The TV Zone

(Getty)

Good Lord, out a week and a few days and all heck breaks loose on the "AI" front.

Paula Abdul hires a new agent who calls up the Los Angeles Times to say, "sadly, it does not appear Paula will be back next season..."

Or words to that effect. "Sadly" was definitely used, and presumably the agent had a straight face when he said this.

So, gang. Let's break this down, in the easiest way possible. Via the trusty question and answer format.

Is Paula really "gone?"

No, or highly unlikely. Agents - I learned from "Entourage" - have been known to either stretch the truth, or disfigure it so completely as to be beyond recognizable. Also, weasel words were employed - "does not appear." This phrase could be inserted into just about any statement you could think of, and it would be equally meaningless. Sadly, it does not appear the moon is made of green cheese. Sadly, it does not appear the Jets will win the Super Bowl next year. Sadly, it does not appear Simon Cowell will stop wearing t-shirts.

Why is Paula, poor Paula, unhappy?

Because the network/Dr. Evil/19 Entertainment already sealed Ryan Seacrest's deal for $15 million a year. They probably did that because Paula wanted $20 mill - so says Radar - and figured they could at least set the bar with RyCrest. But that feisty old girl wasn't going to be dissuaded from her $20 mill payday; she fired the old agent, hired the new one, who called up the LATimes, and said that sadly, Paula's feeling were hurt.

Why is Fox, 19 Entertainment, Dr. Evil, et al, throwing all this money around?

Because they are afraid. They are afraid that the formula that's kept this thing going is fraying at the seams. They are afraid that viewers now realize the whole voting process is a fraud. They are afraid because teens wouldn't be caught dead watching "Idol" any more. They are afraid because only old people - "old" meaning the over 30 crowd - seem to actually still care. They are afraid because they know the best singer didn't win this season. They are afraid because they know Simon is gonna go soon, and there's nothing they can do about it. They are afraid because they know there is absolutely no way in heaven or in hell that an aging franchise can be restored to its former luster. They are afraid because their bag of tricks is rapidly depleting. So what do fearful producers and suppliers do? They throw money at what they believe are the "sure bets" - the stuff that represents continuity, or presumed viewer interest, or what they think is the rock-solid part of the formula that should be kept intact.

Is it good to be fearful?

No, it's bad to be fearful. Big bucks of this magnitude given to the judges is something, I suspect, akin to an early death rattle. Whenever a show - any show you can name or think of - begins to cave in to exorbitant salary demands, then this is what might be called a "last resort" strategy. Let me put it this way - in three years time, you aren't going to treble RyCrest's salary again, are you? He would then be making $45 mill per year - on a show where the ratings had continued to decline and in an industry (television) where advertising dollars had continued to be drained to new media, and where viewership continued to fragment. All Fox/Dr.Evil/19 Entertainment is doing is buying time, and a very brief window of time at that.

So, will Paula get her dough?

Of course, though I'm guessing close to 15 or a slight increase over RyCrest to assuage her ego. SiCo wants her back because he doesn't want to see this franchise - which he has a considerable financial stake in - crash and burn just as he negotiates his own new deal with Fox, which will almost certainly include new projects and maybe even "The X Factor."
But consider this: They can't give Paula TOO much of a hike over RyCrest or Randy, because if they did, those two would be furious and demand that their contracts be re-negotiated. In other words, Fox et al are tied to about $135 million in judge/host commitments over the next three years whether they like it or not - and that doesn't begin to include SiCo.
You can now see how great hits contain the seeds of their own demise...

Oh, would "AI" crash without Paula?

As fond as I am of the dear girl - as fond as I am of all of them, including RyCrest - no. Life would go on. It might accelerate the inevitable decline and fall though. And after reading this far into this post, you now know what the inevitable is. But the chemistry of this foursome works (Kara simply does not) and if you had your druthers...

What should Fox et al do?

Ah, that's fodder for another post...