The TV Zone

I was intrigued by this Lee Cowan story on this morning's edition of "The Today Show."

It's about "The Tonight Show."

This is a good piece, but it understandably avoids the elephant in the room. Prez Obama is going on "Tonight," but not going on "Meet the Press," whose very host intro'd this story. Obama's return tonight isn't in itself terribly interesting at all- he's been on a couple times, and I think just about every candidate, from dog catcher to potential president, has turned up too. What's unique is that this is the FIRST SITTING POTUS to go on "Tonight." That's fascinating and I've yet to see a precise answer anywhere explaining why.

But it is interesting that he's doing this in lieu of "MTP," which has been one of the first stops for just about any president who has a hugely important message to convey. Why, why, why? I address this subject in today's Newsday.

OK, then...someone's lying...

Interesting post-election interview from "The Today Show" bureau in Wasilla, Alaska: Matt Lauer's just concluded multi-parter with Sarah Palin. (No questions on Africa that I could tell.)

When Matt asked gingerly, as though approaching a porcupine brandishing a scimitar, "can I bring up the wardrobe," Sarah smiled, and brought forth her well-rehearsed, eerrr, candid denunciation of the rats and cowards who said she had spent a queen's ransom emptying out Neiman and Saks...Others bought the stuff for her, even before she turned up at the convention. Those who spoke about her behind her back and leaked to the media after the election? "Cowards..."

Interesting to see what John McCain says on "Tonight" tonight...All this stuff will come up, of course, and we'll get you the transcript as soon as it does.

Watch.

We all know that in the immediate aftermath of a failed campaign, the knives come out: SOMEBODY must be to blame for the fiasco,and the media will suddenly uncover all this stuff that miraculously never made it into the papers when it should have, like during the campaign.

So, here's an interview that's well worth watching: It's last night's cross-talk between Bill O'Reilly and chief political correspondent Carl Cameron - who, if you don't know him, is a very seasoned and respected trail reporter. Honestly, this is one of the most amazing interviews I've ever seen ... already it's gotten a lot of attention, but if you want to be au courant around the ol' 'cooler, then this you've gotta see. The headline: That Palin didn't know Africa was a continent (though there's a lot more).

Can you imagine the Katie Couric interview question: "OK, Ms. Palin, is Africa a country or a continent...?"

Or, this: "Here's a map, Ms. Palin. Please point out Africa..."

Or this, from Tina Fey/Palin..."What's an 'Africa?'"

Good Lord...

Remember "Obama for Prez" last night - that half hour commercial that aired at 8 across seven networks (except for ABC?)

The final figure: 33.553 million viewers.

Yup, that's a big figure - especially for a commercial.

Here's what Nielsen said a minute ago in the presser:

"On Wednesday October 29, 2008 the Obama campaign purchased a half hour of prime time television on CBS, FOX, NBC, Univision, BET, MSNBC, and TV One to present a program produced by the campaign. The sum of the audiences for these seven networks was 33,553,000."

The breakdown: CBS, 8.6 million; Fox, 7.1 mill; NBC, 9.8 mill; Univision, 3.5 mill; BET, .7 million; MSNBC, 3.5 mill; TVOne, .3 mill.

Monday night football: Steelers, Redskins, McCain, Obama.

And just when you thought the electioneering was over. Here's the word from ESPN, sports fans:

"On the eve of the presidential election, ESPN’s Monday Night Football game November 3 will originate from the nation’s capital when the Pittsburgh Steelers meet the Washington Redskins. Before the polls open the next day, ESPN’s audience will hear from the candidates when Chris Berman interviews both major party presidential nominees, Republican Senator John McCain and Democratic Senator Barack Obama, during halftime of the MNF game."

"The candidates will be on the campaign trail and have agreed to participate one-on-one, pending last-minute schedule changes, via satellite with Berman from the ESPN studios in Bristol, Conn. The conversations will be taped earlier in the day and will air at approximately 10:15 p.m. ET. "

"Yoo hoo, Oprah! It's me! Your worst nightmare!..."

This just had to happen and by "this" I mean an article proclaiming Sarah Palin as "The Next Oprah."

It hit the wires this morning, and if you haven't yet seen, the Hollywood Reporter piece is entitled, "Sarah Palin the Next Oprah Winfrey?"

Here's the lede:

"As campaign managers for Sarah Palin plot last-minute tactics to get her elected, Hollywood bigwigs are convening strategy sessions of their own. Their goal: finding the ideal on-air vehicle for the vp candidate if and when she exits politics...."

Yes, friends. This is serious. This is not a joke. Please go to the jump to read more...

(Photo, AP)

Continue reading "Is Sarah Palin the Next Oprah? Tyra? Umm, Rachael?" »

Say, it ain't so. ANOTHER Joe?

This Joe, I swear, is Michael Chiklis. And if he's not Michael Chiklis, he should be Michael Chiklis. And what timing: The finale of "The Shield" is just a few weeks away. Amazing, and my congratulations to FX.

"Vic, when you're done covering up murders, doing crack (guess you don't do that anymore) or pursuing your generally corrupt ways, would you mind dropping by - I've got a hell of a problem with my sink."

But enough with Vic. Here's my question. As a candidate for the president of the United States, when you come to Long Island, and Hempstead, no less, and make the focal point of the entire last televised debate about a plumber named Joe (Wurzelbacher, from somewhere out in that wilderness known as "Ohio"), don't you think you should at least find a plumber named Joe in, say, Hempstead?

Ok, let's assume there's no Joe the Plumber in Hempstead. Go crazy - see if you can find one in Uniondale, or maybe Garden City. There MUST be a Joe in Franklin Square. There is a Joseph Bruno Plumbing in Ronkonkoma, though I guess "Joseph the Plumber" doesn't have quite that TV pizazz that "Joe the Plumber" does. To get a real honest to goodness Joe the Plumber, you've gotta go all the way to Haverstraw, for Joe's Plumbing & Heating. I'm sure Joe's getting a lot of calls today, none of the them related to snaking the bathroom drain.

OK, let's say you can't find a Joe in Uniondale. There's Joe D. Plumbing in Williston Park. There's Joe's Trucking in New Hyde Park. What's the matter with Joe the Trucker? There's Joe the Golf Caddie in Westbury - though I guess a discussion of golf scores during a presidential debate doesn't work quite as well as plumbing. There's Joe Moran's Painting and Wall Paper Hanging in Cedarhurst. There is Joe Ludwig Plumbing & Heating in Babylon. But I doubt this Joe wants to be known as "Joe the Plumber." I suspect it's just Mr. Ludwig, the plumber. That's not too TV-friendly either.

Howabout Joe D Plumbing in Cutchogue? No, that's Joe D.

"Joe, you were the winner," Tom Brokaw said last night - that's "Tom, the anchor."

Here's my question, though: Which Joe?

There's a clip of Joe below. He sure doesn't sound like he's from Long Island. He sure doesn't sound like he's from Ohio. He sounds like he's from the McCain campaign. Whatever.

The TV debates - pretty much all of them - are now forgotten, consigned to the dustbins of our collective memories. The words, the charges, the claims, the baloney have all been mashed into one big ball of noise. The election's up next.

But we will in fact remember one person.

You know who that is.

God, if he'd only been from Coram.

Certainly the big TV story of the morning is the fact that Barack Obama has purchased a half hour of time on Oct. 29, to air at 8 p.m. - which means that "Gary Unmarried" and "Knight Rider" will get bumped.

Question: What happens if O outdraws "Knight Rider?" Will NBC sign him to a production deal?

What's interesting about this is the half-hour business. I believe in the trade it's called a "block buy" and it's not a big deal at all. The networks even have a rate card for it, and per my dusty recollection, it used to cost about $500,000 for thirty minutes back when Ross Perot did it during the '92 campaign; in other words, it's a lot cheaper to buy a half hour than half a minute. (These block buys usually are set aside for politicos.)

Anyway, CBS and NBC will take Barack's money, but for some reason ABC doesn't seem eager to up-root "Pushing Daisies" (and honestly, I don't blame 'em, though ratings for the Wednesday block have been very soft.)

All this got me to reminiscing about Ross Perot and his aborted '92 run (remember? He said something about Bush having doctored photos of something and that he didn't want the Bushies to upset his daughter, about to get hitched? It was all a hoax, apparently, and part of the great political theater that RP brought to the whole process...)

These half hour buys can be tricky, though, because they can be insanely boring - even more boring than "Knight Rider." So I pulled up an old clip of Perot's infomercial, just to show you how riveting these block buys can be (in the right hands). Take 'er away...

Quiz! Who's The Guy in the Background?

Silly silly me...Biggest story of the day (bailout? What's THAT?) and I completely forgot to mention it...

Almost...70...million...people...watched the debate last night.

Un. Be. Lieve. Able.

Here's the relevant graf from the AP story (much easier cutting and pasting than re-writing myself):

"Nielsen estimated that 69.99 million people watched Palin and Biden on either ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, CNBC, BBC America, Telemundo or TeleFutura. The figure does not include PBS or C-SPAN, which also showed the debate, but PBS estimated its audience at 3.5 million."

As a long-time observer of the TV scene - pretty much my whole life, just like you - I can say that I've never seen numbers like this for a stupid Veep debate. Aren't veeps the ones that are supposed to cut ribbons?

Wow.

Seventy million.

Twenty million more than watched her boss debate Barack O.

The place to be right now is down the hall, around the corner and just over by the bathrooms where that great and near-mythological meeting place in American life and lore is located.

Where wisdom is dispensed, gossip spread, sports scores discussed, dates made or broken. You know: The water cooler.

"What did you think of Sarah?"

Or: "What did you think of Palin?"

(The use of first name in the question implies total support; use of last name implies skepticism.)

The simple fact that a question at this moment has more currency than a blanket statement -- "oh my God, what a train wreck" -- is the single biggest indication that Sarah Palin triumphed last night.

For it is written: It doesn't matter what the commentators said last night after the debate, but what your friends and colleagues said the next morning.

For it is also written: The fact that you are asking a question means that you're looking for a simple confirmation of the conclusion that you've already come to.

In this instance, that she did just fine. Expectations for a Palin disaster were so widespread that all she had to do was show up, nod and smile. The water-cooler judgment would still be benign.

Whenever I see an effective television performance by some made-for-TV politician, I reach for this book "YOU Are the Message: Getting What You Want By Being Who You Are." It's all there in 200-or-so pages -- why the performance matters, and how to get the best performance out of yourself when performing is either the first thing that comes naturally or the last.

The author was Roger Ailes, whom you know to be the chief of Fox News but was once (even more notably) the top Republican media consultant in the country. Irrespective of what you may think of Ailes, his book is full of wisdom and insight -- the manifesto for every political media consultant in the world, even though hundreds of books like this have been written twenty years after it first went into print.

The single biggest fault with the book is the title: It should read, "YOU Are the Message: Getting What You Want By Being What Others WANT You To Be."

What did Palin want viewers to think? Well, foremost, that she's not a blithering idiot.

Check.

That she could sort of think on her feet.

Check.

That she could pronounce the name of that guy in Iran, which even McCain had trouble with.

Check.

That she could restore some of the credibility lost after the Couric interviews and the Tina Fey parodies.

Check. Check.

That she mastered the art of not answering questions (and knowing the moderator wouldn't press hard for answers).

Check.

That she could use humor (even though she cynically set up Biden with the "can I call you, Joe?" so that she could come back with the "Say it ain't so, Joe" line).

Half-check.

What did she get from Ailes' book? I'd say just about everything, but just to pull a couple things out, I went for Ailes' advice on eye contact. That was was one of Palin's key strategems last night -- eye contact, with the audience, and NEVER with Gwen Ifill, because that would have meant looking DOWN, or with Joe Biden because that would have meant looking sideways and a little UP. Straight ahead, into the camera, locking on 50 pairs of eyes, and defying them to dislike her or what she had to say. Ailes had this to say about eyes: "Some people have the feeling that going before an audience is like going into a lion's cage. To me, that's a negative thought. But even if I were to think that, I'd keep my eye on the lion."

So many people -- and who knows? Maybe even McCain -- expected a belly flop last night, that Palin could -- and did -- work that to her advantage. Ailes wraps his book up with this: "If you can get the audience to pull for you, you'll always win. After all, audiences are just like you. They're human. They care. They're sympathetic. The audience wants you to succeed."

What's amazing the morning after is that no one seems to be asking the other obvious water-cooler question. "What did you think of Biden?" He was very, very good, in fact. But it's almost like he wasn't even there. I'm sure Ailes would have a lot to say about that, too.