The TV Zone

Here's how the world works: You do something really notorious - say, become a prostitute and unwittingly become the instrument by which you unseat the sleazebag governor of New York - and then you look to cash in. In the olden days, you'd first line up the "respectable" interview with Babs Walters. You'd cry a little. Confess a little. Babs would ask you about stains on dresses, and you'd have to deal with that too.

Then...straight to the bank! Absolved by Babs, your agent could then score you a book deal, a magazine deal (one of those pay-for-play profiles in some very thick glossy), and best of all: The TV deal. That might be a full-blown series (reality of course) in an ideal world.

But like I said. Those are the old days. In these days, you head straight to TV, and cash the check fast. So, who's bidding for Kristen/Ashley? NBC News or ABC News? They - of course - couldn't pay outright for the interview, but they could "hire" Kristen/Ashley as a "consultant," who could offer on-air "opinions" about the Luv Guv. (I rule out CBS only because I don't think they'll come up with the necessary change.)

Or...will be it be "Extra" or "Access Hollywood?" My money, ahem, is on "AC" because as part of the NBC Universal empire, NBC can offer "Access," "Nightly News," maybe a cameo on "The Office" and a reality show (it would be offered, but probably never air.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I always do. Here's the news. A website - I'm assuming a reputable one because the very reputable TVNewser says it's got creds - claims "Extra" is already offering $100,000 for the interview.

Let the bidding begin!

(Hey, wasn't Babs spotted camping outside Kristen's apartment bldg last night?)

Reality TV marches on, strike or no writers strike. After all, the participants of shows like “Big Brother” MAKE IT ALL UP, don’t they?

So CBS is holding local casting calls for next year’s ninth edition of the locked-in-a-house-with-cameras smackdown. You, too, can try for TV infamy, with New York auditions coming up this weekend and next month:

Sunday, Nov. 18, noon-8 p.m., at NY Castings, 243 W. 30th, 3rd floor, Manhattan.

Saturday, Dec. 1, 7-10 p.m., at Duff’s Brooklyn, N. 3rd Street and Kent Avenue, Brooklyn.

Applicants must be 21 or older, American citizens and not running for public office. (As if.) Be sure to read the eligibility requirements and application form at this web site.

Other casting calls take place in such cities as Boston, Tampa, Houston, Chicago, Charlotte, Kansas City and Columbus.

CBS normally runs “Big Brother” several times weekly in the summer, but considering the strike, this reliable ratings-getter could return to the air sooner. Start packing.

Saturday’s the day for NYC auditions for the next cycle of the CW hit “America’s Next Top Model.” Open casting calls take place at Park Central New York (870 Seventh Ave., at 56th Street) from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Aug. 4.

Applicants should be women ages 18 to 27, with a minimum height of 5-feet-7. More eligibility details and application forms available here.

If you miss this casting stop, you can try Binghamton on Aug. 9, or such subsequent far-flung locales as Boston, Norfolk, Shreveport, Orlando, Seattle, Chicago, Anchorage or Erie, Pa.

Saturday’s the day Fox brings its casting call for “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” to New York City.

Auditions for five fall-season kid slots take place starting at 8 a.m. Saturday at Manhattan’s Javits Center, 655 West 34th St. They're open to graduating fourth graders registered for fifth grade this fall.

Here's what auditioners' parents need to do:

Kids should come prepared with a show-and-tell presentation of their choice, lasting 3 minutes or less. Costumes are encouraged (containing no logos, though).

Parents must bring ID for the child, plus completed forms they can find online at fox.com.

That web page also contains further details.