The TV Zone

Here are the five things I learned from watching the very first episode of "Saturday Night Live," which NBC aired this weekend as a tribute to the show's host, George Carlin.

1. John Belushi played a character who lived in Mattituck in a semi-funny skit about a TV show called "Victims of Shark Bites" (isn't that show on NBC's fall schedule for this September?)

2. During a filmed segment called "Show Us Your Guns," the camera briefly panned to a gas station where a gallon cost... 67 cents! And I remember being really annoyed back then that gas could get so high.

3. The very first Bee segment, "Bee Hospital," may have been historic, but it wasn't all that funny.

4. Too many of these people are no longer with us: Carlin, Belushi, Gilda Radner, guest singer Billy Preston, writer Michael O'Donoghue, guest Andy Kaufman.

5. Announcer Don Pardo, however may be 112, but he's still with us. And he really did call the show's ensemble The Not For Ready Primetime Players.

This may be huge news in Scranton, but it's news to me: "The Office Games" will take in the queen city of the Lackawanna valley on July 19. It's billed as a "full day of Dunder Mifflin style fun," and will be hosted by Kelly Kapoor, otherwise known as someone named Mindy Kaling.

Now, if this all sounds suspiciously (to you) like a publicity stunt to advertise a new "Office" board and DVD game, then your suspicion is well-founded.

Here's the full-day sched:

9:00 a.m. – 2K Fun Run [Wear your favorite office attire! Prizes for best dressed, best character look-a-likes and fastest.]

10:30 a.m. – "The Office" Trivia Challenge [Are you an "Assistant to the Regional Manager" or the "Regional Manager" when it comes to "The Office" trivia? The Challenge will feature questions from "The Office" Trivia Game.]

12:00 p.m. – Beet Eating Contest [Straight from Dwight's farm...well, after being canned.]

1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. – Autograph Session [The first 125 customers who purchase "The Office" DVD Board Game or "The Office" Trivia Game at Boscov's at The Mall at Steamtown in Scranton, PA, on July 19 will be able meet Mindy Kaling and have her autograph their game.]

In a canned quote, Kelly said: "I have been to Scranton before and am really excited to return for this fun event!"

And...in "Office" casting news: NBC did just now formally confirm a batch of trade reports this ayem, that Amy Ryan will be back in season 5 to reprise her Holly Flax role. She'll be on board for "multiple" episodes. Is this a surprise? Hardly! She was great and the last we saw of her, she was driving off with Kevin, whom she believed to be retarded...

You heard about this spin-off/another-surefire-way-to-exploit-"HSM" reality show based on "High School Musical?" It's called “High School Musical: Get in the Picture.” Hosted by Nick Lachey, it's one of those comp series that's looking for the country's most talented teens, etc. Winner won't necessarily get a spot in "HSM III" or "IV" but they will get noticed and get noticed on primetime tv; bows July 20.

In any event, the show will be at Jones Beach on July 5, this Saturday, and Sunday at Robert Moses. Bring your talent and bring your sunscreen.

Press release details: The show will go to to "beaches on both coasts with branded ice cream trucks offering games and prizes. Beach goers will be able to cool off with free ice cream at East and West Coast locations over the 4th of July weekend and on additional dates leading up to the premiere of the show.

"In addition, visitors can win prizes including Kmart gift cards, t-shirts, DVDs and soundtracks, and participate in various games and events, including karaoke, a trivia wheel and a green screen photo booth -- so you can literally 'Get in the Picture' of 'High School Musical.'”

It'll be at parking lot 4 at JB, and Field 5 at RMB.

(Photo: Oooooh! It's Nick...yoohoo, NICK, over here!!! Pix by Gerardo Mora / Getty Images.)

(JC by Stefano Paltera)

Jesus will star in the AMC remake of "The Prisoner," the network announced a few minutes ago. Oh, and Gandalf too.

Heck of a cast, wouldn't you say?

The much-touted, etc. six-part mini which'll air sometime next year, is based - as you are richly aware - on the '67 classic starring Patrick McGoohan. As you also recall, Mac played a secret service agent who decided to retire and go on a long-deserved vacation. He was kidnapped and put in a place called the Village and assigned a number ("6") and was constantly being bothered by the Village boss (Number "2") and wanted (of course) to escape but Number "1" (the real boss) always thwarted him. And so on. It was a great show, or so I'm told. If he had been around at the time, this probably woulda been a Kafka's favorite, too.

Caviezel will play No."6," while Ian McKellen is "2."

“Bill Gallagher’s [series writer] new version of The Prisoner is an enthralling commentary on modern culture. It is witty, intelligent and disturbing. I am very excited to be involved,” said McKellen.

"Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen bring an incredible level of talent to the project, and we’re honored they are taking on these important roles. We look forward to this production revitalizing a classic and bringing Patrick McGoohan’s brilliant and captivating story to an entirely new generation of viewers,” said AMC bossman Charlie Collier.

(Photo: I love this shot of Caviezel - taken by Stefano Paltera - during "The Passion of the Christ" days. Don't you?)

This...?????

Or....this???????

Or, too much of THIS???????

Do they allow drinking during the Emmy judging panel sessions? You know - with bottles of Grey Goose, or maybe just Popov, set up conveniently, and prominently, around the table? How else to explain what seems to be going on in Beverly Hills right now, with the Emmy judges passing judgment on the dramas that will be selected for distinction this September?

I was amused, then appalled, by this report from Goldderby.com, that reliable Emmy watcher hosted and run by Tom O'Neil. This morning from the battlefield front lines, Tom writes:

"So far Gold Derby has received two trusty spy reports from Emmy judges who participated in the voting panels conducted on Saturday at the TV academy and the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Both agree that four shows have an excellent chance to be nominated for best drama series: 'Boston Legal,' 'Damages,' 'House' and 'Mad Men.' However, the judges differ radically on what the fifth show may be plus disagree on general reax to submissions by 'The Wire,' 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Lost.'"

"Differ radically?"

Are they drunk?

Or insane?

How can anyone - seriously - sit around a table and "differ radically" over whether "Wire" or "Lost" is better or worse than "Grey's Anatomy?" This - after they just ushered "Boston Legal" into the final round?

As always, I'm jumping to conclusions. Tom's spies may have been the ones tipping from the Popov jug, and got all this wrong. When the finalists are announced mid-July, we will see "Wire," "Lost," "Mad Men," "House," and "Damages" (though I still think "Friday Night Lights" shoulda/coulda been a finalist...)

We'll see. But this is Emmy, and...

The Screen Actors Guild contract is up, oh, just about twelve hours from now, and to many in Hollywood and beyond, that moment represents - or has represented - D Minute, when thousands of SAG-repped thesps storm the Studio's bastille and, by so doing, halt the production of hundreds of shows from sea to sea. And following weeks of a standoff - not to mention an internecine battle now underway between SAG and AFTRA - a strike seemed closer to a certainty than not just last week.

But suddenly, all's looking well, for the moment at least. In a statement to the press yesterday, SAG boss said a strike isn't going to happen right now. This may have been an attempt to take the PR high-ground from the studios which could - theoretically - lock out the actors tomorrow morning. The theory is that a hardball move like this would force actors to take a contract, but a lockout also seems inconceivable because that shuts down the industry once again, just months after the crippling writers' action ended. For producers, that's called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

“We have taken no steps to initiate a strike-authorization vote by the members of Screen Actors Guild,” said Alan Rosenberg, who's been waging a rear-guard action against AFTRA to sink its proposed contract. “Any talk about a strike or a management lockout at this point is simply a distraction. The Screen Actors Guild national negotiating committee is coming to the bargaining table every day in good faith to negotiate a fair contract for actors.”

What happens next? Everyone waits til next Monday to see if AFTRA members support or reject their new contract. If the smaller union rejects - unlikely but one never knows - then that gives SAG more power at the bargaining table, but also gives the studios another reason for a lock-out.

What do I think will happen? Glad you asked. AFTRA passes, SAG ultimately gets a new deal, and everyone lives happily ever after, or for two years, after which point everyone - writers AND actors - go on strike together and force some genuinely meaningful concessions from the studios.

(Photo: Genaro Molina of the Los Angeles Times. Are we about to see repeats like this one already?!)

After years of Emmy ignominy, "The Wire" appears poised to get a Best Drama Emmy nomination when awards are announced July 17.

How do we know this? Because in an unusual move, the Emmys Thursday night announced drama and comedy finalists, or -- as Emmy put it -- the "top ten vote-getters." The so-called blue-ribbon panel screenings of these vote-getters takes place on June 28 and 29. Then? I'll let Emmy explain: "The results of those panels, who will watch and judge the work of each finalist, represent 50 percent of the vote. Both results will be averaged together to come up with our five nominees in each category . . ."

But I'm burying my lede. You are dying to find out what the other shows are. Dying . . . and I'm delaying here, or to use a fancy word, temporizing, just to build the excitement, anticipation, thrills.

Oh, for Chrissakes, Gay, will you please open the damn envelop.

Without further temporizing, dear friends, herewith the list -- ta dum. (Quickie analysis to follow.)

Top 10 Comedy Series Finalists

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty
Weeds

Top 10 Drama Series Finalists

Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Grey’s Anatomy
House
Lost
Mad Men
The Tudors
The Wire

Quickie analysis

Comedies: No "Desperate Housewives" in comedy? After a pretty good season? This crop looks strong, but I'm befuddled by "Family Guy;" I must be missing something but after 20 years, the greatest show in TV history, "Simpsons", couldn't crack this list because it was animated, and had to settle for that silly and insignificant "animated" category. Why does "FG" earn a bye here? Meanwhile, glad to see "Weeds" which deserved to be here before (but you know Emmy!) and absolutely thrilled to see "Californication" is not. Thanks God, this isn't the Golden Globes. What should be on the final list? "Weeds," "Rock," "Men," "Conchords," "Office."

Dramas: What sticks outta this list like a broken thumb (swollen to 10 times its size?) You are correct, sir / madame! "Grey's," which belongs on this about as much as "One Tree Hill;" in fact, "Hill" has more right to be here than "Grey's," which had a stinky season. (Just ask Kate Heigl!) Of course my heart is gladdened by the fact that "Lost" is here. What should be on the final list? "The Wire," "Mad Men," "Lost," "Friday Night Lights" (hmmmm), and "Damages."

Bob Keeshan, who played Captain Kangaroo for 29 years (1955-84), would have been 81 today.

The entertainer, a Long Island resident for most of his life, died on Jan. 23, 2004.

I still have one burning question, which maybe somebody out there can answer: Did Captain Kangaroo have a first name?

Meanwhile, here's the classic opener from the show, a melody that will undoubtedly continue playing in your head all day.

In case you can't get enough "Camp Rock." (And you know who you are...)

You can watch and sing-along with a special edition of the Disney Channel movie Saturday at 8 p.m. in which song lyrics will be visible on screen.

And if you haven't memorized those lyrics yet -- and shame on you, if you haven't -- lyric sheets are also available here. The special will be hosted by the movie's stars: Joe Jonas, Kevin Jonas, Nick Jonas, Demi Lovato, Alyson Stoner, Meaghan Jette Martin and Anna Maria Perez de Tagle.

And if you haven't seen it yet: check out Newsday's video of Demi performing earlier this week at the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale here.

OK, I guess it's getting near the end of the day and we all need a good laugh, or something. Anyway, one of my many astute readers (thanks, Rob Shapiro!) reminded me the other day about the time "Saturday Night Live" did a classic bit on a Japanese game show, and now that ABC's new summer time-filler, "I Survived A Japanese Game Show" looks like a modest break-out hit, it's as good a time as any to revive that old "SNL" chestnut. It starred Chris Farley and Mike Myers (and check out a very young and somewhat attenuated Alec Baldwin.) If you've got seven minutes to spare, check it out here - hilarious BUT maybe not quite appropriate for eyes under the age of fourteen or so...

Chris Noth, who's been as tied to TV's longest-running drama just about as long as white has been tied to rice, is leaving "L&O;: Criminal Intent" at the end of this season. His last episode will air Aug. 24. And...here's the second part of this big news: He'll be replaced by Jeff Goldblum.

No official word on why, but "money" or "better career options" or "new creative directions" are usually cited (or not cited, as the case my be.) Also, Mr. Big did just star in a major motion picture that was a major success, and when that happens, the small tube almost always seems like a paler career option than the silver screen.

Here's Dick Wolf's statement, and - I can't be sure here - but I think he dusted off pretty much the same statement he used the last time Noth split:

"Chris has been a member of the 'Law and Order' family since the beginning, and Mike Logan is one of the most popular detectives in the history of television. We all wish him well."

As you know..."CI" only airs on USA (season ends in late August) and NBC hasn't made a decision yet whether to repurpose on the big network. The Goldblum "CI" will begin airing in fall of '08.

Noth's history with "L&O;" dates allllll the way back to '90, when he was an original castmember; left five years later, signed on to a little show called "Sex and the City," then bootlegged it back to "L&O;:CI" in (I believe) 2005. Goldblum? He's done plenty 'o TV, and most recently headlined "Raines" - a smart detective show for NBC.

For of you sitting by your calender with a pencil in hand waiting for me to post the CBS fall season premiere dates, so you can plan your vacation and work schedules accordingly, wait no more! I have it all here. The dates. Most of 'em are in late September - same as always:

Thursday, Sept. 18

8:00-9:00 PM SURVIVOR (17th Installment Premiere)

Monday, Sept. 22

8:00-8:30 PM THE BIG BANG THEORY (2nd Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (4th Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM TWO AND A HALF MEN (6th Season Premiere)
9:30-10:00 PM WORST WEEK (Series Debut)
10:00-11:00 PM CSI: MIAMI (7th Season Premiere)

Tuesday, Sept. 23

8:00-9:00 PM NCIS (6th Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM THE MENTALIST (Series Debut)
10:00-11:00 PM WITHOUT A TRACE (7th Season Premiere)

Wednesday, Sept. 24

8:00-8:30 PM THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE
(4th Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM PROJECT GARY (Series Debut)
9:00-10:00 PM CRIMINAL MINDS (4th Season Premiere)
10:00-11:00 PM CSI: NY (5th Season Premiere)

Saturday, Sept. 27

8:00-9:00 PM CRIMETIME SATURDAY
9:00-10:00 PM CRIMETIME SATURDAY
10:00-11:00 PM 48 HOURS MYSTERY (Season Premiere)

Sunday, Sept. 28

7:00-8:00 PM 60 MINUTES (41st Season Premiere)
8:00-9:00 PM THE AMAZING RACE (13th Edition)
9:00-10:00 PM COLD CASE (6th Season Premiere)
10:00-11:00 PM THE UNIT (4th Season Premiere)

Friday, Oct. 3

8:00-9:00 PM GHOST WHISPERER (4th Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM THE EX LIST (Series Premiere)
10:00-11:00 PM NUMB3RS (5th Season Premiere)

(Above: JLH, star of "GW," returning Oct. 3)

What it's about: Those of us who struggle to pay our gas bill always look wistfully to the day when we can pay said bill, but tonight at 10, CNBC takes us into a world where something as picayune as $4.55 per gallon is as momentous as a molecule on a mote of dust on a mite's middle toe.

The world of super duper rich.

This hour begins with a Rolls show, and ends with the stark screen graphic that tells us the average salary is $26,323, but the 400 richest Americans are worth a total $214 billion which is more than the GNP of 149 nations. "Super Rich" is filled with such stats, and after a while they'll drift away from your plain of consciousness, as if they are just more numbers in a sea, nay, universe, of grandiose figures and outsize bank-rolls. Forty-nine thousand households have net worths of between $50 and $500 mill, and 125,000 between $25 and $50 mill. In 1985, there were 13 billionaires from sea to shining sea; now there are more than a thousand.

Millionaires are the mere middle class rich and barely merit inclusion here; this is the rarefied world of wealth, where a billion is a nice pile of peanuts, but you're only really interesting when your pile is up to ten billion. The show - narrated by vet CNBC reporter, David Faber - profiles many of these people and - my suggestion - bring your sunglasses because every one of them seems to have a taste for gold lame.

There's Tim Durham, who confides that it costs 23 grand to change a tire on his Bugatti (he's got 70 cars scattered about, each one worth more than your house, twice over...). There's Glenn Stearns, a poor kid from Maryland now worth - I think I heard the program right - $100 billion. Maybe $100 million. Whatever. There's Anthony Scaramucci, of Manhasset worth only $80 million; he seems like he's almost a pauper in this crowd. These are people who go on vacation to places like Parrot Cay (above) where a lousy room costs two grand a day. Many make their lucre from hedge funds, and in fact, it seems like most do.

Bottom line: David Faber is one of the best financial reporters on TV, maybe the best, as far as I can tell, so you start out with the assumption that this will be a well-told hour that's richly - pun absolutely intended - reported. It is. But like all pornography, wealth pornography starts to wear thin after a while, no matter how skillful or thoughtful the treatment. Faber and his producers, it seems to me, do just about everything right: They offer perspective, talk to the right people (including Ron Chernow, the National Book Award-winning author and biographer of J.P. Morgan), ask the right questions, and provide the requisite beauty shots. But still something is missing, and that is opinion. A subject like this, at a time like this, absolutely demands a moral, or ethical, perspective, which can be summed up in one question: Is such wealth RIGHT? Or does it represent a serious failing on the part of a nation where so very many are struggling each and every minute? Hedge funds? Only the most excoriated financial instrument since Teapot Dome, but most of these people seem to have earned their money this new-fashioned way, by profiting off of others' misfortunes. Is that right? I'm not sure, but I think a question is merited. Former Labor Secretary Robert Reich, in his Harvard days, used to rail against the paper millionaires who didn't actually make anything. Do THESE people? And if they don't, isn't there a question to be asked, to wit: Is this kind of wealth and iniquity good for the longterm health of the economy and the country?

This hour is fascinating - but I do wish it would have taken another hour to go deeper, and hit harder.

Poor Lara Logan: Dodges bullets in Iraq but wakes up this morning to see that a missile in the form of the New York Post is headed straight for her. No dodging this one.

I was thinking: What would the Post do if it got hold of any gossip about a Keith Olbermann sex scandal? I'm guessing: Ten page wrap-around special section, running a couple days at least, and accompanying 24-hour coverage on Fox News, along with a special edition of "The Factor" chewing over this momentous question: Should Keith do Time?

In any event, the Post didn't even break this. It was all over the National Enquirer yesterday.Here's the link to the story. I haven't the energy or interest to even relay the details, other than to say that I'm shocked, shocked, that this sort of thing takes place. As readers know, Logan's out of Iraq and now stationed in D.C., where she's the new national affairs correspondent for CBS News.

We have right here, right now, the the information you've been waiting breathlessly for...Or maybe not. The "Idol" audition dates: They start in a few weeks at the Cow Palace, but the whole process wraps late July at the Izod Center. Here are all the dates just in case, oh, you find yourself in Louisville with nothing to do on July 21...

What's especially interesting about this list? San Juan, of course. That's a first, and an interesting first. While "AI's" had Latino contestants over the years - and of course Bridgeport's own Syesha Mercado qualifies, wouldn't you say? - there really haven't been that many. In fact, the vast Latino community could argue that "American Idol" has sort of ignored it, and with ratings down, that's not a good thing. So, on to San Juan...

The list:

San Francisco, CA Thursday, July 17 Cow Palace

Louisville, KY Monday, July 21 Freedom Hall

Phoenix, AZ Friday, July 25 Jobing.com Arena

Salt Lake City, UT Tuesday, July 29 EnergySolutions Arena

San Juan, Puerto Rico Saturday, Aug. 2 Coliseo de Puerto Rico

Kansas City, MO Friday, Aug. 8 Sprint Center

Jacksonville, FL Wednesday, Aug. 13 Veterans Memorial Arena

East Rutherford, NJ Tuesday, Aug. 19 IZOD Center at the Meadowlands Sports Complex

OK, OK, don't get too excited just yet, but...NBC did confirm to me last night that the great Michael Strahan will appear next season on "Chuck," though let's call this a "cameo," and likely a one-time-only cameo at that. Begs the question: Is "Stomp them Out" Mike launching a new career with this? The Star-Ledger first had this yesterday and didn't quite go there, but I imagine this to be one of this situations where a producer is a huge Giants fan and...you know the rest of the drill. I'm also promised a screen grab a little later today (I hope.) Will post as soon as I get it. (And...PS: Strahan will join Fox Sports, which you can read about elsewhere on our wonderful website. Still waiting for those "Chuck" pix...)

Rich people are different from you and me - they got money! (Ba dum...) And they got money to spend on stuff that I can't imagine spending it on. Case in point: Today's Christie's auction, wrapped a little while ago, in which a few dozen Tony Soprano et al costumes, clothes, shirts, pants, and other generally assorted wearable things, were sold for $187,800.

What went for the highest price, by FAR? Tony's blood-stained shirt and pants - the ones he was wearing when Uncle June came down the stairs in a fit of insane dementia, shot him and left him for dead, setting up that great multi-episode dream sequence where (among many other things) Tone was slapped around by monks at an elevator. This went for $43,800. If the cleaning person had washed off the clothes after this memorable scene, it probably woulda gone for $500.

That would be essere fottuto.

Don't you agree?

Got me to thinking: What would Pussy's talking fish head have gone for? (It wasn't on the block.) Those funky statues in Melfi's office? The fridge in the Soprano's kitchen? (An empty orange juice carton, proven to have been drained by Tony himself?) The newspapers in Tony's driveway?

My point: There are billions to be made here.

Here's the Christie's site with the full list. A hoot worth checking out.

Do you know who Lara Logan is? You should - she's a heckuva courageous reporter for CBS News who has done stand-out work for the network from Iraq and Afghanistan for years. (She's also a former South African model whom some at CBS News initially viewed with considerable suspicion because they assumed she was just another pretty face, which, of course, she wasn't...) She's leaving Iraq, and has just been named the network's chief foreign affairs correspondent. Will be based in D.C.

“Lara is among the most talented and respected journalists in our industry,” said CBS News boss Sean McManus. “She is extraordinarily determined and courageous, but never fails to see and report the human side of conflict, including some of the most horrific stories of our time. Lara’s deep and varied experience around the world over the past 17 years positions her remarkably well for covering this expanded beat, which she will handle with the same fervor and dedication that our viewers have come to expect.” She joined CBS six years ago.

Interesting aside: on a recent "Daily Show" appearance, she was harshly critical of U.S. TV's - and by association, CBS's - dramatic reduction of news from Iraq. She joked - or was this a joke? - about having to point an RPG at her news bosses to force them to air her stuff...

The greatest singer in "Idol" history - whom voters, due to their innocence and tone-deafness, declined to crown a couple seasons ago - was on "Today" this morning. This was an interesting and entirely unexpected appearance by MD, insofar as she's been MIA, and - small world alert - she is actually the COUSIN of the young lady who got hitched on this morning's wedding edition (LaDonna.) Before serenading the newlyweds, MD told Ann Curry that she'll finally have an album out this fall, and essentially apologized to fans for taking so long. A couple of weeks ago, MTV News, offered this backgrounder on MD:

"Aside from doing some commercials for Zaxby’s, a chain of casual restaurants that operates primarily in the Southeastern United States, Doolittle traveled the country this year, promoting 'Idol'-branded Edy’s ice-cream flavors at Wal-Mart and supermarkets.Apparently, she’s recording an album as I write this that should be out by fall - just in time for you to forget who she is."

Ouch. True perhaps, but I'll ALWAYS remember as MD as the Great One... I don't, BTW, believe I'm the only one.

This is interesting and though a couple days old, maybe it's news to you (it was to me.) There's an interview with forthcoming "24" star, Robert Carlyle in Matt Meuller's blog for Premiere.com, in which the Scottish actor says the November prequel will actually be the first two hours of the day, and that when the season picks up in January, we'll jump straight to the third hour

Interesting...and presumably true...because that represents a sharp break with "24" tradition, in which each hour of the day airs in consecutive weeks (I do believe that was one of the original reasons for the January start-date over the years, so Fox could run the hours consecutively through May sweeps.)

Here's what "Full Monty" Carlyle told Meuller at the Edinburgh International Film Festival.

Where were you shooting in South Africa?
We were in the Stellenbosch region, the wine country. It was doubling for jungle in the fictional country of Sangala.

Who's your character in 24?
My character's called Carl Benton who is Jack Bauer's best buddy and he hasn't seen him for 10 years or something. Jack's on his travels and he comes to see Carl and hang out with him and potentially change his life. Maybe...

Is the movie sticking to the TV show's real-time format?
It is. This two hours is two hours in real time and there'll then be 22 episodes. I don't know how they connect it to the first of those 22 episodes but it's literally the third hour...

So it will lead straight into the new series?
Yeah.

Here's a unique tribute from "SNL," just announced: The classic, which BEGAN 33 years ago with a classic edition featuring George Carlin, will re-air that episode in its entirety this weekend. Carlin "SNL" clips have been all over the web this morning - thanks to that special site that NBC set up yesterday - but Lord knows it'd be nice to see the whole thing in its glorious entirety, which featured a long Carlin monologue and opener featuring the famous "I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines" bit with Belushi (for some reason, my fading memory misinfomed me yesterday morning that Carlin was in the opening sketch but a vigilant reader reminded me that it was Michael O'Donoghue...)

Here's the press release from "SNL:"

"Typifying the show's 'of-the-moment' sensibility that would continue throughout its over thirty-year history, Carlin was brought in as the first host of the groundbreaking comedy show. Carlin performed three individual monologues on the program that also introduced audiences to the now legendary 'Not Ready For Prime-Time Players' – Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Garrett Morris, Larraine Newman and Gilda Radner.The 1975 episode also features musical guests Janis Ian and Billy Preston as well as a landmark performance from comedian Andy Kaufman."

And here's Lorne's quote, distributed to the press yesterday:

"You never forget the people who were there at the beginning. George Carlin helped give 'Saturday Night Live' its start as our first host. He was gracious, fearless, and most important of all, funny."

(Above picture: Stolen, errr, borrowed from USA Today.)

I don't know how I missed this this morning, but the ever-vigilant TVTattle.com picked this up for the rest of the world to see, and because I'm overwhelmed with the spirit of sharing, here it is again...It features Daddy Dearest saying that all that stuff about him controlling Archie, and abusing other contestants, and arguing with the "AI" staff, and provoking Simon (which isn't very hard), and forcing his son to sing a song that no one on the planet has ever heard, and generally being a horse's ass....is completely BOGUS.

I knew it all along. You know how the media is (curse us) - always making things up to sell newspapers. Oh, wait...this isn't newspaper, it's a blog. Still...Daddy Dearest was equipped with a mike during this morning's "View" from Las Vegas. Here's what he had to say...

Get ready for more "Camp Rock."


Are you surprised? Disney Channel is wasting no time working on a sequel to the Jonas Brothers TV movie, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The trade paper says the channel hopes to go into production on a sequel in late spring or summer 2009, pending a script that's in development as well as the cast members' busy schedules.

All of the principal cast -- including Joe, Kevin and Nick Jonas as well as Demi Lovato -- are expected to return. The Jonases and Lovato, who are touring together this summer, also are working on their respective Disney Channel series, "J.O.N.A.S." and "Welcome to Mollywood."

There's so much more to say about George Carlin that it seems like a few little blog posts here and there, a Newsday appreciation by yours truly here, and a bounty of other tributes everywhere else seems almost insignificant.

So this morning, I have some more. First, my last word about "Seven Words." It was a routine that (for many) came to symbolize TV's rapid descent into vulgarity and coarseness. However, it's also well worth nothing that what Carlin did was to make a comment on the fact that the descent was already well under way; the point of the routine was that TV was already soaked in most of the words (notably the f-bomb) that he mentioned, but that the ever-hypocritical boob tube trafficked in euphemisms for those various words and acts. You couldn't say these words on TV -- merely demonstrate them. The point was about hypocrisy and remains valid today.

Now ... NBC set up a special site yesterday so that you can check out his entire monologue from the October '75 premiere of "SNL"; snippets of it are available in lotsa places, notably Hulu, but you get the full monologue here. What's notable about it, besides it being the first monologue on the most influential show in television history? In part, you can see exactly how deeply Seinfeld was affected by this guy. (Jerry, BTW, headlined a terrific and generous "Larry King Live" last night, which also had Roseanne Barr, Bill Maher and Lewis Black.)

Another benefit: You can see Carlin as adroit performer. We usually just seem to mention those words but forget this other aspect. Here's a quick clip, but if you want to see the whole thing, please go to the special NBC site ...

Well, ya just never know where the tributes are gonna come from on a day like this, but CNBC is the absolute last place on the planet you'd expect to see a George Carlin one -- seeing that he would have considered this network an illicit tool of the capitalist bastards (can you say that word in a blog...? Will check with the FCC and get back to you). Darren Rovell offered this up a little while ago. It's amusing AND square at the same time...

Said Rovell, "If George Carlin ever did this skit on CNBC, we're pretty sure these are the words he'd tell us we couldn't say on the network...

Long straddle
Taking a long position in both a put and a call option.

Horizontal merger
A merger involving two or more firms in the same industry.

Tenbagger
A stock that grows in value tenfold.

Crack Spread
The differential between the price of crude oil and petroleum products extracted from it.

Bulge bracket
A tier of firms in an underwriting syndicate that have the highest participation level.

Asset stripper
A corporate raider that takes over a target company in order to sell large assets to repay debt.

Back-end load fund
A mutual fund that charges investors a fee to sell shares.

No one comedian has been associated with HBO over the years than the late George Carlin -- he starred in 14 specials from 1977 to 2008.

So it's not surprising that the pay-cabler is going all-out to pay tribute to Carlin. From Wednesday through Friday, HBO and HBO2 will air these memorable specials:

Wednesday on HBO2
8 p.m. On Location: George Carlin at USC (1977)
9:30 p.m. George Carlin Again! (1978)
11 p.m. Carlin at Carnegie (1983)
Midnight Carlin on Campus (1984)
1 a.m. George Carlin: Playin With Your head (1986)

Thursday on HBO2
8 p.m. George Carlin: What Am I Doin’ in New Jersey? (1988)
9 p.m. HBO Comedy Hour: George Carlin – Doin’ It Again (1990)
10 p.m. HBO Comedy Hour: George Carlin: Jammin in New York (1992)
11 p.m. HBO Comedy Hour: George Carlin: Back in Town (1996)
12:05 a.m. HBO Comedy Hour: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased (1999)
1:10 a.m. George Carlin: It’s Bad for Ya’ (2008)

Friday on HBO
9 p.m. George Carlin: It’s Bad for Ya ( 2008)

First, Jimmy Kimmel...now, "Nightline:" the ABC News program will give itself over to Ben Affleck this Thursday (11:35), as he charts his travels through the Congo over the last eight months. "NL" producer "Max Culhane and photographer Doug Vogt joined Affleck on his most recent trip to document his journey as he made his way through refugee camps, hospitals, clinics, meetings with warlords, relief workers, child soldiers and members of parliament in an effort to better understand the place where more than 4 million people have died in the deadliest conflict since World War II."

Here's an interesting canned quote from Affleck: "People should see actors on television doing charitable work and be suspicious of that and at the end of watching this I hope they find themselves less suspicious of that and more interested in this and perhaps involved in it.”

The amazing thing about George Carlin - dead yesterday at the age of 71 - was how profoundly he impacted the medium of television and how profoundly it avoided him, as though he were a plague in ponytail. His early Fox show was perfect Fox, in its early iteration - iconoclastic but safe enough for the airwaves. Carlin certainly couldn't last long with a straitjacket like this on, and I do believe the show lasted only one season

Carlin - as you are also aware - was the VERY FIRST host of "Saturday Night Live." The very first, which is sort of like an act of consecration - three words that have never been applied to Carlin. Ever. (Desecration? Yes...) If memory serves, Carlin was in the first sketch and expired on-stage of a coronary. No comment...[So much for my lousy memory. Check out Eric's comment below. He points out that this wasn't Carlin in that sketch, but the great Michael O'Donoghue, who was Carlin's doppelganger, in certain respects. Without O'Donoghue and his lacerating humor so similar to Carliln's, there would be no "SNL." Thanks, Eric.]

In any event, the Web is full of Carliniana, as you might well imagine. Thousands of clips, including those of his famous HBO appearances. You can find snippets of the early "Tonight" ones with Carson, and many of his later scorched-earth appearances - on concert hall stages, not on TV. His later TV stuff, in fact - best I can tell - is not outstanding. From what I've sampled this morning, he was not what we call a "revelatory" interview, anxious to share with whomever what made him tick. There is - alas - no "Oprah" appearance. That may have something to do with his standoffish relationship with a medium that he quite literally shaped (the seven words you can't say on TV; remember?) It may have to do with the fact that he was selling something when he did these infrequent interviews (a boxed set of something or other.) He was complicit in the corporate selling machine in those moments, and perhaps knew it... A recent interview with Olbermann was interesting, but fawning - a mutual admiration society encounter.

So...I must go all the way back to '97, when Carlin did this memorable interview with David Letterman. It's seven minutes long and the quality of the clip is horrific, but it's a nice snap-shot of Middle-to-Late Period Carlin: Caustic, as always, but funny and no seven deadly words:

Tom Brokaw, the last of the major anchors who symbolized the dominance of the Big Three networks news divisions for over two decades, is about the assume the last great ride of his distinguished career: NBC has named him moderator of "Meet the Press."

The post is effectively a temporary one - he'll hold down the job that Tim Russert came to represent during his 17-year reign before his death at age 58 a little over a week ago through inauguration, NBC announced. At that point the network will name - in all likelihood - a permanent successor. Of course, if Brokaw's ratings soar....

I suggested this scenario on Monday, thinking of seven solid reasons why Brokaw should be named the replacement, until at least inauguration. Here's the link, and scroll up if you want to see what I had to say, or check out these comments. They're fascinating and informed, and readers didn't exactly stand and salute my suggestion. I suspect they reflect a little of the dialogue that went on internally at NBC during this last painful week. Nevertheless, Brokaw is absolutely the best person for this job. NBC News - and really, the entire industry - is lucky to have him.

Here's the press release, just over an hour old:

"Beginning on Sunday, June 29, NBC News' Tom Brokaw will serve as moderator of "Meet the Press" through the 2008 presidential election. The broadcast will continue to originate from the NBC News Bureau in Washington D.C. The announcement was made today by NBC News President Steve Capus.

"A lot has been said in recent days about what 'Meet the Press' means to NBC News and to the nation," said Capus. "To have someone of Tom's stature step up and dedicate himself to ensuring its ongoing success is not only a testament to his loyalty to Tim, but his enduring commitment to NBC News and our viewers."

"Some of my best memories from covering the last several presidential elections have included working closely with Tom, so I know just how lucky we are to have him step in as moderator for 'Meet the Press,'" said executive producer Betsy Fischer. "His intellect, focus and calming presence is exactly what we need to move forward smartly and remain the No. 1 public affairs show on television as we head into one of the most pivotal elections in our nation's history."

For his part, Brokaw said, "I've been appearing on 'Meet the Press' since the days of Watergate when it was moderated by Lawrence E. Spivak right through the distinguished tenure of my great friend, Tim Russert, so I feel right at home. Tim made 'Meet the Press' the center of the universe for informative and lively discussions of public affairs, particularly the exciting 2008 campaign for president, and I intend to continue that commitment to our viewers."

Betsy Fischer is the executive producer and Michelle Jaconi and Rebecca Samuels are the producers of "Meet the Press," which is seen on the NBC Television Network from 9-10 a.m. ET in most markets. In Washington D.C. and New York City, the broadcast is seen from 10:30-11:30 a.m. ET. Please check local listings or the "Meet the Press" website www.mtp.msnbc.com) for television and radio broadcast times in your area.

(Photo: Andy Ryan / Corbis for Time Most Influential)

Yeah, Ellen D won best daytime talker last night at the Daytime E's. Ho and hum. Pretty sure that's like the 38th win in that category for her. Actually the fourth, but I've given up counting. (I suppose this makes her the anti-Lucci.) Anyway, here's the clips (and thanks to Lunaae11 for posting so darn promptly...):

Almost a week to the minute that the world learned that Tim Russert had died, and the daily business of TV and the media has already descended into low comedy. If you haven't checked out last night's Keith Olbermann denunciation of that "Page Six" report - that he was battling with Chris Matthews for the "Meet the Press" job sorta like Beast and Militia are battling for this season's "American Gladiator" crown - then you must! It's Keith in full rhetorical high dudgeon, WITH an Australian accent. (Note to Keith - quite funny, but you sound more like Robin Leach than Rupert Murdoch...)

Anyway, even deep-seated cynic that I am, I believe Olbermann on this one. CAN YOU IMAGINE??!! Threatening to quit (as "Page Six" had it) if he didn't get the gig? (But then, "Page Six" is usually reasonably accurate, so...) He claimed last night that he had no qualifications for the job, which is certainly true. However, I point you to Peter Boyer's fascinating profile of Keith in this week's New Yorker. It reported that CBS "executives met with Olbermann twice about the prospect of his becoming anchor of "CBS Evening News'" when it was looking to replace Dan, and before settling on KC.

So: They obviously felt Keith had the "qualification" to be anchor of "Evening News," and Keith, by meeting with them twice, either believed HE had the qualifications as well, or was anxious to hear from these executives why THEY believed he was qualified (when he believed he was not.) One, or the other. No third option.

In any case, I think Keith woulda done well to ignore the "Page Six" report altogether. It's only been a week, a mere week, and some things are better left unsaid.

What would Dumb Dora think?

TBS previously announced it will be reviving the great game show "The Match Game" and today they've announced the panelists who will slide into Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Somers' chairs.

They include Sarah Silverman, Norm MacDonald, Super Dave Osborne (Bob Einstein), Kids in the Hall trouper Scott Thompson, Rashida Jones (“The
Office”) and Niecy Nash (“Reno 911!”).

Andrew Daly (“Semi-Pro”) will be the host. We can only hope he has the sense to bring back Gene Rayburn's iconic stick microphone?.

The original is still run on GSN, so today's viewers can familiarize themselves with panelists Nipsey Russell, Betty White and Richard Dawson to their heart's content.

.

It's been a long time since we saw "Hogan's Heroes" on the tube.

But thanks to TV Land -- in an apparent fit of sanity or at least a nod to its Classic TV roots -- is bringing back the WW II POW comedy with a July 6th marathon from 6 a.m.-9 p.m.

"HH" was incredibly politically incorrect even in its day (1965-71) , so we're wondering what it must seem like today.

Here's a rarity: the cast of "Hogan's Heroes" in a commercial for Jell-O (served at the finest POW camps in the world, no doubt).

This is my humble little reminder to TV fans young and old (and in between) that tonight is the night when Regis Philbin finally scores his Lifetime Achievement Award at the Daytime Emmys - from the Kodak Theater in LA, on ABC at 8.

I can't think of a single human anywhere who more richly deserves this honor, and perhaps my only quibble is that Reeg deserves a Lifetime primetime Achievement as well - although I suppose the haughty pooh-bahs who run the Academy figure that a mere game show host should not qualify.

Naturally, I disagree. Here's a line (or two) they could even borrow when they finally see the error of their ways, and confer this award as well: "Regis Philbin is one of the greats of this business, who's made it richer, better, smarter, and funnier simply by being who he is. All of television - daytime and primetime - has benefited immeasurably from his generous and bountiful spirit. Along with Johnny Carson, and Oprah Winfrey, there is simply no one who has performed the art of talking on television as long or as well as Regis Philbin."

Go get 'em, Reeg.

Here's a reasonably big piece o' news that I just got an official confirmation on: Janet Jackson will host and produce one of those music reality comps for MTV. (Variety first had the story this morning and says it'll help kick off JJ's world tour which begins Sept. 10.)

In any event, I just spoke with Dave Broome - yes, he's also the show boss of "The Biggest Loser" - and he told me much more. But first: The show, still untitled, will have a casting call in New York on July 5 and 6, in Manhattan at the Sheraton on 7th and 53rd. Auditions are 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on the 5th, and then call-backs will take place on the 6th.

Here's what Dave says about Jackson's new show: "She seeded the idea [and] it's 'how do you find that super star - the Janet Jackson, the Usher, Justin Timberlake, that one person who can do it all, sing dance, and act, and has that one superstar ability....If I were looking for a logline, it'd be 'from the street to the superstar,' or how do you find that person in the local community, at the local Y, or gym, who's never gotten a chance or doesn't have the means to take a singing lesson. It's a very 'to the people' street feel.

"If you have to sing from the rooftop of a car...that's the type of challenge we're going to end up doing. It's going to feel very cool and gritty, with a real cool street vibe, and every challenge will have a different backdrop."

It'll be shot in L.A.

Janet?

"She's a mentor in the series, helping critique and pick and select and offer advice to each one of these potential candidates...tell you what you're doing right and doing wrong, and [will help] select [the winner.]"

Airdate? This fall.

Yeah, that was a hell of a memorial for Tim Russert yesterday. Beautiful AND moving, and whenever deeply heartfelt memorials like this roll around, you almost instinctively remember that great Yeats line, "Think where mans glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends." In Russert's case, substitute the word "friends" for "a son" (see the clip above, if you haven't aready) and it's even more poignant.

(And considering Russert's age at death, 58, another famous line from the Irish bard also comes to mind - "Life is a long preparation for something that never happens." )

In any event...All of this week I've been thinking about Russert and sifting the many many impressions of the man I've collected over the years - not all of them positive, but no need to get into that. Powerful men in television, you will be surprised to learn, are not saints. Russert was, however, entirely uniquely, and at this point I think I'll throw this blog post over to a profile of Russert that ran in the Washington Post almost exactly 20 years ago (1989) under the by-line of Lloyd Grove. It took me a while to find this piece, but thanks to Newsday's spectacular library staff, they finally located it (even Nexis, for some reason, hasn't had it for years.) To my mind, Grove's piece was a landmark profile of an already legendary guy - only 38, gunning for the presidency of NBC News, and re-making the Washington bureau, which badly needed remaking.

I can't run this whole piece because the Post would sue me, and may still sue me for running these excerpts. (Lord, I hope not. I can't even pay for gas...) But read them and laugh or learn. Grove is a wonderful writer, and this is a glimpse at the pre-"Meet the Press" Russert, as well as a fully human glimpse. I begin with the top of the piece, and other outtakes follow. Take it away, Lloyd:

"Tim Russert grows thoughtful as he considers a pressing problem of contemporary journalism -- namely, a profile of himself.

"It's a hard piece," he says in a commiserative tone. "I don't know how to make it interesting."

But that, he is reassured, is not his worry.

"I know, but I think about it," says the new Washington bureau chief of NBC News, who arrived 2 1/2 months ago determined to make a splash. "If you step back in the abstract," he muses, and then proposes a plot line.It's a story, he suggests with a clinical air, about "this guy who, having worked in politics and tried to make his mark, is now making his mark in news."

Eureka. He smiles. "I guess there's enough there."

The moment reveals Russert as a highly developed hybrid in the mediapolitical hothouse. It's a display of disarming fellowship, winsome modesty -- and, of course, naked spin control. The total effect is synergistic, and all but irresistible.

He has an ample, open, Hibernian face, which looks almost delicate in the throes of cogitation, and a beefy six-foot frame. He was an altar boy back in South Buffalo, where he was a favorite of Jesuit fathers and Democratic ward bosses before leaving to work for New York's senior senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, and its governor, Mario Cuomo. Now, at 38, a favorite of corporate brass, he slouches before the secular altar of four glowing screens.

"I actually took a standardized test one time in college," he says. "It came out that -- it was ironic -- I was qualified to be an archbishop, a governor or a media mogul."

During one of three audiences in his Nebraska Avenue office -- but only on quiet Saturdays, he insists, because "I won't use my people as props" -- his son Luke, 3 1/2, plays at his feet, doodling on a pad.

"Who do you watch on the news at night?" Russert asks.

"Bryant and Jane," Luke replies.

"Who do you watch at night?"

"Tom," the boy ventures, giggling.

"What's his full name? Tom Russert? Noooo!"

Luke laughs, and the visitor suggests that NBC News is doing badly among 3- to 5-year-olds.

"No, he's got it," Russert snaps, and turns to plead with his son. "Who do you watch at night? Tom who? Come on."

But Luke only smiles.

* * *

"In an age of shrinking network viewership, exploding star salaries and bitter competition, Russert is the state-of-the-art television news executive. Like CBS News President David Burke, who also served a Democratic senator (Ted Kennedy) and a New York governor (Hugh Carey), he's a shrewd political operator. Like ABC News President Roone Arledge, the wizard of "Wide World of Sports," he's a natural showman. Unlike them, he is not head honcho -- a circumstance he's hoping to change.

After 4 1/2 years at the network, he's here from New York -- with the title of senior vice president, a base salary around $250,000 and a company-leased house cum swimming pool on Foxhall Road -- to prove his mettle as a manager and TV journalist, while keeping his hand in other issues confronting the news division, such as the chronic third-place showing of "NBC Nightly News With Tom Brokaw." His three-year mission: to shake some life into the Washington bureau and to position himself for the presidency of NBC News.

"People say, 'Would you like someday to be president of NBC News?' " Russert says unshyly. "The answer is yes."

* * *

"He is a molder of reputations, not least his own -- "the immortal part of myself," as the Bard said, "and what remains is bestial." What remained for Russert, in the weeks before his arrival, was to remove a seemingly small annoyance caused by a Dec. 14 story in Variety about executive changes at NBC. "The shift sidetracks Timothy J. Russert," Variety asserted, contrary to reports in a host of other publications that he was being "groomed."

Russert was outraged...

In a meeting with NBC's corporate communications department, he charged news division publicist Mary Lou O'Callahan with disloyalty, claiming she'd told the wrathful Variety reporter that Russert had "leaked" the details of his new job.O'Callahan denied it, but agreed to resign, capping a 12-year career at NBC.

Russert bridles at the suggestion that the affair betrays a vindictive streak. "Vindictive?" he says meekly, composing his features into a wounded smile. "That's not me. I've heard 'charming.' I've heard 'affable' ...'Vindictive' is new."

* * *

"Politics is really a very large part of their lives down there," [Daniel Patrick] Moynihan says. "And Tim was a young man with more education than he let on. You don't tell people in South Buffalo that you've been to college and gone to law school."

"He wasn't no bookworm," says Russert's father "Big" Tim, who provided for his family by working two jobs -- as a truck driver for The Buffalo News and as a sanitation foreman for the city streets department -- and encouraged the same industriousness in his son and three daughters. Russert, at various times, lifted garbage on a sanitation crew, made pizza to go, painted the yellow lines on a parking lot and still found the energy to lead the local Catholic Youth Organization.

"The buttons on my vest were always popping," his father says. "He was never no trouble to me ... I think I taught him about being sincere and honest in what you do. And don't look down on anybody when you're going up, because it's awful hard to come back down when you're passing those guys that you hurt on the way up."

Now, now - I can hear you all out there, snickering: "So this is what it's come to, Mere. 'Lipstick Jungle?'" In any event, one of the great actresses in TV history is joining this drama. Or dramedy. The news just went out. Here are the press-release-embellished details:

"Television icon and seven-time Emmy Award winner Mary Tyler Moore will guest-star on NBC's drama 'Lipstick Jungle' (Wednesdays, 10-11 p.m. ET) in a multi-episode arc starting in the season premiere on Wednesday, September 24.

"Moore will play Joyce, a retired high-powered exec who forces Wendy (Brooke Shields), her studio-head daughter, to re-evaluate the work vs. family dilemma. Having blazed a trail for working women back in the 1970s and 1980s, Joyce challenges Wendy's idealistic notion of 'having it all' -- leaving her overachieving daughter in a tailspin.

"'I'm fortunate to have had a front row seat to the evolution of working women on television,'" said Moore. 'It's been great fun to watch the strong female characters of 'Lipstick Jungle' go at it week after week. I absolutely adore Brooke and I'm delighted to be a part of a show which is so well written."

And by the way, this isn't that unusual a move for MTM: A few years back she even did a cameo on "That '70s Show" and has done a TV series here and a TV series there over the last couple decades, but nothing substantial. This feels like one of her meatier roles of late and should help the show, without question.

The Presumptive Nominee is a happy man right about now. He's fist-bumping whoever he's coming into contact with. He's thinking, "maybe I should make MICHELLE the vice president - hey, Hill was veep to Bill during two terms..." He's thinking, "what did Whoopi just say...Oh, it doesn't matter." He's thinking, "man, that dress was expensive but it was worth every PENNY." He's thinking, "behind every successful man, there's a woman...No, I better NOT think that. That's sexist as all get out. Hill would take me to town on that one...doesn't matter, she's not running anymore. Or is she...?"

Of course, I have no idea what the Presumptive Nominee is thinking. I only know what I am thinking: Michelle Obama's appearance on "The View" was a political slam dunk - a performance so adroit and so skillful and so savvy that the political attack dogs out there are writhing in agony. "Why couldn't SHE have said &%$*&@! instead of Whoopi," they're saying. "Why, why, WHHHYYY!!!???"

You know, I'm pretty certain (but, being a seat of the pants sort of blogger, not 100 percent certain) that millions of people suspect Michelle Obama is a Theresa Heinz type - the sort of significant o who just can't HELP but say something that will turn a hundred million Americans against her with just one verbal slip - or as Freud might say, a " lapsus linguae" that'll tell people what's really going on in her sub-conscious.

I'm no Freud, but her sub-conscious seems to match her conscious pretty nicely, if this outing was any indication. She was funny, smart, interesting and - most important - likeable. She even said nice and remarkably disarming stuff about Laura Bush. Michelle O - you don't mind if I call you "Michelle O," do you Michelle? - was seated in the middle of our kaffee klatch crew, and joked immediately (again, shrewdly) about the bump: "It's my signature bump," and Whoopi comes back with a good ice breaker (not that there was any ice to break) with, "you should be really happy it's not a chest bump."

Michelle O got all the hard questions almost before the first commercial break, which - from her perspective - is exactly when and where she wanted them.

How does she feel about all the attacks that have started up - the ones about her patriotism, etc? (Our "View" gals didn't dignify the ludicrous "whitey" slur with a question, to their great credit.)

"I take them in stride. It's part of the process. Of course I'm proud of my country. No where but in America could my story be possible. I'm a girl that grew up on the South Side of Chicago; my father was a working class guy who worked a shift all his life, and got two children through Princeton. He's now the coach of Oregon State - go Beavers! I tell people just imagine the pride that parents who didn't go to college felt through their own hard work to have us achieve the things they couldn't imagine. So I'm proud of my country without a doubt."

Now you may be as cynical as me, and think - "well, what do you expect her to say?" - to which I'd answer: I actually think she's being sincere.

Joy asked her the Hill/sexism question, as in - do you think that Hill was subjected to it during the campaign? Said Michelle O, "yes, people aren't used to strong women and at times we don't even know how to talk about them, so yes, and there were elements of racism that will go on [too.] I think Hillary Clinton has said she's created 18 million cracks in the ceiling and we need to keep pushing on it and keep pushing...so that when my girls come along they won't have to feel it as badly."

Masterful response. Notice the first use of "we," as if to suggest that even SHE might be complicit in this whole sexism thing.

Next up, Babs asked the 'ol "should Hill be veep?" question.

Michelle O stepped up to the plate, squared away, and saw a big fat pitch come right down the middle - without ANY heat or motion - connected, and sent that sucker right into the parking lot:

"My answer, and people have asked me this before, is that the one thing that a nominee earns is a right to pick the vice president that they think will best reflect their vision for the country. And I'm just glad I will have nothing to do with it."

Oh, you're good, Michelle O. You're very good.

(Above: AP photo.)

Fascinating edition of "The View" - and in ways, as usual, that you may not expect. We'll get to Michelle O in the next post, but unless my hearing is going, Whoopi just said the "S" word on "The View." Said Whoops, to Michelle, "that's your stock in s ----."

No beep. Just the pure unvarnished old English epithet.

You GO, girl.

And a few minutes before, Whoops spilled coffee all over her lap. At least she didn't spill it in O's lap.

Anyway, I'm trafficking in trivialities, which I do so very often. In the next post, you will get my pure unvarnished opinion of O's appearance. Hint: This is a huge win for the Presumptive Nominee.

By the way, "View" spokesman Karl Nilsson tells me I'm full of...ummm...You know what I'm full of. He denies the word was said - claiming it would have been beeped if she had said it. "I just watched the tape," says he. " Whoopi DOES NOT say that's your stock in [ummmm, you know the word.] She says you have a stocking issue...referring to Barbara."

Now I ask you, reader: Why would Babs have a "stocking issue?" And what IS a "stocking issue." I still like what I heard, or believe I heard: "Stock in...[umm, you know the word.]"

(This is the sort of stuff that I love about "The View" - hearing discrepancies...)

Consider this a friendly little reminder: The Presumptive Nominee's Significant Other will be a guest host on "The View" this morning. It's a big deal, no a huge deal, for both show and the PNSO because news will most definitely come outta this AND it's all part of Michelle Obama's coming out party, as she starts to let the rest of the world know who she is and as she maybe remakes herself a little bit (this is politics, after all.) We'll be back later for a fuller look at the big guest hosting moment.

Well, here we go again. Another season of "America's Got Talent."

Just to write those three words - and then think of the prospect of David Hasselhoff passing judgment (along with Sharon Osbourne) on anything or anyone, and the sight of some seriously sad wannabes up there on the stage, causing viewers of sounder mind and body to wonder about their sanity and the tolerance of American television, particularly NBC, to put up anything on the screen these days - sends a cruel chill up my spine.

But whatever. I'll live.

Show's back (tonight at 9), and surprise! It's the same. No change. Some bad stuff. Some amusing stuff. (Check out the dude who dances with a trombone!) Some scary stuff (Romanian twins.) Some good stuff (the violin brothers...) Someone'll win. Fourteen or so million people will watch. The Republic will endure.

Here's a quick pointer about tonight's open, however. You will hear someone, maybe Piers Morgan - another reality TV champ - or maybe Jerry Springer, say that last season's winner, Terry Fator, scored a "$100 million deal, making him the most successful reality show contestant in HISTORY!!!!"

$100 million (over five years?) That's gotta be bogus, you say. And you may be right, or... Terry Fator did indeed get a deal to perform at the Mirage (which will even name a theater for him) a few weeks ago. The source of this sensational information? Robin Leach, who - you will correctly observe - is not exactly Bob Woodward.

In any event, here's the headline. It could be true. I took out my calculator - a dangerous habit - and figured that Terry would have to sell out his theater every night (1,265 seats) at a minimum of sixty bucks per seat. Usual coverage charge at the Mirage? Ray Romano, for example, is getting $121. So this huge deal is, indeed, possible (though you will also correctly observe that Terry Fator is not exactly Ray Romano...)

Go get 'em, Terry...

BTW, here's Terry on "Ellen" last fall...

I got some reaction to a post yesterday about why Tom Brokaw would be the best person on the planet to replace Tim Russert on "Meet the Press," and - as usual - much of it proved why the bloggees are better informed than the blogger. (That's not an observation I plan to share any time soon with my bosses.)

However ... I still strongly believe Brokaw's the best guy, but as a temporary measure only. Let this transition work out over the next seven, eight months. Have stand-ins stand-in for Brokaw ... get a sense of who's most comfortable there ... and groom the new man or woman slowly and carefully, just as NBC - flawlessly, in my opinion - groomed Brian Williams. There should be no rush here, no panic; only a deliberative, intelligent process.

Meanwhile, allow me to address two candidates whose names came up. These are the two likely front-runners and probably should be. First, Gwen Ifill. She's familiar with the show, been there/done that dozens of times, knows Washington intimately, has great credibility, is a first-rate journalist.

Only one significant problem: She's already got a job, as host of "Washington Week." One does not stand up and walk out on a gig like this simply because something else beckons, even if it IS "MTP."

Next, David Gregory. Let me be perfectly clear, my friends. Even though yon David has a lean and hungry look, he's very good. He's not a pleasant Harvey milquetoast guy, and heaven knows, local TV (and all of TV) has enough of those already. Yeah, he won't win any popularity contests in the newsroom and I hear D.C. waitresses have joined into a secret pact to mix up his orders from now on ... but this ISN'T a popularity contest.

Now, if you're still with me, watch this clip, and then I'll offer my final observation. (It's grainy and old, but the only one I could find of this famous encounter, so sorry about that) ...

OK, that's it! That's what I like best about David Gregory. He told this windbag of a press secretary - who sounded like a manure salesman with a mouth full of samples - that he just wanted a yes or no answer. Instead, what does said windbag do? Go out and write a book and tell the world what a lousy president we've got and that as press secretary he spun fabulous tales and fallacious fibs.

Gregory knew this, and just wanted a yes or no answer. I like the guy's spirit, like his drive, like his bull-in-china-shop bedside manners, like his evident anger, like his passion (even though I'm not entirely certain I like HIM.)

Still: Brokaw for the transition period.

When the second season of "Damages" - which bowed last summer to positive reviews, to put it mildly - begins shooting in NYC next week, there'll be a new face hanging 'round the set. William Hurt has joined up, per FX, which made the announcement yesterday (sorry for the late post but I was dodging lightning bolts last night and 'ol Bill Hurt was the last thing on my mind.) Anyway...yes, an amazing casting coup, great actor, fine ensemble, etc. etc. Also: This is Hurt's first TV series in a very long time. (Although that does seem hard to believe.) He's done a mini here and there (like "Dune") and actually launched his career via the tube, on - are you ready for this? - "Kojak." Per FX, he'll be a client of Glenn Close's Patty Hewes, and they knew each before in some mysterious way. I'm not sure when "Damages" returns to the FX lineup but as soon as I get an answer, you'll be the second to know, me being the first. (I'm assuming a January start-date at this point.)

One of the catchiest songs of all time, The Dixie Cups' "Chapel of Love" topped the charts this week in 1964, a three-week American break in between British chart-toppers "Love Me Do" and.""A World Without Love."

By the way, I hated this song as a kid because it was so "girly" and "mushy," but I got my act together by the time I got married, using this song on my answering machine in the month leading up to my nups.

Tom Brokaw, the next moderator of "Meet the Press?"

Yes, the next moderator. As always, NBC News is luckiest news division - despite what happened last Friday just before 2 p.m. - simply by virtue of having Brokaw on its payroll. Once again, duty calls and if I know Brokaw, and I think I do, he'll answer that call as he's done so many times before.

There are so many reasons why Tom Brokaw should be the next moderator of "Meet the Press" - at least on what might be called a "transitional basis" - that the best way to lay them out is a list, so here goes.

1.) Soothing for viewers AND the network: The death of Tim Russert is, like any death, disruptive, but this one was profoundly so. Russert manned this program for seventeen years and manned it brilliantly. He WAS the face of Sunday morning, to a large degree, and WAS the face of NBC's political coverage. As a result, NBC needs a new face that is also profoundly familiar and trusted. There's only one at NBC which comes to mind.

2.) Brokaw knows the territory. He, like Russert, is an encyclopedia of political fact and trivia, so much so that he's had to bat down rumors for literally decades that he would run for office from home state South Dakota. Moreover, Brokaw has worked by Russert's side, on-screen and off, for nearly twenty-five years. No one knows the rhythm of this coverage better than Brokaw.

3.) No one else is ready. This is beyond self-evident. Of course, there will be the insta-rumor that Katie Couric is up for the gig, but any whiff of positioning on her part will kill this possibility so quickly that heads will spin. Yes, NBCU topper Jeff Zucker wants her back at NBC, or so I believe, and maybe for a role at MSNBC. Katie wants the 9 p.m. "Live" slot on CNN - that I believe too. Now, "Meet the Press" will be considered almost a certainty too. But she won't be back, if ever, at NBC until next year. NBC needs someone next week. The others? Chris Matthews? Never ready for this job - he's too cable. David Gregory? Smart guy and first-rate interviewer, while his agent would dearly love him to replace Matt Lauer one of these days. I say - as good as he is - the guy's got "trust" issues with viewers who are pretty good at reading faces on the tube. Gregory's not ready for this job, and maybe never. Brian Williams? No. Absolutely, no. Viewers - and NBC staffers - will see it as a part time gig for him, and one to which he will devote neither all his time nor energy. He'll fly down to Washington on Fridays, and back to NYC on Sundays; this schedule would devalue his role at "Nightly," and you can't have that.

4.) He'll answer the call. I think and believe Brokaw will. He'll need assurance, and I'm sure get it, that this is only a temporary measure, say for six months or at most a year. He'll get the assurance too that NBC will offer try-outs to others, so that someone else will be ready to step in the moment he's ready to move aside. He won't want this forever, but maybe he'll grow into it. I've always believed - and still do - that Brokaw needs more work, even though his doc unit keeps him very busy. On some level, one that even he won't admit to, he misses the "Nightly" tonic - the stardom, influence, excitement, rush. Brokaw, meanwhile, is a terrific multi-tasker in the game of life: He can work very hard, and play pretty much the same way. (His idea of "play," of course, is running the rapids in some wild river out west.) This shouldn't be a major pull for him, again if it lasts only through election.

5.) Brokaw will get the bigshots to appear. Sure - you say - anyone would wanna come on "Meet." But what about the other Sunday shows? They compete for guests too, and without a major player at the helm of "MTP," those guests may be more disposed to appearing on ABC or CBS. With the eminence at the helm - that would be Tom - "MTP" will be better positioned to meet this immediate challenge.

6.) Brokaw will be handling much political coverage through November anyway - this will make him both sharper, and give the network more gravitas in the process, much as David Brinkley did for ABC News. So, Tom as anchor of "MTP" through inauguration, and THEN hand-off to someone else.

7.) Finally, Brokaw is the choice that will most completely, and most deeply, honor Russert. Yes, I leave this until last, even though it may be the most important reason of them all. There is only a handful of on-air people left in this business who exemplify the glory of the Big Three network news divisions of decades past. Bob Schieffer is one. Russert was another. And Brokaw is the last. It's a very abbreviated list for the simple reason that the heavyweights are all gone. Even Mike Wallace will likely NEVER appear on the air again. "Meet the Press" is network television's oldest program, born in the half-light of this industry's creation. It crept out of the primordial ooze, so to speak, and became, instantly, a vitally important program in news and politics. Russert intuitively believed that, consciously understood it, and adjusted his professional bearing accordingly to meet that vital role. This is why Russert was so successful, and why the mourning that we now see on NBC's air (and elsewhere) is so genuine. There's only one person who similarly understands "Meet the Press's" role and who can meet it accordingly, and imbue it with the symbolism that it so richly deserves. You know by now who that person is.

Well, Tom. What's your answer?

Tim Russert's personal physician offered an informative debrief of what happened to the "Meet the Press" moderator yesterday just before 2 p.m. In case you missed this last night, here it is again. It's well worth watching for a whole host of reasons, but helps explain why this death was just so sudden - and shocking.

More tributes. Here's Dan on Tim and Diane. Again, nice (and we still can't believe he's gone):

"Tim’s passing is a loss not only to his family and many friends, it is a loss to good journalism and to our country.Tim, first and foremost, was devout in his faith and deeply devoted to
his family. He loved his country with a passion and became a classic example of the ideal American journalist.

Tim had become an important part of our political process. He will be especially missed in this historic presidential election year.Tim Russert was a beacon of quality journalism

At a time when quality journalism is in increasingly short supply, Tim Russert was a leader for what is best in American journalism. He was tough but fair, pulled no punches, played no favorites. As an interviewer, he had few, if any, peers."

And Diane: "No one could see Tim in a room and not smile. He brought so much joy and curiosity and sheer vitality to all our lives. As a journalist, he would set out like a great explorer. You couldn't wait to see what he discovered every day in the new world.

He was a defining American newsman. Love of country, love of family poured through him --onto the screen, into the work, into stories at dinner, into the little chuckle that reminded us ---aren't we lucky to be here in this big life."

NBC has a special on Tim tonight - here are the details: Tom Brokaw will anchor "Remembering Tim Russert" in a NBC News special tonight at 10:00 PM/ET. The hour-long report will look back at Russert's relationship with his dad, Big Russ, and his roots in Buffalo, N.Y. In addition, the report will explore his career highlights while colleagues and
politicians share their memories. "

There are a whole lot of quotes and comments coming in to my mailbox, and I'll get them all to you as fast as I can type...but here's Katie Couric's lovely recollection. I'm pretty certain Fred Francis convinced Tim to hire Katie at NBC way back when at the Pentagon. You might say, Tim discovered KC. Here's her thoughts:

"Russert was so many different things.

Tim was a big teddy bear of a guy, but he was also a pit bull of an interviewer. He always held people's feet to the fire, often using their past words with great effect to reveal flip-flops or hypocrisy. While Tim was incredibly tenacious, he always did his job with great humanity and respect.

Tim was passionate about the political process and was, in many ways, the navigator-in-chief for so many people. Because he was so knowledgeable, he was able to make politics accessible to millions.

Tim gave me my first network break. I was a local reporter at WRC in Washington, which shares a building with the NBC Washington bureau. Tim asked me to come to his office one day and told me he admired my work, particularly my coverage of Marion Barry, who was then the mayor of D.C. He liked my "scrappiness" and asked if I was interested in becoming the deputy Pentagon correspondent.

He was one of the nicest, most generous colleagues I ever had the pleasure of working with.

I remember when Tim arranged a visit with the Pope when the “Today” show was in Rome—and Tim was the one behind the scenes making it happen. And I remember he was so full of pride.

He never forgot where he came from. In his heart, he was a kid from Buffalo who made it to the big time—but never got “too big for his britches,” as my mother would say.

I think he used his Dad, Big Russ, to take the temperature of the country. And I remember how he used to call him to ask questions and get feedback.

But Tim really didn't have to do that because he was the consummate everyman who loved his family -- who was so proud of his wife Maureen and his son Luke -- and loved the Buffalo Bills, and this country."

Tim Russert, one of the most powerful news executives in television who headlined what is arguably one of the industry's most powerful and influential programs - "Meet the Press" - has died. NBC News has broken into regular programming and is right at this moment airing tributes on MSNBC. "Our friend was 58 years old," says Brian Williams. "We cannot believe that he's gone," said Tom Brokaw, his voice breaking.

Buffalo-born and intimately associated with that city and its Bills, which he loved, Russert was first a politician before he was a journalist - counsel to Governor Mario Cuomo in 1983 to 1984 and chief of staff to Democratic Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan from 1977 to 1982. He went to NBC in '84 and later became Washington bureau chief. Over those years, Russert was a storied figure at NBC - he was considered a shrewd inside operator, but also probably one of the most effective news executives at NBC over the last twenty years. He was hugely respected there - as legendary a figure as a suit could be - and feared as well. He ran the Washington bureau - reputedly - as his own separate fiefdom from New York headquarters, which was fine with the big staff there - wary of New York interference and thanks to Russert, it became a singularly powerful news organization in its own right. While CBS News' Washington presence declined, NBC's influence grew - again, all thanks to Russert, who became a genuine Beltway power-broker as a result.

But here was Russert's greatest contribution: He re-created and revivified "Meet the Press," which had grown tired and moribund, and that was reflected in ratings. By the time he got there, the once mighty "Press" had sunk to third place, while the hot Sunday morning show was over on LaSalle Avenue at ABC - where David Brinkley, Cokie Roberts and Sam Donaldson held forth. Russert brought a unique style to "Press" - aggressive and comprehensive. He would ask a question, and then - just so the subject of his inquisition didn't wiggle away - he'd throw up a quote from a newspaper article on the screen, which would either offer support to his question, or force the senator or congressman or what-have-you to address the fact on screen.

Before long, "Press" was considered sport TV as much as informational TV - a Sunday destination where spin-meisters would meet a brick wall thrown up by Russert. "There was nothing more chilling than watching Tim walk in with those two thick folders under his arm," said David Axelrod - Barack Obama's chief media strategist on CNN a little while ago. "You always spent a little extra time preparing for him. You knew your candidate was going to be put through the paces on that show," who added: "He also gave you a chance to answer. He was tough but he was fair."

But maybe Russert's most indelible moment was during the Florida primaries - one of the longest nights in TV news history, or - let's say - one of the most sweat-inducing. Through that night, Russert - and through many other nights leading up to the historic primary - Russert scribbled figures on a chalk board, in which he tabulated delegates or votes; that night, he scribbled "Florida, Florida, Florida," meaning this was the state where an election, and history, were about to be made. It was one of the most prescient and dramatic moments of the 2000 race.

There's a lot lot more to say, but here's a personal note: I just got off the phone with chief Pentagon correspondent, Jim Miklaszewski: "Everybody is just devastated," he said. "As hardbitten as we all are, we can't talk to each other without breaking down. This is a huge personal loss to everyone at NBC. He was the real deal."

Here are some other quotes that came over the transom:

"This is a loss for the entire nation," said Steve Capus, NBC News president. Everyone at NBC News is in shock and absolutely devastated. He was our respected colleague, mentor, and dear friend. Words can not express our heartbreak. Our thoughts and prayers are with Maureen,
Luke, Big Russ and all of Tim’s family. "

"We are heartbroken at the sudden passing of Tim Russert," said NBCUNI boss, Steve Capus. "We have lost a beloved member of our NBC Universal family and the news world has lost one of its finest. The enormity of this loss cannot be overstated. More than a journalist,
Tim was a remarkable family man. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife,
Maureen, their son, Luke, and Tim’s entire extended family."

.

Karma Chameleon alert!

'80s icon Boy George will perform on live on "Today" July 7 in his first television concert in ten years, NBC announced today.

The performance marks the unofficial kick-off to the Culture Club frontman's American tour, which begins July 10 in Aspen, Colo. (We're not sure what will constitute the official kickoff.)

And don't say the "Today" crew doesn't have a heart: They'll invite employees of New York City's Department of Sanitation to George's concert.

Remember that George served community service with the department after he pled guilty to falsely reporting a burglary at his New York apartment. George will also perform a special concert for the sanitation employees at the department's Family Day on Aug. 17. You really don't want to hurt them.

And by the way, the comeback tour hits the Capital One Bank Theatre at Westbury on Aug. 5.

And just in case you want to feel like really old: it's been 26 years since we first saw Culture Club prancing on MTV.

Well, this is THE TV headline this morning. At least the most interesting headline. Jon Voight, who hasn't been on a series since almost forever, will be Jack's nemesis on this season's "24." Hollywood Reporter, which has the scoop, notes that he'll be introduced during that two-hour prequel that'll air Nov. 23; the show's shooting in South Africa as we type. HR correctly notes that Voight has been on a series since "Gunsmoke" in the late '60s - coincidentally, right around the time he created his signature role, Joe Buck, in "Midnight Cowboy" - but he's done a ton of TV. For example, he was in that Pope John Paul biopic a few years ago (I recall he got only lukewarm reviews for that), and "The Five People You Meet in Heaven," and other TV movies. In recent years - of course - he's carved a very nice niche in the "National Treasure" franchise (the Gates dad), and will likely be in the "Transformers" sequel. But any way you look at this - upside, downside, left side, right side - it's an absolutely GREAT casting move for this classic series. "24" challenge - a modest one, I think - is to draw attention back to itself after a very long and difficult hiatus; the greater challenge is to slightly re-invent itself, for it has entered that fairytale land of implausibility and over-the-top silliness. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but how much more can you do...?) Voight brings so many strengths - fine actor notwithstanding - but mostly he should be a splendid bad guy. ("24" hasn't asked me but for the season after this one, Christopher Walken would fit the bill too. )

It's beginning to look like that much ballyhooed "Office" spin-off isn't actually gonna be a "spin-off" in the traditional sense but maybe a companion, that'll have the same tone, spirit, energy and style - but NOT any characters from the original. I direct your attention to this morning's Variety, which has a good story on the still-unnamed show's first casting move - show boss, Greg Daniels has hired Aziz Ansari, who stars in MTV's "Human Giant" (a pretty amusing show, by the way.) In his own blog, Aziz Is Bored, he confirms the hiring: "I’m very happy to announce that I’m going to be on the new 'Office' spinoff on NBC!! I haven’t been this excited since Lisa lost on 'Top Chef.'” Greg tells the trade that maybe the new show will be what's called a "planted spinoff," in which a character's introduced on the mother show and then segues onto something brand new ("Mork & Mindy" out of "Happy Days" is the example he cites.) Some in the ad community have wondered whether NBC ever even knew what the spin-off would be - they just went ahead and ordered something sight unseen. Anyway, here's a first look at the once and future star of "The Office-Spinoff-or-whatever-ya-wanna-call-it:"

I've died and gone to Boomer TV heaven.

Tomorrow, WPIX will air nine hours of shows to mark its 60th birthday. It's like seeing my TV life flash before my eyes.

From noon to 9 on that Saturday, Ch. 11 will feature nine hours of vintage programs including: The Little Rascals, Abbott & Costello, The Three Stooges, The Adventures Of Superman, Get Smart, My Favorite Martian, I Dream Of Jeannie, The Odd Couple and The Honeymooners.

The only thing better would be for WPIX to announce that they will be unthawing Officer Joe Bolton on air, years after he was cryogenically frozen..

Here's the sked:

The Little Rascals

12-1230pm: Teacher’s Pet

1230p-1pm: Hearts Are Thumps/ Feed ‘Em and Weep

Abbott & Costello

1pm Getting a Job

130pm The Actor’s Home

The Three Stooges

2pm Gents without Cents

230pm A Plumbing We Will Go

The Adventures of Superman

3pm Crime Wave

330pm The Perils of Superman

Get Smart

4pm Mr. Big

430pm A Spy for A Spy

My Favorite Martian

5pm My Favorite Martian

530pm A Loaf of Bread, A Jug of Wine and Peaches

I Dream Of Jeannie

6pm The Lady In The Bottle

630pm Tomorrow Is Not Another Day

The Odd Couple

7pm Password

730pm My Strife in Court

The Honeymooners

8pm Better Living Through TV

830pm The $99,000 Answer

All these episodes will be followed by an anniversary special at 9 p.m. anchored by Jim Watkins and Kaity Tong.

Until then, enjoy this clip of Bud and Lou and one of their classic routines from their TV show:

Mike Huckabee, who won in Iowa, gave John McCain a scare, and made a lot of people think for a couple minutes, "what would it be like to have someone in the White House named 'President Huckabee?'" is joining Fox News Channel as a talking head. This is one of those gigs similar to what Karl Rove has - which is explain stuff to viewers, but not actually preclude the person from looking for other work. Nevertheless, it's a pretty dramatic move - first reported this morning by the WaPo's Howard Kurtz - and who knows where it goes from here? Maybe he'll replace Katie Couric. (Hmmmm..."The Evening News with Mike Huckabee." ) Here's Fox bossman Bill Shine's canned quote: “Governor Huckabee’s campaign experience and knowledge of politics makes him a great addition to our ongoing election coverage.”

Oh crud: My favorite new reality show...or rather, the new reality show that stars my favorite reality star and that would be Rachel Hunter - did not do well last night. In fact, it did very poorly. In fact, only 6.5 million tuned in to "Celeb Circus," which may change its name to "Rehab Circus," considering the fact that all the celebs have broken something. In fact, this means in round numbers that 297 million other people in the U.S. were doing something other than watching. That constitutes failure, and is an even lower figure that the one that "Nashville Star" landed. At this rate, no one will be watching NBC when the Olympics start.

The second-season premiere of our favorite series, "Mad Men," draws closer -- just six weeks from this Sunday.

But if you need your "MM" fix before July 27, AMC will be airing "The Best of Mad Men: Season One," a 30-minute special premiering Sunday at 11:30 a.m.

The special offers interviews with cast members Jon Hamm (Don Draper), Elisabeth Moss (Peggy Olson), Vincent Kartheiser (Pete Campbell), January Jones (Betty Draper), Christina Hendricks (Joan Holloway) and John Slattery (Roger Sterling) as they reminisce about favorite moments on set and what they really think about the sex, lies and storyline surprises from the first season.

Here's Hamm talking about one of his most powerful moments. “It’s one of the first times where you really see my character show emotion,” says Jon Hamm about the scene where Don Draper pays off his younger brother to leave him alone. “The guy who played my brother (Jay Paulson) was really excellent. I just remember shooting and thinking, ‘This guy is amazing.’ The scene was incredibly powerful. That was the only time on the set where the camera crew actually applauded.”

And by the way, the DVD of the first season drops on July 1.

The good folks at pay-cabler Starz really know how to make lemonade out of lemons (or turkey a la king out of a turkey).

They want the world to know that on Saturday at 9 p.m., the channel will be airing the pay-cable debut of that grand piece of cinema, Lindsay Lohan's "I Know Who Killed Me."

And they're darn proud!

Starz appetizingly bills the 2007 movie - in which Lindsay plays two roles -- as a cross between "Saw" and "The Parent Trap," notes that it was the recipient of eight Razzie Awards (this ain't the Oscars we're talking about) and supplies quotes from a gaggle of critics, including EW's “Gruesomely tawdry and inept.”

The heck with all that: We still love you, LiLo.

“

As you first learned here a while ago, a Drake & Josh ("Drosh") movie is in the works, but Nick has just now released the details. Working title is "Drake & Josh: Best Christmas Ever."

Here's the production line: "The comic adventure unfolds as a mall Santa and his helper -- alias Drake and Josh -- promise an adorable little girl that her foster parents and siblings will have 'the best Christmas ever.' It’s a pledge that will change their holiday and their lives -- and one that’s tough to keep after Drake’s antics at a holiday party land responsible Josh in jail." Airdate this fall.

Why's this important? Because Nick's "Drake & Josh" is like a latter-day "Gilligan's Island," which is and has been aired and re-aired hundreds of times over and over, and kids slurp 'em up each time. The show wrapped a couple years ago, and yet still, the huge popularity. This should be interesting because Drake Bell and Josh Peck are all grown up now; will they wear as well in a movie?

Yes, Miranda Cosgrove is expected here too.

Well, ya missed last night's "Evening News" and that's too bad 'cause Katie (again) came to Hill's defense; she decried the media's sexist coverage of the candidate, etc., saying that...well, watch for yourself. But I wonder: Did Katie miss the whole point? Wasn't the media - rightfully - astounded at a campaign that refused to end, even when the end was a foregone conclusion? And weren't the absolutely harshest critics WOMEN?! I'm talking Maureen Dowd (NYT) and Peggy Noonan (WSJ). Go ahead, Katie. Read what they had to say. (Question: Can women be sexist when discussing other women? I suppose, but...) Anyway, I've gotta run. Rach is on the other line. We're talking about last night's brilliant performance...

That's right: The battle of the network (and big screen) stars has reached another impasse, which isn't any big surprise considering how militant the Screen Actors Guild has been, how wimpy AFTRA has been, and how cheap and nickel-pinching the billionaire studio heads have been. SAG boss Alan Rosenberg told Variety last night that no deal is expected with said studios by the deadline of June 30, in part because he's opened a second front against AFTRA, telling ITS members to reject a recently minted deal with the studios. He told V, "We have not decided to go ahead on a strike authorization, but if we do, we'll have to fairly soon. And we can certainly work past the expiration date while we're still negotiating." Yes, it sounds like saber-rattling, and considering the scorched-earth strike the writers imposed, he knows he'd have to have an extraordinarily good reason to strike. Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's got that - yet.

No one died last night in the making of "Celebrity Circus," save a few dozen audience members who fell into a deep sleep, never to wake again. (Their bodies will be discovered years from now, covered in cobwebs, their TV still tuned to NBC which will -- doubtless -- be airing "The Battle of Celebrity Circus Animal Acts Performed by Wee Folk" and hosted by Academy award winner, Wee Man Acuna; that'll be around 2039). But what I did love about "CC" was my favorite reality TV star, Rachel Hunter. I thought the judges were harsh on her first act -- some twirling thing, a couple dozen feet above the floor, and the doughy, circus-ring-master-attired body of one Joey Fatone who would have broken her fall, but probably would have joined those dozen or so other viewers who had expired during the airing of this telecast. She twirled, boy did she twirl, and then one of the judges had the audacity to say, "zzzeee speeening eeezzz gooood, but next time -- a leeetle faster." If there EEEEEZ a next time. Don't let the bastards get you down, Rach. You go, girl. We await the ratings....

You've waited patiently, and you've wondered long and hard about exactly what Rachel Hunter DID say about what life had taught her, and what part of her body she liked least, etc.

I'm talking about my first annual Rachel Hunter Quiz -- see below -- which could also be the last annual if she has problems on tonight's "Celebrity Circus" (woowhooo!!)

Here are the answers.

1.) d (Easy! Of course she was married to Rod Stewart and NOT Stuart Smalley); 2.) c. (Yes, "Lola." Nice name for swimwear.) 3.) i. (All of the above! There isn't a reality show that Rachel HASN'T starred in) 4.) c. (Alas, the infomercial for a vibrating machine was pulled because people didn't lose weight using it). 5.) d. (That's right -- her gluteus maximus, AKA the butt, is the part of her body she hates the most.) 6.) d. (Yup, right after telling the Web site she hated her gluteus, she told reporters at another news conference too.) 7.) d. (Ooops! Crazed fan musta read the stories. She kicked RH in the you-now-know-where.) 8.) i. (Correct! Rach said all of the above, except that thing about her always wanting to be in "Celebrity Circus" or Rod Stewart being a "rock genius."

If you guessed all answers correctly, please check back tomorrow to find out how to collect your prize -- a bobble-head Rachel Hunter doll.

Here's a stop-the-presses bulletin; Katherine Heigl has pulled herself out of Emmy contention because she thinks -- and I'm paraphrasing here -- she had bad material on "Grey's" Anatomy last season.

Now stop to consider that, and let's just add a few "!!!!'s" for good measure.

No one -- per my memory -- has ever pulled themselves outta Emmy because they blamed the writers. Ever. Sure -- Kelsey Grammer and others have pulled out (Candice Bergen, most notably) because they had the generosity of spirit to let someone else win for a change. But to pull yourself out because you hated the role??!!

Tom O'Neil, the guru of Emmyland and the Goldderby.com maestro -- has the scoop, and go there for the details. But Heigl tells him: "I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

Now my read: The next thing we hear is that Kate has, by mutual consent, decided to leave "Grey's" for a big screen career. It's a matter of time, friends. And out the door immediately after her: McDreamy.

Why did she claim to have bad material? Because she did. It was awful and "Grey's" and Shonda pretty near ruined her character last season. She actually has a point here.

We couldn't let this anniversary pass us by, could we?

Six years ago today, Fox debuted, with minimal fanfare, a little summer talent show called "American Idol," based on a popular British show.

As to what the show would become, to paraphrase my grandmother: "Who knew?"

Anyway, here's a rare early first-season clip featuring the Pete Best/Wally Pipp of the TV world, co-host Brian Dunkleman.

Rachel, center, in another starring role.

Welcome, friends, to TV Zone's first annual Rachel Hunter quiz.

It may be the first and last annual quiz, depending on whether she survives tonight's live telecast of "Celebrity Circus" -- all the other contestants are dropping like flies, so...

Why Rachel Hunter? Besides tonight's "Celebrity Circus" (whoohoo!!) starring role?

Because -- as Esquire might put it (and has!) -- she's one of the women we love, and how. She'll do anything, say anything, star in anything. In a celebrity world that's so tightly controlled by flacks and managers and other assorted buzz-killing types, Rachel goes her own way, does her own thing. This makes her wonderfully unique, gloriously eccentric, joyously uninhibited, outrageously interesting.

You rock, Rach. You really rock.

So here's our quiz. Test your RC knowledge. See if you know what you should know about this fun-loving gal. A guarantee: All answers are correct, but you'll have to check back later today to find the right ones. That's just one of my many gimmicks to get people to come back frequently to TV Zone, thereby boosting traffic on this site and giving me yet one more reason to secure a well-deserved raise from my notoriously parsimonious bosses:

1.) Rachel Hunter was once married to...
a.) Tom Arnold
b.) Arnold Schwarzenegger
c.) Eliot Spitzer
d.) Rod Stewart
e.) Jackie Stewart
f.) Stuart Smalley

2.) Rachel's new swimwear line is called...
a.) Dolores
b.) Lolita
c.) Lola
d.) Arnold
3.) Bolus

3.) Besides "Celebrity Circus," Rachel has starred in:
a.) "Playboy: Celebrity Centerfolds"
b.) "Dancing With the Stars"
c.) "The Real Gilligan's Island"
d.) "10 Things Every Guy Should Experience"
e.) "Are You Hot? The Search for America's Sexiest People"
f.) "You Can't Fire Me, I'm Famous" .
g.) "True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl"
h.) "Just a Little Harmless Sex"
i.) All of the above

4.) Scottish authorities forced Rachel's infomercials for the GBP 500 Power Pulse vibrating exercise platform off the air because...

a.) It didn't vibrate enough.
b.) The Scottish people were scandalized by pictures of a jiggling Rachel.
c.) People didn't actually lose fat using it.

5.) Rachel told a Web site last year that she was unhappy with her...

a.) Nose
b.) Forehead
c.) Right big toe
d.) Butt

6.) Rachel recently told reporters during a news conference for an anti-fat machine that she was insecure about her...
a.) Nose
b.) Legs
c.) Right big toe
d.) Butt

7.) When Rachel was walking through a hotel lobby in Melbourne last fall, a crazed fan kicked her in the...
a.) Shin
b.) foot
c.) Nose
d.) Butt

8.) When Rachel turned 39, she told Esquire about all the wisdom she had collected over her lifetime. What did she say?

a.) "Turbulence makes me nervous."
b.) "God and death kind of resemble each other, because the only time a lot of people will try and talk to God is when someone's died."
c.) "I was born to star in a show about celebrities doing circus acts."
d.) "Love is just chemistry."
e.) "Rod Stewart is a rock genius..."
f.) "I stab the hell out of a steak. Really stab it with a fork to tenderize it."
g.) "When we were making the Fountains of Wayne video, I actually said, 'What does that mean, MILF?' I definitely got a lot younger of an audience after that video."
h.) "There's got to be something to reincarnation. I don't know what I used to be. A dog in a good house."
i.) "Is what I'm doing the right thing to be doing? Or should I be doing something else?"
j.) All of the above (except c and e.)

Laura Ingraham -- who sort of reminds me of Anne Coulter, but is no relation, best I can tell -- will get a big career boost starting Monday: the 5 p.m. slot on Fox News Channel. The show is called "Just in With Laura Ingraham" but don't get too comfy with it; FNC plans to rotate other guest hosts in here too. Ingraham is (of course) no stranger to FNC and has subbed on "The Factor" any number of times.

With the big-screen "Get Smart" opening Friday, lets give props to the original -- which, coincidentally, took home an Emmy 38 years ago this week as Outstanding Comedy, while Don Adams won for best actor in a comedy. (There are no coincidences in Boomer TV.) FYI, those ceremonies featured Merv Griffin hosting from Carnegie Hall and Bill Cosby hosting from the Santa Monica Civic Center.

Here's the great opening from the show: After watching it, I guarantee the theme song will be playing in your head all day.

Because I'm constantly checking out ways for you to waste your time -- besides simply reading this blog -- I occasionally like to flip around to the many TV streaming sites now coming online, such as Hulu, which you know I love (and which just yesterday added "The Daily Show.")

Here's a new one, which just launched in beta version yesterday: Tidaltv.com. It's the latest from Scott Ferber, who gained some fame and fortune as creator of advertising.com some years back.

Tidaltv's interesting for a few reasons, and one is organization: You go straight to a grid and click on the show you wanna watch. The choices are eclectic too -- AP Television, for example. Also, Tidaltv has cut a deal with National Geographic, also available here. But there I go again -- rattling away. Go check out Tidaltv; you may like it. Me? I found a few bugs, but this is beta so....

(Above: This bad boy's featured in a program on National Geographic Channel, which is now available on tidaltv.com.)

"Days of Our Lives," the veteran NBC soap (43 years old and counting), will tackle autism on the June 24 episode, and this one hits close to home -- it's a story based on the experience of head writer, Dena Higley, who raised an autistic child, now 19.

NBC, which will partner with Autism Speaks for this episode, cites a "growing" autism crisis, and that hardly seems to be an overstatement. (Doesn't everyone know someone who has a child with autism?)

From the press release: "In the creative arc to continue through the summer, Dr. Lexie Carver (Renee Jones) and Commissioner Abe Carver (James Reynolds), are told their 3-year-old son, Theo, has autism. The news of Theo's diagnosis is understandably hard for the couple to comprehend, but ...they learn a lot about their family and how to cope with this tremendous, new challenge."

"Days" airs in NYC from 2pm to 3pm weekdays.

Here's some big news and maybe good news and kind of sobering news too: Arsenio Hall, who used to be somebody, is returning to network TV as host of a MyNetworkTV reality show called "Funniest Moments." It launches this fall.

Why sobering? In part, because a MyNetworkTV gig is not exactly something you kvell about.But Arsenio - as you so richly remember - is or was a hugely talented guy who once ran a pretty good late night talk show; if he brings some of that to the party, then maybe this is a turnaround for MyNetwork AND AH. The new show? Think clips and "America's Funniest Home Videos," and such stuff.

MyNetwork is certainly banking on his old superstar status, as well it should: Check out this graf from the press release:

"The versatile actor, comedian, and producer is best known as the host of the Emmy-Award winning late night talk show 'The Arsenio Hall Show.' Premiering on January 3, 1989, 'The Arsenio Hall Show' virtually overnight, changed the face of late night television by captivating young viewers across the country. During his successful five-year run as Executive Producer, Arsenio provided a forum for cutting edge comedy, politics and the television debut of such pop superstars as Mariah Carey, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Boyz to Men, and countless others."

AH has done some TV since, notably "Martial Law" and "Arsenio" and was host of "Star Search" for a while, and was even on "The Naked Brothers Band," I think. Good luck, Arsenio. (Cleveland's depending on you...)

MTV's set an airdate for its own "High School Musical" wannabe - "The American Mall:" August 11.

It's big, big, big...or maybe anti-climatic, anti-climatic, anti-climatic... After all, Kenny Ortega - the star behind the screen who made "HSM" the phenomenon that it is - is not attached, but Barry Rosenbush and a few other "HSM" producers are. (Nina Dobrev - Mia, of "Degrassi: The Next Generation" is the headliner here.)

And so is Autumn Reeser - that's right, fans, none other than Taylor Townsend from "The O.C."

What is this potential blockbuster about? Here's the description:

"Set in the kind of mall that's always been a home away from home for teens everywhere, 'The American Mall' is the story of Ally, a hardworking young woman whose mother has owned a music shop that's been the soul of the mall ever since it opened when Ally was a kid. Ally's singer/songwriter dreams seem to come closer to fruition when she meets Joey [Rob Mayes], a musician who's moonlighting as a janitor at the mall in order to support his own rock star ambitions. While Joey understands her songs (and heart) like no one else, Ally's happiness and the fate of the music store are threatened when the mall owner's spoiled daughter Madison [Reeser] – who will stop at nothing to get what she wants – becomes involved."

[Mom and pop music store in MALL?! A mall with "soul?!" A mall owner with a "daughter?!" I shall withhold further comment...]

(Above, AR as TT from the show we all desperately miss, "The O.C.")

What did I think of "Nashville Star," now in the big house? I'm so glad you asked. What I saw of it was not bad, though one is reminded of the oldest Fred Allen phrase of them all, that imitation is indeed the sincerest form of television. I rarely paid attention during the USA years, but Lord, this show has stolen virtually every single element from "Idol" that it could possibly steal without committing grand larceny (which then would, like, forcing Jeff Zucker before a congressional panel that would wonder how one network could steal from another network so brazenly without triggering some sort of trademark infringement...)

In any event, who cares about that. Jewel? I imagine she was better as a host as opposed to a judge - seemed constitutionally incapable of criticism. John Rich? When he called someone "pitchy," I thought, "hmmm, where have I heard that before..." Jeffrey Steele? Separated at birth from Richard Branson. Billy Ray Cyrus? Thinking to himself, "will this help sell tickets to the movie?"

But here's the reason for this blog entry (and you were wondering, weren't you?) Could "Star" be the first hit of the summer season, and on lowly NBC at that? NBC has already set up a conference call with ejectee Charley Jenkins (above) later this morning. Networks don't do that unless they get a lot of interest from the press - which is more often than not the Internet press, which sometimes knows first-hand what readers/viewers are into.

However....fffffppppttttttt. That's my approximation in print of air going out of "Nashville's" balloon. Fox - which has reason to dismiss this show - just sent out ratings which proclaim "NS" the network's lowest reality launch in THREE years, getting just over a two rating among young adults.

As expected, Al D'Amato's moving forward with his planned court show and now it looks serious. Newsday has a story this morning that says he's secured a syndicator - Twentieth TV - and that the show'll go to pilot shortly. Will be produced in L.A., though he'll likely do it here if it gets a pickup. Because this is 20th, a heavyweight, the show stands a heck of a good chance of going forward - even if the airwaves are choked to the rafters with court/judge shows. 20th has the clout to get the show cleared on stations (including the Fox owned ones) and because it's footing the expense of actually producing the pilot, I'd say: Expect Al on Ch. 5 this fall. (Show needs a title; let's help: "Pothole Al?" No, too obvious. "The Hanging Judge." I like that! ) Show will be about small claims, so Al likely won't be involved in capital punishment cases, but who knows?

Here's what Al tells Newsday's Anne Bratskeir, who has the scoop:

"The ex-senator, er, his honor, says he is 'very excited ... It's an opportunity for people to see my persona unfiltered - not through the eyes of a reporter or someone with a political objective who will characterize my actions and statements. Nobody puts words in your mouth. It's just you.'"

Hollywood Reporter - which also picked up the story - says, "D'Amato would be encouraged to bring his own brand of humor and larger-than-life personality to the bench. A Republican who served in the Senate from 1981-99, D'Amato was known for his lengthy and at times comical filibusters on the Senate floor, one of which found him singing 'South of the Border.'"

(....down Mexico waaaayyy....)

OK, another title: "Here Come Da Singing Judge."

(Photo: AP)

"Dirt," that odd, brittle, amusing FX satire (or did they play it straight?) on the slime-covered byways of the tabloid trade, has been offed. The network hasn't officially confirmed cancellation, but star, Courteney Cox - yesterday at a function for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation - said it was over. Apparently when she was asked whether there was a third-season greenlight (per TV Guide), she said, "It just got cancelled." Reasons? I'm guessing...hmmm...ratings, perhaps? But maybe something else, too. The show definitely had traction, as evidenced by the fact that it did last one season and change (the second was shortened), but then the writers' strike happened, and perhaps re-mounting simply became cost-prohibitive. Cox is currently filming an Adam Shankman comedy ("Bedtime Stories") with Adam Sandler.

Ah yes, and in other TV news..."Army Wives" second season premiere Sunday was seen by 4.5 million. I believe this pretty much seals the deal for the Lifetime drama: It is now officially - as well as far and away - the most successful drama in the network's near quarter century of life.

Mike Wallace will never, ever (never) be on TV again? That's the takeaway from a column (by Paul Bedard) in U.S. News, which reports that the Iron Man of "60 Minutes" is finally punting on the medium he helped create. It quotes son Chris as saying he was hospitalized because he's on a blood thinner, and "his plans are to be healthy enough to go up to Martha's Vineyard for the summer. And since I spend two weeks with him every year, I said to him, in terms of his rehab, 'Don't screw it up, because you're going to wreck my vacation.' " Oddly, the column doesn't actually quote Chris - "Fox News Sunday" host - as saying he's through with TV, but states it as a fait accompli. Quick Wallace facts: His interview with Roger Clemens, arguably the biggest news-making "60" story of the entire season, aired in January (last time Mike was on the air) and then he went into the hospital for triple-bypass. He fell recently - Mike, 90, has had a couple of such scares over the years - but I'm now told he's resting comfortably and doing fine. I'm also told: Never say "never" with Mike.

Yeah, the speculation has been out there, but last week, CBS News boss Sean McManus pretty much ruled it out - via a Thursday interview with "Broadcasting & Cable."

"Nothing new is anticipated as far as his role at CBS. He’s got enough jobs already, and that’s probably the way it’s going to continue." When asked whether Bob Schieffer "won't be filling in" again at "EN," McManus said: "No. That is not anticipated, just a further extension of his current role." He also seemed to give Katie a pretty big vote of support, too: "And I watch what Katie does every night and I would put it up there against what anybody else is doing on network and cable television right now. And if we keep doing that, the brand will be just fine."

And - by the way - McManus lost his father over the weekend, as you probably know. He was the great Jim McKay, the Olympics anchor. There were many anchors but so good was McKay, so supremely competent, that he seemed like the only one over those decades.

Maybe you heard over the weekend, or maybe you didn't but just in case you didn't...Patrick Swayze is back in. Back in "The Beast," that is: That much ballyhooed '09 series from A&E; that starred the "Dirty Dancing" one-time superstar until being sidelined by cancer. Pilot was announced last fall, and then in March, Swayze announced he had pancreatic cancer; treatment began immediately which - of course - meant the series had to be sidelined. But Swayze responded well, and over the weekend, A&E; announced that the show - it also stars Travis Fimmell and is about an FBI agent dogged by internal affairs - would go forward with Swayze as planned. It's a remarkable turnaround - remarkable most of all, almost needless to say, for Swayze who appeared in public on occasion over the last few months, and some of the pictures looked a little grim. So it's wonderful to hear that he's beaten, or at least beaten back, his illness. "The Beast" was a so-called cast-contingency series - 13 eps were ordered - meaning it would not have gone forward without its famous lead. Swayze has done a little TV over the last decade or so, including "Icon" and "King Solomon's Mines."

That's the big news in TV news over the weekend, courtesy the U.K. Telegraph, which reported that a small tumor was discovered by doctors after he got a recent MRI. Martin Bashir is - of course - the anchor of "Nightline" and one of the key reasons behind its resurgence in recent years. However...if you read the piece, it seems to suggest that it may be benign and that many tumors of this sort are. TVNewser got a statement from ABC, which reads: "An MRI scan recently discovered a small growth on Martin Bashir's pituitary gland. Bashir's doctors have advised that no immediate action be taken as they monitor the situation month to month. Bashir is feeling well as he continues to keep a full schedule anchoring and reporting for ABC News."

Watched Ed last night and his wife, Pam - who seems like a pretty nice lady - on "Larry King Live." As you may know, I'm predisposed to liking Ed because he is such a likable and decent guy, and so I think it's safe to say he did himself a big favor. The appearance was sympathetic without being maudlin, intimate without being intrusive, and maybe even helpful to millions of others struggling with mortgage payments, albeit not with a $644,000 nut... Plus, it might help his sell that white elephant.

Here's what Ed said about why he wanted to do "LKL: "...I just want to give [others]hope, give them optimism, give them some kind of guidance. Get the best corrective people you need around you. Keep working on it. Don't stop. There's a lot of people that are hard workers, did everything right, didn't do anything wrong, and all of a sudden, they're in this boat. And I speak for all of them, as far as I'm concerned."

Well, because this is Ed, I believe every word he says. Anyone else, it would sound like a crock. Fact is, the opening last night felt like one of those informercials you see on Ch. 4 every morning. One side of the screen showed Ed and Pam, the other side, beauty shots of the house they just can't unload. Look! No mold! Perfect tiles. Lovely bathrooms.

But it's hard not to feel sympathy for this guy and his wife and their seven dogs. Said Ed, "It's a combination, it's like a perfect storm. Economy problems. Selling the house right now is a tremendous operation to sell a house. We've had this house on the market for two years. We've shown it, I don't know how many, 50 organizations or people. Nobody has made an offer. I mean, it's just a lovely home. I hate to leave it. I want to keep the home. I want this all to work out.

"I think because you're a celebrity, people think you have a lot more than you have. And you always want to take great care of all of your friends and your family and everybody, and you do. And you don't, and I think, you know, we didn't keep our eye on the ball. We made mistakes."

Oh yeah. Plus he can't eat a hotdog with his neck brace. (Declined to say how he broke that, but he is 85...]

And Pam, "And I sit there and I cry and I feel sorry and I'm sad. And, you know, you go through a million different emotions. And you know, when I'm upset, I go to the Target dollar bins, because I don't go to any of the other stores anymore."

[Target dollar bins? I've never seen a Target dollar bin. Fact is, I've hardly ever seen anything on sale at Target, although I do think some of prices are better than Walmart, except...sorry, getting off-message here.]

Good news! With all this publicity, the house has gotten tire-kickers to check it out. Ed says he thinks he'll sell it now.

(Pix: Ed McMahon MDA 2005 Telethon / Copyright © 2005 Charity.com)

Of course we all knew there'd be life after "Cane" for Jimmy Smits - we just weren't quite sure where. We have an answer: Hollywood Reporter says he's got a deal to go to "Dexter" this fall. Some of the details, per THR: He'll portray Miguel Prado, an ambitious, charismatic assistant district attorney who comes from one of Miami's most politically powerful and beloved families." Sounds, umm, a little familiar, but that's ok - maybe he can get Hector Elizondo to join up as his father...Smits'll be in ten of the twelve episodes; show bows in the fall.

Fox just announced a whole skad ("skad?") of fall premiere dates, and here are some of the biggies: "Prison Break" is back on Sept. 2, with a two-hour launch, "Bones," a couple days later (ditto two hours). "PB," by the by, goes to its regular slot the following week at 10, which is also when "Terminator" returns. Hmmm...what else? Oh yes, "House" is open for business (sorry, I'm a sucker for bad puns) on Sept. 16 and...so is..."Fringe," that new J.J. Abrams budget-buster that I think is kinda good. Sunday night? The big guns, from "Simpsons" to "American Dad," roll out on Sept. 28. And...still...no...official date for "24."

And speaking of Ed McMahon - see waaay below - he'll be on "Larry King Live" tonight at 9. LK announced the booking at the end of last night's show, and not many other details. LK's spokesguy told me that he WILL be in the studio, and it WILL be live; so I guess Ed, with broken neck and all, is well enough to get up and tell everyone what's going on...more details as they come. And...BTW, Ed's been an LKL regular forever. Been on the show fifteen times since 1997.

I don't know about you but I'm pretty certain last night's "Daily Show" wrap of the Obama Night - you know, where O won, and Hill pretended she won - was the best wrap of any I've seen anywhere. If you've got eight minutes and change to spare, here it is - again:

We don't see what the big deal is about CBS' "Swingtown," which premieres tonight at 10. Swingers in the 1970s? Ho hum. Been there done that. And on CBS, to boot.

We're speaking of "The Bunkers and the Swingers," one of the most memorable "All in the Family" episodes ever. In it, Archie and Edith are visited by a middle-aged couple played by Vincent Gardenia and Rue McClanahan, with swapping on their mind.

Have a look:

OK, so I know what everyone is thinking: Poor Ed McMahon! Can't pay the mortgage on his five million dollar mansion!? "Well Ed, just drop the price and SELL it..." But that's easier said than done, and the guy is clearly in great pain, both physically and (undoubtedly) emotionally.

So I for one think pity and compassion are warranted. I've known McMahon - slightly, and professionally - over the years, and can attest to this fact: He's one of most decent and honorable guys in this business. He's one of the few stars - actually the only one I can think of - who used to answer his phone or return calls, without the intercession of an army of millionaire publicists or managers or agents. He was - and I'm sure, still is - unfailingly polite and pleasant.

And consider this: Ed was trusted by Johnny Carson. The best I can tell, Carson trusted him COMPLETELY. Very few people earned a Carson seal-of-approval, including his former wives. Besides his nephew, Jeff Sotzing, and longtime friend, producer, confidante, Peter Lassally, Ed is the only person who comes immediately to mind who, in fact, did.

Now, what did this mean? After a lifetime in the business, Carson knew - intuitively and through practical experience (Joan Rivers!!) - that most of the people who were nice to him were BS-artists who trafficked in the fluff and ephemera of show-biz. They were NICE but only superficially "nice." Ed was the real deal.

Evidence? He could have sold a Carson memoir for millions - you know, one of those hideous tomes about the "real" Johnny Carson that would have forced you to take a shower after/ or while reading... And don't think that for someone who lost hundreds of millions, as Ed did over the last few years, that that wouldn't have been a temptation.

For almost half a century, Ed was the consummate loyalist: He never said a cross word about JC, and never told tales out of school. He was - in other words - a genuine friend, in a place (Hollywood) where genuine friends are as common as polar bears.

So here's to Ed, lying in bed with a broken neck and wondering when the repo man will come knocking. He's a good man and a loyal friend. Nothing wrong with that.

Aha! That grabbed your attention, I hope. Imagine: Michelle Obama, as a regular cast member of THIS coffee klatsch. (Oh the fun we would have.) But it's not to be: MO will appear on the June 18 edition, which is Wednesday after next. It'll be her first turn at bat. Let's see. Questions for MO? I can't think of any...none at all...there's nothing to talk about...I guess they'll all sit there silently, staring at the table...I...(Anyway, if this prez thing doesn't work out, there could be a future career here.)

Could the 20th season of "The Simpsons" be the last?

Don't look now, but that's this morning's Holy &%$#& question.

And it's a valid one.

On Monday, Fox announced that the classic had been re-upped for an "historic" 20th season, which (of course) would make it prime-time's longest-running, and give it a dead tie with "Gunsmoke," the previous record holder. But it was only a ONE-year deal, when the cast was signed to a FOUR-year deal.

What gives ... and, why only one season, and why the emphasis on history being made? I'll give you the answers right now, born of a quarter century following this business: Because Fox is covering its bets. If ratings continue to fall, as they have precipitously in recent years, then let's get ready to say goodbye to one of the greatest treasures of our TV lives. (Maybe THE greatest ... let the debates rage.)

Here's why: With the 20th season, "The Simpsons" has perhaps become prohibitively expensive; it's sort of like that 15,000 pound Escalade collecting a mantle of dust in your garage because it costs $500 to fill up the tank...

Last week, following yet another protracted and bitter cast negotiation, Fox -- reluctantly, I assure you -- gave the core members a $50G per episode boost, with Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria and Harry Shearer each now earning (over?) $400G per episode (possibly as high as $500G; details have been sparse.) That's $2.4 mil to 3 mil in top cast salaries ALONE and does not include OTHER cast members or OTHER above- or below-the-line production costs. My guess: "The Simpsons" now roughly costs around $5 million per episode to produce. Which means next season's 20-episode order will cost around $100 million.

Let those numbers sink in: five...million...dollars...one hundred...million...dollars

More numbers: "The Simpsons" was seen by an average 7.7 million viewers in the '08 season, and ranked 104th out of all prime-time shows. Viewership was 8.5 million the year before; 8.7 million the year before that; 9.6 million the year before that; and 11 million the year before. "The Simpsons" has shed more than HALF of its audience since the '98 season.

What does all this mean? That as the audience declines, the show costs are going up.

In television, that always spells one thing, and I'll spell it out for you now: Cancellation.

Please. Don't get excited. Fox could turn around and re-up for a 21st season, 22nd, and on and on. Until we're all old and gray.

When I e-mailed a top Fox public relations executive and warned that I was going to produce a blog post musing about the end of "The Simpsons," herewith the response: "We're not going to comment."

We should all be so lucky to have the life of one Al Giddings - acclaimed underwater photographer who has lived the life of a thousand, a million people. Not only has he spent much of that underwater producing some of the most spectacular marine photography in history, but much above, too, consorting with movie stars like Jacqueline Bisset. His career stretches back thirty (at least) years when he was on the second unit for films like "The Deep," and since then has produced an extraordinary body of work, including a not-to-be-forgotten "Living Edens" episode on Palau some years ago.

So if you've got a few minutes tonight, check out WLIW/21's "Under the Sea with Al Giddings;" it's a nice look at this extraordinary guy (hosted by Ch. 21 boss, Terrel Cass). There's a lot of eye candy here - pix of "black smokers," those incipient underwater volcanoes, and the Titanic, and whales, whales, whales - a Giddings specialty. (Above? That's one of Al's breaching humpbacks...)

The number one song in America 43 years ago this week was one of the best The Beach Boys ever recorded. Check out this performance of "Help Me Rhonda."

You heard that right, friends. CBS - which made an inscrutable deal to buy over-priced CNET a couple weeks ago - is on a roll!

For its next act: The broadcaster announced this morning that it'll air clips on Yahoo. Now, THERE's something that'll rouse an army of video-hungry web surfers: thirty second clips of "Ghost Whisperer."

What is happening to CBS? The network that once seemed to have the best web strategy now has the oddest: Clips on Yahoo. That's it? Earth to CBS: People don't want clips of shows. They HATE clips of shows. They want the shows. Clips anyone can get. Worst, the new clip network is called "The Audience Network." At least you can still get the full episodes of shows on CBS's fine website...

Here's the Reuters wrap on the latest from the Eye:

"The deal would have Yahoo join the CBS Audience Network, which already includes major outlets like Google Inc's YouTube, Time Warner Inc's AOL and Microsoft Corp's MSN, as well as sites like Joost, Veoh, and Bebo.

"The Audience Network offers short-form clips from CBS, CSTV and Showtime, and before the inclusion of Yahoo reached nearly 90 percent of the Web. The clips are advertising-supported and free to consumers."

The most bitterly divisive primary campaign in the television age - or at least, my memory - ended last night (hallelujah and praise be) but not mere political fortunes were determined but TV news careers, too. No one in TV news emerged unaffected, or unscathed, by the Hill-Obama bout; 'twas a whack time in TV news, where up became down, and left became right, or vice versa. Here's my handy, off-the-top-of-my-head wrap of what happened to who/what/when these last six months:

Wolf Blitzer: Stood on his feet a total of 5,432 hours (rough estimate)

John King, CNN's doughty political reporter: Got engaged, AND got a new toy ("look ma! you touch the screen and something happens!"); declares it almost as good as "Guitar Hero."

Larry King: Gets new contract.

CNN: Gives Larry King new contract while launching search for his replacement (while denying it is doing latter).

Campbell Brown: Joins CNN, hit with rumors that Katie Couric is going to take over 8 p.m; LK is subjected to KC rumors, too. (Anderson Cooper? So far exempt from said rumors; stood a few thousand hours too.)

Brit Hume: Does not stand (but sits a total of 5,432 hours).

Bill O'Reilly: Becomes a Friend of Hillary (FOH), and so does Fox News.

Chris Matthews: Becomes an Enemy of Hillary (EOH), and so does MSNBC.

Karl Rove: Former media-denounced Bush Darth Vader is embraced, lionized by media (head still shiny.)

Keith Olbermann: Nightly Bush rant, bangs tables during live telecasts, is called crazy by Rupert Murdoch, who once paid him millions to sit on bench for Fox Sports.

Ann Curry: Bungee jumps.

Katie Couric: Loses more ratings.

Matt Lauer: Loses more hair.

Sue Simmons: Screams at Chuck, "what the *&^%$# are you doing?" Gets promotion.

Barbara Walters: Confesses to hot pillow affair with married senator; gets number one best-seller.

Charlie Gibson: During debate, asks Hill and Obama about favorite brand of cereal, if they like new edition of "Grand Theft Auto," whether either has ever used Botox; reviews are unkind.

Tim Russert: Wonders why CNN has given John King a half-million-dollar touch screen, and NBC will only spend twenty-five bucks on chalkboard for HIM.

Bob Schieffer: Gets new contract, deja vu all over again rumors that he'll replace Katie.


"Nightly News," "World News:" They tie; "Evening News" ties with "Noticiero Telemundo."

Oh Good Lord, publicity of the sort Mike Myers has been trafficking in these last few weeks - "Idol," "MTV Movie Awards," a million other things I didn't see - is beyond priceless. Now, on the eve of "The Love Guru," NBC is giving out this freebie: Two hours of primetime devoted to his years on "SNL."

OK, fine: Myers IS a comic genius, but...what happens if "Love Guru" stinks?

Here's the "SNL" special details, straight from the press release:

"One of SNL's most distinguished alumni, Mike Myers returns to Studio 8H to host an evening of his best work on the primetime special 'Saturday Night Live: The Best of Mike Myers on Sunday June 15 at 9...

"On the special, Myers introduces some of his most memorable sketches in front of
a studio audience – with the help of current SNL cast members Fred Armisen, Seth
Meyers, Amy Poehler, Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson and Kristen Wiig. In
addition, Myers shares some personal favorite sketches he performed with late
great castmates Phil Hartman and Chris Farley.

A cast member from 1989 – 1995, Myers became a favorite with his memorable
characters including: Wayne Campbell in 'Wayne's World,' Dieter in 'Sprockets,'
'Coffee Talk' host Linda Richman and the precocious British youngster 'Simon.'"

Morgan "Fu Manchu" Spurlock owes the Big Mac a Big Wet Kiss - a debt of gratitude so great that "debt of gratitude" is kinda pale; he owes his whole damn career to the 'wich that nearly whacked him. In "Supersize Me," he ate so many Macs and consumed so many extra large cokes and absorbed so many large fries smothered in that extra delicious Mac catchup (which I think is a little sweeter AND saltier than Hunt's) that he nearly croaked. Maybe not, but he definitely got fat.

But out of that full-fat experience came a pretty amusing-if-somewhat-fallacious film (really, who's gonna engorge on Macs day after day, week after week?) and now a pretty good series: "30 Days" has its faults, notably poor wife Alex who clearly didn't know what she was in for in this marriage, and Morgan's occasional tendency to focus on Morgan, but otherwise, "30 Days" is good. The conceit: Spend thirty days in a world and/or pursuit that may be otherwise alien, and from this emerges truths about the human condition or (at the very least) Spurlock's tolerance for a lifestyle unbecoming an emerging/or-wouldbe indie prod superstar.

Tonight on the third season premiere, FX at 10: the coal mines of West Virginia, from whence Morgan came (his father made the torque wrenches used in the mines.) Lots of interesting detail here - pillar mining, for example, and the way miners take out a pillar of coal and then the roof collapses - as well as a compassionate look at those who do the hard, very hard, work.

Bottom line: What's best about Spurlock is, in fact, his compassion for his fellow man and woman - never "sympathetic" or paternalistic, but open-hearted and non-judgmental. He comes. He listens. He reports. And - while I'm getting perilously close to sounding like a promotional tag line - he also seems to care. Future editions include 30 days in a wheel chair, animal rights, same sex parenting, "Gun Nation," and life on an Indian reservation. You go, guy.

In case you're just tuning in, news outlets are reporting that Kelsey Grammer had a mild heart attack while on vacation in Hawaii over the weekend. Here's the "ET" bulletin. Any reports of Grammer health issues like this in the past? None that I'm aware of, though everything I've seen is using the line "resting comfortably," or something like that.

As you know, Grammer's "Back to You" was dropped by Fox; he was bitterly disappointed by the ax (and tried to get pickup elsewhere.) He's got a gig on ABC's "Roman's Empire."

When Christian Shephard told Michael - Harold Perrineau - in effect that he wasn't needed anymore, he really really meant it - Michael was not needed anymore, and then, kaboom. Turns out Harold - cast in ABC pilot, "The Unusuals" - was not happy with the demise, which he made clear last week. Now, here are some outtakes of an interview conducted by Dan Snierson for "EW;" Bottom line: Harold's had a weekend to sleep on it, and he hasn't changed his mind:

"I wouldn’t say I’m bitter. I’m just like the fans, and I got excited when Michael was coming back. I thought it was really significant when Michael dropped those people off with the Others; I thought he was going to have something just as significant when he came back. I was disappointed that he didn’t. He didn’t get to make amends with those people. And nobody got to see [him try to neutralize the bomb]. Walt didn’t get to see it. Jin got to see it, but wasn’t necessarily so mad at him. And Desmond, who Michael didn’t know at all, was there. I was disappointed more than anything, like the fans were disappointed. Like I think the fans were disappointed...

"Michael’s a black character and I’m a black person, so I have feelings based on it. I can’t really separate those two things — my race and my country and all that stuff. How it plays out in the story, I don’t know, because I don’t know how the rest of the story is going to play out. I accept that this is what [the producers] need to happen for something else to happen later."

By this point, I guess we can surmise that "something else" will not include a Michael redux.

The thing I like best about the MTV Movie Awards is...WAIT! There's nothing I like best about them! They're crude -- oh, really, really, really crude -- and POISON YOUNG MINDS to the evil ways of Hollywood. They're full of self-promotional flatulence, too, and rival the Golden Globes for high-minded (ir)relevance. Plus, what's the deal with that Golden Popcorn? Does anyone really think that Ellen Page is gonna go home and put hers right in the spot where she thinks her Oscar should have gone?

Otherwise, I think they're kind of amusing.

If you missed last night, there was at least one water-cooler-type jaw-flapping moment -- arguably others, though I'm sure I missed them -- that would offend a few million parents if they knew that THIS was what their just-graduated high school senior (going to Harvard) was screaming with laughter about last night up in his bedroom. ("It's NOTHING mom! Go away...")

Ya gotta be warned ahead of time that the big thing in Movie Award land is the exhibition -- for comic purposes only, I suppose -- of the physical assault of the male genitalia (honestly, I don't know how else to put this.) So if this following clip (of a spoof of "Kung Fu Panda," featuring the now tight threesome of Black, Stiller, and Downey Jr.) is deeply offensive, I apologize, but keep in mind, this is what this major awards show is, after all, all about: