about her motives - political, eh? - but he's also smart enough and empathetic enough to ask himself this question - "what would I do if some old TV guy made a creepy crack about HARRY?" Good parents have a way of getting their hackles up when the honor of their children is impugned; E) the jokes weren't even very funny.
More questions on the jump...jump away, friends! And if anyone has any questions I haven't thought of, fire away. I'll try my best to answer...
Continue reading "David Letterman: Your Questions Answered Here " »
Check out this riposte to Dave Letterman and his "Late Show" invite.
Posted a couple hours ago on the Gov's Facebook page, via Meghan Stapleton, Palin spokesperson:
"The Palins have no intention of providing a rating's boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman."
"...keep Willow away from Letterman?!?!"
Palinesque humor or is she still sticking to the Dirty Old Man implications from yesterday?
-Vote: Where do you stand on the Letterman-Palin spat?
- Photos: Sarah Palin and her family
"Dave, you..." (Getty)
So here we are, the day after Dave's Palinpalooza. What have we learned?
To the bullets!
* Transcript released yesterday didn't even begin to offer the color of last night's apologia. Dave's tone was funny, arch, ironic and oddly entertaining.
* The business about him insisting he was talking about Bristol as opposed to the younger kid seemed to me a bit weasily; he had to know that it was the young 'un going about the town (and upstate) with mom, and not Bristol - everybody knew - and while Dave often makes a joke of getting current events hopelessly wrong or twisted, the joke's implication to anyone who followed that day's news was that this WAS the 14-year old and not the 18-year old he was talking about. Nevertheless...I don't think Willow even went to the game, so Letterman may have some wiggle room on this one.
* I take it back: Willow was at the game. Wiggle room dramatically diminished...
-Photos: Sarah Palin tours New York City
-Photos: David Letterman's memorable guests
* Would Letterman have made the same joke about one of the Obama daughters, as about 80 million right-wing bloggers, commentators, pundits, etc. have charged? Highly highly doubtful. Why? A few reasons I think - a.) Obama is still untouchable on late night TV as a butt of jokes (for the most part); b.) the O daughters are conspicuously younger; c.) presidential off-spring are typically off-limits but as the Bush daughters discovered, that rule was made to be broken a million times; d.) Letterman's sympathies are with the Dems as opposed to the GOP which makes Palin a more natural target for his humor.
* Palin IS a fun object of humor, irrespective of one's political leanings.
* Palin had every right to be outraged by the jokes, particularly if she thought they related to her 14-year-old, Willow.
* The jokes really WERE more about Spitzer and A-Rod than her or the 14-year-old, but still, it's easy to see why she'd be furious to have her daughters used a foil for either.
* Dave didn't apologize, but he came damn close, as close as Dave ever probably has, and the denunciation about "rape" etc. was shocking; one can readily suspect that her implication that he was some sort of pervert for even telling the jokes was genuinely upsetting to the guy.
Read part of Letterman's response
* Letterman handled the whole thing well last night, for the most part, and he was right - he's told many thousands of tasteless jokes over the years. Many were even funny.
* Sarah unwittingly handed Dave a gift - by certifiably guaranteeing a third night victory in a row over Conan and "The Tonight Show." (You almost wonder whether this was planned...nahhhh.)
* Dave unwittingly handed Sarah a gift - by certifiably establishing her creds as a culture warrior who lances (in her words) the "Hollywood/NY entertainers [who] have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands..." If there is a run in '12...this could be her "Murphy Brown" (though, that didn't ultimately do much for Dan Quayle.)
Any disagreements, further observations, blogger denunciations, or commentary on the weather? Have at it...
Vote: Where do you stand on the Letterman-Palin spat?
The clip:
Before everyone jumps on Dave for the Palin cracks - tasteless, though they were - did ya hear the one he had about Rosie O'Donnell on Tuesday's show?
"Fiddler on the Roof?"
Oh man. Maybe she will have a forthcoming comment, too.
-Photos: Rosie O'Donnell
(In any event, Dave IS an equal-opportunity offender...)
....POW!!!!
Nothing like a nice little fight to enliven a summer afternoon.
Sarah Palin thinks David Letterman is a meanie and a creep . .. Maybe worse.
-Vote: Where do you stand on the Letterman-Palin spat?
-Photos: Sarah Palin tours New York City
-Verne Gay: Letterman-Palin -- the hangover
Check out this MSNBC interview for a good overview, but what's missing is the stuff that really got Sixpack in an uproar: The joke from last night:
"The toughest part of her visit was keeping Alex Rodriguez away from her daughter."
From Palin, via Facebook:
"Concerning Letterman's comments about my young daughter (and I doubt he'd ever dare make such comments about anyone else's daughter): 'Laughter incited by sexually-perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/NY entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands – that acceptance of inappropriate
sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the
atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse
others.'"
Palin's claiming Dave was talking about her fourteen year old. Or...was he talking about Bristol, who's eighteen?
Letterman starts taping in just about an hour.
Will he address this? We await...
[But...isn't this joke really about A-Rod as opposed to Palin's daughter?]
-Photos: Sarah Palin tours New York City
-Photos: David Letterman's memorable guests
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Dave and Julia Roberts on tonight's "Late Show."
On marriage. Driver's licenses. Craft services. Trucks. Mud. Honeymoons. Children fits. Back seats.
Worth watching...
In the war against "Tonight," one must enlist many weapons: Last night on "Late Show with David Letterman," Stern.
Here's the first part of that momentous encounter...Been a year and a half since he was last here.
Howard: "I'm backstage with your [staff]...they say we think this is a night we're gonna beat the Tonight Show...I'm thinking why is the pressure on me? "
"We gotta beat this Conan...Dave put me on national television many many years ago,...
I never liked Jay. I can't stand Jay....I've never seen anyone who behaves like a robot. I saw his final show - on his last show, he was reading it off a telePrompter. Where's the humanity? HERE'S the host we wanna watch..."
And that was about it. How wild and crazy was last night's encounter? Let's put it this way: They talked a lot about married life and therapy.
Still, amusing (in parts) as always.
Here's Dave on the big transition tonight.
Funny.
(Hope Conan's this funny.)
For some reason, "Late Show" has offered this truncated "Top Ten" list from tonight, presented by LM. (His promo for William Bell and the "Fringe" finale," on the jump.)
Herewith you will only see three (or maybe four) of the full list; one of em's pretty good:
Couple big music nights, for Dave, and a big one last night for Jimmy, too.
If you haven't seen. Last night, The Dead ('Grateful," as you know, has been retired) was on Dave; and "JK Live" shut down Hollywood Blvd. for a Depeche Mode concert. Scott MacIntyre was on too. (And Wednesday, Beyonce singing "Halo" on Dave; on the jump.) And take 'er away...
Continue reading "Letterman: The Dead; Kimmel: Depeche Mode" »
If you didn't know (and I didn't until TVtattle posted), Letterman has Kelly Ripa on tonight, and she's giving Dave "lady talk" about marriage, and school, and all that stuff. Dave - who's not good at lady talk - barely bites; he just doesn't WANT to talk about the stuff that "The View" gets into...So, it's kinda awkward, but here it is anyway...Dave and fatherhood and marriage...
This is old news - twelve hours old - but as you know, Bill O'Reilly squared off against Letterman last night, and that usually yields some sort of blog post.So, here goes...
What to say about these two? Honestly, I think they actually like each other on some level...Yeah, Dave calls him a "goon," but Bill hardly even seemed to care...
(Why is O doing the show? To boast about his 100 straight days or months or years or whatever as the top-rated cable news program...)
Here's my general question: Is recently-married Dave (fanning himself yesterday on the street with his pre-nup agreement) becoming more like O'Reilly? And is Bill becoming more like Dave?
Perish the thought...
Dave, as you know, is now married, but last night he offered additional details on the sacred and very special day -- he got stuck in mud. Then, was nearly blown off the road. But let him tell the story...
Yes, friends. It's true. It's all true.
Amazing.
But true. A bachelor for most of his life is a bachelor no more.
Dave got married - to (who else?) Regina Lasko.
Here's the transcript from tonight's show:
“On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.”
“Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’”
“…I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I - honestly, whether this happened or not - I secretly felt that men who were married admired me…like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?”
“So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck…So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody’ll come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”
-Photos: David Letterman's wackiest guest appearances
(Pix: A well-traveled pix, by Bauer-Griffin.com, of the happy family in Italy, two years ago.)
Artie Lange was on "Letterman" the other night promoting his new book and had a pretty funny joke about Ronkonkoma. He's probably said this on "Stern," but because I don't pay for radio, I have no idea. But if you haven't heard it yet, worth watching this. Lange's appearances on "Letterman," it seems to me, are usually pretty good -- these guys have simpatico, or somethin'.
Oh, and if you wanna see Dave's interview with U2 last night, that's on the jump...
Take it away...
When you go on "Letterman," they make you work for your supper.
Not enough to do five nights of the show . . . but also had to shovel the snow on 53rd Street, and now had to do the Top Ten . . .
As Top Tens go, this one's very good, and 'cuz U2 does it, this is henceforth a classic Top Ten.
But . . . there's an added bonus here, too: The Edge actually goes off script, with his OWN Top Ten, and guess what? It's a funnier one than the writers came up with. In fact, it'll get a lot of air play over the next couple days, so watch now so you have something to talk about at the coffee machine.
Also watch now before CBS de-activates this clip; they've been circulating a crummy little promo reel that doesn't begin to do this justice . . .
And course you didn't forget (did you?) that this is U2 week on "Late Show with David Letterman."
Here's a nice full clean clip from a Chinese TV network (of all places) of last night's show closing performance. There are number of other clips on Youtube, too, if you prefer. Watch before CBS deactivates, which could be any minute now...
U2 performing "Breathe," from "No Line on the Horizon" (in stores today!)
OK, friends, it's getting to be mid-afternoon and by now, we've all enjoyed the clip of clips - Joaquin and Dave.
We've heard all the theories, or most of 'em - that he's on drugs, or doing a Kaufman, or gathering string for some sort of mockumentary he's producing with brother-in-law Casey Affleck.
(I'm still sticking with the Wacky Joaquin theory.)
Anyway, here's another! Maybe he's contemplating a biopic of Dylan.
Of course. That's it. And he's channeling one of the classic press conferences in pop culture history... Let the 1965 tape roll!
Dave is sure making the news - crazy Joaquin and now this. U2 for a full week.
First week of March.
Per AP, "U2's new album, 'No Line on the Horizon,' is to be released that week. The band played its first single, "Get on Your Boots," to kick off the Grammy Awards on Sunday.
The band last appeared on the "Late Show" in October 2001."
This is, of course, a huge deal, as Dave sets the ground work to become the top-rated show in late night, when Conan takes over "Tonight" this summer.
(Pix: Kevin Mazur, WireImage.)
Watch this video.
Watch it now.
Drop whatever you're doing.
I don't care what your doing.
Just drop it.
And watch this video.
It is a "Late Show" classic for the ages -- Joaquin Phoenix as truly the strangest guest in Letterman history. Stranger than Farrah Fawcett. Though you be the judge. I posted that right below Joaquin . . . Suffice it to say, this is a disaster. (See photos of Joaquin Phoenix)
You may ask yourself: Is this an Andy Kaufman-esque put-on or true meltdown? I'm going with the latter . . .
But you may want to read this email from a reader, too:
"Come on, before you write a blog and profess it was a meltdown, do a tad bit of research. Joaquin is shooting a mockumentary with his brother in law Casey Affleck, and its all about how they can get the press to fall for anything. He is pretending to be a rapper, while at the same time pretending to be all strung out on drugs. Get some facts before you call this a classic Letterman appearance. It would have been classic, if only it was real. Good try though."
I'm still going with "meltdown." Would Phoenix use "Late Show" to promote his mockumentary when he shoulda been promoting "Two Lovers?" Wouldn't that be a conflict of interest? Or would the studio give him its blessing? (Hey, any publicity is good pub, right?)
I dunno. I love the clip under any circumstances, and if you've got nine minutes, go to the jump for the full and unexpurgated interview; thanks to Shar for sending...)
(Oh, and meanwhile, a reader with a great memory recalls the memorable Crispin Glover encounter -- "interview" seems not the right word -- from "Late Night" days . . . I've posted on the jump for your evaluation ... Plus, Andy Kaufman! For the weirdest interview ever.)
-(See photos of Joaquin Phoenix)
-Click here to see photos of vintage Letterman, and some memorable guests
Continue reading "Letterman: Joaquin Phoenix, Weirdo or Fake-o? " »
Seriously mad? I doubt it very much, but that was part of Letterman's gag last night when he unveiled the new "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue (swimsuits? I don't get it; do guys who actually read this magazine buy swimsuits? I'm confused...)
Dave claimed Mayor Bloomberg didn't want him to do this dramatic unveiling. Dave did it anyway. Here's the clip - worth a minute and 54 seconds of your day, I believe. (And don't forget - Sully is on tonight...)
Nice interview with Joe Torre last night on "Letterman" - somewhat different in tone than the Blago one on Tuesday - though Joe does look like he's sticking to his story: There was nothing wrong or disrespectful or disreputable with writing a book on the Yankees (although he didn't write it, he tells Dave.)
The clip:
Why read the whole thing when you can WATCH the whole thing?
Here are the clips of last night's pretty amazing encounter between Dave and the disgraced gov. It's Dave as prosecutor, but honestly, a fairly gentle and straightforward one. The transcripts suggests that Dave was prosecutorial, but the tone was not. The tone was more "inquisitive" - I guess that's the word... But you can also tell, Dave's not buying any of the load he's selling. Watch these before CBS pulls 'em down...(and sorry, don't have the third part of the interview.) Thanks to Throwaway 71 for posting these.
Ladies, and gentlemen...
Do you have an hour? You do! Good - then go to the jump and read a portion of tonight's "Late Show" grilling of Rod Blagovich...Best to watch rather than read...the whole thing is pretty funny, and that doesn't come across in print...
Continue reading "Blago on Letterman: The (Partial) Transcript" »
How 'bout that Super Bowl?
Great fourth quarter (but average-to-good preceding three quarters, which makes the overall game...pretty good. Lest you all forget - over a dozen penalties on the Cards, which cost 'em over 100 yards; that's not good at all - plus a couple of cheap hits by the Steelers too.)
In any event, no disputing Ben Roethlisberger's achievement yesterday. One of the stand-out drives in SB history, and he gets to talk about it on "Late Show with David Letterman" tonight. Just announced...
(Pix: AP)
First he gets impeached, and then he goes to the Letterman roast - Letterman, who has absolutely blasted the guy mercilessly for three weeks, at least.
This was just announced and here's the relevant graf (s) from the press release:
"Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will visit the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Tuesday, Feb. 3 (11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. This will be Blagojevich’s first late night talk show appearance since he was removed from office.
"On Thursday, Jan. 29, the Illinois State Senate voted 59-0 to convict Blagojevich of abuse of power and separately voted 59-0 to bar him from ever again holding public office in Illinois. He is the first governor in Illinois history to be impeached and the first U.S. governor in more than 20 years to be removed by impeachment. Blagojevich’s removal from office comes nearly two months after his Dec. 9 arrest on federal corruption charges, which included allegations that he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President Barack Obama. "
(pix: UPI)
This just in, gang: Sully, the man we all want behind the wheel the next time we get on a bird, is gonna be on Dave (for more on this guy, see post below) on Feb. 10.
The whole crew is gonna be there too.
This, just two days after that "60 Minutes" encounter.
Here's the press release: "The crew of US Airways Flight 1549, who [we know what they did, and God bless 'em too] will visit the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Tuesday, Feb. 10 ...This will be their first late night talk show appearance since the accident.
"Moments after takeoff from LaGuardia Airport, Capt. Chelsey Sullenberger, First Officer Jeffrey B. Skiles, and flight attendants Donna Dent, Doreen Welsh and Sheila Dail were faced with an emergency situation when Capt. Sullenberger reported a ‘double bird strike’ over the Bronx, resulting in a loss of power in both engines. Without enough time to return to LaGuardia, Capt. Sullenberger and his crew managed to land the Airbus A320 smoothly in the icy waters of the Hudson and, with the help of New York City emergency services, rescued all 155 passengers on board. It is believed that the plane hit a flock of birds after it left LaGuardia, and the National Transportation Safety Board is continuing its investigation into the incident."
Interesting story that just crossed, via "Broadcasting & Cable" magazine: It says that Dave and CBS are "discussing" terms of a new deal that'll take him beyond 2010, when his current deal ends.
Here's the key point in the piece: "Both CBS and Letterman could see that as an opportunity for Letterman to pick up some new eyeballs and potentially take over as the top host in late night with Leno out of the picture, as he moves on to start his 10 pm show on NBC."
Any 'o this a surprise? Not really, and B&C; admitted as much, referring to that Rolling Stone interview last year when Dave said he wanted to go beyond '10.
This story - coincidentally - comes in the wake of that New York Times scoop last night that ABC is discussing the possibility of dumping "Nightline" for "Kimmel."
So, let me tell you why all these stories are popping up now: Because CBS and ABC (and Fox too) fully expect "The Tonight Show" to be vulnerable for the first time in (like) FOREVER. Nothing against Conan, but the assumption has long been that he's a "niche player" as opposed to a mass-appeal personality. (True? We'll find out soon enough). That's why ABC is thinking of going after "Tonight" with Kimmel, and why Dave is looking to re-up.
But - my hunch only - there are still some big surprises that we'll all be hearing about shortly. NBC threw a Hail Mary with Leno (and the receiver - if I may continue the metaphor - has not even caught the ball, either.) The Peacock's rivals will want to do their own fancy passing too.
A key question: Will CBS be content to give Dave his valedictory lap? You know - one more year, or maybe two more, in which the network (rightfully) celebrates one of the greatest runs in TV history?
The quick answer: Yes.
But...CBS will also want some assurances that it has a replacement in the wings. And as good as he may be, I don't think that replacement will be Craig Ferguson.
Expect the unexpected...
Letterman fans know well this on-going feature that's called "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches." I do believe it's run all eight years of the Bush presidency (and in case you think Letterman was picking on W, Clinton got much, much worse over his two terms.) Anyway, this feature will officially end tomorrow night with a three-minute send-off.
A shame. What will Dave do for Obama? (Or should I ask, what will Dave do TO Obama?)
CBS didn't get us the clip, so I dug one up myself. Here's a nice one indeed...
Dave, on LIKG, again, from tonight's monologue:
"Talk about a divorce, I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, but there’s a story – a man and a wife are married. And she says, “You know what? I need one of your kidneys.” And he says, “Fine, not a problem. Take my kidney.” She’s fine, and now they’re getting a divorce. The guy wants his kidney back! Yes, wants his kidney back. And he’s not kidding around. He says, “Alright, if I don’t get my kidney back, I want my Aerosmith CDs back.”
"But from what I know about divorce, this guy’s lucky to get away with one kidney, you know what I’m saying?"
From tonight's show...
"How about those New York football Giants? I mean, was that a killer? Was that a heartbreaker? I mean, Eli Manning, the quarterback for the Giants here in New York, is so upset, listen to what he did – today he has Plaxico Burress shoot him in the leg.
"And you know last week in the playoffs, Peyton Manning lost and this week Eli Manning lost. So I’m telling ya, the Manning brothers are starting to look like the Lehman Brothers."
From tonight's monologue...
"There’s a guy in Long Island and he and his wife get married and they get a divorce. And you think, 'Oh, big deal.' But here now is the problem – at some point during the marriage, the guy gives the wife a kidney. And now the guy is steamed. He wants the kidney back. And they’re working, the lawyers are working on an arrangement whereby the husband gets the kidney every other weekend.
"And the wife is having none of it. The wife was adamant. She says, 'Nope. I’m going to keep the kidney because it works a lot better than that other organ he used to give me.'”
Baaa...DUM!
And the jump's got more...
And, yup, here they are...
"Well, we’re just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. He’s been very busy. This is the transition period. Very busy, naming a lot of cabinet positions. And today he announced that he wants the Surgeon General – you know, the surgeon general – he wants that guy to be TV doctor Sanjay Gupta. Are you familiar with Sanjay Gupta? Now wait a minute, that was the kid on “American Idol,” wasn’t it?
"Surgeon General. That’s a tough position. And it was hard for Obama to make the choice. It was between Gupta, Dr. Phil and a guy on “Scrubs.”
"This Gupta is quite a diagnostician... Two years ago, Gupta warned Jeremy Piven to lay off the tuna sandwiches.
"Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, today is a historic day down in Washington. Listen to this – Five living Presidents had lunch together: George W. Bush Senior, Herbert Walker Bush, and George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. All at the White House. All having lunch. What a day. And while this was going on, John McCain was at Applebee’s blowing on his soup.
"Fascinating because you have the five different presidents. Five different political ideologies. And Democrats and Republicans. And at the end of the lunch they agreed that they all agreed on one thing: Sarah Palin is smokin’ hot. That’s what they all agreed on.
"I understand the lunch went well. Only three shoes thrown."
And...here goes!
"Welcome to the LATE SHOW – the last show open on Broadway. I’m serious about this. Sad news. A lot of shows are closing this month on Broadway. “Grease.” Forget “Grease.” “Hairspray” – yeah, great shows. Gone. If you’re looking for “Grease” and “Hairspray,” you gotta go see that thing on Donald Trump’s head.
...
"Here’s something, Ladies and Gentlemen, on this date in 2001… 2001, remember that, 2001? 2001. On this date, George W. Bush certified as the winner of the 2000 presidential election. Huh. How about that? Well, that turned out pretty well, didn’t it?
"By the way, First Lady Laura Bush, Laura Bush is writing a memoir. I’m going to buy this, because I mean, what was going on there? But the name of the memoir, I believe, is “I’m With Stupid.”
...
"Anyway, the Regis Lee with Kelly Lee Show…you know the Regis Show? Is now in high definition. That means everything is, you know, Whoa! Like high-definition. I’m telling you, forget that coffee in the morning if you really want something to wake you up, it’s Regis in high-def. "
New year, but no reason to break all the old habits, like the one I started when the very nice people at "Letterman" started sending me the nightly monologue (like) five hours before it actually hits the air (or, for my one reader in California, eight hours earlier.) This way, Dave fans get the best jokes via 'Zone and go to bed earlier.
Unfortunately, the best one in tonight's monologue had to do with fellatio, A-Rod and Madonna, and because we at 'Zone have a rule against printing (laughing at is fine) Dave jokes concerning said subject, you'll just have to watch. Otherwise, I thought this part was amusing...
"George Herbert Walker Bush, that’s George W. Bush’s father, who was also a President, George Bush senior, he says – and they’ve got another Bush named Jeb, Governor of Florida – they say that Jeb would make a great President [and] I was thinking... We need another Bush like Jeremy Piven needs another tuna sandwich.
"Well, here’s how you can tell it’s a brand new year. The Regis Lee and Kathie Lee…Victoria…what’s her name? Kelly Lee, that’s right. They have a brand new set on the Regis Lee and Kelly Lee Show, as a matter of fact. It’s the biggest event in show business since Pam Anderson unveiled her set.
"Were you like me when you heard Regis was getting a new set? Were you like me – did you think…teeth? "
... tonight's monologue has even MORE cold jokes:
"So cold, over on Park Avenue, they had a poodle… they had to chisel a poodle off a fire hydrant.
"And the suburbs are cold also. Up in Chappaqua, Bill and Hillary accidentally got into the same bed. It’s that cold.
"That’s not all. Listen to this – it’s so cold, that thing on Donald Trump’s head was actually wearing a thing on its head."
And sooooo cold Dave should even consider growing a beard again, for the rest of the winter, then...shave it off when he starts the "so hot" jokes this summer.
(Hairy Picture of Dave: John Paul Filo/CBS)
We have a little tradition here at TV Zone that goes back, oh, a month: We post the highlights from "Late Show with David Letterman" ahead of when the show actually airs because a.) we figure readers may want to go to bed before 11:35 and have too much stuff on their TiVo already and b.) the nice people at "Late Show" send the monologue to us. And c.) if the nice people at "Conan" or "Leno" or "Kimmel" sent us their monologues, we'd post those too. But they don't.
Dave, as you know, has a fixation on the weather. It's been cold in NYC, as you know, so here's the top of DL's monologue...
"You folks around the country probably know this but here in New York City, freezing cold! Am I right, Ladies and Gentlemen? It’s so cold today that that Bernie Madoff is actually looking forward to burning in Hell.
It’s so cold that the mercury in Jeremy Piven dropped below zero.
It’s so cold today that people were throwing shoes at Al Roker.
Oh, we’re not done yet. So cold today that President Bush was ducking ski boots.
So cold in New York City today that Madonna’s tongue froze to a Yankees infielder."
If you got 'em, smoke 'em.
And I keep getting 'em, from "Late Show with DL." These top ten clips.
So ... here's the latest, this one from "Cable Guy."
And away we go ...
Did Tom call Dave "glib?"
Did Tom jump on Dave's couch?
(Does Dave have a couch?)
Watch the clip to find out.
(TV Zone Pledge: No TV host or couch was injured or insulted in the making of this "Top Ten." P.S. Cruise is a good sport here.)
You get comic gold, you mine it.
If you are Dave.
Here are (most of) the shoe-tossing jokes from tonight's monologue...
"Well, I’m so happy you people are here tonight. Thank you very much. We had a rough crowd. You’re just happy because this doesn’t cost you anything. But honest to God – Paul, do you remember Friday night? We had a horrible crowd. Rough crowd here Friday night. I mean ugly. Nasty. Here’s how – I had to duck three shoes. Horrible.
You know what I’m talking about, Bush is in Baghdad, he’s having a press conference and a guy, a reporter, from Iraq jumps up and starts heaving shoes at the guy. And in Iraqi or Arabic, he starts screaming, “Here’s your farewell kiss, you dog!” That’s what the guy said. I mean, it was the same goodbye I got from NBC.
But it’s the same old story. You hear this over and over again. A guy, this crazy guy, goes into a Payless store and he purchases a pair of Rockport shoes and they didn’t even do a background check on him.
But you’ve got to give Bush credit. The guy moved pretty quickly. Moved pretty quickly. He reacted pretty good when you see him. Pretty quick. Moving pretty quick. Too bad he didn’t react that way with Bin Laden or Katrina or Bin Laden or the mortgage crisis or Bin Laden or Afghanistan or Bin Laden or the Lehman Brothers…
I don’t think Bush has really dodged anything like that since…the Vietnam War.
Here's last night's big interview.
Bottom line: John McCain was funny, relaxed, and gracious. Dave was funny, relaxed, and gracious. Like a reunion of old friends.
Let's break this down real quick:
- Mac loves Hill-as-Secretary-State (and all the other choices Barack Obama has made so far.)
- Mac thinks Caroline Kennedy would make a great choice as her replacement in the Senate.
- Mac thinks Blag'o is a "rare combination" of stupidity and insanity (I think Dave's words were "is he either dumb or nuts?")
- Mac didn't even wanna MENTION that governor from Alaska (and Dave barely touched on the subject.)
- Mac declared himself a Democrat for life, repudiating all those stands he made over the last two years...(just kidding on this last one! Just kidding! But...still, you had to wonder...)
Good interview...Cue 'er up:
If you missed last night's "Late Show with Dave" then you missed this clip below that you are about to click on, and certainly should...
Paula shows up to promote that new line of costume jewelry she's got coming out, and naturally, conversation shifts to that sick gambit by producers who let poor Paula Goodspeed into the audition room when they knew full well she was an Abdul stalker.
Dave - as you remember - was stalked by a similarly tragic woman some years ago, who repeatedly broke into his house. I don't think Letterman ever pressed charges, and even tried to help her the best he could (but she was later killed in an accident). So last night, when he told Paula to "sue the baboons" over the incident, I don't think he was kidding...
He barely let Paula speak. Her only response, "I've still gotta do the eighth season..."
(Dave shoulda asked her, are you doing a ninth?) After this, go to the jump for Dave's Top Ten ("messages left on Blago's answering machine.") No. 6 is - I warn you - laugh out loud funny.
Continue reading "Letterman to Paula (Abdul): "Sue the Baboons"" »
Remarkable! He loses an election and now, Dave can't keep him away.
Mac is back: Tomorrow night.
Check it out.
Actually, as we all fondly remember, Mac did finally show up a little while before the election, and told Dave that he "screwed up" the time he missed the show. Mac had been Dave cannon fodder for weeks and weeks before that. This'll be his 14th visit.
Here's my question: Where's Sarah? I believe Mac said he would get her to the show - oh, forgot, they're not friends anymore.
...A nice one.
...A funny one.
...An oblique one.
...A quick one. (If you blink, you'll miss it.)
...Are you ready?
...Here it is (at the very outset of tonight's monologue...now, don't blink...)
"Welcome to the LATE SHOW. Still at 11:35."
(That's it. I hope you didn't blink.)
And yes, there was actually another one.
Also oblique.
Also funny.
(Don't blink.)
Here it is...
"Well, President Elect Barack Obama met with Al Gore yesterday, earlier today. The meeting went well. Obama offered Al Gore the 10pm slot. And he said yes."
Sorry, but...kind of a weak Letterman monologue tonight. Guess he's got a case of the Mondays. But...this one's a keeper:
"And I heard today that the federal government was raising like $40 billion to bail out Citigroup. You know what I’m saying? Because honestly, when you think about it, who doesn’t really feel sorry for credit card companies."
Remember that famous walkout of the now ancient '08 campaign? John McCain walks out on Letterman and does an interview with Katie instead?
Oh, the gnashing of teeth, the spittle flying - there is nothing quite so terrifying as a late night talk show host named Dave spurned...
Said she, "I had no idea he was on your show...I woulda said, by all means, go do Dave's show...I had no idea until you apparently had a cow on the air..."
Anyway, go on down to that there clip and click to see what Katie had to say about this to Dave last night...And per my new custom, here are the best bits from the mono...
"...
My accountant gave me a valuable tip. He said you can save a lot of money on taxes if you turn the LATE SHOW into a church. I’m thinking about it because some nights it is that quiet in here.
"We were talking about Oprah before the show. See here’s how bad the economy is. Today, Oprah Winfrey, on her show, gave everybody in the audience a car…company. Honest to God.
"But there are some nice aspects during the transition period. For example, the Bush twins, George and Laura had the twins, and the Bush twins are giving the Obama girls a tour of the White House. And it’s very cute. It’s very sweet because that’s going to be their home the next four, maybe eight years, for the Obama kids. So that’s very sweet. But the kids, listen to this, got scared. They got really scared because they heard creepy organ music coming from Cheney’s underground lair. And then the Bush twins grabbed a candle and took the kids on a tour of his torture chamber.
"Now it’s interesting because Barack Obama is selecting his staff – cabinet members and his staff. And Hillary Clinton, they’re talking about Secretary of State. Bill Clinton, now, what a guy. What a standup guy. He went to Barack Obama and he said he will do anything to help Hillary become Secretary of State. He said, “look, I’ll remove my profile from eHarmony.com. That’s one. I’ll take that right off.” He’s going to have a motion detector installed on his fly. "
And...from tonight!
"You OK with the economy? It’s awful, isn’t it? It’s ugly, isn’t it? It makes you depressed. You lose the will to live. It’s like a recession. We’re in a recession. And by the way, this is what I’ve done. For the duration of the recession, I’ve made sure that we don’t charge for tickets. Thank you. Thank you very much."
[Not to step on Dave's punchline, but "LS" tix are free and always have been.]
"Well, it’s on the stands now. The annual People Magazine World’s Sexiest Man issue is on the stands today. Hugh Jackman. Sexiest man alive. And I’m proud to say I was on the list. I’m a little farther down the list. I’m between Dr. Phil and Senator Ted Stevens.
"So the Bush girls were showing the Obama girls around and the twins really went out of their way. They even showed the kids how they operate their margarita blender.
"And at one point, this was so sweet, one of the little Obama daughters says, “Oh, oh,” she sees something in the corner, she says, “Oh, you read comic books too!” And the Bush twins said, “No, those are dad’s.”
Remember that new feature 'Zone started yesterday - a fast forward look at "Late Show," posting the funniest bits from the monologue each night, so you can go to bed early, forget about setting the DVR (unless Paris Hilton is on) and get on with your life...?
Probably not.
But here it is again: The two funniest jokes from tonight's mono:
"It’s an exciting time in Washington. Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the administration. And so far he’s got his mother-in-law going to be living with him and he’s talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. So, you’ve got your mother-in-law, you’ve got Hillary Clinton – boy it sounds like smooth sailing to me!”
"Everybody’s excited about this. Like a rock ‘n’ roll star, this Barack Obama. And remember at the convention or something he did this with his wife, the fist bump or something. And don’t confuse that fist bump with the last Democratic presidency. That was the intern bump.
Ya know, the nice people at "Late Show with David Letterman" have taken to transcribing his nightly monologue, and then they send it out to...me.
Yes, just me. No one else. On the planet. It's amazing.
Well, no one ever called TV Zone not grateful and so I'm thinking of a new feature here at Zone - funniest bits from Dave's monologue. What's good about this is that you get the funniest bits, and then don't have to set your DVR, unless, of course, Paris Hilton is on. Then you'll want to set your DVR...
Head on down to the jump for Tonight's Funniest Bits...
David Letterman's hard-working staff has taken to transcribing his monologue and Top Ten, and then...send it out to me in the hope that we'll blog it four hours before the show airs. (I should say, me and the three others who Still Cover Television...)
And guess what? It works! Or at least when the show has some pretty good stuff. Tonight's monologue, by my count, has two excellent lines and one very good one. Letterman continues his winning ways...What will we ever do without him?
Here were my favorites...
"I’m no pundit. I don’t know anything about politics, but as soon as Barack Obama shook hands with President Bush, Obama’s approval ratings went down ten points....
"There was a little confusion there at the meeting at the White House. When he was told, when President Bush was told that Obama was coming, he said, “Oh, you mean, we caught him?”
..." There’s always that little bump in the road and it happened earlier today at the White House. An historic meeting, you have Barack Obama meeting with George W. Bush, and he showed up there for his orientation tour…so did Hillary."
Now, please go to the jump for the top ten things "overheard at the Bush/Obama meeting..."
Continue reading "Letterman: Good Stuff on Obama/Bush Meet" »
I don't know - I just can't figure these two guys out. I always assumed Dave kinda didn't like Bill too much and Bill kinda returned the favor. (Remember waaaay back in January of '06, when Dave said to him, "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap?")
But tonight's show seems to suggest that these two may be buds; a nice interview, at least based on the transcript that hit my in-box a little while ago. I read it, found it interesting, and so, too, shall you. Meanwhile, Jay Leno has MIchelle O on "Tonight"...To the jump!
Continue reading "Bill O'Reilly, Dave Letterman: Now, BFFs?" »
Here's a pretty good clip of tonight's "Late Show with Dave" appearance of Tina Fey. I wish I could actually GIVE you the clip, but CBS - lovable control freaks that they are - refuse to give out the embed code so that we TV blogger types are forced to direct you to their Web site.
Yes, the strangest moment - the moment where I scratched my head, said "whaaa..." and figured that I needed to have my hearing checked.
It came toward that part where Dave Letterman was haranguing ... errr, questioning John McCain over his choice of Sarah Palin as veep. Dave was wondering what sort of qualifications she had, if any. And here's what Mc said:
"Look, in all due respect, one of the people I admire most was an obscure governor of a Southern state called Arkansas. And he turned out to be a fairly successful president. I mean, Ronald Reagan was a cowboy – no experience in international affairs. Look, I think she has shown leadership. I think she’s shown executive ability. And I think she has shown a degree of reform that we need – does anyone think we don’t need to clean up the mess in Washington?"
OK, have you found the Waldo in this quote? Sure you have, and here it is:
"I mean, Ronald Reagan was a cowboy..."
Now, I can't profess to know everything about Ronald Reagan, but I'm almost certain that his resume never included the word "cowboy." He was the governor of California. An actor, too.
But cowboy?
Dave was so caught up in his prosecution that he forgot the most obvious follow-up of them all.
"What do you mean, 'cowboy?'"
What did I think of the McCain-Letterman make-up?
More importantly, what do YOU think? Go to the jump for the full transcript, plus the Top Ten; yeah, you can see much of this on tomorrow's morning shows, but if you prefer to read -- and who doesn't! -- here you go. My thanks to CBS's incredibly hardworking and always gracious "Letterman" crew, including Lana Kim and Tom Keaney for this ... Letterman, as always, surrounds himself with great people.
What did I think? It was merely OK; Dave's a good interviewer, and a smart one, but my overwhelming impression is that the questions he tossed at McCain -- the Palin ones anyway -- felt old, or "old," as in "two weeks old." All this harangue about "Is Palin Qualified?"
GET OVER IT, DAVE!
Of course she's not.
It was like he picked up the question list he had written out two weeks ago, when it was semirelevant, and then asked the questions that every pundit in the universe had chewed over so relentlessly that any answer at this point is plausible, or simply boring. Dave was stuck in a time warp - as if he had been transported back two or three weeks when "Is Palin Qualified?" was actually a vital question.
He should have asked Mc this: "You are shockingly behind in the polls, and need to pretty much win every state to win both the electoral college vote AND the presidency. How, pray tell, do you intend to do this? "
Or: Can you beat both the economy AND Obama?
I could go on, but I won't. David Letterman is a serious and highly intelligent guy, but I felt like tonight he was off his game, off his timing, and off his immediacy. I was disappointed -- if only because I hold him to such a high standard.
So, ho hum.
Anyway, read the transcript. (Or watch the clip.) It's blistering, and his passion is evident. You can make up your own minds...
(Photo: John Paul Filo/CBS, via Reuters, but it's not from last night...)
"Yoo hoo Dave! It's Me! Sixpack! Gonna help ya get ratings!!! You betcha!!!"
Faithful readers (I love all fifteen of you!) know that yesterday I idly mused about the possibility of Sarah Sixpack Palin turning up tonight on ""Late Show with Dave." I lay out all the reasons why this may happen, and rather than repeat myself, here's the link.
But viewers last night learned that - yes! - Palin may come after all.
Anyway, during cross-talk with Paul last night, here's what ol' Dave had to say:
Dave: [McCain's] got a lot of explaining to do. So that’ll be fun. And he also…he also hinted when I talked to him on the phone, that maybe he’d be bringing Sarah Palin. We know that’s not gonna happen.
Paul Schaeffer: Was that a hint or was that more of a campaign promise?
Dave: I think he was trying to make me feel better. Like, “oh, I know we’ve got the hook in Letterman now. Let me just…” But I don’t think she’ll be here. Miss Alaska will probably not be here.
Paul: That would be nice if she came though.
Dave: Are you kidding me? How great would that be?
Paul: To have the two of them. That’s really the only way I think that he could make up for what he owes you. Because didn’t he say to you…wasn’t it something like, “Maybe when I come back, I’ll bring Sarah Palin?”
We all know about John McCain turning up tomorrow on "Late Show with DL" to hug it out with Dave. (Blah, blah, blah...)
But here's an intriguing thought: What if Sarah Sixpack Palin turns up as well?
I'm floating this, and it's based on nothing other than my love of political theater and John McCain's love of political theater, and the fundamental belief that this surprise guest would be political theater of the first magnitude.
I think McCain - in other words - should get Sixpack over to the Sullivan, and here's why. As you know, Jay Leno hinted broadly last night that Joe Biden just might bring along a special guest for the Thursday edition - wink, wink.
Of course, Barack Obama will show up.
Question: Have you ever heard of a politician who WOULDN'T turn up on the top-rated late-night talk show? Ever? Once? In a million years?
So here's the logic: McCain now knows that Obama-Biden are plotting an end-run around his Dave appearance Thursday night, so McCain SHOULD be thinking of a way to make a full end-run around THEM, too. Sure, sure - the McCain show will get a lot of press, lots of precooked jokes and bits by Dave ... the two of them probably will walk arm in arm down Broadway, kinda like Dave-Oprah did. Wonderful photo op. Etcetera.
But what would be sensational? Unpredictable? Let's see: As McCain makes a dramatic entrance on stage, and just as Dave prepares to lance him with a thousand bards, ripostes and faux-angry "how could you walk out on me!!" jokes ... along comes Sixpack.
Ka-boom ... The front page of every paper in the world on Friday. Lorne Michaels would turn a brilliant shade of GREEN.
Will this happen? Probably not, but it should ...
Hey, Letterman, McCain, together again this Thursday. You heard? Of course you know of this news - so old it's got hair on it, and of course you didn't hear of it here first in TV Zone because (well) SOMEONE had to mow the lawn.
Anyway, Dave got right around to McCain on last night's show, just as you might expect because this WAS the first instance of Dave being back on the air since the Saturday announcement and McCain HAS been only the most reliable joke generator on "Late Show" since Hillary's pantsuits. When the audience gave him a tepid applause just before the monologue - and you can be assured the audience was told to do so - Dave said, "Please settle down. This isn't a McCain rally." Couple more Mc jokes: Letterman said that McCain has been predicting victory in this Wednesday's debate.
"He also told Custer the surge was working."
He spoke of "McCain's big week..." First some travel, then prep for the debate, then the Wednesday debate, then...
"He cancels on me again."
Guest Sarah Silverman mused that "because I just don't want to see you hurt again, make Mc the second guest, after someone like the Super Nanny.
Per Dave, "We can't get the Super Nanny."
You'll be hearing a lot more about this huge Thursday reconciliation right here over the couple days because I just can't help myself. But seriously, I doubt Mc will cancel again.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - whom we can all pretty much agree is the greatest comic actress working in television today - is burning up the late night circuit because (you know) "The N.A. of O.C." is back.
On last night's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," she had this inspired bit about stealing Tina Fey's Emmy, which she argues rightfully belongs to her, insofar as TF said as much during the recent Emmycast.
Then on Monday, she had this amusing bit with Dave Letterman. Worth watching and it's only a minute long, as Dave continues to mine the McCain business of last week...
As "Late Show" fans know, Letterman had a unique relationship with Paul Newman: Wheels, wheels, wheels, plus the simple fact that both guys liked each other, lived in Connecticut, drove too fast on the Merritt, lived not too far from one another, liked movies, enjoyed beer, were kinda loners, hated publicity, etcetera. Plus - as I noted below - Newman was the first guest on DL's show way back in August 1993. Letterman pays tribute on tonight's show, and it's a lovely tribute, and in DL's own way, about as personal as he gets. Anyway, if you can't wait until 11:35, here it is, right now. Or...
Old friends no more?
I love Dave Letterman - been great material for me for, like, decades. But now he's going off on this McCain feud every night, night after night after night (or at least Thursday night, too) ... and I'm wondering: Why? Or, would he rant and rave like this is Barack O did the same thing (and held an interview with Katie when he said he was actually gonna get the first flight outta town to save the world?)
And I'm thinking: No. He probably wouldn't, even though Dave is a self-styled equal-opportunity offender, who probably dumped more jokes on Bill Clinton ("...fat pantload"...) over more years than any politician ever got or deserved to get. (And did I mention Hill?) Letterman, like "SNL," doesn't seem to have a clue how to make fun of Obama, so McCain - only a slightly easier target - gave him the perfect opportunity the other night.
In any event, he goes after McCain again on Thursday's show, pretending - and it is all pretense - that the prez candidate did him wrong, and lied and weaseled his way out of Wednesday's interview (ironic, because McCain told Katie Couric in those "questions" segments with both candidates that aired the other night that he could think of NO reason to lie as president). Anyway, Dave's acting like he's the only one a politician ever lied to. Earth to Mister David Michael Letterman of Indianapolis, Ind.: That's what politicians do. It's encoded in their DNA. They can't help themselves.
Dave has every right to be annoyed - but this is all starting to smell like he's got another Oprah feud going; there's a ratings opportunity here, a vein of material to be mined, and he's not gonna miss his chance, now that "Nightline" is beating him far too often.
Here's the game Dave's playing: He gets all this press on the "feud," and then milks it and milks it and milks it ... Then, next week, he asks McCain to come on the show ... McCain agrees ... and the cover of the Post, the News and maybe even below-the-fold NYT devote splashes to the score.
Dave gets huge ratings for the show. McCain gets huge publicity.
So I'm thinking: Dave is actually a closet McCain supporter after all.
(Photo: John Paul Filo/CBS, via Reuters)
Here's the big talker of the morning, courtesy 1970Oaktree, whose clip of last night's "Late Show with Dave Letterman" has been roaring around the Internets all night...check out the total number of views? Nearly half a million...Watch before CBS pulls it down, which could be any minute now...
Why is this such a big deal? Because some bloggers would have you believe that Dave is on a wild tear...screaming...frothing...squealing...about the presumed duplicity of the Republican nom for canceling last minute and then doing an interview with Katie Couric instead.
But judge for yourself... It's not bad at all, and even pretty complimentary in places. Though Dave does question why 1) Sarah Palin didn't suspend campaigning when he did; 2) whether Mc will ever come on the show again, after last night's mini-drubbing.
My hunch: Mc will be on the show next week, or after the bailout package is announced.
That is, if Dave will have him...
Barack Obama was in the house last night - the house of Ed Sullivan - and if you missed, click on the videos below. It was a good appearance, and one of at least two TV appearances yesterday (the other with Luke Russert) in which he explained the "lipstick/pig" controversy - now pretty much revealed to be a dirty tricks sleight of hand by the McCain camp (which even "Today," per my recollection, fell for yesterday ayem.) Part two follows.
The Lettermanologists among us have already been hotly debating the meaning of those words dear old Dave uttered during a highly unusual interview with Rolling Stone, out this Friday. There's been a tsunami of press on it, so I'm not telling you anything new here (DL doesn't understand why NBC is pushing out Leno, or words to that effect; I've posted outtakes of the interview that I ripped off from RS's Web site on the jump...)
But here are the words that are most interesting, and I quote in full:
"The way I feel now, I would like to go beyond 2010, not much beyond, but you know, enough to go beyond. You always like to be able to excuse yourself on your own terms. If the network is happy with that, great. If they wanna make a change in 2010, you know, I'm fine with that, too."
What does all this mean? What would Herr Doctor Freud say? Hmmmm ...
Now, let's parse the meaning of "beyond." Dave'll be just 62 in 2010, but turn 63 in April of that year. No big deal. So I hardly think age is an issue, nor do I think show quality is. I can't say I watch every night (though I used to), but can say that when I do, "Late Show" is as good as ever, and same with Dave. So what could be the meaning of "beyond" in Dave's head. Here are some possible explanations:
1.) DL, CBS and everyone else rightfully assumes the game will change dramatically when JL leaves "Tonight;" DL, CBS and everyone else (perhaps) also rightfully assumes that Conan O won't have the same broad appeal of JL, which means the playing field could be evened. Why not stay longer and finally, finally, thank God Almighty, FINALLY, beat "Tonight Show" and teach those troglodytes who picked JL over DL a lesson once and for all?
2.) I'm assuming - and always do - that the Carson yardstick is embedded in Letterman's head. JC was 66 when he left "Tonight," so could that mean DL thinks - consciously or subconsciously - that he could go another three years?
3.) Dave is afraid of death! Aren't we all? But his father died at age 57, and mortality stalks Letterman. I'm not being melodramatic here, but I do believe DL worries about this a lot, and do believe he worries about his kid, and do believe he's one of those people who need to work to stay alive. DL's a workaholic, or was - I can't believe that age has mellowed this aspect of him. He's driven and he can't stop driving himself, and won't.
4.) Letterman has nothing to do beyond work. Does the guy have hobbies? Does he play golf or windsurf? Does he ride with the hounds? No, no and no. JC had tennis; DL has zippo. Honestly, I don't think there is a single thing Dave does beyond work. He sits and stares at a wall, waiting for Monday to roll around. Retirement for him would be hell.
5.) He worries about his staff. Like Leno, Letterman's fundamentally a decent guy. Oh yeah, he used to scream and abuse; he could be a nasty bastard when he wanted to be. But he's a good guy, all the same. He's unbelievably loyal to his staff, and vice versa. It's a cult over there at the Ed Sullivan, and they've followed Dave to the ends of the earth, and he will follow them. To quit now, or let's say two years from now, means abandoning THEM. That'd kill DL too.
6.) Symmetry! Like all workaholic obsessive-compulsives, DL loves the idea of symmetry, and balance. How jarring to leave in 2010, or after 17 years at CBS! "Twenty" has a much nicer feel to it; 20 years ... ahhh, 20 ... That'd be 2013, when Dave would be 66. Ah yes, the same age as Carson. Hmmm ...
Herr Doctor Freud says: Expect Dave to re-up for three more years after 2010.
Dave Letterman (Getty Images / Bryan Bedder)
Continue reading "Letterman: How Much "Beyond" is "Beyond"?" »
Pretty funny walk-on on "Late Show with David Letterman" last night by John McCain. Dave starts off the show with a battery of old guy jokes about McCain ("he looks like the kind of guy who has wiry hair growing out of new places...the kinda guy who goes into town to buy turpentine...") and then McCain walks out and delivers as good as he gets. Why tell you, though. (It all gets lost in the translation.) Here's the clip, gratis CBS:
Here's last night's top ten. Couldn't wait to share (P.S. This one's inspired): 
"Messages Left on Eliot Spitzer’s Answering Machine"
10. “Hey, what’s new?”
9. “It’s Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Never mind.”
8. “Ralph Nader here. Glad to hear I’m not the only politician who has to pay for it.”
7. “Hi, I’m calling from the ‘New York Post.’ Would you rather be known as ‘Disgraced Governor Perv’ or ‘Humiliated Whore Fiend’?”
6. “This is John McCain. If it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln’s wife.”
5. “It’s Dr. Phil. Call me if you need any horse**** advice.”
4. “This is Sen. Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?”
3. “It’s Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way.”
2. “Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free.”
1. “It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I’m no longer America’s creepiest governor.”
Thought I'd have a full clip of Letterman and Eli from last night but - alas - we've only got the shortened CBS version on DaveTV. (Sorry...) For those who missed last night, it does - however - give a pretty good flavor of the encounter. When/if/or I get something better, will post.
Obama's in the building - the Ed Sullivan Theater building - as we speak. He'll be doing the "Late Show" Top Ten in...ohhhh....just about one minute or so. And as soon as we get the list...Oh wait! We've got the list. Here it is - his top ten campaign promises:
10. To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens.
9. I will double your tax money at the craps table.
8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin’ good.
7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it.
6. I’ll put Regis on the nickel.
5. I’ll rename the tenth month of the year “Barack-tober.”
4. I won’t let Apple release the new and improved Ipod the day after you bought the previous model.
3. I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece.
2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.
1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.
Flash: New entrant to the Hall of Fame and Yankee flame-thrower Goose Gossage will be on "Late Show with David Letterman" tonight. His duty: The Top Ten. No further details on what Rich's ten will be, but here's the press release anyway: "The newest member of the Baseball Hall of Fame, former New York Yankees closing pitcher Rich 'Goose' Gossage, presents the Top Ten List [on "Late Show."] In his ninth year on the ballot, Gossage became the sole candidate to enter the Hall of Fame this year, with a total of 466 votes in results announced yesterday by the Baseball Writers Association of America. Throughout his 22-year career, Gossage had a total of 310 saves with a 3.01 ERA, played for nine different teams (including the Yankees from 1978-83)." 
What happens when you have a writers strike and you need to fill an hour's worth of late night time?
For one thing, you grow a beard over the preceding nine weeks and then have a pair of barbers come on the air and shave it off; takes about seven or eight minutes of airtime, and the attention is priceless. (Though, really, watching someone getting shaved - even Letterman - is about as exciting as watching them comb their hair; thrills!) Last night, the beard finally went.
Dave did this about twenty years ago too - the opening gag of Hal Gurnee's classic "Network Time Killers" routines that helped fill hours of program time while the writers walked the streets below. Hal also got a tailor to measure Dave for a suit. I wonder if that's next? (Thanks to Mangoface247 for this clip).
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