The TV Zone

Now if you like me watched this last night's "MTV Movie Awards" and wondered - what the hell? - you also probably wondered, could this be staged?

I think not. I think it was a straight down the middle frak-up, especially coming after Eminem's performance. Why humiliate the guy? (And it really was humiliating.) Because that's what Sacha Baron Cohen does. Em and his posse got up and left, and he did not look happy.

So yes, this is the big talker this morning, and little wonder. If you missed, better watch now...

Now you see him...tonight, you won't (Getty)

Let's clear this up right now - Justin Timberlake does not, repeat not, star in "The Phone," premiering tonight on MTV, at 10. Doesn't sing or perform either - nothing to do with the sountrack. If you blink, you'll miss his name on the credits at the end...And that's it. He's the front man, the big name, the hook. Beyond JT - who isn't even here - what's the reason to watch another reality show?

Because this one's good - surprisingly so.

Quick premise: Cell phones ring, and four strangers at separate locations in Seattle pick them up, where a voice - a melodramatic one with an Irish lilt, supplied by Emmet Scanlan - tells them about the game they have signed up to play .

Oh yes, I forgot - a car blows up too.

The four must pair off in teams, then go after the mad bomber, before the bastard strikes again! (The bomber? He kinda reminds me of Billy "Bomb" Thornton, in maybe, "The Apostle," but definitely not in "Bad Santa...") So...the kids are told to perform tasks - stuff like find the "suspect," or climb the Space Needle (or crawl around its halo); or...whatever. And with each task performed successfully, or semi-successfully, our mysterious caller puts more money in each teams' joint account. Game wraps by episode's end.

You'll wrack your brain for various antecedents - as I did, but couldn't really come up with any one thing that was a precise match to "The Phone." Maybe there's a bit of "Murder in a Small Town X;" maybe a bit of "The Benefactor;" maybe a bit of "The Mole," and seasoning from a dozen shows I couldn't think of.

But here's the point: "The Phone" knows it's hokey and knows it's a bit of a lark. But it is so well produced - credit to vet reality man, Craig Armstrong - and the various tasks are so well staged that you'll forgive the occasional lapses of clarity or logic. (And the fact that clearly, the show seems to be aiding our contestants in their mad and merry chase because, of course, Justin wouldn't have a show if they belly-flopped.)

This one, I do believe, is a keeper - or at least through it's six episode run.

Grade: B +

Well, it does appear TI's highly unusual bid for a shortened sentence - via an MTV reality series! - has paid off. He was handed a relatively light year-and-a-day sentence on weapons charges in an Atlanta courtroom earlier today. Will probably report to jail in May.

As you may know, he did a multipart reality show - not a bad one either - called "Road to Redemption," about his unorthodox efforts to scare wayward kids straight. It was (apparently) considered part of the community service hours he had to put in exchange for the sentence, but he had already exceeded the 1,000 hours before this show was even counted.

[What sort of sentence would TI have received WITHOUT the benefit of an MTV show? Good question. I have no answer.]

He'll squeeze one more hour out this Tuesday, when "T.I.'s Road to Redemption: The Reckoning," airs at 9 ...

(Pix: Ben Rose/ WireImage)

I've seen a lot of reality TV but I'm comfortably certain that I've never ever - ever - seen anything quite like "T.I.'s Road to Redemption." This show - MTV, tonight at 9 - needs a catchphrase, or a tag that gets you right into the spirit of this enterprise. So here goes: "rapper superstar-meets-"A-Christmas-Carol."

A simple yet bizarre pretext unfolds herein: A month and fifteen days before he's sentenced on a gun charge, T.I. will save seven kids, as part of a court-ordered 1,000 hour community service sentence earlier imposed. Somehow - and don't ask me how, as intricacies of American jurisprudence continue to astound and amaze me - he convinced a judge somewhere to let him do all this on TV.

MTV, to be exact. Right square in front of his target audience.

In other words, as T.I. does community service, he sells albums.

THIS guy's a genius.

Now, it's easy to be cynical, and there's probably a basis for that, but here's a little bit more about the show before you pass judgment. Tonight T.I. takes Pee-Wee , an Atlanta street hustler, on a tour of his own ghosts-of-T.I.'s Christmas past: A cold hard jail cell and a morgue, where a real-life, now real-dead, hustler is laid out in a coffin.

"There are more hustlers dead than hustlers living." When T.I. says this - pure hyperbole given all the Wall Street hustlers and the sub-prime mortgage market hustlers and ... - you'll find yourself nodding in silent agreement. Poor Pee-Wee can barely draw himself up straight to look down at the cold slab before him.

Will T.I. reform Pee-Wee? Will he reform six others who are currently on the road to hell? Will his next album go platinum? (That would be "Paper Trail" and it may already have...)

I don't know the answers to any of this stuff. But I do know that "T.I.'s Road to Redemption" has a raw authenticity that will chill you to the bone.

Check out the trailer...

(Photo: MTV)

Snake, by Getty Images

I know nothing about fame, seeing as I am about as far from the spotlight as yonder rock under a tree in yonder forest - even more so. But I can imagine that there is, ahem, a downside. Watching Kristen Stewart do her contractually obligatory interview for "Twilight" on "Today" this morning, you could almost read the hesitancy and dread in her face. "Oh [I imagine her thinking], so I'm going to star in probably the second biggest movie of the year after 'The Dark Knight?' I'm going to be incredibly famous in about forty-eight hours? My dreams have come true??!! But who's going to save me from those screaming ninnies OUTSIDE?"

So, to Britney. I'll never forget - who will? - the classic "South Park" episode when the town of SP conspires to kill her, and - finally does. There was truth in that; we love our celebrities, and we love to disembowel them too. (Actually, I'll rephrase that - YOU love them. I'm allergic to them.)

With that long lead-up, I bring you now to the little story of the moment - MTV's "For the Record" telecast on Brit that'll air next Sunday and get (easily) the highest rating in MTV history...Why? Because we like to watch, like Chauncey...that's why. Honestly, this cleverly titled broadcast is cleverly titled because it really IS designed to sell a record - "Circus," out early December.

So be it. But I wonder: Will it just be the usual hogwash, and slop that such docs typically yield when it comes to over-over-exposed personalities? Or will it be - I don't know - poignant? Insightful? On that note, I've posted a couple of clips in a minute which have pretty much been everywhere except for 'Zone - the first, the promo, the second, Brit making fun of dear old dad.

I don't know - I have my doubts about "For the Record;" Brit needs help, not more gasoline on the fire.

Has MTV turned this...

I don't know - maybe it's in the water or zeitgeist or whatever - but MTV seems to be very much on my mind at the moment, and thanks to ever-vigilant TVtattle.com, I've stumbled across this wonderful (and sad) post from Portfolio. It's about "Real World: The Island," and it's about how cast and crew turned an island off of Panama into the Fresh Kills landfill.

May prove that...

1.) MTV really doesn't care to much about greening the planet.

2.) The show was scripted, with dialogue (surprise!)

3.) Panamanian authorities will bar future reality shows from sullying their fair land after this disaster.

I print Andrea Chalupa's enterprising post here in full (so you don't go off-site...):

MTV's Reality Show: Real Dirty?

"Turns out the "remote" island where MTV filmed its latest reality show, Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Island, isn't so remote after all.

The program was shot on Isla Colon in Panama, home to a bustling boating community and a small airport.

In return, according to a local newspaper and blogger, the MTV production crew left behind large amounts of trash -- and not the drunken, backbiting variety of most reality TV.

"I have seen the aftermath of a tornado and this was almost as bad," Joe Maher wrote on a tree-climbing enthusiasts' website.

Maher, who runs a program in Panama for the Institute for Tropical Ecology and Conservation has a station in Bocas del Drago. That's near Starfish Beach, near where most of the filming took place.

The area was tight with security that kept curious onlookers out during production. But once MTV left, Maher and a student surveyed the area. "The place looked like a trash dump," Maher said, with evidence of felled trees, wooden structures, and pages of scripts (revealing that the reality show is actually, well, scripted).

Allene Blaker, editor of the local newspaper Bocas Breeze, wrote a direct letter to MTV in her newspaper's August issue.

"By not revealing your whereabouts last month (those were my own photos of the [MTV] bungalows on the beach), I was respecting your privacy," she wrote. "You should have the decency to respect our property."

Blaker also pleaded for MTV to send someone to "pick up all these discarded, empty plastic water bottles, please."

A spokeswoman from Bunim/Murray -- the production company of the Real World and Road Rules shows for MTV -- said that no trees were cut down for the filming of The Island, and that the pictures were taken before crews had a chance to clean up the area.

Maybe MTV can do a little carbon offsetting through their very own International Global Climate Change Campaign, Switch, to offset trashing a beach.

The site calls for ideas to help save the planet. Anyone?"

...Into THIS??!!

Don't know about you but when the news broke late yesterday that "Total Request Live" was being canceled this November, my instant reax was: "Whaa? ... 'TRL'? ... Still on?"

That's not good - if only because I'm supposed to be covering TV for a living and "TRL" was so far outa my zone of consciousness that I figured it had been put to rest years ago, along with N'Sync.

"TRL": Now that's a blast from the distant past - a late-century institution that had the buzz that "Soul Train" or "American Bandstand" musta had a half century or so before that. It was a big deal, a very big deal (and especially for anyone who tried to circumnavigate the Times Square studios in the late afternoon). Those crazy kids would come home from high school and request some boy band, and before you know it, there they were, on-screen! And Carson Daly. Almost as famous as Brit. But something happened and I haven't a clue what - other than the obvious fact that MTV hasn't been an actual MUSIC destination for years, and the disconnect between this show and MTV viewer expectations widened and widened and widened to the point where to actually admit watching "TRL" was tantamount to flagging the fact that you weren't me-bowing, or facebooking, or rockstarring, or doing whatever the hell it is crazy kids are supposed to be doing these days when they come home from school - which isn't homework, by the way.

Yup, viewership declined dramatically (under 400,000 viewers per day, or half the audience when it ruled in the late '90s) but I suspect something else was and is going on too: "TRL," like the rest of the video-based programming from the old days, was a tool for performers to sell albums, and when they discovered other more cost-efficient ways to reach their audience, then they cut "TRL" out of the mix. Big names still appeared, and still do, but "TRL" (or MTV) is hardly the center of the musical solar system any longer, and more like Pluto.

Here are some telling quotes that I lifted from the AP dispatch. They have a last-century feel to them, don't you think?

"For the finale, [MTV boss Dave] Sirulnick said he hopes to celebrate with many of the "folks who helped make `TRL' what it is -- whether that's Justin (Timberlake) and his guys in N'Sync, the Backstreet Boys, Britney, Eminem -- I think we would love to see all of them here." That includes former host Carson Daly."

In a statement, Eminem said: "I'm going to miss `TRL.' ... Where else will I be able to start feuds, defend my honor vigorously and act like an angry teenager on national TV? Oh wait ... The VMAs!"

(Pix: Mario, who starred here as well as on "DWTS." Getty Images Photo)

I guess this is the biggest deal of the entire year - Britney Spears back at the VMAs this Sunday. Give us more, Brit. Give us MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!

But, she's gonna give us something less...or something that doesn't come close to the performance art of 2007. Here's her statement, released earlier: "MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I'm excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated."

I'm excited too. Here's MTV's generous wrap of her many memorable appearances, going back to (like) the 20th century.

And here's the press release...

And...here's MTV boss Van Toffler to the AP, plus additional details from the AP wrap: "I think for Britney, people are rooting for her, and she's really on the road to recovery," Toffler said, noting that MTV had nominated her for three VMAs, including video of the year, for her clip "Piece of Me." "It feels like it's her year," he added. "It's our 25th anniversary of the VMAs, and she's been such a critical piece of MTV's history." Van told the AP that her opener will be "fun and unexpected."

And finally finally finally, what would any Brit/VMA post be without a clip of last year's performance...?

MTV's set an airdate for its own "High School Musical" wannabe - "The American Mall:" August 11.

It's big, big, big...or maybe anti-climatic, anti-climatic, anti-climatic... After all, Kenny Ortega - the star behind the screen who made "HSM" the phenomenon that it is - is not attached, but Barry Rosenbush and a few other "HSM" producers are. (Nina Dobrev - Mia, of "Degrassi: The Next Generation" is the headliner here.)

And so is Autumn Reeser - that's right, fans, none other than Taylor Townsend from "The O.C."

What is this potential blockbuster about? Here's the description:

"Set in the kind of mall that's always been a home away from home for teens everywhere, 'The American Mall' is the story of Ally, a hardworking young woman whose mother has owned a music shop that's been the soul of the mall ever since it opened when Ally was a kid. Ally's singer/songwriter dreams seem to come closer to fruition when she meets Joey [Rob Mayes], a musician who's moonlighting as a janitor at the mall in order to support his own rock star ambitions. While Joey understands her songs (and heart) like no one else, Ally's happiness and the fate of the music store are threatened when the mall owner's spoiled daughter Madison [Reeser] – who will stop at nothing to get what she wants – becomes involved."

[Mom and pop music store in MALL?! A mall with "soul?!" A mall owner with a "daughter?!" I shall withhold further comment...]

(Above, AR as TT from the show we all desperately miss, "The O.C.")

The thing I like best about the MTV Movie Awards is...WAIT! There's nothing I like best about them! They're crude -- oh, really, really, really crude -- and POISON YOUNG MINDS to the evil ways of Hollywood. They're full of self-promotional flatulence, too, and rival the Golden Globes for high-minded (ir)relevance. Plus, what's the deal with that Golden Popcorn? Does anyone really think that Ellen Page is gonna go home and put hers right in the spot where she thinks her Oscar should have gone?

Otherwise, I think they're kind of amusing.

If you missed last night, there was at least one water-cooler-type jaw-flapping moment -- arguably others, though I'm sure I missed them -- that would offend a few million parents if they knew that THIS was what their just-graduated high school senior (going to Harvard) was screaming with laughter about last night up in his bedroom. ("It's NOTHING mom! Go away...")

Ya gotta be warned ahead of time that the big thing in Movie Award land is the exhibition -- for comic purposes only, I suppose -- of the physical assault of the male genitalia (honestly, I don't know how else to put this.) So if this following clip (of a spoof of "Kung Fu Panda," featuring the now tight threesome of Black, Stiller, and Downey Jr.) is deeply offensive, I apologize, but keep in mind, this is what this major awards show is, after all, all about: