(Getty)

Good Lord, out a week and a few days and all heck breaks loose on the "AI" front.

Paula Abdul hires a new agent who calls up the Los Angeles Times to say, "sadly, it does not appear Paula will be back next season..."

Or words to that effect. "Sadly" was definitely used, and presumably the agent had a straight face when he said this.

So, gang. Let's break this down, in the easiest way possible. Via the trusty question and answer format.

Is Paula really "gone?"

No, or highly unlikely. Agents - I learned from "Entourage" - have been known to either stretch the truth, or disfigure it so completely as to be beyond recognizable. Also, weasel words were employed - "does not appear." This phrase could be inserted into just about any statement you could think of, and it would be equally meaningless. Sadly, it does not appear the moon is made of green cheese. Sadly, it does not appear the Jets will win the Super Bowl next year. Sadly, it does not appear Simon Cowell will stop wearing t-shirts.

Why is Paula, poor Paula, unhappy?

Because the network/Dr. Evil/19 Entertainment already sealed Ryan Seacrest's deal for $15 million a year. They probably did that because Paula wanted $20 mill - so says Radar - and figured they could at least set the bar with RyCrest. But that feisty old girl wasn't going to be dissuaded from her $20 mill payday; she fired the old agent, hired the new one, who called up the LATimes, and said that sadly, Paula's feeling were hurt.

Why is Fox, 19 Entertainment, Dr. Evil, et al, throwing all this money around?

Because they are afraid. They are afraid that the formula that's kept this thing going is fraying at the seams. They are afraid that viewers now realize the whole voting process is a fraud. They are afraid because teens wouldn't be caught dead watching "Idol" any more. They are afraid because only old people - "old" meaning the over 30 crowd - seem to actually still care. They are afraid because they know the best singer didn't win this season. They are afraid because they know Simon is gonna go soon, and there's nothing they can do about it. They are afraid because they know there is absolutely no way in heaven or in hell that an aging franchise can be restored to its former luster. They are afraid because their bag of tricks is rapidly depleting. So what do fearful producers and suppliers do? They throw money at what they believe are the "sure bets" - the stuff that represents continuity, or presumed viewer interest, or what they think is the rock-solid part of the formula that should be kept intact.

Is it good to be fearful?

No, it's bad to be fearful. Big bucks of this magnitude given to the judges is something, I suspect, akin to an early death rattle. Whenever a show - any show you can name or think of - begins to cave in to exorbitant salary demands, then this is what might be called a "last resort" strategy. Let me put it this way - in three years time, you aren't going to treble RyCrest's salary again, are you? He would then be making $45 mill per year - on a show where the ratings had continued to decline and in an industry (television) where advertising dollars had continued to be drained to new media, and where viewership continued to fragment. All Fox/Dr.Evil/19 Entertainment is doing is buying time, and a very brief window of time at that.

So, will Paula get her dough?

Of course, though I'm guessing close to 15 or a slight increase over RyCrest to assuage her ego. SiCo wants her back because he doesn't want to see this franchise - which he has a considerable financial stake in - crash and burn just as he negotiates his own new deal with Fox, which will almost certainly include new projects and maybe even "The X Factor."
But consider this: They can't give Paula TOO much of a hike over RyCrest or Randy, because if they did, those two would be furious and demand that their contracts be re-negotiated. In other words, Fox et al are tied to about $135 million in judge/host commitments over the next three years whether they like it or not - and that doesn't begin to include SiCo.
You can now see how great hits contain the seeds of their own demise...

Oh, would "AI" crash without Paula?

As fond as I am of the dear girl - as fond as I am of all of them, including RyCrest - no. Life would go on. It might accelerate the inevitable decline and fall though. And after reading this far into this post, you now know what the inevitable is. But the chemistry of this foursome works (Kara simply does not) and if you had your druthers...

What should Fox et al do?

Ah, that's fodder for another post...

King o' the world? (Getty Images Photo)

I see the press has its tighty-whities all in knot over the report out the U.K. yesterday that Simon Cowell - SiCo - has been offered $144 million a year to continue on "American Idol."

The Post even has a banner headline, or something, seeming to suggest that it's true, and because the Post is owned by Rupert Murdoch who will presumably pay SiCo this sum, then it MUST be true.

-Photos: Simon Cowell

Except that it's highly dubious.

Let me re-phrase: I don't believe it.

Here's the graph in the Guardian story that has caused all the uproar. It's buried deep, deep, deep - as if a throwaway, as if the writer herself didn't even believe it, and I bet she didn't (the Guardian story is, by the way, quite good):

"A source close to Fuller says that Cowell has already been offered three to four times the $36m he was paid for American Idol in 2008 - but then, he is the most important person on the show and the series makes $900m a year and attracts audiences of 25 million. The point is that Cowell makes nothing more than this admittedly large performance fee and that's the gap the Green deal hopes to fill. " ("Green refers to Sir Philip Green, the retailer that SiCo's working out a deal with...)

You can almost see the writer smile as she writes these words.

Let's translate:

"A source close to Fuller..."

"Fuller," is - of course - Simon Fuller, my own Dr. Evil, who despises SiCo with all the furies of hell and beyond. He sued SiCo over patent infringement (I think it was patent infringement) over "The X Factor" and they settled out of court.

This "source close to Fuller" is repeating gossip that's been out there for weeks - and it's probably bogus gossip. Why should a "source close to Fuller" know what SiCo is doing anyway? This is hurtful information to Cowell - Dr. Evil's handiwork.

"... already been offered three to four times ..."

More bogosity! Three to four times? Vague, wouldn't you say?

Why would Rupert want to play this up? Maybe to embarrass SiCo? Who knows.

But there is NO WAY Fox is going to pay him $144M a year. Impossible. That would exceed the profit of the entire Fox network, in all probability, and wipe out whatever's left, too. It would be the highest services contract fee in TV history, by a vast margin. It would be suicidal - for Fox and for the entire TV industry. The TV industry isn't baseball and it isn't even basketball. Anyway, the last time I checked even Kobe wasn't making $144 m a year.

It would be stupid beyond stupid.

Let's get this straight: Fox knows SiCo is leaving one of these days, sooner than later. My hunch: He'll re-up for two more years beyond the season he's taping now. Gives Fox/ 19 Entertainment time to groom a successor, etc.

He'll get something far more important than mere money in return; what? Maybe an astronomical sum for "The X Factor," owned outright by our man.

SiCo's not looking for a mere $144 M a year to host "American Idol." That's chump change. He's looking to rule the world. For him, that's much more interesting.

Surprise!

And - you ask - like, who else was he gonna sign with?

Details/quotes out now:

"Kris won the hearts of millions of Americans with his soulful voice, good looks and gracious demeanor,” stated Dr. Evil, Creator and Executive Producer of American Idol and Founder & CEO of 19 Entertainment. “However it is his passion for music and love of performing that will make sure Kris stands the test of time and makes 'American Idol' proud.”

"As exciting as the last few months have been, I'm really looking forward to what is next,” says Kris Allen. “I'm very grateful to be working with Dr. Evil and his team at 19 Entertainment, along with Barry Weiss and Jive Records on my debut album. Everyone's been asking me what it's going to sound like. It will be very similar to what you heard from me on the show -- definitely in the pop/rock genre. I can't wait to get started!"

Strange but true: "Idol," and not for the first time, is passing by the Greatest City in the World for auditions.

The schedule below, just announced...What potential Adam Lambert will turn up in the next few months. (And will there be four judges apprising these candidates?)

Cities Dates Venues

Boston, MA Sunday, June 14 Gillette Stadium

Atlanta, GA Thursday, June 18 Georgia Dome

Los Angeles, CA Tuesday, June 30 Rose Bowl

Orlando, FL Thursday, July 9 Amway Arena

Denver, CO Tuesday, July 14 INVESCO Field at Mile High

Chicago, IL TBD TBD

Dallas, TX TBD TBD

As you know, reps of Fox and AT&T; yesterday hurriedly ran out to the parapets of the Bastille, looked down balefully upon the surging mob, and then threw down a pair of statements in an effort to quell the unruly peasants.

"They wants answers?" said the gendarme in charge. "THEN WE'LL GIVE THEM ANSWERS!"

Here are the statements, as reprinted (again) in this morning's LA Times, as referenced to the power voting that AT&T; sponsored for Kris Allen at a couple of venues in Arkansas:

AT&T; employees were "caught up in the enthusiasm of rooting for their hometown contestant. Going forward, we will make sure our employees understand our sponsorship celebrates the competition, not individual contestants."

And Fox: "Fox and the producers of 'American Idol' are absolutely certain that the results of this competition are fair, accurate and verified," the network and producers said in a joint statement Wednesday. "Kris Allen is, without a doubt, the American Idol. We have an independent third-party monitoring procedure in place to ensure the integrity of the voting process. In no way did any individuals unfairly influence the outcome of the competition."

But wait! Mr. Gendarme! If in "no way did any individuals unfairly influence the outcome of the competition" then what about the AT&T; employees who taught Allen fans how to power vote? Do you mean to say that these "individuals" thus FAIRLY influenced the outcome?

Note to Fox and AT&T;: Maybe next time you send out dueling statements, best to make sure they don't contradict one another.

Meanwhile: I have more questions...

- How much money does AT&T; make from the text votes cast during a regular edition of "American Idol?"

- As a condition of his victory, will Kris Allen be required to do any promotional activity for AT&T; or any of its various subsidiaries?

- Why doesn't Fox tell fans exactly how many text votes were cast and for whom? Why is this such a secret and how - as Fox seems to be saying - could such information somehow taint the voting process going forward?

Let me be clear - I'm not accusing anyone, even in my own rabble-rousing, storm-the-Bastille-via-blogging kind of way, that anything untoward happened. In fact, I believe Fox on this one - why allow ANYONE, even a powerful sponsor, to taint your most important franchise?

But it would be nice to have a little more than a few leaflets of meaningless paper tossed out the windows of the Bastille...

Meanwhile, check out MadDogUSA's message on the jump! It appears he has some answers...

Yup, we wanted a recount. We demanded a recount.

And now I'm wondering: Will we ever get a recount?

On the jump, check out this piece by the Arkansas Post-Democrat, which wrote up some sort of party whereby AT&T; provided "about 50 display units and representatives to teach multiple 'power texting.' (The NYT picked up this week-old story last night,which suddenly made it "real news," I suppose.) AT&T; also made about 30 phones available in a 'texting zone' at a watch party at the Peabody Little Rock hotel, where Megan Lynch and friend Rainey Gibson, both 22, watched Allen perform his first song of the night..."

My question: Why did AT&T; do this? Is it because AT&T; gets $$'s everytime someone texts a message via its service?

I wonder what the answer is.

And how many of these parties did AT&T; help/supply?

(I wonder what the answer is...)

And why is AT&T; the only provider that lets you text in "American Idol" votes?

(I wonder what the answer is...)

And finally, did 19 Entertainment, and "Idol" and Fox know about these parties, or other organized efforts, and know that a vast amount of texting would certainly create a curious end result? And because AT&T; is a major sponsor, did they turn a blind eye?

Altogether now: We wonder what the answers are...

-Photos of Kris Allen and Adam Lambert together and apart backstage and on-stage, and celebrities at the "American Idol" finale

1) -Click here for photos of all of Adam Lambert's "American Idol" outfits this season

-Click here for photos of all of Kris Allen's "American Idol" outfits this season

2) Photos of Adam, Kris and Danny with their hometown fans | "American Idol" trading cards

3) Inside the after-party for the 13 "American Idol" finalists

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Kris Allen(gate)? " »

The culprits?

It's a good thing I've had major computer problems all day because otherwise, I'd have continued to rant and rave, and made an even greater nuisance of myself than normal.

As it is, I've calmed down. Adam lost. The voters are idiots. I'll get over it, and in fact, I have.

But I had a nice chat with Richard Fobes of Votefair.org earlier today. Richard's an accomplished "creative problem solver," which means (in part) that he scrutinizes issues or concerns that would appear to be driven by obvious factors when in fact less-obvious ones may have equal or greater impact.

In any event, he says texting tipped the balance in favor of Kris, and that Adam was in the fact the more popular contestant - a fact born out on his website and others. (In fact, DialIdol, which does measure the busy signals, had Kris slightly ahead in the phone poll, but it also had Gilles Marini ahead in the phone poll too...)

Richard says all the stuff about homophobia etc. is bunk; young kids went for Kris and they blew out everyone with texting. If you wanna read a little more on this, I have a wrap on the subject in tomorrow's Newsday. On the jump.

(And check out the comment by "MsWrite" on comments; it's very informative...)

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Did Text Tip the Balance?" »

(Ray Mickshaw / Fox Photo)

For breakfast, an order of crow.

But first this -- I demand a recount. Can the Supreme Court get involved in this? Should that lawyer who worked for Al Gore back in 2000 get a call? On second thought, maybe not him.

A pox on the "American Idol" electorate. To repeat myself until blue, purple, green in the face: Does anyone anywhere really truly believe the best singer won tonight? In all my years of "Idolatry," this was the single grossest miscarriage of justice I've ever witnessed here. So bad that it calls into question the whole damn enterprise which is -- and I quote -- TO FIND THE BEST DAMN POP SINGER ON THE PLANET. Not the cutest, or nicest, or sweetest, or most pleasant, or most agreeable, or gosh-darned wonderful.

To find the best damn singer. Period. This year, miracle of miracles, silly old "Idol" did exactly that. Lambert's one of the best this show has ever produced, and instead of winning for all the right reasons, he lost for all the wrong ones -- too ambiguous, too glam, too left or right coast, too not-cute-enough.

How else could this happen? Simple theory: Fans of Danny Gokey sided with Kris Allen.

But enough of my rant. Congrats to Kris. Great kid. Fine talent. Good for him. On the jump, the newspaper wrap, plus some other quickie observations about the night, and finale -- which I thought was actually very good all in all, with the exception of the last three seconds. (And thanks for reading all this "Idol" stuff on "Zone" this season. I hope and pray no one put $ down on my prediction for the finale; refunds not available.)

Now, let's see what's on the menu for breakfast...

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Recount! Glambert Shoulda Won" »

No ambiguity: Adam wins tonight. (Becker/Fox)

Does anyone anywhere think Kris is going to win tonight? (Yes, my esteemed and astute colleague, Glenn Gamboa does. We diverge on this one...)

If so, I love their sense of adventure, that "anything-can-happen" spirit.

But, they are also wrong. If Kris wins tonight, it will be the biggest upset in "Idol" history - all eight seasons or so. Can upsets happen? Sure. Not this time. This is a talent competition, and the most talented should win. And tonight, the most talented will.

If I have to eat crow on this one tomorrow, fine. I'll eat crow. But if that turns out to be breakfast, than I can proceed with the grim satisfaction that at least the voters got it wrong.

Did Kris put up a good fight? Of course, though both guys struggled with Kara's song. (In the back of my head, this flitting thought - why a song from Kara? A parting gift from "American Idol?")

I've also sifted through all the various theories out there - the most notable one being, "Kris has a more marketable voice, while Adam is more Broadway-centric." What amazes me about the wrong-headedness of this is that the judges don't buy it. THEY clearly want Adam to win, and at some point, you have to ask yourself, "why do they want Adam to win?"

The answer is really really simple - because they, and Simon especially, believe he will sell more records than Kris. And why do they believe this? Because...Adam's more versatile and musically gifted. Believe me, they don't expect him to do cuts from "Phantom of the Opera" on his first studio album; he'll do stuff that'll get airplay and sell.

My wrap from last night...

Let's start off quoting Ryan:
"The guy next door versus the guy liner."
(Groan.)
And Ryan again:
"Plan on it" - tonight's finale - "going long."
Groan again. This time long and loud.
Because let's face it. The eighth season ended last night. Adam wins. Turn out the lights.
A nice penultimate night, but not a hair-raiser either. We started with a pair of well-known performances (Adam Lambert's Tears for Fear's "Mad World" and Kris Allen's "Ain't No Sunshine," courtesy Bill Withers.) A tie.
Then, the Simon Fuller ("Idol" boss) choice. This time, Lambert - singing Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come" - pulled away from Allen ("What's Goin' On.")
Finally, they both performed a song by Kara DioGuardi, Cathy Dennis and Mitch Allan entitled “No Boundaries.” My thoughts? To quote Bart Simpson, "Meh."
And to quote Simon Cowell, "I'm not going to judge the song. I'm going to judge you...
"Congratulations."
Honestly, Adam Lambert – California guy with guy-liner and the spectacular stage presence - is so clearly, completely, ridiculously the winner of this season’s “American Idol” that you certainly don’t need to read this far to know that. But the larger, arguably more important point is that much-maligned “American Idol” had a pretty good season, and produced a first-rate winner.
What more can you expect from the show?

(Gustavo Caballero, Getty Images)

Out of the just concluded Fox conference call, there was THIS interesting little aside: Will Kara be back? You know - Kara DioGuardi, the fifth wheel on the four-wheel bus AKA the "Idol" judging panel.

Kevin Reilly, whom you know, was asked: How many judges will return? (which was a smart way of asking about Kara because we already know three will be back, and we know which ones.)

"I can't comment on that right now," while adding that after the season ends. "we'll sit down and look at the show, like we do every year."

(Which begs the question - they're not sitting down and looking at it NOW? But that's another story...)

When an exec issues a no comment with respect to talent, as opposed to an "O my God, we LOVE him/her, and the franchise would be lost without him/her," it usually means one of two things:

a.) They're in the middle of contract negotiations with the talent, or;

b.) They've already made up their minds, and it's over.

Why would Kara be gone if the answer lies behind Door B.? If she is - and I'm not drawing a conclusion one way or another - it's because they think she hasn't necessarily added anything, while soaking up extra minutes that the show has been -ill-prepared to adjust to, explaining the multiple overages this season, forcing several million people to physically hurl their DVRs through the living room window (and then submitting the bill to Fox.)

(Becker/Getty)

Last week I mused about Lambert getting the boot - sort of a fraught "what if" post about the crazy possibility that people might actually not vote for Lambert because they think he's so good that he doesn't need their vote, so why bother.

Consider the fear allayed. He's in. He's won. Game over.

I mean, really. The U2 was not exactly an interpretation I'd embrace, but "Cryin'?" Just unbeatable. The best of the night. One of the best of the season (and if anything HAS been better, he's sung it), and one of the best performances in "Idol" history.

Plus, it was sage of Simon to close with a real insistence that people actually get off their duffs to vote for him. So, I'm thinking that in some small corner of his mind he too is afraid Lambert could be in trouble. After all, Simon's gone on every talk show from "Oprah" to local access cable predicting Lambert's ultimate victory; Sico doesn't want to look silly; Dr. Evil doesn't want Sico to look silly either. So he made a valiant effort to seal the deal for the leader last night.

Maybe what's most amazing about Lambert is to have watched the guy grow over the season; did anyone really truly expect, based on his audition, that he'd be the next "AI?"

Meanwhile, my other prediction: Danny's gone tonight.

Life's not fair, but someone's gotta go . . . (Becker/Fox)

And...my wrap for tomorrow:

"Cry Baby"..."Slow Ride"..."Someone to Watch Over Me..."Hot Stuff." Is there any song that this gutsy kid messed up over the last three or four weeks? Over the last two months? Not really, but Los Angeles native Allison Iraheta still came up on the short of a vote that totaled 64 million. That's an "Idol" record for a non-finale, by the way, so Iraheta knows she has at least gone out in a blaze of glory.

This end was not pre-ordained, by the way. She way better than Danny Gokey’s now-famous shriek performance from Tuesday's show, and had more vocal power than Kris Allen. (Adam Lambert? He's the winner anyway, so...)

Some more thoughts on last night:

Slash? Who woulda thought he would have been the best mentor/judge of the season, but that he was. His criticisms actually seemed constructive -- not the usual "he/she can REALLY sing" blather. Then last night, the group sing, "School's out for Summer;" not bad, either, and maybe the reason the set collapsed in rehearsal Tuesday.

Paula, singing her "I'm Just here for the Music" single? Why not just pretend to be Simon at this juncture? Here goes: "Good, but just a little old-fashioned. And why channel Britney, or yourself, from 10 years ago? And that ghastly light show. It just gave me a headache. But that said, Paula, I'm fairly certain you'll be back next week..."

Chris Daughtry, back, on this stage: This was a big deal, no doubt (yes, No Doubt also sang; quite nice.) He then performs a new single off a new July album, which is officially titled, "Leave this Town." How vivid, Ryan asked, was his loss on this stage three years ago? "Very, very vivid. In that time it felt like the world was coming to an end, but I got over that in 30 seconds." Good perspective for Allison.

(Fox Photo)

I hope that catches your attention because it was supposed to, but the question is a serious one: Could he go?

Maybe a better way to put this: Is there a chance? Sure. A big one? No. But a chance ...

And I think the reason is this: There comes a time in any "Idol" season, last one excepted, when a performance is so outstanding that it seems to magically, mysteriously or maddeningly turn off a switch in the heads of millions of viewers who would normally pick up the phone, or text the vote, or otherwise call attention to the best in the only way this show allows. So good is a particular performance that there's almost a shrug, or numbness, translated as - the performance was so outstanding that the very gods will take care of him (or her) so why bother?

This reflex has scuttled Jennifer Hudson, Melinda Doolittle and Chris Daughtry: They were not merely the best in their respective seasons (3, 5 and 6) but outrageously the best; so far and away the best that the need to actually vote for them seemed redundant.

Will this happen with Lambert - so far and away the best that the eighth season is now officially over? (And last night's performance was probably one of the five most memorable in "Idol" history). Probably not, but last week's hiccup was a warning sign: Simon blamed it on the staircase, which seems to me like blaming bad weather here on a butterfly's wing-beat in China. He came in the bottom two because the switch had been turned on - the illogic of inaction had superseded the logic of action: Lambert is so good that he'll be OK.

Again, this probably won't happen again tonight because last week was a wake-up call, and fans really have learned - as per last season - that if they didn't vote for Archuleta or Cook, then Castro or White would have gotten to the finish line.

Simon thinks she's "cute" (Access Hollywood pix)

Well, this is about as official as it gets - Simon just told viewers of "Ellen" that he wants Kara DioGuardi back on "Idol" next season.

"I think everyone's back - yeah, absolutely..."

Adds: "The advantages [of having her] outweigh the disadvantages. I've gotten to know Kara. I like her. She's cute."

More interesting stuff about Adam Lambert, who he says he wants to win..and will win ("it's Adam's to win...")

So why last week's bottom three?

"The staircase...one hundred percent."

The stairs! Yes, the stairs... Said the stairs, which Ryan wanted as a prop : "Made him appear pompous...you don't give yourself that type of entrance."

Ellen wondered: "What if he gave himself an escalator?"

Last season, during David Cook's victory sprint, there were occasional references to Adam, his brother who was undergoing treatment for cancer. David himself rarely brought it up but you knew his personal struggle was there, in the background - a part of his life that was inescapable. Adam was in the audience too, on occasion. He was - it now seems in hindsight - his biggest supporter, and David seemed to be his.

Adam, 37, has succumbed; per AP, "David Cook announced the Saturday death at the 12th annual Race for Hope 5K in Washington, D.C., where he was serving as grand marshal. The singer says the cause of death was a brain tumor."

And the rest of the piece:

"Adam Cook was a lawyer and married father from Terre Haute, Ind., who battled cancer for more than a decade. He famously cheered for his singing sibling in the audience of the popular Fox signing competition's seventh season in 2008.

"Adam is the eldest of Cook's brothers. A younger sibling, Andrew, also tried out for the show but didn't make it to Hollywood.

"The death was first reported by People.com."

Slash as mentor next week...now (hear) this: Daughtry will be back (again) on the stage that made him famous. He'll perform a new single called "No Surprise" from his new album, out mid-July. Said Chris in a statement, "'American Idol' fans have been so loyal to this band, we wanted to give them the first listen to our new single."

(Michael Becker, Fox)

What more can be said about Adam Lambert's performance last night that hasn't already been said by 24 million viewers or by four exultant judges.

It was one of the great "Idol" performances of the season. He and Kris pretty much held the field, with Danny just a quarter step behind...and Allison just about dead even with him...

So here's what I can add: Once again, Lambert established that he knows more about music and music history than anyone else on that stage, and perhaps more than the judges themselves. I guuess - as Idolator has it - this was based on Muse's version of "Feeling Good" (I think there have been a million and fourteen different versions over the years, so Muse sounds good to me...)

But what about that entrance. That glam, ham, wham-bam, slam of an entrance.... Unless I'm mistaken, maybe borrowed from Georges Guétary's famous dance number in "An American in Paris." You know the number - singing that old 1922 Gershwin show tune, "I'll Build a Staircase to Paradise," Guétary ascends and then descends (or maybe I've got the order reversed) a lit staircase. Yeah, sure, of course: Many shows, even "Dancing with the Stars," have used the ol' lit staircase routine over the years, but Lambert's entrance felt more directly in homage to one of the more famous scenes in MGM musical history...

Next, that song. My God, everyone else sings standards from greats like Cole Porter et al, while Adam pulls down a song by Anthony Newley, one of the most important songwriters of the '60s, who died ten years ago. "Feeling Good," in fact, was co-written with his long-time musical partner Leslie Bricusse; these guys wrote some of the biggest shows of the decade, though I don't think they're played much anymore. (A title does live on in popular cultural - "Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.")

So here's my question about Adam Lambert: This kid is so smart, so good, so talented - one of the best "Idols" ever - why did it take this show to make him famous? He shoulda been famous already...

A very good night for all contestants - though I suspect Matt's hours are numbered...

Check out this old trailer from "Paris;" scroll to the 1:50 mark and you'll see the staircase scene; all Adam was missing were the showgirls...

What can I say?

(What, umm, did I say earlier?)

But why go backwards? If America wants to make a mistake, America's entitled.

Lil Rounds deserved one more go-round. Anoop, one of my favorites from the minute I learned he got his masters or PhD in barbecuing, is gone too.

Here's tomorrow's wrap tonight...

"Bummer.

'Noop and Lil.

Somehow this end didn't seem right. But it was what is was, and at th is point in the game - two down, five to go - disappointment's inevitable.

But still...

Two gutsy, interesting, enjoyable underdogs, Anoop Desai and Lil Rounds, ended up in an "Idol" double elimination last night. If you listened to Simon - and we all do, don't we? - this was no surprise. Also, if you listened to the rest of the finalists Tuesday - particularly Adam Lambert and Kris Allen - then process of elimination probably made these the two most likely names to go.

But still...

Some other thoughts on the night...

Paula's night. In a first for "Idol," Paula does what Paula used to do best - choreograph. The group dance - the Jackson's "Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground)" - was a Paula creation, and as group dances went, this one was success. Nice moves (but, umm, were all those lips moving with the sounds coming out what's called "lip-syncing?" Just asking.)

Disco night at the Bellagio. Or the Luxor. Or... "Idol." Who could tell...I mean, Harry Wayne Casey, of KC and the Sunshine Band? Thelma Houston, or Freda Payne singing the song that only Freda Payne can sing (by law), "Band of Gold." Another bunch of good "Idol" moments.

And David Archuletta. Memory fails, but was his voice that husky last year? Or was it just a little bit of tour rust? He sang "Touch My Hand," from last
fall, promoted some forthcoming tour with Demi Lovato, and gave the bottom two a pep talk. They needed one."

(Fox/Getty)

Let's assume the judges were right. Let's assume Lil tanked. Let's assume her Chaka Khan was shocka bomb. But let's also assume millions and millions of viewers decided they didn't agree.

Let's further assume they voted for her and will push her through to another week.

I'm going with that assumption. Moreover, I'm going with this too - that what the judges saw viewers did not. Upon reflection, I understand exactly where they're coming from on this call: That her interpretation of "I'm Every Woman" was much too much someone else's. Kara actually pinned this one down well: "You've been every woman on that stage - every woman but yourself."

But Simon? Her vocals were a "mess?" A grand and blithering denunciation that was also wrong. (Her biggest problem was that others were in fact better - Kris Allen, Gokey, Lambert...)

So who goes home tonight? I'm going to go to a smart reader on this one - Britt, of Floral Park, who writes in: "I think 'Noop Dog and Matt are going home and Kris might go next week. 'Noop Dog is not a favorite because he had too many weeks in the bottom 3. Disco should be over for Matt because he was not very good tonight. Even though the judges saved him, he should go home. Lil is my favorite. I think she will be in the finals with Adam and Danny and I want Allison to go that far. Adam and Allison were the best singers tonight and they will always be that way. Either Adam or Danny will win, but I want the winner to be Allison or Lil."

OK! There you have it. An "Idol" expert, from the heart.

Meanwhile, check out this old clip of Chaka Khan on "Oprah." Though grainy, ancient and fogged by the years, you can see why her version was so spectacular, and why anyone else who tries this on for size risks chastisement of the particularly acidic Simon Cowell variety...

Interview with our beloved Paula on this Thursday's "Nightline," and ABC just sent out some of the transcript. Please head south to the jump for that...

Any bulletins here? Honestly, none, but - and though this may have been asked - I am struck by the fact that Cynthia McFadden didn't bring up SiCo's ruminations about departure. Maybe she did, but the response is not included here.

Here's the newsiest bit:

On her Idol Contract:

MCFADDEN: So is your contract up?

ABDUL: Cynthia, this is my last season under contract.

MCFADDEN: Do you think she [Kara] will replace you?

ABDUL: I don’t think anyone [can]. First of all Kara says I could never replace you. And I said I whenever there is change it’s not about replacing anybody it’s about possibly moving on.

MCFADDEN: So do you want to stay on the show or not?

ABDUL: I love the show, I do. I love what I do on the show and I’m loving it more this season than ever. It’s taken me a while to get comfortable in my own skin with the show.

Check it all out...here...

(Pix: Getty)

Continue reading "Paula to "Nightline:" Wants to Stay on "Idol"" »

This is interesting AND kinda unexpected: Fantasia has singed, errr, signed a deal with VH1 to star in a 2010 reality series, as reported this morning by Hollywood Reporter's James Hibberd. The details:

"Fantasia has one of the most fascinating stories in show business, from her tough upbringing to her meteoric rise on the national scene thanks to 'American Idol,' " Jeff Olde, top programming guy at VH1 told HR. "Her challenges from fame and her unwillingness to fail have combined to create a larger-than-life talent who appeals to music lovers around the world. So many people wanted to work with her on this, but Fantasia is now part of the VH1 family, and we're so happy to have her." It'll track her life as siingle mom and recording artist...

(Pix: Getty)

Another amazing fact about the amazing contestant, Scott MacIntyre, out last week: He had a kidney transplant. Told viewers this morning on "Live with Reeg and Kelly:"

"I didn’t want to bring that up during the competition,” he said. “The blindness is obvious but I didn’t want all my challenges to weigh in the voting and now that I’m off the show, people are finding out about it.”

“I can remember a time when I actually didn’t have enough strength to sit and play and vocalize at the piano, so every day on Idol is just a blessing for me and I am healthy now.”

(Pix: Getty)

"Smoking?"

"Wearing t-shirts?"

"Bugging Paula?..."

"Using the word 'horrible...'"

Oh, the anticipation of this blog post...

WHAT COULD SIMON POSSIBLY QUIT????

Howabout "American Idol?"

Yes, friends...and, oh, by the way, Happy Easter...that is the big news on the other side of the pond. Sico gave an interview to the London Mirror where he says the following...

"...He admits that even he cannot keep up his hectic workload for too much longer. 'I don’t want to come over as whiney because I am very grateful that I have got these jobs,' he says.

'But there is a point where I am not sure we can keep this schedule up. It takes longer and longer to make these shows because you have to put more into them, and I am not sure we can sustain me doing three shows a year, with the record label and the TV production company.

'Most people do one show a year and I do three and they involve a lot of traveling. One may have to go. I don’t know which one. That is the problem, I like all of them. I can’t imagine not doing Britain’s Got Talent and I can’t imagine not doing X Factor. But I guess America is more likely to go because I have got one year under contract. Maybe that will be the end.'”

Now, I ask you: What is "America?" Is that a show, or a country, or...what?

The Mirror insists it's "American Idol."

(But I suspect it's his green card.)

In fact, SiCo has threatened to "quit" before...(And wouldn't YOU like to quit a job that pays about $8-10 million per?)...So I'm assuming there's a disagreement with Fox/Simon Fuller/Sony BMG over something. God knows what. A few years ago, he threatened to quit because Sony/BMG didn't get rights to sign the future winner of the 5th season of "American Idol," and you know how that turned out. It got the rights...

But it's late and my memory is fading away...point is, Simon, like all smart TV guys, makes off-handed threats in certain corners of the press (though typically the NYT) to scare the parties involved. They bend to whatever his demands are, and life goes on...

And so it will.

(Pix: by Michael Becker, Fox)

And....my wrap in tomorrow's paper...should you care..

"Amazing guy, but sometimes...amazing isn't good enough. Scott MacIntyre was sent home last night.And then, there were seven.

Why send Scott home? Well...who else are you gonna boot? Anoop?

"Scott, someone's got to make a decision here," said Simon, self-appointed decision-maker. "And it's the end of the competition."

In a credit to his genuine talent, MacIntyre actually made it tough for the judges last night - 30 million votes and only 30,000 (per Ryan Seacrest) separating him and Anoop Desai. But there was to be no recount. The judges, or at least Simon, made the right decision.

In a hard-to-define kind of way, this has been a expedient season. Someone's gotta go. Last night, Scott went. But it could have been Lil (though shouldn't have been) or the cat of dozen lives, Anoop. All of the contestants to this point are certainly solid, talented, proficient, well-voiced (is there such a term? Whatever..) and telegenic. But all of them, with the exception of the clear front runner - Adam Lambert - lack something. "Something," in this case, is most easily defined as "exciting" or "defiantly different." Kris Allen? Wonderful. But (umm) just a little dull. Lil? Matt Giraud? Still not sure who she or he is. Allison? Great big voice, but... Anoop? A couple of lives to go perhaps.

That leaves us with the two who will end up winning this thing a month and a week from now: Danny Gokey or Lambert.

Scott - who sang Survivor's old chestnut, "The Search is Over," has one of the richest backgrounds of any contestant in "Idol" history - scholarships, awards, degrees the length of your arm. Plus, he's been one of the most likable contestants on that stage over eight seasons.

But again, this isn't about "likable." It's about ratings and selling records."

Been running around and just now catching with up with this ginned-up "controversy" over "millions who missed" Adam's performance and - per a hyperventilating Yahoo - which has now become a "major production FIASCO!" Or hyperventilated words to that effect.

Bad news, lovers of controversy as it relates to "Idol." Big nothing happened. The performance went as planned. It ended as planned. It was seen by millions, as planned. His numbers were posted, as planned, and re-posted during the re-cap as planned.

What was missing? A few judges comments: BIG DEAL. Simon spoke for everyone when he gave Adam's Tears for Fears performance a standing O. What more could Adamoids have wanted? Yes, something happened with the DVR clock, which meant those recording may have indeed lost the performance or parts thereof. But would these fans have voted anyway? Sure, a few, but certainly a lot fewer than the many millions who watch in real time.

And don't worry. He'll be fine tonight. He'll be fine May 19 when he (maybe) wins, too.

-Click here for photos of all of Adam Lambert's different looks on "American Idol" this season

1) Click here for photos of all of the finalists singing on stage

2) Vote in our poll for your favorite finalist

3) See photos from inside the after-party for the 13 "American Idol" finalists

4) Check out the other entries, conversations and latest news on our "American Idol" blog

Fox Photo

Megan, Megan, Megan!

It was about time, time, time!

Go to Newsday's terrific "American Idol" blog for more, more, more.

Meanwhile, here's my wrap in tomorrow's Newsday. Thanks as always for reading...

Our "Idol" April Fool?
Sorry, Megan, it was you.
But not to worry. You got this far, sang some sad songs, some glad ones, and some bad ones, but at least Simon said some nice things about you in the process. In any event, the show must go on, and you must go out.
But don't feel bad. Tuesday was a rough night for a few others (as Randy Jackson pointed out.) Even Wednesday was rough. Lady Gaga sang a very rousing rendition of "Poker Face" which managed to put even David Cook (last year's winner; Platinum record seller) in his place. Oh well. It was April Fool's Day. What did he expect?
Megan Joy Corkrey's departure was deserved. She had heart, looks and guts. But her gifts didn't match the gifts of the others; she landed in the bottom three with Anoop Desai, and Allison Iraheta. Megan Joy seems like a nice kid (23, from Sandy, Utah) and gave a classy farewell. But show biz isn't about "nice" and almost never about classy.
Speaking of which, Simon Cowell - a man with an arctic temperament - was asked if he was going to save her. He looked up, his eyes narrowed to a slit, and then the frosted dagger: "When you said YOU don't care, nor do we." He was referring to a comment she had made earlier - a sort of "I don't care WHAT the judges thing..."
OK , sports fans, where do we stand? With two major front-runners, Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey, a possible surprise - Kris Allen, who's been terrific the last couple of weeks - and the rest of the crowd bringing up the rear. We've got weeks to go, but already the eighth season feels so over, no?
But surprises await...

Now, just to clear the air here - that line that Simon used on "Tonight" the other night, in which he declared that he didn't have lunch with the prez because they couldn't match up their "diaries?"

"IT WAS A JOKE." That's the news from last night, when he told Ryan - who questioned him about the comment. "It was a joke," said Sico.

But was it? Sure sounded serious to me...Judge for yourself. Meanwhile, my hunch is Simon got considerable flack for the "Tonight" comment, which led to the clarification.

I suppose only film junkies will get this reference.

But is poor Megan Joy, who I felt so sorry for last night, Susan Alexander Kane?

So, just to tease this a little further out: Is Simon Cowell (or better yet, Doctor Evil! ) Charles Foster Kane himself?

And...at the risk of dragging this out completely beyond all reason or rationale, who then is Jedediah Leland? The critic who gets trashed before writing the review - because he knows that once he does, Kane will fire him forthwith?

Of course I'm talking about "Citizen Kane," and I am making a leap here of almost mythic proportions, but watching Megan Joy's performance of "For Once in My Life," and then listening to it again, and again and again via Youtube, the scene in "Kane" kept flashing through my mind: Poor kept woman Susan Kane, played by Dorothy Comingore, was finally forced to perform her Massenet for the masses, under duress by the powerful, bloated and horrible man himself, who knew full well that all of his papers would certainly provide glowing reviews.

All except the flagship.

Please, don't ask me why I kept thinking about this scene, or why Megan Joy's No. 1 champion (until last night, I suppose) Simon Cowell, reminds me of Charles Foster Kane.

These things just happen. Here's the clip...

See if you agree...There's a reason great art sometimes parallels real life...

Meanwhile, it's over for Megan tonight. This cruelty cannot continue.

One fine thing about "American Idol" -- one of admittedly a few -- is that just when you've decided you've figured an edition out, and have reached iron-clad assumptions that can not be broken under any circumstance whatsoever ... you then break your iron-clad assumptions. The show manages this trick in a number of ways but certainly one effective way are the thematic weeks. Those tend to bring out different skill sets, or refract personalities in entirely different ways. Or surprising ways.

Last night: A pretty good night overall. Yeah, some disappointments. Alexis Grace, one of my favorites, basically mimicked Dolly Parton. Megan Joy -- who now apparently has dropped the "Corkrey" -- continues to mystify me. I know she was ill, but what in the name of COUNTRY did the judges see in that peculiar Patsy Cline performance? Lil Rounds? Only...so-so.

Who goes tonight? My wild guess: Allison Iraheta.

Meanwhile, Kris Allen. He was best. Why? Because he took a reasonably well-known song ("To Make You Feel My Love") by a extraordinarily well-known singer (Garth Brooks) and recast in a way that was surprisingly intimate for a show that lauds and rewards out-there performances with gutsy vocals or (especially) high C's that don't break the camera lens. "Idol" reveres drama, so rare is that performance that twists the formula around, as Allen did so well. Sure, the song is corn, but some of the best country is. A winner.

Allen didn't get the most votes -- I'm sure Danny Gokey did, as usual -- but he got enough to keep him around, and make voters pay a little more attention next time ... By the way, I thought Adam Lambert's high-camp drag version of "Ring of Fire" was darned good too, so there you have it...

Here's a nice clip of Allen. See if you agree on second hearing....

(Dan Hogan/Getty)

I KNEW that headline would get your attention.

And honestly...it's a possibility. I'm not sure how distinct a possibility, but one nonetheless.

Here's what I know so far, and will fill in details as they come: As Jackson fans know, tickets for his London concert series this summer went on sale earlier this week and the Brit press - occasionally prone to absolutely insane hyperbole, which is why it's so fun - is reporting that the series that'll stretch over 50 shows has already sold out and is now the hottest selling concert series IN BRITISH HISTORY.

Consider: This is the same country, I believe, where the Beatles and Stones originated.

Jackomania has taken over John Bull, and apparently Simon Cowell whom - the press is also hyperventilating over - has gotten in the act. He's telling everyone that he's making a full-court press to get Jackson on his Brit-hit, "The X Factor," and the booking very well may happen. Why? Because Cowell got Britney to appear on the show last year.

In fact, the Daily Mirror reported last Friday that the deal for Jackson to go on "X" is as good as done. One source told the paper, "He is perhaps one of the few artists who could outshine Britney. The only sticking point is that while Britney had her new album to promote, Jacko’s shows have sold out in minutes and don’t necessarily need the publicity. But Cowell won’t let that stop him. He is determined to get his man.”

Reporters put one and one together and came up with two: If "X," then next stop, "American Idol."

Our dear friend Simon hasn't disabused anyone of the speculation either: He was quoted by the BBC2 thusly, "It's the best platform he can have in America right now. He'd be stupid not to do it."

Well, what do you think of this latest rule change? Or do you think of it at all -- after only 10 or so hours of possible rumination? Me? I think it stinks most foul. It's unnecessary. It smacks of elitism. By God, this is anti-DEMOCRATIC. Leave it to a Brit to come up with this... You'd think the Queen herself had a role in this one. "Let them eat cake, those American peasants... They'll watch anything over there...We can change the rules because we are the rules..."

Who is behind this travesty? Dr. Evil, of course. Who is Dr. Evil? Only the most important guy in show business. That's my name -- perhaps his, too -- for the great Oz himself, Simon Fuller, of 19 Entertainment, who sits behind the curtain over there in the U.K., pulling strings with his arch-compatriot, who just happens to share his first name. Simon Cowell: The public face of the evil empire.

(This is what happens when you have too much coffee in the morning...Note to self: Cut back to five cups before 9...)

I'm feeling in a listy mood. Why would -- other than sheer anti-Democratic impulses that only a country beset by a crusty monarchy could come up with -- did "Idol" change the rule?

Let's go!

1.) They don't trust you, the viewer. Leave it to the voter, they seem to think, and they'll keep another Sanjaya in the finalist group, but let a great singer - Daughtry! - go early.

2.) This is an insurance policy. Just in the case voters get it WRONG AGAIN, and don't vote for the "right" singer, they'll be able to pull their fave-of-the-moment (Megan, let's say) out of the fire at the last minute. And dear Megs did come perilously close to the burn zone last night.

3.) What happens the NEXT time voters don't vote for the singer Dr. Evil wants? They'll change the rule again! "Did we say 'once' before the top five," says SiCo. "We meant 'twice.' Sorry. "

4.) The show desperately wants water-cooler chatter - people are talking too much about Da Bachelor, and not Da Idol. Change rules and - to co-opt Mencken's old phrase - stir up the animals.

5.) The show has little confidence in this season's crop, to begin with, but heaven help it if a truly promising singer out this shrinking group has a bad night and gets dumped by the voters. The judges will now be able to throw that person a life line. Is there a future Jennifer Hudson in this group? A budding Chris Daughtry. Howabout a Kelly Clarkson? Her performance up there last night - whether you like the song or not - demonstrated dramatically that there's not another one of HER this season either... Please call Simon if your crystal ball reveals the future super-star because he sure doesn't see him or her. The glam Adam Lambert? Terrifically talented kid - who has a glittering future career on Broadway. He's a performer - NOT someone, I suspect, who will sell a million records.

So now I'm wondering...what WILL the next rule change be? I've got it! A fifth judge will be added later this season. His name...Dr. Evil....

A court ruling...

Yeah, this is today's talker, and no one seems certain what it means, though SiCo's words do give one pause:

"I'm not sure whether the public are going to like this."

Hmm. I see the hand of Dr. Evil here.

What could it be? Everyone's got a guess. I see that Elisabeth Hasselbeck and others are saying that a judge vote will overturn the popular one.

If so, you're right, Simon. The public won't like this. But it could probably be just a onetime veto, or a once-a-season job, or something along those lines. This way, the judges can dump someone they regret ('Noop, are you listening?) bringing through the Wild Card.

The reason to change ANYTHING right now? Just to get people to yammer, and to move the season along.

Here's what WILL happen: Two people will get dumped tonight. "Idol" said as much last night...

Why two? Because as SiCo also said last night, the season ends in "ten weeks." The show HAS to dump a two-fer at some point to wrap this up on time and get everyone out on the road for the tour.

And...I am also reliably told...the TWO PEOPLE WITH THE LOWEST VIEWER VOTE will go.

The judges, in other words, won't drop one themselves.

Meanwhile, there is still a "big surprise" in store....

We'll see.

Suddenly, a front-runner ...

Check this out:

Gay was wrong.

This doesn't happen often, or by "often" I mean, "this is not acknowledged often."

But I got it a little off - the odds that I posted alongside the "Idol" Final Thirteen the other day.

Now, by "wrong," I don't mean egregiously wrong - the intent was clear. But that's not good enough, pal.

So Dr. Jeffrey S. Simonoff, a brilliant fellow and prof at NYU (and grad of Stony Brook) was kind enough to re-calibrate the odds - or tweak them - and I've posted the new ones. His note/explanation is one the jump...

Now, here's what I've done. The first chart: Prof. Simonoff's corrected odds to Tuesday's predictions.

Then, the NEXT chart: I've re-shuffled the figures, based on last night's performances. These are certainly subjective too but hopefully the numbers/odds are the right ones this time...) .

(That nice photo above? By Christopher Isaacson, of the Upright Caberet, as posted in Broadwayworld.com. It was from last year's 2008 "Holiday Blowout;" Jake Simpson is in the background.)

Kris Allen: 1:57
Megan Joy Corkrey: 1:40
Anoop Desai: 1:17
Matt Giraud: 1:9
Danny Gokey: 1:7
Alexis Grace: 1:5
Allison Iraheta: 1:9
Adam Lambert: 1:25
Scott Macintyre: 1:13
Jasmine Murray: 1:81
Jorge Nunez: 1:13
Lil Rounds: 1:4
Michael Sarver: 1:81

Now...the latest odds:

Most stay the same ... but, Allen moves up, and so does Lambert (duh). Allison, who was wobbly last night, moves way down. Overall, the guys are looking better than the ladies ...

Kris Allen: 1:17
Megan Joy Corkrey: 1:40
Anoop Desai: 1:25
Matt Giraud: 1:9
Danny Gokey: 1:7
Alexis Grace: 1:9
Allison Iraheta: 1:25
Adam Lambert: 1:5
Scott Macintyre: 1:13
Jasmine Murray: 1:81
Jorge Nunez: 1:13
Lil Rounds: 1:4
Michael Sarver: 1:25

Continue reading "'American Idol': Tweaked odds" »

I can re-purpose with the best of 'em, and right now, I think I'll re-purpose my column from Tuesday's paper.

It's my "Idol" pix, and by all means -- please please please -- head on over to our "American Idol" blog which has other picks as well; my colleagues over there are savvy Idolistas indeed and have key differences with my picks...

Anything can happen tonight and anything will. My favorite to proceed to the bitter end is Alexis Grace, though conventional wisdom says a guy will take it home. Who knows -- tonight's Jacko night, so I await...

Continue reading "'American Idol:' Top 13 Picks" »

I guess you know by now, there are thirteen finalists, not twelve.

Oh, you're a clever one, "Idol," you are.

Good show, though. My Newsday review - should you care - follows these four names on the jump...And congrats to all of 'em:

- Jasmine Murray

- Anoop Desai

Now, Gay's review....

And please head on down to the jump for that...

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Number 13" »

'Noop Dog is back!

So is Tatiana!

Win some. Lose some.

(Honestly, happy to see Tatty back tomorrow night; she's wonderfully weepy, and reminds me of Jason "I'll Love you Forever" Mesnick; when this Molly thing doesn't work out, maybe he and Tatty can get together....)

Digressing again, Gay.

Here are the basic facts from my "Idol" story in tomorrow's Newsday....

The full story...

" Now it's getting a little more interesting.
‘Noop Dog is back. And so is, ummm, Tatiana Del Toro, for tonight’s wild card. Like I said, "interesting."

Meanwhile, Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre advanced to the final rounds of this season's "American Idol" - expected by every "Idolista" with a pulse. Slightly less expected: Jorge Nuñez. It was pretty close - probably by votes in the thousands - between him and Ju'Not Joyner, the big kid (OK, 26-year-old) with the good voice and winning personality.

"Idol" judges also announced their wild card ticket on the air last night. These eight singers had been praised by them the last couple weeks, but were over-looked by voting fans. Tonight, the judges will select three from this small group to round out the final twelve.

The wild carders are: Von Smith (22; KC); Jasmine Murray (16; Miss.); Ricky Braddy (26; TN.); Megan Joy Corkrey (22, UT.); Matt Giraud (23; MI); Tatiana Nicole Del Toro (24, PR ); Jesse Langseth (25; MN.); and Anoop Desai (21, NC).

Last night's winners were not a surprise, though, and the pattern had become as obvious as pink paint. The best singers from rehearsal were stacked up at the end of the competition night, and Lil Rounds drew that card on Tuesday. The 23-year-old from Memphis (Kansas City auditions) was a slam-dunk, per Simon Cowell, who was almost pathologically negative on Tuesday to wards the other singers. "Best vocal of the night," he said. And that it was. She sang Mary J. Blige’s “Be Without You.”

Then, Scott MacIntyre (23; Scottsdale, Az., Phoenix auditions.) The sight-challenged piano player sang a nearly prehistoric song, Bruce Hornsby and the Range's “Mandolin Rain” (1986) with real passion. Easily a winner. He's "Idol's" near-perfect embodiment of this season's "inspirational" contestant.

Finally, Jorge Nuñez, 20, of Carolina, PR (San Juan audition) who sang Elton John’s “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” Message received. "

(Pix: Chris Cuffaro, Fox)

We now have our top eight.....

And, in fact, there is only one outstanding mystery. (Well, four if you count the three who will come out of tomorrow's still-mysterious wild-card round...)

Lil Rounds....that's an easy call.

Scott MacIntyre....that's an easy call too.

But what of our third? This is where it gets tricky. Ju'Not Joyner, who was good last night, has a real shot, and if this was a game of odds - it is, actually - I'd say he's a 3:1 favorite to move forward. I think Nathaniel Marshall does too - not because he's good, particularly, or at least good last night, but he was memorable.

And that leaves us with Jorge Nuñez. His odds of going forward are 4:1 - actually lower than Ju'Not's, I suspect, because he comes from Puerto Rico, which simply doesn't have a big voting constituency (obviously.) Ju'Not's from Maryland, and that'll help.

But I'm going with Jorge: I believe he will be the third pick tonight, but...I could be wrong.

So let me rephrase: I think he SHOULD be the guy to go forward. Will he?

And if he doesn't, he'll be back tomorrow on the Wild Card...I still think Jorge is a top-12er, along with 'Noop Dog.

Kris Allen, that's who.

Good for him, though I can't honestly say I know that much about him. Can't vouch for this but I think he got 42 seconds of airtime during Hollywood, compared to an hour and a half for Matt Giraud.

And look where it got Matt.

Speaking of Matt, who do you think will make it from this group into next week's wild card round?

- Click here to see photos of all the 'American Idol' semifinalists performing.

The obvious choices:

Giraud.

Jesse Langseth, Johnny Lang's little sis

Head to the jump if ya wanna read my rap in Newsday (while it's still for free...)

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Kris Whooo? " »

Another remarkably bad night on America's - the world's! - most popular TV show.

Honestly, there were only two very good performances. A couple of OK ones, and then...

The night fell off the cliff into the ravine.

What's going on with this season of "American Idol"?

Check out Newsday's "Idol" blog a little later this afternoon, when all our resident "Idolistas" put together their picks. Here are my three choices ...Those Who should go on, followed by Who Will Go On...

* Adam Lambert: Did exactly what you have to do at this stage of the comp, which is take a hugely popular song, a hugely familiar one, and turn it into an entertaining Frankenstein's monster. He looked like Elvis, then turned into Clint Black, and finally into Gene Simmons. Oy...But a terrific, stagey and fun outing.

* Allison Iraheta: Again, the formula - take a hugely, ridiculously popular pop song and belt the bugger out. It's a generation-spanning song, known to people in their '80s and people who are 8; smart choice and well performed.

* Jesse Langseth: I was instantly bored with the judge's catty commentary on this one - the woman's got a voice and look and style, and knows how to sing. I think she's interesting too - vocally AND visually. I hope she goes forward.

Now, who will...

* Adam

* Matt Giraud: Too bad...

(AP Photo)

Next week's front-runner?

Yup, that seems like a big number, I guess. Most of 'em went for Gokey and Alexis, I imagine.

Total number of votes for Tatiana Del Toro? Eighteen.

I'm just kidding. But I couldn't help myself.

BTW, if you missed that quick list of next week's semi-finalists, here it is again. (And don't ask me who'll come out on top, because honestly, I have no clue, though I suppose Matt Giraud would be considered one of the front-runners...He also sang Gavin Degraw's "I Don't Wanna Be" in his aud...)

Wednesday: 8-10: Kris Allen, Matt Breitzke, Megan Joy Corkrey, Matt Giraud, Mishavonna Henson, Allison Iraheta, Kai Kalama, Adam Lambert, Jesse Langseth, Nick Mitchell, Jasmine Murray and Jeanine Vailes.

Thursday: Results, 8-9.

Danny Gokey.

Michael Sarver.

No surprises.

But here's the question I lay before you as these "Idol" finalist rounds continue: Doesn't it make sense that the best person who DIDN'T make the voter cut get pulled back into the game by the judges when the Wild Card round ends all this next month?

If so, then that logically means just ONE person gets picked from each of these three weeks - which, if my addition is correct, means a total of FOUR per week will actually be chosen. Of course, a couple extra could be chosen one week, but I suspect that "Idol" producers have structured these rounds the way they have so that WON'T happen.

So who will make the wild card from last night's edition?

Here's my emphatic and obvious choice:

Anoop Desai.

This!

Yeah, and why not?

(From Lil'-Crazed "Talkshow with Spike Feresten..."

Easy early leader.

I'm back, gang.

And let's start with the obvious. Last night's "American Idol."

Please head over to Newsday's exemplary "Idol" blog at noon or thereabouts to get a fix on our resident expert picks. But last night was terrifically obvious, don't you think?

These wheat-from-chaff rounds before the final 12 tend to offer their own charms and surprises, but not last night. Many fell and refused to get up - the night of a thousand knives that dispatched the most annoying (Tatiana), most unknown (Rick Braddy), most intriguing ('Noop Dog Desai), most Long Island (Jackie Tohn), most likely-to-replace-Bikini-Girl (Casey Carlson), most likely to forget the lyrics (Stephen Fowler), most likely to be a Kara stalker (Anne Marie Boscovich), and most likely to tell Simon where to get off (Brett Keith.)

They're all gone!

Or will be in a few hours. I thought last night was a genuinely terrible edition - flatter than Kansas and older than Solomon. I am sure that at some point, Simon thought to himself: "This season could be a bloody unmitigated disaster...how did we let these through?...I'm not going to be the one calling Dr. Evil with the news...maybe I can get Kara to..."

What a mess.

Only three will advance.

You know who they are:

Alexis Grace: A genuine surprise.

Michael Sarver: Not great, but likable.

Danny Gokey: Front-runner di tutti front-runners.

Please head to the jump for a classic - as in bad - "Idol" massacre.

Continue reading "'American Idol': The Night of a Thousand Knives" »

Finally, what we've all been expecting - a real "Idol" surprise.

The show disqualified Joanna Pacitti after last night's 36-winner show. This has - as if you need to be told - never happened before (although, of course, other contestants, like Frenchie, got cleaved for other reasons.)

What happened here?

The editor's note at the bottom of the Fox release this morning:

EDITOR’S NOTE: It has been determined that Joanna Pacitti is ineligible to continue in the competition. AMERICAN IDOL contestant Felicia Barton has replaced Ms. Pacitti as part of the Top 36.

"Ineligible?" Whaaaa? Go to the jump for a possible explanation, courtesy Star Mag... It reports that Former Ms. Pro also had close ties to executives at 19 Entertainment. If true, this is a pretty big scandal for the show, for ask yourself this - why didn't Simon know this?

Are you telling me that "Idol" just NOW, of all TIMES, decided that her professional career was somehow in conflict with this - an amateur competition?

Fans have complained for weeks about Pac due to her record deal - though the assumption that, like Carly Smithson's before, she was another unlucky wouldbe pro who couldn't cut it, and tried to get one more break on the world's biggest show.

Pac has been unlucky before though - she was ALSO DISQUALIFIED from the old Broadway production of "Annie." Her parents sued, and the producers settled out of court.

I wonder if the lawyers have been called again?

-Click here to see photos of the updated 36 American Idol semifinalists

Continue reading ""American Idol" Shocker: Pacitti Disqualified" »

Votefortheworst.com posted this a couple of weeks ago, but it looks like there have been a few minor adjustments, here and there, suggesting that this is...really...truly...your final 36.

Most names are familiar - a few mysterious - and two (Tatiana del Toro and Nick Mitchell) suggest that the judges wanted to throw some comedic light onto the otherwise grim march to the final 12.

As you know, two full hours of "Idol" tonight to tell you what you already know.

Adam Lambert
Alexander Wagner-Trugman
Alexis Grace
Allison Iraheta
Ann Marie Boskovich
Anoop Desai
Arianna Ayesha Afsar
Brent Keith
Casey Carlson
Danny Gokey
Jackie Tohn
Jasmine Murray
Jeanine Vailes
Jessica Langseth
Joanna Pacitti
Jorge Nunez
Junot Joyner
Kai Kalama
Kendall Beard
Kristen McNamara
Kris Allen
Lil Rounds
Matt Breitzke
Matt Giraud
Megan Corkrey
Michael Sarver
Mishavonna Henson
Nathaniel Marshall
Nick Mitchell
Ricky Braddy
Scott MacIntyre
Stephen Fowler
Stevie Wright
Taylor Vaifanua
Tatiana Del Toro
Von Smith

And just like that, the It Bikini of the 2009 season is gone. She had all the makings to be the Next Sanjaya - except the talent (see below) and personality and hair. Now she's' Gone-jaya. What an episode last night. Is there any team during the group grope edition that "Idol" producers focused on which DIDN'T have a meltdown? I counted exactly zero. Bikini - Katrina Darrell - was there as a gimmick in the first place: To incite that "men vs. women" dynamic on the judge panel. And it worked. But it probably wasn't exactly fair to the other three people on her team. So be it. Onward...

You know who I'm 'talkin 'bout: "Bikini Girl".

AKA Katrina Darrell.

She's this season's It Person.

She's this season's Sanjaya.

That's the observation of someone who should know - Justin Guarini.

Justin: Runner-up to Kelly Clarkson, who launched a career of his own after the first season, though ultimately became a man of many talents, notably as an on-air commentator for the TV Guide Channel, and "Idol" blogger extraordinaire for Fancast.com. (Check it out - his post is at the bottom of the Fancast page.)

In a pleasant chat, just concluded, he says: "She's to season 8 what Sanjaya was to season 7; she might be a nice person - Sanjaya's a nice person - but everyone and his mother, except his mother, didn't expect him to win and the same with her. What's she on the show for? She doesn't have the voice to get her into the top twelve, but she's there to create buzz. She gets under Kara's skin and she gets under Paula's skin, and Randy and Simon are having a ball with it. The producers know you and I are talking about it and know everyone else is too. They need some gimmick, some trick to help [ratings.]"

And for the moment: that's Bikini Girl!

Honestly, I don't think she's got a bad voice at all. But then, I didn't think Sanjaya did either.

Please head over to Newsday blog, "American Idol," which has posted a look at who/what/why, as the steamroller steams it's way into Hollywood in a few short hours. There you'll get a look at the picks of Newsday's resident "Idol" experts, including Jamshid Mousavinezhad, Ronnie Gill, and Dan Bubbeo.

These guys know enough about "Idol" to write a book, and a good one at that, and they'll tell you who we should all be paying attention to. They also asked your humble servant - me - to submit my list, and here it is... But honestly, I'd check out their lists, first. These Idologists really know what they're talking 'bout...

My thoughts ...that if past is prologue, keep a close eye on those who...formerly had record contracts, been in bands, have had singing or acting careers aborted, know how to work the judges, are attractive without being drop-dead attractive, and know something - really truly know something - about music.

Which pretty much rules out most of these faces that I think I'll keep an eye on. They're intriguing...but
winners?

- Melinda Camile: The dancing nudist from Ct. Hey, why not? She's kinda local too.

- Jackie Tohn: What a name! And she's got a sure grasp of what music gig is all about. Another rocker in a field that seems ligtht on 'em this season.

- Taylor Vaifanua: Exotic, nice voice, stature. Maybe personality deficient. Gotta work on that.

- Jasmine Murray: Maybe 'cause she was stuck in a crowd of non-yellow-ticket holders, but she seems like she's got (some of) the goods. Nice clean voice.

- Joanna Pacitti: I love the fact that a former pro's in the line-up; we can all gripe about the corruption of the process, but at least enjoy the performance. I think she's good too.

- Leneshe Young: What a story. But I like her. Maybe judges/voters will too.

- Michael Sarver: As different as they come, and doubtful that a welder, or oil rigger will find fame and fortune in Hollywood. But he feels like what this show too often seems to miss - someone without any professional bearing, but a good voice.

(Pix: Joanna - from Philadelphia Mag, by Ari Michelson)

What would the week before Hollywood be if some web site didn't leak the names of the finalists?

I mean...just another week...right?

Votefortheworst.com has just posted the list - head to the jump - and many of the names I don't know, and many I do.

One huge surprise, if this list is accurate: What happened Leneshe Young, 18, of Cincinnati? (She was the young woman who closed out the Louisville audition, remember?) I figured she'd be a shoo-in, with her story (a pretty sad one) and her evident talent. So maybe she's been dropped from this list in ERROR. Let us hope...

But here's a name I'm not surprised to see: Joanna Pacitti (pictured.)

Poor Joanna - she got whacked by all the internet "Idol" trolls who were infuriated that ANOTHER former pro had slipped through the ranks of the amateurs.

I for one am thrilled she made it in, if true. Her parents alone are interesting - they sued the Broadway producers of "Annie" way back when when they dropped Pacittti for her understudy. There was a HUGE stink. Imagine the fun when Simon starts bad-mouthing her performance?

At the very least, she's winner of the annual Carly Smithson award.

Meanwhile...check out her music video which I've posted below for your convenience. A super actually pops up when you access it from Youtube (not here) that asks viewers whether they want to buy the song. Doesn't that, ummm, violate, "Idol" policy? Just asking...

(She's quite good, BTW.)

Go to the jump if you want to see the list. Is it accurate? Beats me but these things DO get out, and they often ARE generally accurate (let's say 80-90 percent, per my recollection...)

Continue reading ""American Idol: " The 36? Joanna Pacitti?" »

Very big "Idol" week coming up - three editions, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

And on Thursday, 8-9: The New York/Meadowlands auditions episode airs.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm told, will be from Jacksonville and Salt Lake, respectively.

The Big Show is still Very Big ...

If you hoped that "Idol" would somehow diminish this season along with the rest of the slumping prime-time world-scape, your hopes have just been dashed (and by "you," I do mean execs at NBC, CBS and ABC...)

The show had a huge opening night.

30.1 million total viewers.

Now, you'll read elsewhere (probably) that this is down from last year - and I believe there was a 10 percent decline from last year - but year-to-year comparisons may be somewhat irrelevant, given the state of prime-time in general. By any standard, this is a huge opening figure. Fox is very happy.

Here's the relevant stat graph from the press release:

On Tuesday the eighth season premiere of AMERICAN IDOL posted a very impressive 11.6/28 among Adults 18-49, with 30.1 Mil Total Viewers, making it the highest-rated telecast and night of the season (all networks, all programming) and the highest-rated night on any network in 11 months among Adults 18-49 and a year in Total Viewers.

"IDOL showed a substantial advantage over the season’s previous highest-rated entertainment telecast, including +57% among Adults 18-49 (11.6/28 vs. 7.4/18 for Grey's Anatomy on 9/25/08). In fact, this +57% advantage is even greater than last year’s comparable advantage over that season’s highest-rated entertainment telecast at the time (+55%, IDOL vs. Grey’s Anatomy premiere on 9/27/07). In other demos, AMERICAN IDOL’s advantage over the previous highest entertainment telecast includes +28% in Total Viewers (30.1 vs. 23.5 Mil for CSI on 10/8/08), +24% among Adults 18-34 (9.7/26 vs. 7.8/21 for Grey’s Anatomy on 9/25/08) and +108% in Teens (10.8/33 vs. 5.2/15 for Family Guy on 11/2/08)."

Hot new judge, but...

Of course, I just HAVE to offer my two cents concerning last night, and to make the following just a little more insightful, I'll give you my three cents instead....

* It's not all that different. Of course it isn't. All that spec about huge changes to pop ratings, etcetera - mostly just bunk. We in the press do that a lot - desperate to find something new to say, we find something new to say. I'm one of the biggest culprits in that regard, BTW. Yeah, lots of tweaks last night, as promised, but in total, they added up to a fundamentally similar product. Now, I should add that some of the key changes are to come - the wildcard, the vote for three finalists as opposed to two, the 36 finalists, and so on. But "Idol" remains "Idol."

* God complex: Dear old "Idol." Every year it treats us to an opening montage about just how important it is to our lives, and how we just couldn't do without it, and how it continues to rock our world. Last night's opening montage? Ditto, and then some. I've grown fond of these opening show back-pats, but last night's felt a little over the top.

* Fewer black contestants. In fact, no black contestants - other than the crazy ones. I used to live in Phoenix, many many moons ago, and remember a big sprawling multiracial town. Last night was white-bread. I was surprised. Reasons? Beats me. The audience pans seemed to suggest a rainbow, but the audition room was otherwise. Maybe I missed someone, but I don't think I did.

* Fewer "crazies." I use this term as a catchall for the contestants who clearly have a deluded sense of the world around them. They're not the actors - the ones who try to get screen time for the hell of it and for the drunks back at the fraternity house. These are people who are - seriously - quite sad. One thoughtful reader told me a couple seasons ago that one particular contestant even had Asperger's syndrome, which made sense to me. Is "Idol" growing kinder? Clearly, the Paula Goodspeed tragedy has nothing to do with this, as she committed suicide long after the Phoenix sessions were taped. I just think "Idol" believes that enough is enough; also, these early rounds have traditionally been watched by young guys who then abandon the show when it heads to Hollywood. Ratings are then artificially goosed early on and then "Idol's" gotta deal with a spate of stories that say "ratings are declining," etc.

More "Napoleon Dynamite" contestants: These are the contestants that look like nerds, and then sing like angels. It's an old "Idol" prototype, of course - LI's Kevin Covais as a famous example -- but there seemed to be more of them last night. In fact, quite a few more, like Scott McIntyre, or that annoying kid who told Simon he could sing "God Save the Queen." Reason for this: They make good TV.

Kara: Meh. I leave Kara for last, and reviewed her performance in today's paper. Called her the Fifth Beatle. There's certainly nothing wrong with her, and she is a beauty - no doubt about that. But I saw no discernible reason for her presence. She added little, other than that nice moment when she sang that Mariah Carey song to Bikini Girl. Seems to agree with everyone, had no surprising observations. I just don't get it. She may turn into a great addition, and has the background to, God knows. But so far...

DC...and friend.

You may or maybe you don't remember this - well, let's call it "interesting" - development in "Idol" World when Disney announced sometime last summer that the show would actually become an ATTRACTION at D World, called "The American Idol Experience." Show, er, attraction was slated for a January opening, but now, mid-February looks like the target date. February 12, to be exact.

What is this? Here are the relevant grafs from the press release:

"That experience will include an audition process, open to all eligible to register, where guests perform "live" in front of a Disney's Hollywood Studios producer for the chance to be cast in a theme park show. If shown to have that star quality during the screening process and after backstage preparation -- working with a vocal coach, hair and make-up -- it's lights up and showtime for the lucky guest in front of a "live" audience and a panel of judges.

Guest performers with the highest votes will compete in an end-of-day Grand Finale show at Walt Disney World, and the winner of the Grand Finale show will receive a guaranteed reservation for a future regional stadium audition -- to ensure no waiting in long lines -- for the American Idol TV show. But when it comes down to the television show auditions, everyone is treated equal."

So in other words, "Experience" promises to be an elaborate line-jumping gimmick, correct?

When “American Idol” returns for its eighth season this week, the show will have a fourth judge for the first time in its history: Kara DioGuardi. Here are five things you might want to know about the 38-year-old
singer-songwriter-producer.

1. She grew up in New Rochelle, the daughter of former Congressman Joseph DioGuardi.

2. She has a political science degree from Duke University.

3. In 2000, she and Paula Abdul co-wrote “Spinning Out,” Kylie Minogue’s comeback single.

4. She’s written songs for Enrique Iglesias, Pink, Celine Dion, and “Idol” contestants Kelly Clarkson, David Archuleta, David Cook and Katharine McPhee.

5. She appeared on ABC’s 2006 “Idol” wannabe “The One: Making a Music Star,” a show that was canceled after only four episodes.

See what Kara has to say:

Yes, there are two names that have never ever been linked, and after this, may never ever be linked again, but as you may know, she's got big house trouble down in North Carolina. The bank's set to foreclose on some mcmansion she owns down there - a 6,500 square foot spread that's imperiled by some debt she's in arrears on.

FANTASIA - third season "Idol" winner and per Sico, the best singer in the show's history - in financial trouble, and yet another victim of this sinkhole of an economy? (Will Donald Trump come to the rescue this time?) This situation, I believe, is dramatically different than Ed's situation - she still has another pretty huge house in Charlotte - but it's still odd. Remember when she pulled a Jeremy Piven on "The Color Purple" (and Dr. Evil dropped her from his 19 Entertainment record label last summer)? People - ok, no-nothing bloggers - will start to say there's a "pattern."

Honestly, the pattern may be - she doesn't want the house (plus, doesn't she have a new album forthcoming?) But what's most noteworthy here is the timing: Foreclosure is set for Monday, or the day before season premiere. "Irony" is the word that comes to mind, but it's probably the wrong word.

Did you know "American Idol" was starting up again next week? Little joke...of course you did. Here's a tidbit: The first audition shows, Tuesday and Wednesday, 8-10, will take place in Phoenix and Kansas City. Meanwhile, Kara DioGuardi - new judge and eventual replacement for Paula if she dives irrevocably off the deep end - is holding one of those conference calls this Thursday. It's her second...what will she say this time?

Interesting just-concluded conference call with Simon Cowell, who went on at considerable length expressing:

a.) His horror at what happened vis a vis Paula Goodspeed;

b.) That "Idol" producers had no idea she was a Paula stalker;

c.) Seemed to suggest -- by his extended answer -- that the Goodspeed suicide wasn't met with a shrug inside "Idoldom" but -- in all likelihood -- was seen as the public relations fiasco it very nearly turned out to be.

Here's his quote. The first one I broke out because it's colorful and came in response to a question about whether he was bored/distracted with the controversy that always seems to accompany the show...

"It [Goodspeed's death] hit us like an express train, so I DON’T like that kind of controversy connected to the show because it upset me a lot...

"I want to say one thing because we’re talking about a tragedy. I don’t like referring to this person as a stalker – let’s refer to her as a fan. What happened was awful, and my regret in all of this is we didn’t know how sick this person was.

"If I could have gone back in time, I wish we could have spent time trying to help her, but we genuinely didn’t know. The process on how we select on American Idol is open – we don’t research people and if everyone turns up, they want to be on the show.

"I would assume that everyone who auditions would know what it’s like, i.e., if you’re not very good you’re going to get criticized. Also, we will sometimes talk to contestants beforehand and say to them, welcome to 'Idol,' and if you don’t like criticism, please don’t come into the audition room. And no one’s ever left.

"Producers – these guys have the utmost integrity as human beings [and] we take them on their word that they didn’t know this person was as troubled as she was. Talking about the producers in the way they’ve been portrayed is unfair; it was their idea to do ‘Idol Gives Back.’ These aren’t bad people. All they want to do is make a successful show.

"They’re absolutely horrified, but I can’t point fingers at them and say they knew everything about that person because that wasn’t the case.”

Sanjaya Malakar, the faux-hawked phenom who dominated most "American Idol" chatter during the 2007 season, won't go away.

He's written a book, "Dancing to the Music in My Head: Memoirs of the People's Idol" that will be published by Pocket Books on Jan. 20

AND... he's coming to Long Island. He'll be signing copies of said "tome" at the Book Revue in Huntington, on Jan. 24 at 7 p.m.

BTW, the book promises that Sanjaya will reveal "pointers and inspiration" from Diana Ross and Jennifer Lopez and will explain all about crying girl Ashley Ferl.

And of course, he'll dish on the faux-hawk and whether it saved him from elimination.

(Photo, courtesy Fox Broadcasting.)

Remember all that background noise last week about Paula Abdul leaving or staying? Which...I debunked because it's all part of the nonsense that happens every year at this time (or during sweeps) and is designed to get people writing about the show so other people tune in? (Or because someone's negotiating?)

The official word from on high, or Ken Warwick, boss and showrunner: It's bunk. She's staying.

But then we knew that.

Ken almost couldn't get the words out when the question came out in a recent conference call:

"There's never been any discussion that we would want to get rid of Paula, ever," he said. "We've never had the discussion. Is her job in jeopardy? No, it's not. Her job is not. I hope she's there to the day it comes off the air, end of story. Oh, contracts come up and people negotiate...but I have never been faced with someone saying, 'she's got to go [because] Paula is asking for too much money.' That has never happened. She's one of the foundations of this program. I wouldn't want to lose her and I'm sure America wouldn't."

What Ken may be referring to here is the fact -- reported last week by Radar -- that Paula is looking for a $3 million hike in her already vast salary (of $7 mill.)

Paula Goodspeed? That question of course came up, too. Ken pointedly said he had no idea that the sad woman was a stalker, and that he would never have let her in the audition had he known.

Now, you ask: Do I believe Ken Warwick on both of these points?

One Hundred Percent.

(2006 Photo: Kevin Winter, Getty)

Remember "Idol's" Wild Card episode? I'm not sure, but I don't think it's been around since the first few seasons. In any event, it's back.

This is the episode where the judges -- all four of 'em now -- select their own personal favorites to move on to the finals. Call it the "insurance" round, in which the good who may have been overlooked get another chance to survive into the finals...

Here's the key graf from the fresh presser on the new season schedule...

On Thursday, March 5 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT), AMERICAN IDOL presents a special “Wild Card” episode featuring the judges' favorite remaining contestants. After each of the contestants perform, the judges will select the three final contestants who will round out the Top 12.

And, on March 10, the Twelve perform.

Anything else? Not sure...You be the judge. Check out the sked on the jump....

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Wild Card is Back" »

I am writing a post at this moment about Paula Abdul of the "American Idol" show because I've learned the easy way that if you put the words "Paula," "Abdul," "leaving," "American," "Idol," "Simon," "crazy," "drugs," "sex," "Britney," "Spears," "K-Fed" and "If You Seek Amy" anywhere within a blog post, then Google picks it up almost instantly and said post becomes the top-rated news story on the entire web.

Before long, Drudge is linking...your site is getting hundreds of thousands of hits...people are wondering what on earth Paula has to do with Britney (or vice versa)...your site almost crashes...and the bosses think about giving the hard-working TV writer at Newsday a raise.

Let's see if this works.

OK, now to the substance of this post - Paula Abdul is not leaving "American Idol."

Here's why: Fox, 19 Entertainment (headed by Dr. Evil), and Fremantle are negotiating with her agents/managers/handlers at this moment for a $3 million raise, on top of her $7 mill per annum salary.

Radar reported this exclusively just yesterday.

I believe Radar; I'm less apt to believe MSNBC, which has her out the door, if only because money always, always, ALWAYS trumps everything in the TV biz.

Paula still pee-ohed about the sad Paula Goodspeed business? She'll get over it the minute the check arrives.

I don't know Courtney Hazlett at MS, who reported the "good as gone" story this morning, but I do know her work, and she's a good reporter and columnist. So no reason to quibble. But I do hope she laughed out loud when "the source close to Paula" told her this:

“Paula has a reality show on MTV (‘Rah! Paula Abdul’s Cheerleading Bowl’) and her jewelry line,” says a source close to Abdul. “She’s got no reason to put herself through the stress of the show if she doesn’t want to. She’s all but done; and given her other successes, she has no reason to be afraid about speaking out now.”

I'm laughing out loud just reading this again. "Rah!?" Her costume jewelry line?

"No reason to put herself through the stress of the show..."

Stress. Of the show?!!

HaaaahhoooooheeeehooohooohaaaahahhhaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH....

I'm sorry.

I'm up off the floor.

"The stress of the show" - that line gets me every time.

Anyway, Paula's staying AND she's negotiating. And she's helping to promote the show - out in just a few weeks! - because all of this chatter (is she isn't she?) is designed to do exactly that. Go to the jump and check out this "Idol" piece from last May. Dr. Evil knows exactly what's he doing.

So does Paula.

Smart girl, Paula. Very smart, girl .

Meanwhile..."Britney"..."crazy"..."drugs"..."sex"..."If You Seek Amy..."

Continue reading "Paula Abdul. Leaving. "American Idol." (Crazy.)" »

It's here and it features - as you may be aware - David Cook.

The new season tease, that is. Has a winner ever appeared before in something like this? Don't believe so. Worth a look - and thanks to colleague Corris Little for alerting me to this...

Please head to the jump if you want to see (there's a glitch in the code that kicks on the video the moment you go there...a little annoying...sorry.

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Tease with David Cook" »

Chris Daughtry, one of the most successful "American Idol" contestants, stretches himself a bit next week when he guests on Wednesday's "CSI: NY," playing a rocker (well, maybe not so much of a stretch).

Anyway, that got us to thinking about other "Idol" finalists who have gone to appear on sitcoms and dramas. (We'll stay away from those who have prostituted themselves on reality TV, like Nikki McKibben on "Celebrity Rehab 2.") Tamyra Gray, the Season One finalist, went on to play an extended role on "Boston Public" and season four's Constantine Maroulis did his thing on the soap "The Bold and the Beautiful." Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken have also logged time on other shows.

But for our money, the oddest spectacle of 'em all is first-season runner-up Justin Guarini's brief appearance on the 2003 WB sitcom "Run of the House" (it starred Joey, please call me, Joseph, Lawrence). We happen to have a clip here for your amusement:

Continue reading "Beyond 'American Idol'" »

Expect to hear much much lip-smacking about the suicide of this tragic woman, Paula Goodspeed, who apparently had a morbid fascination with Paula Abdul. It's already been all over the Web the last few hours, and so I would imagine just about now, the moralizers will start to weigh in. They may have a point.

Allow me to foreshadow some of those:

1.) The early rounds are, of course, needlessly cruel, and contestants - some, clearly unbalanced - are often dragged before the judges who are then allowed to sharpen their meat cleavers on them. A show of hands - isn't this WRONG?

2.) Didn't it occur to ANYONE - notably line producers - that someone who has produced many many MANY drawings of Paula may be in need of psychiatric help, and NOT in need of ridicule?

3.) There was a huge outcry in Sweden (of all places) when a contestant on the first season of "Survivor" committed suicide after getting thrown off the island; will we see a similar backlash here? (Highly doubtful - this ain't Sweden...but I bring it up anyway.)

4.) Will "Idol" moderate, or at least cut back, on the early rounds, or make some effort to protect those who clearly need protection from themselves?

(Note to reader - this video takes about 20-25 seconds to load; have patience...)

Watch more Dailymotion videos on AOL Video

Now, about that album...

Remember David Cook?

Hahahoohooheehee...!!

That's a joke question. Of course you do. One of the best, maybe the best, contestant in "AI" history. Anyway, the first album is out Nov. 18. Mark the day.

This is a big deal, seriously, for lots of reasons, but let's focus for the moment on the most obvious - whether the album will be a huge hit, or not, and whether the performance serves as some sort of reflection on the show's staying power. You know the drill - slow sales = low viewer interest in "AI." Jordin Sparks seemed to get off to a slow start post-"AI" leaving everyone (OK, me) to kinda speculate that this might not be a good thing for the show. Then...you couldn't turn on a radio without hearing one of her hits. But I'm thinking "David Cook" will be a big seller right out the gate - if the Chris Cornell-penned hit "Light On" is any indication. That seems to be everywhere now too, and it's the big single on the big new album so....

(And by the way, I do believe Archie's album is out the week before, on Nov. 11. Who will win the battle of the 'bums?)

(And by the way again, I see that the Chi Tribune's Mo Ryan reports that DC will be on the Nov. 1 edition of "SNL;" check out her blog to find out some more stuff about the candidates' appearances too...)

Honestly, I think 19 Entertainment and Dr. Evil will be verrrry pleased...

Paula Abdul, bless her, continues to make life interesting around "American Idol." She told the audience of some radio show she was on yesterday that SiCo will cast the deciding vote in the event of a tie next season. This is not hugely surprising - he IS an executive producer, after all. But it is intriguing, because it simply means that SiCo, more than ever, will shape the cast of the show. It became a relevant issue when Kara DioGuardi was added to the judging panel. Perez Hilton has the scoop, and I quote his brief in full. See if you can catch the typo - it's a fascinating one, and I'm not sure whether it's intentional, a Freudian slip, or our newest judge has gone ahead and changed her name to something that, ahh...

Well, enough ... herewith Perez:

"Paula Abdul revealed on the Johnjay & Rich radio show Wednesday morning that in the case of a tie, Simon Cowell would have the deciding vote on American Idol. This season, the show has added a fourth judge, Kaka DioGuardi. So if the judges are split 2 to 2 - Cowell's vote will determine whether or not a contestant will make it through or not! Paula also revealed that thus far, all the people auditioning have "been terrible."

So you, me, the rest of the solar system, are all sitting around this morning wondering: What kind of judge will Kara be? An enabler? An equivocator? A push-over?

I think I can safely say, based on the following video: None of the above. If this is a true reflection of Kara the Impaler, she's gonna be one tough cookie; much harder than Randy (who's really pretty darned nice), and a universe away from Paula. In style, she comes closer to Simon - though with a little more passion, and perhaps even anger.

This wonderful clip - and there are mild expletives contained, so the feint of heart, move on - shows Kara in all her glory - a swirling, whirling, manic, passionate (that word again) type who's got little patience for floozies, flunkies, and frak-ups. It comes from "The One: Making of a Music Star," which was that long-forgotten knock-off of "AI." It was a very expensive show but when it bowed two summers ago scored - I believe - one of the lowest viewing levels of any show in ABC history (I still think "Paula Poundstone" still holds that distinction, however.) Kara was a judge and this show, apparently, was her try-out for the big time.

So take it away - your first look at Kara DioGuardi:

Kara - (do you mind if I just call you "Kara?") - has spoken, and my initial takeaway from the just-concluded conference call is just how sudden and seemingly off-the-cuff this whole appointment is/was. A lot of questions about how it all came together, and a lot of her answers along this line: Not exactly sure.

Were there (for example) try-outs for this new gig? No. Was she surprised she got the call - just a few days ago? Of course. Did she know why she got it? Not sure.

Here's one answer: "I think they were aware of me in the industry, though I'm maybe not a household name. They ['AI'] asked me to come in and we had a nice discussion and that's basically what happened. I've also worked with many of the Idols, at least six or seven...and in the studio, I'm constantly giving my opinion to people...constantly working with talent, and not only writing for it, but signing to labels..."

Were there auditions with the other judges?

No. None of those either.

Does this matter? Well...maybe, maybe not, but consider that she is about to folded in midway through the summer's audition process (New York tomorrow, where she'll make her debut), so my impression is that this was amazingly precipitous on "Idol's" part. May I be blunt? It feels a little loopy.

What was the show worried about? Why did this happen so quickly? Paula - I believe - has forthcoming surgery (an old cheer leading or dancing injury) which I presume will take place after auditions, but not sure. And judge panel chemistry is hugely important on "Idol" - it's not the whole show, but it's certainly a quarter of the whole show. What Kara is effectively saying is this: She no idea, nor does "AI," what this chemistry will be.

DioGuardi does have a TV judging background, BTW - she was on "The One," a very short-lived ABC summer series two summers ago. (Fox neglected to mention that in this morning's announcement.)
Curiouser and curiouser.

Why did they make this change?

"They added me and obviously this is a very successful show. It's their choice to do what they want to do.. I cant comment on why or what it means."

Also, this: "I just know they wanted to add a fourth judge, and obviously they're thrilled with the panel they already have. It's just about adding another person and creating new chemistry as well as keeping the old. That's all I know."

What's the marching orders? "I'm literally in the dark. Tomorrow is the first day at pre-school."

Curiouser and curiouser and curiouser.

Someone wondered about that radio interview with Paula this morning, in which she expressed some concern about whether this whole arrangement will work out. (Kara and Paula know each other - they co-wrote a song for Kylie Minogue and Kara says they remain pretty good friends - or "[we've] always had a great relationship. I can't imagine her not being happy about it.")

That radio interview? She was using her "right brain...she's pondering what could and could not happen. It's like anyone...")

Curiouser and etc.

Enough with the curiousers. DioGuardi does sound very nice and smart and clearly knows a hell of a lot about pop music and has written a hell of a lot of it too. She's clearly got the qualifications. Here's a nice quote about her b'ground: "I never intended to break in as a song writer; I was trying to be an artist and when I graduated from college I decided to start my own garage band...Parents were upset so I landed a job at Billboard [mag] and they got off my back. [Ah, parents...] In the beginning I couldn't get any songs because I was unsigned and that's how I got into song-writing - I had to write songs for myself."

And here how she describes HER style:

I'm "honest, believe in what I believe in and am willing to fight for it, and I'm feisty."

As you're aware, "American Idol's" got a new fourth wheel and her name is Kara DioGuardi. You're gonna hear a lot more about her in just a little while, but first, go to the jump to read a good Allison Stewart profile from the Chicago Tribune that ran in January. It really gives a full flavor of her many talents and some of her struggles too. And, it raises a bunch of interesting questions - some of which spring from her background, and some I've been thinking about too...

Here those questions are:

Will a fourth judge detract from the performances by sucking more time out of the broadcast?
With four opinions to be heard, that's less time for the performance, so I'm wondering how Fox is gonna cram all this into one 42-minute episode.

Will she get along with Simon?
Always the grand question. Simon is not easy, I hear, and some of the things he says can be insensitive (or, again, so I've heard) and he does tend to bug Paula (I've heard that too.) How will he get along with this newcomer, who will suck the time allotted for his opinions...

Could she one day replace Si?
We've all been noodling about the possibilities of Paula leaving some day, but Simon could head out the door too. Fox/"AI" certainly needs to start thinking about a succession plan one of these years; maybe this is it.

Could she draw new talent to the show?
I'd dunno but I'm thinking that with all her ties to Major Heavyweights like Gwen Stefani - who of course has been on "AI" before - she might get Britney Spears to show up too. This would be what we in the trade call a "heavily promotable appearance."

How will contestants use her songs?
Will they? She's part of the '90s/'00s canon, so I can't see how they'd totally avoid some of the songs, like "Come Clean" or "Rich Girl." There are a lot of songs out there, of course, so maybe contestants won't need to go to this well.

(Photo from her website.)

Continue reading "Kara DioGuardi: Some Basic Questions" »

You know who Nigel Lythgoe is - the sprightly, smart, passionate judge on "SYTYCD" - and for many years the sprightly, smart, passionate off-screen boss at "American Idol." Well, he's leaving "Idol" because he's apparently feeling like millions of other fans towards the hit.

That would be: Bored.

Per TMZ, which broke this and also cited the boredom factor, he'll now devote his full attention to "SYTYCD," which just hours ago got a fifth season renewal by Fox. If this is true - and it is true because "Idol" will give a statement shortly - then this departure marks the second biggie to leave "Idol" in as many years. Bruce Gowers - longtime director - also took off last year, and both of these exits beg the question: Are they leaving now so they don't have to ride a tiring franchise to the ground?

Lythgoe - or Lythie, as I fondly call the lad - was an important part of "Idol's" success; of course, he is not as important as Simon or even quite as central off-off-screen as Simon Fuller, whom I fondly refer to as "Dr. Evil" - but darned important. He was also a very good spokesman for the show over the years, fielding press inquiries and deftly dispatching them as well. (Believe me, there are about a thousand in-season controversies at "Idol," and Lythgoe has put out about that number of fires.)

(Photo of Lythie, above, left, courtesy Kelsey McNeal, Fox)

Old news for fans of Ryan Seacrest's ayem national radio show, but everyone else will be appalled, or delighted, to learn that Ry was attacked by a shark over the weekend. (Details provided by Us Mag, and linked by the indomitable TVtattle.com.) This is serious: Ry was in the water when he felt a sharp pain, or some such sensation, when he turned to watch the jaws of DEATH clamping on his right shoulder. He instantly recognized Simon Cowell...

Ba-dum...

No seriously, it was a shark. Ry said it was. How big? Hold out your hand. Now stretch the fingers. That's right...that big. Poor Ry. What's a guy to do? Announce it on your national radio show. Here are some outtakes, with elaboration by moi:

"I thought it was a stick," he said.

[Maybe it was a stick?]

"I wasn't sure what had happened."

[Then why announce to the world that you were mauled by a Great White?]

"I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left." Ry then found the tooth embedded in his leg: It "wasn't a great thing to find. It was like finding a splinter!"

[Again, maybe it was a splinter. Ry, DO you know the difference between a piece of wood and a man-eating scavenger...Oh, wait -- I forgot. You DO work for Simon.]

He was "in pain."

[I'm in pain, too, just reading this. But I don't think I've been attacked by a shark in the past few minutes.]

Though mauled and in shock, Ry still found that ol' reliable sense of Seacrestian humor:

"There were like 1,000 people in the ocean, and I get bit by the shark!"

[Let's put it this way, Ry. You're a shark - assuming this wasn't just a block of wood -- and you have the choice between snacking on a guy who once used to say "SEACREST OUT" or snacking on someone who's the office manager for a personnel agency in Redondo Beach? I think I know who YOU'D attack, too.]

(Pix, Courtesy The Discovery Channel...)

We have right here, right now, the the information you've been waiting breathlessly for...Or maybe not. The "Idol" audition dates: They start in a few weeks at the Cow Palace, but the whole process wraps late July at the Izod Center. Here are all the dates just in case, oh, you find yourself in Louisville with nothing to do on July 21...

What's especially interesting about this list? San Juan, of course. That's a first, and an interesting first. While "AI's" had Latino contestants over the years - and of course Bridgeport's own Syesha Mercado qualifies, wouldn't you say? - there really haven't been that many. In fact, the vast Latino community could argue that "American Idol" has sort of ignored it, and with ratings down, that's not a good thing. So, on to San Juan...

The list:

San Francisco, CA Thursday, July 17 Cow Palace

Louisville, KY Monday, July 21 Freedom Hall

Phoenix, AZ Friday, July 25 Jobing.com Arena

Salt Lake City, UT Tuesday, July 29 EnergySolutions Arena

San Juan, Puerto Rico Saturday, Aug. 2 Coliseo de Puerto Rico

Kansas City, MO Friday, Aug. 8 Sprint Center

Jacksonville, FL Wednesday, Aug. 13 Veterans Memorial Arena

East Rutherford, NJ Tuesday, Aug. 19 IZOD Center at the Meadowlands Sports Complex

The greatest singer in "Idol" history - whom voters, due to their innocence and tone-deafness, declined to crown a couple seasons ago - was on "Today" this morning. This was an interesting and entirely unexpected appearance by MD, insofar as she's been MIA, and - small world alert - she is actually the COUSIN of the young lady who got hitched on this morning's wedding edition (LaDonna.) Before serenading the newlyweds, MD told Ann Curry that she'll finally have an album out this fall, and essentially apologized to fans for taking so long. A couple of weeks ago, MTV News, offered this backgrounder on MD:

"Aside from doing some commercials for Zaxby’s, a chain of casual restaurants that operates primarily in the Southeastern United States, Doolittle traveled the country this year, promoting 'Idol'-branded Edy’s ice-cream flavors at Wal-Mart and supermarkets.Apparently, she’s recording an album as I write this that should be out by fall - just in time for you to forget who she is."

Ouch. True perhaps, but I'll ALWAYS remember as MD as the Great One... I don't, BTW, believe I'm the only one.

I don't know how I missed this this morning, but the ever-vigilant TVTattle.com picked this up for the rest of the world to see, and because I'm overwhelmed with the spirit of sharing, here it is again...It features Daddy Dearest saying that all that stuff about him controlling Archie, and abusing other contestants, and arguing with the "AI" staff, and provoking Simon (which isn't very hard), and forcing his son to sing a song that no one on the planet has ever heard, and generally being a horse's ass....is completely BOGUS.

I knew it all along. You know how the media is (curse us) - always making things up to sell newspapers. Oh, wait...this isn't newspaper, it's a blog. Still...Daddy Dearest was equipped with a mike during this morning's "View" from Las Vegas. Here's what he had to say...

We couldn't let this anniversary pass us by, could we?

Six years ago today, Fox debuted, with minimal fanfare, a little summer talent show called "American Idol," based on a popular British show.

As to what the show would become, to paraphrase my grandmother: "Who knew?"

Anyway, here's a rare early first-season clip featuring the Pete Best/Wally Pipp of the TV world, co-host Brian Dunkleman.

So "AI" is still big after all these years: After a so-so season, and ratings declines on some nights exceeding ten percent, that big brassy go-for-broke finale last night did the trick. It was seen by a total of 31.7 million viewers, up from 30.8 million last year.

Excuse me while...please pass the salt...I eat crow...for breakfast.

Thanks. Mmm. Ewww. Not good. Too tough.

But then, what the hell, I'm used to this. It's my morning after tradition - the morning after "American Idol" ends for another year, and the morning after I've picked another wrong winner. At least I was half right this year. I knew a David was going to win.

Yeah, this has gotten to be a grim tradition. I think my picks over the years have included - Justin Guarini, Josh Gracin, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Kat McPhee, Melinda Doolittle, and now, David Archuleta. Where oh where are they now? On the pile heap of popular culture - the once and formerly famous. The coulda beens. The maybe shoulda beens. The coulda-if-enough-people-woulda voted for 'em beens.

I look on the bright side during these morning-after breakfasts: I coulda picked EJday, or John Stevens, or Sanjaya. Not enough crow in the world to make up for those picks.

What happened last night? Why no Archie?

There was a method to my Archie madness. I figured on a few things happening, each of which may or may not have happened, but clearly didn't happen ENOUGH. One, momentum. That precious commodity in "Idolland" that says when you're on a roll, you stay on a roll. Archie peaked at the right time - the final night of the entire season.

Of course, upon further reflection...I also realized that Archie peaked weeks ago, at the outset of the Hollywood Rounds, and never went much beyond that. He was always good - consistently good. He just didn't get a whole lot better.

Two, the youth vote. I figured that all those teenyboppers and tweenyboppers and beenyboppers would be sending in their text votes, therefore rendering that busy-signal calculus (that had David Cook ahead for weeks) essentially meaningless. There are no busy signals when you send in a text vote, so how could one then tell whether busy signal duration was even a factor?

Of course, upon further reflection...you realize that busy signals ARE an important factor. They DO show which way the wind is blowing. They DO indicate trends and favorites. For all I know, text votes are a negligible factor in an "Idol" victory.

Three, you could buy all that stuff that "Idol" didn't want Archie to win because of Daddy Dearest, or simply because it figured DC was in the sweet spot for record sales, while Archie still wasn't quite there...or whatever.

Of course, upon further reflection...Maybe DC was simply better. The more interesting of the two. The guy who took risks. The guy who chose and performed interesting music by interesting artists, like Chris Cornell. The guy who had a more fundamental understanding of popular music, while Archie's choices too often reflected Daddy Dearest's.

I don't know. I'm through with theories, and further reflections, until (of course) I think up some other ones....

Back to the bird.

(Personal guarantee: No crow was injured during the production of this blog post.)

Michael Jackson on the finale of "American Idol...?"

Michael Jackson on the finale of "American Idol...?"

MICHAEL WHO ON WHAT!!!???

The estimable critic and TV observer, Hal Boedeker (AKA TV Guy) and my counterpart at the Orlando Sentinel, has picked up the best damed rumor of the day, and maybe of the whole month. To wit...[see above.]

I'm gonna front another rumor, based on nothing but hunch and fevered imagination: What about Janet? (see below)

Hal addresses the MJ possibility with sort of a slack-jawed disbelief...and then, I got to wondering. Remember how - coincidentally - "AI" finally got use of the Beatles songs after years and years of wangling on EXACTLY THE SAME DAY that MJ got a bank reprieve and managed to hold on to his beloved Neverland Ranch?

So...what if...what if..."AI" secured his loan on the condition he appears tonight?

I have no idea whether this is true, or speculation of the most ridiculous sort, but get your sequined glove out of the closet, dust off that ancient vinyl of "Thriller" (or "HIStory," your call), and plant yourself in front of the set. This might turn out to be even more of a morbid curiosity than Celine serenading Elvis...

Personally, I'll bet Paula heard the wrong rumor - I'll bet JANET JACKSON will be on tonight. She's got a new album to promote, so...get your wardrobe malfunction ready, etc.

(Above, the You Know Whos; courtesy: People.)

You know and I know that reality TV is a crock-pot of contrivances and choreography - that what goes on behind the screen, and even before the shooting starts, is of equal or greater importance to what goes on before our eyes.

So first, to Kristi. Of course she won last night. There was simply no way she could not win. How is it that no one - and I do mean no one - has pointed out that she is a world-class athlete, and one of modern history's preeminent skating champs? She has the stamina of ten mortals, and not just stamina, but an ability to control her body in ways that maybe one out of a million, no, out of ten million people, could ever hope to achieve.

Does anyone really think Adam Carolla had a chance against her?

Yeah, Apolo Ohno is a world-class athlete and so is Helio Castroneves. Guess what? They won too! (Jason Taylor? - of course, he is, but a 255-pound linebacker has different skills beyond the dance floor.)

What's my point here? That "DWTS" stacks the deck each and every season. The stars are carefully chosen to match the audience's demographic profile, but in the end, a champion is chosen by the show long before the shooting even starts. Kristi Yamaguchi was preordained by producers to win this thing because "DWTS" has been stung by charges that the show's audience, overwhelmingly comprised of older female viewers, vote overwhelmingly for male contestants. Even though the three judges' scores count for HALF of the total, viewers still went for the guys.

And no way was "DWTS" going to allow that to happen this year. Yamaguchi was so splendid that she got a perfect 90 the last couple of nights; she and Mark Ballas ended up with the highest judge total of any contestant in the show's short history.

Did she and Ballas deserve it? Of course. But the simple fact remains: "DWTS" stacked the deck to avoid embarrassment.

Now, the two Davids. As I've been yapping in this blog all season, "Idol" did a little deck stacking of its own this season. There were so many pros and semi-pros and former pros in the final 12 that the idea of this being even remotely an "amateur" comp was turned into a travesty. "AI" was hellbent on avoiding the Sanjaya Syndrome - that dreaded instance when a sub-standard performer is pushed to the front of the line by tone-deaf teenyboppers and websites like votefortheworst.com.

There's nothing wrong with "pros" - Melinda Doolittle was one, and so were plenty of other worthies in past seasons, while David Cook and David Archuleta are (of course) wonderful. (DC, as you know, cut records long before this show, and wasn't just a bartender trying to make ends meet in Tulsa, as "AI" legend would have it.)

Please - I'm not trying to be difficult, obnoxious, cranky, mean-spirited, and just plain snotty (even though I am, certifiably, all of these things). I'm just pointing out the obvious: The best have reached the finish line on both of these shows because their respective networks and producers long ago determined that the best SHOULD reach the finish line.

It's a good rule of thumb to remember that in TV, most everything usually happens for a reason, and that there's much more to these "competitions" than meets the eye.

Yup, that should just about do it.

The fat lady has sung and she's not even fat, and she's not even a lady: She's a he and he's from Utah, accessorized with a stage dad from hell, a golden voice, and appealing stage manner and enough charm, presence of mind, talent and apparently even drive to win this thing outright in a week's time. David Archuleta WILL win this thing -- it's writ in the stars and there's nothing anyone can do about the stars at this point.

Not that he was great last night -- he wasn't. No one was. Lord, for a penultimate "American Idol" edition, that was a massive let-down. The first choices were good (the judges') and from there it went downhill fast. Syesha -- who's pulled off this winning combo as a fashonista with a slinky seductive lounge lizard act over the last few weeks -- even acted as if she could win this whole thing after her first number. Then, Peggy Lee? PEGGY LEE?! Not that there's anything wrong with PL, but "Fever" is one of those songs best left to the original crooner.

David Cook? He seemed awfully, awfully pleased with himself, didn't he? He sort of affected that perfect rock-star mien -- as if all this competition business is something he has to go through en route to a glorious career. Was that a Switchfoot song for his own choice? Blander than unbuttered toast. His final (Aerosmith) was good (and he always is good). But I didn't feel the joy as did Simon ...

Finally, we're left with Archie. He did three songs -- a Billy Joel and that old chestnut from Dan Fogelberg. Plus, there was that Chris Brown in the middle. That one was HIS choice and a crafty one it was. Every one of his 'tween fans in the audience knew that song cold -- even if middle-agers on up didn't. I'll bet the 'tweeners loved his version (of "With You") even if the judges didn't. "... oh, I'm into you and girl no one else would do ..." Randy actually thought he sang the word "boob!" (I Googled the lyrics and the actual word is "boo." Not a naughty word at all, I believe.)

At this point of the game, the 'tweeners are all that counts and they're gonna bring this on home for their boy.

Archie wins. This thing is over.

Yup, Ryan Seacrest - host of some singing show on Fox - will actually have work to do this summer. He's gonna executive produce a show on mothers and their cherished boys entitled "Are You a Moma's Boy?" Should premiere right after the Olympics, on NBC.

Only question you want answered by this point: Will he host?

Not sure. Not sure. Will get back to you on that.

With this show, Ry's doing what any hugely wealthy young guy who really REALLY wants to be The Next Dick Clark would do - start up a production company, litter the landscape with shows, hope one of 'em sticks, and then make his first billion (and get on the cover of Fortune, which will devote 2,000 words to "The Genius of Ryan Seacrest.") He's also said to be in discussion with CNN about the "Larry King Live" slot - I kinda believe this although CNN has said it's bogus. Meanwhile, his ramped-up production company is also producing that immensely silly Denise Richards' reality skein, "DR: It's Complicated." That bows on (I beleive) E! around Mem Day.

What do we know about "Moma's?" (Until five minutes ago, blessedly nothing...ba dum...)

Here's Ry's own voice on the show: "Anytime I make a decision either personally or professionally, I have to ask myself...what would my mother say? Like it or not, I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real."

(Above: They even kinda look alike. Courtesy: People.)

You woke up this morning and sobbed into your coffee. "Oh God - NO NO NOOOOO ... Not JASON."

Honestly, I can't imagine why you feel that way, but I'm trying to be "empathetic." (I think it's a good thing to be "empathetic," don't you?)

The fact is, seriously, there are people out there who liked the Guy Who Shot The Tambourine Man (his line, and a good one, too). I liked GWSTTM; liked him a lot. Nice personality, good teeth, and I suppose if I could "dred" my hair up that way, I'd give it a try too. Jason was laid-back; I loved the way a couple weeks ago the camera caught him unawares just before an elimination, and he yawned loudly -- as if all this "Idol" business were getting in his way of a good night's sleep. (There is such thing as being too laid back, I suppose - so laid back you forgot the lyrics.)

I think he has talent but -- forgive me -- I can't vouch for it. His rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was really fine, and liked his do-over of Izzy's "Over the Rainbow." But he did say it best last night -- he was the guy who shot the tambourine man.

Anyway, here's the point of this post: Jason will be fine. I did a semi-exhaustive study of contestants who have been bounced fourth from the end; it would seem an ignominious end to an "Idol" dream, but it's not. According to my semi-exhaustive study, the fourth-from-the-enders have actually fared better than the third-from-the-enders; and, of course, one fourth-from-the-ender, Chris Daughtry, has fared better than most winners.

Why is this the case? I haven't a clue, but the facts bear me out. Tamyra Gray (Season 1) got a gig with "Rent"; Joshua Gracin had and has, I believe, a reasonably successful country music career; LaToya London's had a good run in "The Color Purple" (and done a ton of other stuff); and LaKisha Jones has done fine, too (though no huge breakthrough, to speak of, that I'm aware of). Only one fourth-from-the-ender, Anthony Federov, still seems to be in the career hunt.

Third-from-the-enders? I believe the only stand-out success is Elliott Yamin; even the Best Singer in "Idol" History (By Far), Melinda Doolittle, still seems to be struggling a bit. (Jasmine Trias? Yes, I hear she's a superstar in the Philippines.)

So take heart, Jason fans. The career's just beginning. GWSTTM will be back before you know it.

I for one am amazed at the coverage of the latest L'Affaire Paula. The poor, dear, befuddled girl burbles something about seeing Jason Castro's two songs on Tuesday's show, and the Times devotes 5,000 words for an above-the-fold story, as if the war in Iraq and a recession here at home were stories that could wait. Paula! That's the big news. Then, a commentator from "EW" portentously warns the viewers of "GMA" this morning that "if she can't handle the rigors of the show," maybe she should be replaced.

Rigors?! RIGORS!!!?? OMG. I mean, seriously, OMG.

What's the issue here? That judges see the rehearsals? Of course, they do. They've always said they do. The show has said they do. What difference does it make if they do? (I guess that adds to the rigors.) Is there a federal statute that bars this? Or: That their comments are scripted? Anyone who believes that is either foolish or has never seen the show. The judges' greatest "sin" is an occassional rhetorical sameness -- as if something, everything, is "too pitchy," or "too karaoke," or (from Paula), "I love you, I love your spirit, I love your wonderful voice, oh my God ..."

I can see Paula sitting in her dressing room before the show, scribbling those words down, then memorizing them.

But I guess the rigors of the show are so great that the judges have to script their comments, right?

What's the issue? That Paula screwed up or said something silly? Would you like a catalog of all the instances she's screwed up or said something silly? There is neither time enough in the day nor column inches enough in the Times to chronicle them all. Yet there was still enough Web babble yesterday to prompt Ryan to last night even give the poor beleaguered lady a vote of confidence -- that the rumors weren't true and that she would remain "a member of our family."

Fact is, the press treats the show as if it's shocked-shocked that there's gambling going on here. It's a reality show, which of course is a contradiction in terms; there is no reality in reality TV. "Idol's" most significant issue -- "failing" or "sin" seem too strong -- this season was stacking the ranks with pros and semipros, like Carly Smithson. But that's not the subject here. It's Paula being Paula again. Oh brother -- like that's news?

Bottom line: Paula's vital to the success of this show. She's going nowhere.

Carly Smithson, deposed not even 24 hours ago, did a conference call with reporters a little while ago. She was very gracious, said the usual nice stuff ("we're all grateful for the experience...I'm not that sad to be leaving...I think anywhere after the top ten is just a bonus...now I get to be me without a theme night and make a cool record.")

But she did say one kinda interesting thing, and worth noting: "I started out on the show with some bad press [that punk at Newsday, Gay!] and it didn't help me very much, and early on, people accumulate their fan base."

She added, "women vote for the boys and the boys are adorable [this season]. I definitely feel the girls had more of a struggle this year to the popularity vote [because] the boys are definitely charming the females."

You'd have to be a stone-hearted SOB - which, admittedly, I am - not to be just a little moved by that final scene last night with Syesha and Carly locked in this final death embrace, that as if to disengage would mean one would vanish into a puff of smoke.

And in fact one did.

Carly gone: Will I be the only one today saying what a complete "Idolian" outrage her early departure is? The only to say what a bunch of morons voters are? The only one to say that this whole damn thing is rigged? The only one to observe the obvious fact that once more a superior singer is gone while two lightweights (and why bring THEIR names into this) remain?

Carly - I can now reveal as if not at all obvious - was my personal favorite this season. Yes, we know she was a plant, and once worked with Randy, and was a former professional who put out a bad album (with dirty lyrics) and who had an advantage (unfair, perhaps) over others who hadn't worked the professional grind the way she had. Dr.Evil (Planet 19 superboss Simon Fuller) wanted her here too, if only to keep this competition respectable and interesting into the final rounds. No one ever expected her to win. I never expected her to win. With Archie in the pact, she probably didn't deserve to win.

But: She had guts, perseverance, and projected an undeniable sense that failure isn't the end but a roadblock to be surmounted. She had an outrageous flop in 2001 with her album, but kept on coming back when she could have done what a lesser person would have done - disappeared into a wallow of booze or something worse (if that's possible, and I suppose there is.) She kept on coming and coming, though best of all - she didn't have one lousy (REALLY lousy) performance all season. Not one.

Man, I'll miss her and that inked arm and gorgeous voice. Now we can all talk about Brooke and Jason.

Cluck, cluck, cluck...cluck...cluck...

This morning you can hear the sound of a million hens clucking - how Brooke screwed up last night and how she stopped and started and how (oh yes) she's gone tonight for sure!

But I don't know - no clucking from this hen. I thought she was fine. The song? Snoresville. (After all, SHE didn't pick Andrew Lloyd Webber - I assume this was Dr. Evil's handiwork.) Some weeks I'm down on Brooke - one of my early faves - and some weeks I'm high on her. I'm high on her again after last night; Simon was right. She was brave to stop/re-start, and Paula was a silly scold. For chrissakes, what was she supposed to do, Paula? Stand there and SOB?! "I can't go on! I can't go on..."

She was fine. Safe tonight? Another story perhaps. Here's a good clip, and thanks fo Phillymac2563 for posting the whole thing:

Interesting reaction to the Michael Johns exit last night, and it never even occurred to me: Was Ryan Seacrest needlessly cruel to Mike?

Remember how it played out? Seacrest said (and I paraphrase) that both Syesha and Carly were saved from the figurative noose, but ...[insert here dramatic pause that seemed to last 10 minutes]... Michaels Johns will be leaving us tonight.

I got this comment from an outraged fan, and I quote in full below:

"PLEASE WRITE THE PRODUCERS AT AMERICAN IDOL AND COMPLAIN! They DO read the emails, and the fans HAVE made a difference before:
askfox@fox.com
Ryan@eonline.com
Ryan@kiisfm.com
"Ryan Seacrest is CRUEL! What he did last night to Michael Johns totally crossed the line. There is no excuse for his behavior and he owes Michael Johns a public apology. They also should bring back the Wildcard setup in this case. Let him come back one night to sing, and if he doesn't get the top scores the next time, he'll be permanently eliminated."

Good points, whoever you are. Why no wildcard? Why that strange ending? (And why is MJ no longer in the comp while a few others who shall remain nameless are?)

Come on, come on, come on, people. Get a grip!

GET A GRIP!

The exit of Michael Johns is not, repeat not, shocking.

Yet why has the morning buzz turned to a morning roar - that Johns exit was like some sort of amazing turn, totally unexpected, profoundly terrible, etc.? Michael Johns' exit has become, all of a sudden, this season's Next Big Flap, the First Big Flap being lap dancing pictures-or-whatever of David Hernandez.

I just saw Kelly Ripa do a Paula - Omygod omygod omygod (goes Kelly). He was a latter day JIM MORRISON.

What? Kelly, you were born like 30 years after Morrison died. How would you know what Jim Morrison was like.

I knew Jim Morrison. Michael Johns was no Jim Morrison.

Now, let's put this in proper proportion, shall we? It was a "surprise." Just a surprise. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I mean, come on. He wasn't going to win "American Idol." David Archuleta is going to win "American Idol." That is so certain, so writ in stone, so don't-even-bother-arguing-with-me (because I'll just plug my ears and go "neeener neeener neeener...not listening...not listening") that I've even written my lead for the story the night he wins. Here it is:

"David Archuleta won 'American Idol' last night."

Catchy, isn't it? You're right. I'll work on it.

But here's my point (and I do have one): Michael Johns was good, but not great. His last few outings have been blah. Aerosmith on Tuesday? Blah blah. Kristi Lee, who effectively LIVES in the bottom three, has actually gotten better - or better at getting more clever in song choice. Brooke - one of my early favorites - has gotten worse, to the point of awful. Yet she has so completely conned her fans with that sweet lil' ol' me act that they don't even hear her performances.

But Johns never seemed to work his fans, never worked the judges. He was a bit of a cypher, really, unreadable, inscrutable. The Great Sphinx of the seventh season.

Sometimes it's not just about the singing. Sometimes it's about selling yourself too. Johns never learned that little secret. That's why he's gone.

No shock. Just a surprise. And in hindsight, a small one.

Dr. Evil (Simon Fuller of Planet 19 and the Big Boss of "Idol") had a plan. It was an ingeeenious plan, this plan, and seemed as infallible as any of the other ingeenious plans he had devised to take over the world. This season, "Idol" would stack the deck with pros - people who had cut records, and knew how to perform on stage, and who would help erase the stigma that this was a rank amateur competition. And then, one of them would win! This person would then sell millions of records for Sony/BMG, plus go on tour and actually draw people to venues - unlike last summer's abysmal tour headlined by beat-boxer boy Blake Whateverisnameis and Jordin Sparks.

"Idol" would rule the world again.

Then, last night.

Dr. Evil is not happy, and his top producers heard from him again. First, what was Mini-Me (Fox reality boss Mike Darnell) doing there, Evil wanted to know? "Mini-Me seemed profoundly inebriated; doesn't he know the rules? No member of Evil's entourage is to be seen drunk on-screen, ever."

Next, who thought up this business about inspirational songs?

The producers, Number 2 and Number 3, patiently explained - again - that "Idol Gives Back" is tonight, and they wanted to get viewers in the giving mood. "I don't care about FRICKING 'inspriration,'" he screamed. Numbers 2 and 3 glance at each other nervously.

"My pros stumbled around like Fat Bastard. David Cook? What was that about? And who gave him a pen to write on his hand? If either of you let him sing an Our Lady Peace song ever again, I will personally fire the fricking laser at your head. Michael Johns? Karaoke, baby. What's so inspirational about Aerosmith anyway? Carly perfectly demonstrated why she could only sell 378 records for MCA. Among my pro plants, only Kristi Lee and Archie did anything worth a damn, and we all know Kristi will probably land in the bottom two tomorrow night anyway...

"And those clever clever amateurs - Syesha channeling Fantasia, and Dreadlock Boy doing Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's "Over the Rainbow; that was smart - he knew that idiot Seacrest couldn't pronounce Izzy's last name so everyone thought Jason was doing something original. That rank amateur Brooke White? Another clever song choice. I hate her.

"This won't happen again," he tells Numbers 2 and 3. "This better not happen again..."

I got some calls from some trully engaged readers (thanks truly engaged readers!) about this blog item I posted a few hours ago about Dr. Evil.

The question was: If Simon Fuller's Dr. Evil, then who's Mini Me? Who's Goldmember? Scott? And so on. (If the show we were talking about was "Dancing with the Stars," then Carrie Ann Inaba would be Fook Yu because that's who she played in the movie.) Anyway, this got me to thinking...

And thinking. I'm just spitballing here, but Foxxy Cleopatra is Paula, and Number 2 is Randy. Austin Powers is probably - let's say for argument's sake - Ryan. (I know it's a stretch, but just play along.)

Finally, Mini Me: Simon.

Also today, I see that Jay-Z got a huge contract, and all this talk about Foxxy (Beyonce, of course, and soon Mrs. Z) and Dr. Evil got me to thinking some more about Austin and Mini Me. So, take it away, YouTube:

So I'm sitting here thinking that the top "Idol" producers now have the show right where they want it. Their truly devious and brilliant plot has unfolded almost PERFECTLY and according to plan. And no one - 'cept for a few million buzz-gnat bloggers - have noticed.

Ah yes, they are saying (gleefully rubbing their hands) we have done it! No more lightweight amatuers in THIS competition - the professionals and nearly-professionals have taken over. Any of THESE will understand how to sell a record, get radio play, work the press, handle promotion, go on tour, and do all the myriad other little things that a pro must do - most importantly make Dr. Evil (Simon Fuller, of Planet 19 Entertainment who's really pulling the strings here) happy.

"Yes, we've done it: We're not gonna get stuck with another Jordin Sparks THIS year! "

The final four are emerging. With the dull Ramiele gone, that leaves Kristy Lee, Brooke and Syesha in the way; but they won't be here long. Oh yeah, sure - Kristy's one of the pro plants this season, but she hasn't quite worked out as we planned (says the "Idol" brain trust to themselves, not rubbing their hands for the moment.) That's OK. She'll be gone soon - if those gnats at votefortheworst.com don't keep getting her back each week. Syesha (they add) has hung around a little longer than planned - but that should be remedied shortly. Yes, she was a clever girl the other night - trying that Whitney Houston song and pretty much pulling it off. Curses! (they say). Why didn't she shatter that high C like a piece of cheap china?

What about that Brooke White (they say)? Another clever one - she's played that cornfed act masterfully, and the suckers have bought it! Aw shucks, lil' ol Brookie - so nice, and sweet. Has made everyone forget - she can't really sing.

They'll all be broomed out shortly, though (Dreadlock Boy too), and by May sweeps, we'll have our four: Archie, Michael, Carly and David. (Yes, David - he's a surprise, isn't he? We certainly didn't count on him - but just like Daughtry, he's a masterful mimic of the pros; we can work with someone THIS smart.)

Yes (they say, rubbing their hands again). We've done it. It's genius - pure geeeenius. Whoever wins the final four should be able to sell some records - even Carly, now that she's had the world's most popular show helping her.

Dr. Evil will veeerrry happy.

[Note to readers: When will we all just realize that "American Idol" isn't about finding the best amateur singer? It's about finding the person who can sell the most records for Sony/BMG, Simon Fuller and all the other license holders of this program?]

Don't worry, he's apparently fine...but David Cook went to the hospital last night after his "Little Sparrow" moment (quite good, I thought, as usual.) He said he had heart palpitations - which, of course, could be a sign of something serious - and so off he went. For complete coverage of Tuesday's American Idol, click here

TMZ first reported this, and People got the update, and here it is: "American Idol contestant David Cook was hospitalized after Tuesday night’s live show when he felt heart palpitations, a source confirms.Cook was treated for high blood pressure and released back to the Idol apartments where he was 'doing fine,' the source says."

Yeah, this is bizarre (and hasn't Cook had some sort of problem before? Will check...) The guy's terrific - my own personal front-runner - and the pressure-cooker of this comp has got to be overwhelming at times. But he's been pretty consistent on stage - consistently good, that is.

Also note: Last night, he gave credit again to Chris Cornell for last week's version of "Billy Jean." My assumption is that Cook heard some of the blowback in the wake of last week (some fans didn't think Cornell got enough credit, and I was hard-pressed to tell whether he got any.) Cornell later went on the record to say he was a little put off too.

Why is Cook's condition such a big deal? Simply because HE is: The judges (Randy, Si, Paula) have treated him like he's in a different league, and in fact he is. Here's Cowell on Cook in last week's "EW:" I've got to tell you, watching it back, this performance he did on 'Billie Jean,' in my opinion, was in a different league to anything we've heard on the season so far. It was so much better, he kind of made some of the other performances seem ridiculous."

One doesn't often hear Simon Cowell say such things about anybody. Yes, there have been very mini-controversies - the Cornell one, for example which also drew a lot of attention/commentary to TV Zone but I haven't heard anyone yet say he can't hold a note or lacks discernible talent; of the latter, he's abundantly endowed.

Meanwhile, TMZ says Cook was urged to go to the hospital during the show - he declined - and has been under high stress because of his brother, suffering from cancer.

And, here's the TMZ report, with additional details about last night.

I've gone and done it again: Sparked a riotous raucous debate over something due to both my ignorance and innocence.

The debate: David Cook or Chris Cornell?

Neither needs an intro (ok, DC is the "Idol" front runner, per my unofficial count and reading of the Zeitgeist.) Cornell is - of course - one of the truly great rockers; I remember him mostly, I guess, best from his Soundgarden days although you young 'uns out there may first think of Audioslave (and let's not forget Temple of the Dog, shall we?)

Anyway - silly me - I didn't know he'd done a classic version of "Billie Jean," since turning solo, which DC performed on Tuesday; it was an "Idol" high point, and absolutely the moment that pulled DC into the front ranks this season. A bunch of smart readers told me that it wasn't only NOT original but that Ryan Seacrest even credited Cornell.

So here's my big question of the moment: Which "Billie Jean" version is better? After an exhaustive search - roughly 0.34 seconds on Youtube - I came up with about half a dozen versions of Cornell's "BJ." Sampled most of 'em, and offer you this one; the version's wonderful and exotic and raw as my old sneaker.

So what say you friends? Cornell or DC? I'm happy to report (as a DC fan), it's not such an easy choice as you might imagine...

(And since we're on a Chris Cornell kick for the moment, here's a great clip of "Revelations;" wonder if DC'll ever try this?)

(Above, Cornell in earlier days, in Rolling Stone; thanks to Destructogirl for the clip.)

I love to spread rumors as much as the next blogger, and this one I can't resist: Is Carly Smithson pregnant?

My incredibly hard-working colleague, Eileen Fredes, brought this beauty to my attention recently - telling me that it was so widespread that even WNYW/5 checked in on it last night at 10. Sure enough, it's raging across the Internets as we speak...

What does this mean? Plenty. First of all - if true - then Carly very likely WON'T be joining the "Idol" tour this summer (as Eileen pointed out). Also, why the rumors now? If true, then will this work to Carly's benefit? In other words, is this pregnancy a good career move?

I'm one of Smithson's big 'ol fans - I think she's wonderful, even if she's a pro who once had a big fat MCA contract, and couldn't even sell ten records. But I think she has a squishy fan base and may well be voted off tonight. Imagine! Ramiele (or Christy) stays but Carly goes.

What a world. As soon as I find out more about this "developing story" (as Drudge might say), I'll let you know.

(Update: Per an "AI" spokesman, "We dont comment on the personal lives of our contestants."

A little late catching up with "Idol" today (ok, a lot late), but this is one of those blog entries where you sort of feel that you have to jump on board the band wagon along with everyone else. Last night was a particularly interesting edition, and now, I can officially declare right here in the confines of TV Zone: David Cook is the absolute front-runner.

How do you determine these things? (I ask myself.) It's in the air, the zeitgeist, the whatever, (I reply to myself.) It's just THERE. But Archie has suddenly become passe, or vulnerable. It's strange how these things happen, but they just do; blame the ol' Zeitgeist. Honestly, I thought Cook's rendetion of "Billy Jean" was the stand-out moment this season - the one we'll remember a month from now, perhaps, maybe longer. It was "original" - but "good" original.

(BTW, I have to share this fascinating comment from Rushhoursoul, just received: "I loved David Cook's performance but if you have ever heard Chris Cornell's - Soundgarden, Audioslave - version of "Billie Jean" from 'Unplugged in Sweden 2006' then David's version is not terribly original." And - oh boy - read Lisa's less-polite dismissal of my Cook endorsement. I disgree with her, but she picks up the Cornell ref too.)

Meanwhile, who goes tonight? Here's my list from first (the most likely) to fourth (least likely). It's a tough call, and number one on my list is one of my favorites, but cruel are the "Idol" gods, and capricious too. (And if you missed DC's "Billy Jean," it follows):

1.) Carly Smithson.

2.) Chikeze

3.) Ramiele Malubay

4.) Kristy Lee Cook (for once, almost certainly safe, considering her remarkably clever and effective performance last night; if this "Idol" thing doesn't work out - I've got a career suggestion for CLC - as a TV executive.)

(Above, the winner. Randy's right.)

The mentors are back! The mentors are back! And with that, the Beatles may soon be gone.

Yeah, last night Ryan Seacrest gave a fuller list of this season's mentors - Mariah Carey, Dolly Parton, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Neil Diamond - and you can be reasonably certain that they're not coming aboard to help the final ten with the Lennon/McCartney canon. I'm pretty certain Parton - BTW - was already expected, and probably MC too. Mentors - you'll recall - have been a key part of the show over the years, though producers cooled to 'em this season because they decided to focus more on the kids' back-stories as opposed to the back-stories of the rich-and-famous coaching them.

But...obviously a bad decision in retrospect. They were (or at least were sometimes) viewer faves, and the contestants got a kick out of them as well. And - arguably - they made the songs and performances better, or at least as good as they could be. Certainly Diana Ross knows a little bit more about how to sing one of her own hits than one of the "Idol" resident musical pros, right?

The absence of mentors has also been a possible, or probable, reason why the last two Beatles weeks have been such a considerable disappointment. The singers, half the age of the songs, in some instances didn't know the songs, and certainly weren't plugged into their rich, mythic lore. Result - a lotta bad performances.

Last year, in fact, "Idol" DID get permission from Sony/Micheal Jackson to dip into the Beatles songbook (they could choose a few songs - this season, the whole book was open to them.) But they canned the idea when they couldn't get a Beatles "mentor." They wanted legendary Beatles producer/frontman George Martin, and here's what "Idol" bossman Ken Warwick said at the time:

"The problem we found - or the problem we've had, obviously - is that we need a mentor who's up to the job. We were after George Martin, and his schedule unfortunately... we tried every which way. We had permission from the record company, we just couldn't get George."

Ummm, what about Sir Paul? He did write the songs that people sing, so...

Said Ken: He "took exception" to Simon's comments about the contestants."

"[McCartney's] a nice guy. He doesn't like Simon saying, 'You're horrible. You're the worst I ever heard. You shouldn't be singing.' So the chances of Paul coming on the show were pretty slim."

Oh, Simon...

(Of course, Paul has had his hands full of a few other problems the last few months, so can't put all the blame on our favorite judge...)

Yesterday morning, Simon Cowell woke up on the wrong side of bed, fell out flat on on his face, scrambled to his feet, then tumbled head first out the window and straight down into a scummy pond filled with duck poop where he was then set upon by a thousand homicidal Canadian geese.

How else - I ask you in all genuine sincerity - is one to explain his horrendous mood last night?

I've seen Cowell in black moods before - that square Brit face of his scarlet with anger, bile, rage, disappointment, and (flat-out) scorn.

But last night? That was the record. It was that flock of homicidal geese, I suppose.

I mean, seriously people. Where to begin? He spat out insult after insult, until he was so spent he had to consult his (recently published) "Simon Cowell's Book of Insults" for fresh material. By the time poor 'ol Malubay rolled around, he basically just threw up his hands - "you chose really mediocre songs and didn't show the best of your ability."

So, it was also McCartney and Lennon's fault now, eh?

How DARE they write mediocre songs for Ramielle Malubay and all these other pretenders?

Good Lord, man.

He was kinda nice to Mercado and Archie. But that was it.

In some cases, he was absolutely right. Brooke White - my heroine - was horrendous. Amanda Overmyer was so bad that if she gets voted off tonight, then even Paul will feel a little better (after giving Heather a king's ransom.)

But the rest of his judgments were flawed - especially with Carly Smithson. Here. You don't believe me. Watch. She was fine. Simon was nuts.

What's the problem? Simple: Simon, and doubtless the rest of the "Idol" production brain trust, are beginning to regret this Beatle thing. It's become a straitjacket, whereby songs that were gorgeous and indelible when sung by the one-and-onlys almost half a century ago, now sound tinny and trivial when sung by this crew. Yes, Malubay was the perfect example (and Brooke too). "I Should Have Known Better" should have only been sung by Lennon (I think it was Lennon) and no one else, ever. But Simon is so clearly incensed by all this ruination of the Beatles that he's completely lost his judgment and apparently, marbles.

I wonder: When will "Idol" start mixing in other standards again?

Simon slugs Carly. Carly slugs back and scores!

Remember "Idol Gives Back" last year - that HUGE one-night-only charity benefit that actually showed Simon doing something nice for someone? It's back, and almost before you know it: Fox just announced that Wednesday, April 9, is the day. But what's especially notable is the size - three-and-a-half hours, from 7:30 to 10 - and the size of the star list.

Yes, everybody who's anybody...or anybody who wants to be somebody...or somebody who's about to become somebody (or will eventually be somebody)...will be on hand. We're talking...Eli Manning, Bono, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus, Peyton Manning, Mariah Carey, Fergie, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox, John Legend and Snoop Dogg...

It's making me tired just typing out this list...

Plus, Fox says there will be more stars! So many, one imagines, that people will forget to call in the toll-free number to contribute ten bucks to some cause.

Oh the charities - almost forgot about them. They are: The Children’s Defense Fund, The Global Fund, Make It Right, Malaria No More, Save The Children and the Children’s Health Fund.

(Mr. Super Bowl himself - above - will make an appearance on "IGB.")

It's now official: Former strippers CAN'T win "American Idol." Producers have to be happy about last night's results; Coke has to be happy too; as I think I pointed out before, "The Coke Side of Life" does not, under normal circumstances, include lap dancing. And most viewers - certainly the granny vote - aren't gonna warm to this past, ummm, vocation either. So it goes.

Oh, and how DID Coke - AI's most important sponsor by far - feel about our departee? Go to "American Idol's" site and check out the "behind the scenes" photo slide-show "Presented by Coke:" Not one, I repeat, there is not one shot of Hernandez (he appears off to the side in one picture). But there are half a dozen out of twenty with Brooke and Kristy.

Coke may not "cast a vote," but it's a more important presence on this show than any judge (Simon included) or producer. Money talks on TV, and Coke is the biggest money of all. They wanted Hernandez gone.

Nevertheless....nevertheless, Hernandez deserved another shot. Maybe another two shots. He massacred "Saw Her Standing There" on Tuesday, but oddly enough, did a pretty good rendition during the exit routine. He was a very good singer, and up until Tuesday, was maybe a top-sixer. But here's the thing: This top twelve - now eleven - is so good that one bad turn (with the exception of Archie) means that just about anyone can land in the bottom three week to week. David just happened to pick a bad time to be bad.

Gone. Too bad.

As the big-time eliminations on “American Idol” begin again, here come cable’s “AI” dissection shows.

Wednesdays at 8 (starting March 12), TV Guide Network brings back its highest-rated original series, “Idol Tonight,” hosted by former contenders Kimberly Caldwell and Justin Guarini.

Fox Reality Channel’s “American Idol Extra” returns for a third season Thursday at 7 p.m. (March 13), with new ex-“AI”er cohosts Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen.

TVG’s “Idol Tonight” promises interviews with show cast and crew, along with Idol Flashbacks on auditioners and contestants, Where Are They Now update segments, and Idol Worship viewer questions asked of current contenders.

Fox Reality’s “American Idol Extra” (which has the advantage of being produced by “AI” production companies FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment) kicks off this week by presenting the ultratalented Melinda Doolittle [right] -- but also William Hung [photo below], singing “Achy Breaky Heart” (oh, my achy breaky ears). Watch/hear a preview, if you dare, at this link.

Tough night tonight.

Who is gone?

Who DESERVES to be gone?

Anyway, here are my weekly odds, adjusted as we go. (Odds, by the way, reflect chances of eviction tonight.) Answers below:

David Archuleta: I'm a lover of counter-intuitive logic and therefore will say right now - Archie had a great Beatles night. Great because he bastardized "We Can Work it Out?" No, because he thus proved that he is fallible. Again, you never want to be infallible on this show, or at least until that moment you're crowned. He's human! He forgets words! He's not perfect! He's still the frontrunner, but he won't be if he screws up next next week. Odds: 2:1.

Jason Castro: Not a particularly memorable performance ("If I Fell"), but still a memorable guy. He's safe tonight. Odds: 5:1

Chikeze: For some reason, Chicky remains low on the popularity poll (if TV Guide's weekly power rankings are to be believed.) He probably won't win "Idol," but after last night's "She's a Woman," he's a lock - to continue. Odds: 4:1.

David Cooke: Forget about moving on to next week; he could win the whole dang thing. (3:1.)

Kristy Lee Cook: The perfect illustration of why Sony and MJ (Michael Jackson) have zealously protected this song book - that someone would take a standard and turn it into something not only unrecognizable but actually ghastly. "Eight Days a Week" - I'll never listen to it the same way again. But Paula made a rare blunder last night wen she revealed that KLC has a "huge" following. In other words, Paula knows the numbers, and she knows KLC is safe. Maybe. After last night, that's not a sure bet. Odds: 25:1.

David Hernadez: What the..??!! This is not the stage of the competition where you screw up. This is the stage of the competition where you get better, or turn up the gas, or do something to prove to viewers that you deserve to go on to the next round. DH actively encouraged viewers to NOT vote for him. A neat trick.He's in the bottom two tonight. Odds: 50:1.

Michael Lee Johns: He was better than the judges (Paula of course loved him) gave him credit for being. Not boring at all ("Across the Universe") but engaging. He remains safe. Odds: 7:1.

Ramiele Malubay: I still like her but I fear fans do not, or fear they have no idea who she is, or why they should vote for her. Tonight, Ramiele leaves. Odds: 100:1.

Syesha Mercado: Solid "Got to Get You Into My Life." Why doesn't she get more press? I'm confounded. Se's darned good, and at least deserves to move forward. And...will. Odds: 14:1.

Amanda Overmyer: Personality deficient, refuses to sell herself to the judges. That'll work against her in the long-run. But after Chicky, this was the best John/Paul of the night. Odds: 12:1.

Carly Smithson: "Who's that Irish girl?" asked Simon. Good Lord! The man's got senioritis already! How could he forget? Carly's worry has to be that others have forgotten who she is too. Please, please, please...Carly HAS to move on. (Plus, I want a professinal to win "Idol" so that this show can go into contortions trying to explain why it's still an amateur competition. Odds: 10:1.

Brooke White: My own personal dark horse. I actually thought her "Let it Be" was only OK, but it's what she does after the song; dabbing an eye and thanking the audience without affectation. I assure you, millions of others were dabbing their eyes too - as they dialed in her vote. Odds: 4:1.

We now have our top twelve (Amanda Overmyer, Brooke White, Carly Smithson, Chikezie, David Archuleta, David Cook, David Hernandez, Jason Castro, Kristy Lee Cook, Michael Johns, Ramiele Malubay and Syesha Mercado) and a very worthy crew this is.

But with the endgame developing, I share these "Idol" thoughts with you this morning, reserving the right to change them at a moment's notice the minute someone comes up with reasonable counterarguments.

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...David Archuleta is a such a ridiculous front-runner? They certainly have an idea at this point who they want to win - that is, who will ultimately sell the most stuff for RCA Records, Planet 19, and the 1001 other entities that exploit winners of this show. Archie's gotta be close or at the top of their list. But being the presumptive winner this early the game is not good because everyone assumes it's already over, so why vote for him anyway?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that....Carly Smithson might eventually pull this out? Everyone, or most everyone, deserves a second act in show biz, and Carls is getting her's now, (and she deserves it, given her evident talent.) But she sold like ten, or was it nine, albums when she had that big multi-million dollar contract for MCA last century. Will she do better with a new record label, or...?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...David Hernandez might win? I think the guy's one of the most talented of the field, so he has a shot. But that stripper past..."Idol" producers say (or pretend that it) "doesn't matter." But what about Coke? I wonder how those guys feel? The winner's gotta represent their interests too (along with that of many other sponsors.) What's Coke's slogan these days? "The Coke Side of Life." I wonder if the Coke Side of Life includes lap-dancing?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...Michael Johns is the winner? Fine singer, certainly, and plenty of talent. He has a real shot too. But he was born in Perth, Australia and still has a passable Aussie accent. It's a wonderful thing, but this is "AMERICAN Idol" is it not? Wonder how they'd feel down under if an American contestant rose to the top of Australia's "Idol" edition. I'll tell you how they'd feel - outraged! (That's the Aussies for you.) No one here'll care too much, but if Carls and Michael reach the top final two, can this show reasonably be named "American Idol" this season?

Those are my "Idol" thoughts for the day. Feel free to throw verbal darts...

Lucky you!

You are about to get the full benefit of my many years studying "American Idol" (I DO have a Yale PhD. in American Idology, by the way.) I will tell you who will advance to the final 12, who will falter. Who's got the upper hand. Who's got no hand. And by the odds which I have so generously posted below, you too will be able to see into the future to find out who will win the seventh season of the world's most watched show.

Enough babbling. Here's the handicap:

Asia'h Epperson, 19, Joplin. 10:1. Like her, but does she have that 'ol "remembrance" factor (in which you remember who she is.) Not sure.

Brooke White, 24, Mesa. 5:1. My own dark horse. No one picks her to win, but I see her advancing beyond tonight. (Of course, I'm the one who thought Marie O had a shot at winning "DWTS."

Danny Noriega, 18, Azusa, Ca. 50:1. Almost (not quite) winner of this season's Sanjaya Special Award. OK singer, snotty personality.

David Hernandez, 24, Glendale, Az. 4:1. Stripper Boy is a wonderful singer, and in my opinion better than Archie the Unbeatable. If only this guy knew how good he was...

Kady Malloy, 18, Houston. 1000:1. Gone tonight.

Michael Johns, 29, Buckland, Ga.: 5:2. Pro Boy is pretty good, knows how to work the stage, etc. etc. But is he likable? Hmmm.

Ramiele Malubay, 20, Miramar. 7:1. Love her! She's one of my favorites! She had a wonderful night last night! But will she go all the way? No.

Amanda Overmyer, 23, Mulberry, Tn. 9:2. Didn't really see why she was even in this comp, until last night's performance. She was commanding, and is easily in the top 12.

Chikezie, 22, Inglewood. 8:1. Love Chicky, and would love to see him make it to the final four. But...

Carly Smithson, 24, San Diego. 4:1. I've given poor Carly such a hard time because she's a pro in a competition that pretends to be an amateur competition. But I'm so over that. Why blame Carly because the producers were desperate to get reasonably high caliber talent this season after last season's flounders? She gets better...and better...and better..and...

David Archuleta, 17, Murray, Ut. 2:1. Beware the Sure Bet in "Idol." And by the way, isn't his stuff (so far) just a little bland and safe and dull? But the kid's great. Archie's in the final two or "Idol" will lose all credibility, forever.

David Cook, 25, Blue Springs, Mo. 5:1. Another one of my favorites. A really talented kid.

Jason Castro, 20, Rockwall, Tx. 6:1. Distinctive look and style, God knows. I think - and hope - he'll go far.

Kristy Lee Cook, 24, Selma. 20:1. Beauty queen with the nice voice. Last night was not good, though.

Luke Menard, 29, Crawfordsville, In. 25:1. Probably gone tonight, but could still surprise.

Syesha Mercado, 21, Sarasota. 20:1. Fine voice, but as Si might say, a little like a million others you might hear on the radio. Not sure what her style is, exactly.

The first pro is gone: Robbie Carrico, as you probably know, got the boot last night, but he's the first of "Idol's" professional-rich crop this season to find little favor with the fans.

Others gone: Alaina Whitaker, Jason Yeager, and Alexandrea Lushington. We're down to sixteen now.

Carrico a surprise? Not entirely, given the faux-rocker-I-wanna-be-Daughtry performances (and especially Tuesday night's pan by Simon) whose "Hot-Blooded" left everyone cold-blooded. Plus, voters may have been distracted by the raging hair debate: real or fake? It's REALLY hard to concentrate on a performance when you're studying the roots.

Nevertheless, Robbie knew how to do this, and he should: He was a member of "Boyz N Girlz United," which used to open (I understand) for Britney. He is, or was, also part of "Idol's" concerted effort to lift the quality of the field this season by salting in seasoned pros/or highly experienced and polished neophytes. Not that there's anything wrong with that (other than the fact that I always foolishly assumed this was an amateur competition), but the two current front-runners are also of that breed. You could argue, I suppose, that Joanne Borgella - also gone last week - was a "pro" too, but her background was in modeling/acting. Amy Davis? Also a model (Maxim...)

Lushington? Too bad. I liked her. Whitaker, too - girl next door type, and howabout that make-up job Wednesday. Yeager? Si was way too hard on this kid; yeah, it may have been a lounge lizard croon act, but he had a good voice and decent stage presence. Life goes on, but sorta wished he had too...

In any event, let's say goodbye to Robbie in style: He's a clip from the Boyz N Girlz days, and better days - apparently - they were. Plus, no wig:

Before I get to the meat of this quick blog, one quick observation about last night's "Idols" women edition: Wow. They're all, or mostly all, damn good. You can whine or moan or wheeze or blow about "style" or "pitch" or whatever, but still - wow. This is probably the best "Idol" crew in memory - an infinite improvement over last season. I could easily add a couple asterisks to this assessment - yeah, there were some weak performances, but nothing horrendous.

But let's get to this other observation: The Ones To Beat? They'll be beaten. (By the way, please check out the comments - I got some smart and thoughtful reactions to this blog, and you may well agree with them...)

I am amused by Simon's glowing tributes the last two nights to David Archuleta and Carly Smithson. You're the ones to beat! His direct quote re: Carly: "I don't think the other girls can touch you..."

But comments like this consign the recipient to...well, you know what. An exit.

Here's why. First, forget that these two contestants are in fact marvelous - they're SUPPOSED to be, as part of "Idol's" concerted effort to avoid dogs making it into the final rounds (as has happened too frequently in recent years.) They are top notch...they are budding pros...Smithson (as you all know) WAS a pro...and Archie is so good he could have easily taken the traditional route of agent/to-role-on-"iCarly" (or one of those shows)/to record deal.

We call that the Ashley Tisdale route.

But here's the thing, friends. When You're the One To Beat, you're the one people ultimately don't end up voting for. They assume you've already GOT the vote, so why bother?

We call this The Melinda Doolittle Syndrome.

She was the greatest singer in "Idol" history, by far. She was indeed the Great One.

Where O' where is Mel now?

Here's my choice of the one to beat: Brooke White.

But what do I know.

(Above, Brooke White, the real one to beat?)

The biggest "Idol" news of the year broke yesterday, and some of us are now left to wonder: Did Michael Jackson have something to do with this?

Ryan Seacrest broke that news on his radio show yesterday morning, saying that Sony/ATV has FINALLY given "American Idol" the rights to perform songs from the Beatles' catalog.

That's just under 200 songs, and some of them - OK, many of them - the greatest of the 20th century.

It's a huge break for "Idol" (as if "Idol" needs a huge break) because it has tried to get 'em for years but has met resistance for reasons both mysterious and obscure. "When the Top 12 sing for the first time this season, it will be the music of Lennon and McCartney," top boss Nigel Lythgoe told Seacrest (as quoted in RealityTVworld.com.) "We've given them a list because it's all of the early songs -- from 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' to 'Got to Get You Into My Life.' These fantastic songs. It's one of the few areas that everybody knows."

Why now, after all the foot-dragging? Said Lythgoe, "I think it was the talent this year. They see that it's real talent, and hear it. Everyone's so good this season, that they're saying, 'Yeah, go ahead. Sing the songs.'"

Well...ummm...ahhh...As we say in the TV trade, that sounds bogus (no offense, Nigel.) Money certainly changed hands - lots and lots of green - and the banks apparently are about to auction off Neverland, so...back to that question about MJ.

Yes, the first thought you may have, or at least I did: What did Michael Jackson have to do with this? Neverland was, in fact, scheduled to go to auction in mid-March but CNN is now reporting that Jacko has kept the wolves at the door by raising a loan and will now avoid foreclosure.

Jackson appeared poised to sell his share of the catalog (total value around half a billion, with 251 songs, although Lythgoe used the 180 figure) back to Sony a couple of years ago. Because of the legal problems, the gloved one's financial condition was so desperate that it looked like he was about to part with one of the world's greatest cultural treasures. There was a flurry of press at the time (2005) that it was even a fait accompli.

But...it's unclear whether he actually ever did sell.

If sold, he likely had nothing to do with the "Idol" Beatles deal; if not sold, maybe he did, and "Idol" has saved Neverland.

I'll try to get to the bottom of this curious story, sports fans.

In any event, yesterday's coincidence is certainly interesting...

Illustration, top: Günter Edlinger

“American Idol” arrives on iTunes today with a free video download of white fright Renaldo Lapuz bowing to Ryan Seacrest, the better to whet your appetite for more.

(That’s “your” appetite. Not mine.)

But the main iTunes attraction, which you gotta pay for, is the availability of all musical performances by the top 24 contenders in Hollywood (presented in alphabetical order by first name, since we’re all BFFs). For 99 cents a pop -- that’s per person, per song -- these audio stylings become available the morning after each telecast, the better to grab your money before your brain kicks in to rethink the cost. (You can even “pre-order” downloads to avoid thought altogether.)

But don’t look for competition clues by whose downloads sell most. Sorry, “iTunes and Fox are committed to presenting contestants in a fair and balanced manner online and on-air,” reads the small print. “For this reason, sales of performances from ‘American Idol’ contestants from the current season will not be reflected in the iTunes charts.”

They’ll be happy to post and profit, however, from sales of previous seasons’ tunes, in case you just haven’t had enough of Clay Aiken’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”

More details here.

One of the things fans come to "Idol" for - or maybe one of the things this fan comes for - is that indelible sense of there-for-the-grace-of-God (and maybe a little more talent) go I. That person up there - that person could be ME! It's the reality part of reality TV, or that innate sense of identification or rejection (oh, I HATE that contestant cuz she reminds me of the mean girl at school, blah blah...)

So, as usual, Simon was right: Losing Kyle Ansley was a mistake.

He wasn't gonna get far, this kid. He wasn't gonna get to the top twelve. He wasn't gonna win. But he WAS gonna add that extra dimension of simple heartfelt appeal which much of this top 24 seems to lack. (Seems to - there are clearly some people we don't know yet.) Oh, most are good and attractive and talented and (in more than a few instances) professional. But Kyle had no wall between him and the camera - no artifice or camera smarts or polished, gimlet-eyed, mother-staged savvy. He was just there - with some talent and sweetness and everyman/woman-ness.

Now, gone.

I liked the way Simon stuck up for the kid. Liked the way he said he was "Really really disappointed."

Not to feel too bad for Kyle. He won a foreign affairs fellowship at Oklahoma State last summer. Here's what he said at the time: “I’m so excited. The fellowship is typically awarded to students from Ivy League schools like Harvard, Yale and Princeton, and I am blessed to have been selected and represent Oklahoma State University.”

“I enjoy learning about people. Representing American’s interests abroad and visiting cultures around the world will be very fulfilling,”

Smart AND gracious. It would've been fun to follow him, if only for a few weeks.

Meanwhile, still waiting for "Idol" to tell thirty million viewers that several of these final 24 have had some professional experience - including an album produced by a top record label - while there's a "Star Search" winner here too.

Not that there's anything wrong with.

Waiting and waiting and waiting....

Why is "Idol" being so coy?

Here's your top 24 list. Remember these names. They'll be with us for a while now...

David Cook, Amanda Overmyer, David Archuleta, Kristy Lee Cook, Brooke White, Danny Noriega, Jason Castro, Luke Menard, Alexandra Lushington, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado, Robbie Carrico, Garrett Haley, Kady Malloy, Amy Davis,Alaina Whitaker, Jason Yeager, Asia’h Epperson, David Hernandez, Colton Berry, Joanne Borgella, Carly Smithson and Michael Johns.

There were so many interesting questions that came out of last night's "Idol" that I suppose the best way to handle them all is just ask 'em, and let 'em hang there. So here goes.

I was just wondering...

...when is "Idol" going to at least HINT that Michael Johns, Carly Smithson and Kristy Lee Cook have had professional experience?

...how Josiah Leming is going to handle possible (probable) rejection?

...whether Danny Noriega is the next Sanjaya?

...why Robbie Carrico looks like Axl Rose?

...why Colton Berry looks like Josiah?

...will Kyle Ensley be the next Sanjaya?

...why Kyle Ensley is my favorite contestant so far?

...why Perry Cataldo got dropped (thought he seemed kinda good during that a capella shootout)?

...whether "Idol" will ever show clips of the time David Archuleta - who's probably a front-runner already - won junior singer comps at "Star Search" in 2003?

...why Angela Martin got dropped (who I thought was good) and (whether it's just a coincidence that there's also an Angela Martin in "The Office?")

(Right: David A., from his "Star Search" days; courtesy: CBS)

Can’t get enough “American Idol?” Never fear: Fox has just enhanced your viewing pleasure.

The network announced today that it will expand the already-excruciating-at-30 minutes Wednesday results show to one hour, effective March 12.

Fox also let us know that “Idol Gives Back” will air as a TWO-HOUR special on Wednesday, April 9 and in keeping with the show’s kumbaya spirit, no one will be eliminated that night.

So the results show that week will be on Thursday. And that means an “Idol” triple play that week.

You’ve been warned.

Remember that moment on last night's show...who could forget? A memorable "Idol" moment for the ages (or at least until we forget in a couple hours.)

This wonderful corn-fed talent-free kid named Chris Bernheisel comes on bearing gifts for Simon and Randy (Paula was sleeping in - hey, this gig only pays $10 million a year...) He mangles a song, then charms the uncharmable Simon into harassing the local Fox affiliate - KPTM/42 - to hire him for its red carpet coverage of the finale.

Bulletin: The corn-fed Fox affiliate has apparently declined. Or at least that's the way it appears: Check out the station's website and go to the video with Bernheisel and the two local anchors; it's an amusing addendum to last night, and Bernheisel even breaks a little news of his own - that "Access Hollywood" has offered a Red Carpet on-camera gig for the kid. "Oh my gosh - 'Access Hollywood' has called, MTV, the Fox [station] out of LA...'"

The Fox station out of Omaha - which had a golden opportunity plumped right in its lap? Apparently no call from station management there. The anchors end the interview by saying they'll check back with him now and then, and otherwise don't let the door hit you on the way out.

We call this in the trade a "badly bungled promotion opportunity."

Now, I wonder if Simon will call and harass them personally?

By week two of "AI," we should all be able to spot a season trend and this one has now pretty much already driven into our living rooms like the proverbial eighteen-wheeler barreling down the highway.

Let's call this trend: The Pro Masking As Amateur. There's been plenty of reporting on this so far, so you're not hearing it here for the first time, no doubt, but last night's show perfectly clarified what I'm talking about. We speak of Carly Hennessy - oops, I mean, Carly Smithson, with the husband who looks like a star of "Miami Ink."

She's a pro, but "Idol" - per its wont - dressed up her audition as just another inspiring Horatio Alger tale of the aspiring Irish singer who got a ticket to Hollywood three years ago, only to have her hopes dashed by some U.S. Immigration troglodyte who denied her a visa.

She had an OK audition last night - Simon, more prickly than usual, said the one three years ago was better - but she got a yellow ticket anyway. Not revealed: That Smithson is a pro who once had a record contract with MCA, and even released an album six years ago.

Did poorly. So poorly that the Wall Street Journal did a PAGE ONE STORY on the poor girl.

Here's the top of the piece, which ran Feb. 26, 2002, by Jennifer Ordonez, with other excerpts below:

MARINA DEL REY, Calif. -- Eighteen-year-old recording artist Carly Hennessy is packing up her small apartment. Her promotional posters will go into storage, and the beige rental couch will be returned. A weight-control message that the slender teen scrawled in marker on the refrigerator -- "NO, U R FAT" -- will be wiped clean.

For two years, Vivendi Universal SA's MCA Records paid the rent here while Ms. Hennessy prepared for pop stardom. And that's not all: the label so far has spent about $2.2 million to make and market her new album, an upbeat pop recording called "Ultimate High." "Some people just struggle," she says. "I was very, very lucky."

Not lucky enough. "Ultimate High" was released in stores nationwide three months ago. So far, it has sold only 378 copies -- amounting to about $4,900 at its suggested retail price.

In many other industries, this would be considered an extraordinary bomb. But in today's troubled music business, it's routine. Of the thousands of albums released in the U.S. each year by the five major record companies, fewer than 5% become profitable, music executives say."

[Then, dear TVZone reader, there was this...]

"By April 2001, with the album still unfinished, MCA decided to try to get Ms. Hennessy some notice by releasing her first single, a bouncy tune called "I'm Gonna Blow Your Mind." Its opening lines:

"I really really, I really really, I really really, I really really, I really really want to kiss you/

But much more than that/

Boy, I'm gonna blow your mind."

It was a risky choice. MCA realized the song's subject matter -- oral sex -- made it unlikely to get much exposure on youth-oriented outlets deemed important in launching young artists, like the Radio Disney network of stations. But executives felt it was Ms. Hennessy's catchiest song. MCA spent $250,000 on a video that showed Ms. Hennessy dancing in a disco and jumping around with pals in their sleepwear. On a call-in show, Nickelodeon asked viewers to rate 30 seconds of the video, but the audience was unresponsive. The video was quickly shelved."

[And also this...]

"[Another single] "Beautiful You" got even less airplay than the first single. With no radio play, MCA and Mr. Copeland decided against a concert tour. Retailers, meanwhile, were leery of investing much in an album by an artist who seemed to be going nowhere. Music stores had stocked 50,000 copies of Ms. Hennessy's first two singles, and sold about 17,000, according to SoundScan. So when it came time to order the "Ultimate High" album, retailers bought just 10,000 copies, MCA says. With virtually no radio play or press, there was little hope for the album as it hit stores. 'It was not rejected by the public,' [and MCA exec said.] 'We just never made it to the public.'"

OK, enough with the excerpts. So what's the problem you ask - beyond the fact that "Idol" is up to something sneaky?

The trend is this: That "Idol's" popping more pros/semi-pros into the Hollywood rounds than ever before, doubtless to avert last year's debacle season, and de-fang troublesome websites like votefortheworst.com, and prove to the world once again that it IS picking the best singer. (By the way, vfw has a good wrap on this trend today.)

But what if the "best singer" is a former pro, and the whole selection process has become a sham?

I leave you with that question.

Every year, early audition time, "American Idol" actively seeks the anti-winner: Someone whose talent, voice, style, looks, approach, dress, hair, and song are the diametric opposite of the real winner to be crowned in May. This person isn't just conventionally "bad" - if that were the case, then I could be the winner - but someone whose badness is both irritating and uniquely awful. They can't sing (that's a given) but they also can't read the obvious signs that an audition is going no where (and never will.) Thus, they keep singing, bringing forth a song that is guaranteed to be youtubed almost immediately, and then turned into a single within (about) a week. They ultimately get an award during the non-televised portion of the Emmys, called the William Hung Memorial Award, named after William Hung.

And we may have a winner already. He's Reynaldo Lapuz and you saw him last night. (He's 44, and hence no chance of advancing anyway, as if that were an actual possibility.) "Idol" purposely closed out the show with Rey, knowing full well that 30 million people would go to bed with his Simon tribute rattling around in their troubled heads. Here he is again, just in case you forgot the tune (and yeah, I was right: There are already a couple YouTube postings; this is one that I picked up from someone named Adelaidecate007. Thanks Adelaide, I think):

Oops: "American Idol" had a big night, numbers-wise, but not big enough. Last night's two-hour premiere tumbled by some four million viewers from last year's opener.

The Jan. 15 '08 opener was seen by 33.2 million viewers compared to 37.3 million on Jan. 17, '07.

What to make of this? Probably not too much - 33.2 million is, after all, 33.2 million - but the drop's in concert with a general and probably accurate impression that "Idol's" peaked and is now on the downward slope of the Mount Everest it scaled the last few years.

Also: Conventional wisdom held that "Idol" would be stronger this season because of the writers strike. But...so much for that conventional wisdom. (The producers never bought it either.)

In a way, I imagine Fox is even a little relieved by this number - after last season's dullfest, it could have been much worse. Also, last year's opener was a record; records, even for "Idol," are hard to break.

The numbers: It got a 13.8 rating/32 share among adults 18-49; last season the opener got a 15.7/36. "Idol" easily overwhelmed the other networks, with even more viewers than the others combined. America's "Idol" hangover?

No one ever got a raise screwing up a successful - massively successful - formula but they got a lot of other stuff, beginning with "termination." So it's hardly any surprise that "Idol" returned last night as familiar and comfy as that old pair of slippers you just can't bear to part with - and as familiar as a clock.

Tick, tick, tick...you know what's going to come next. Tick, tick, tick...you don't object, necessarily, but you just know - and that's what we got, in what was the most important night of the strike-zonked, show-depleted,viewer-disaffected, reality-stuffed '08 season. It was the first night, too, because last fall is a receding memory; this season now ends in May, with "Idol."

Good, bad, or indifferent from the front lines in Philly last night? That's not even the right question - "Idol" was just THERE, and that's all that mattered. The structure always works out the same - bathos veers to pathos, comedy to tragedy, separated only by commercials. The talented few are chosen representing a rainbow coalition of singers from the hard-scrabble inner city to the sylvan pastures of Oregon, and the illusion that we've somehow sampled a true cross section of the hundred thousand who lined up for this cattle call is complete. It is an illusion because I'll bet most people in that stadium COULD hold a note - the real challenge for producers is finding those lonely and delusional (and quite possibly disturbed) few who CAN'T.

James Lewis? Puh-lease. Needlessly cruel set-up of someone who couldn't even tell he was being set-up. Alexis Cohen - the Allentown bombardier - who flipped the bird on camera more than any contestant in "Idol" history? She seemed to get more on-camera time than just about any other contestant in history - and why? Because what "Idol" loves best at this stage of the competition is insane rage - though only if directed at Simon.

The parade continued: Temptress (tearful and tragic who couldn't hold a note but got in front of the lions to save her ailing mother); followed by...Udi (He did it his way) for comic relief, then Alexis for a lot more of the same, then... Angela Martin, on stage to save her ailing daughter, who could hold a note and more important, looked great (cathartic release after Temptress...) then kick boxer from Oregon/ eye candy for Simon, Kristi Lee...Ben, wax hair man (more comedy)...Paul, the Paula Stalker (scary)...Chris, good voice, going to Hollywood...and, finally, Christina, the "Star Wars" queen and final comic release.

It's all a pattern. It's always worked before. And we await the ratings, to see if it's worked again. Tick, tick, tick....

We've got some "American Idol" news, right here, right now, gratis of Simon Cowell, who just conducted a conference call. He doesn't do these often, and he said lots of stuff - none of it momentous - so without further ado, here are the highlights:

The writers strike: 'Won't have an impact [on 'American Idol,' which bows next week] ...People will [still] have a choice with other channels and we have to make a better show than last year and that's the reason we'll gain or lose viewers."

Guest stars: They'll be cut back, and their role diminished.. Says Simon, "we didn't let the audience know enough [about contestants] last year - where they lived or their likes or dislikes. Everything was about their chat with J Lo or Diana Ross. This year more of the focus will be on the contestants and less of a focus on the person mentoring that week."

Better contestants: "We got a better top twelve and more interesting than [the 12] last year. I'm pretty certain we got that this year."

Simon's Gone by '10: "Nothing lasts forever. I think the exit point to an extent is determined by the public who are eventually going to get sick to death of me if they haven't already. I always thought in my mind that I'd go to the end of my contract and two more seasons after this one, which would make it nine in total. Nine is enough to inflict on anyone. Can the show exist without me? Absolutely. It'll probably get better."

The album failures of Jordin and Blake: "Am I surprised? Not particularly."

Advice for Britney You-know-Who? "I genuinely think if I sat down with her, number one, remind her of all the good things in her life - her kids, money, success - everything to give her a sense of perspective - and then take her out of where she's living at the moment and have her live with her family and live normally for six months...She's welcome to call me anytime."

Handicap the presidential race: "It [teary-eyed Hill] didn't do her any harm. Tears on 'American Idol' never did the contestant any harm and it didn't do her any harm...Fascinating race...My gut, I think it will be a Democrat who will win the election in November, but overall a good bunch of candidates on both sides this year."

(Photo: Courtesy, NY Magazine)

"American Idol" season is right around the corner (the Fox blockbuster returns Jan. 15), but LIers can get a major Idol fix during January: four former Idol contestants will be signing copies of the new book "Chicken Soup for the American Idol Soul" at Borders Books & Music Stores in Bohemia, Westbury and Farmingdale.

Here's the rundown:

Jan. 12, 2 p.m.: LI's own Kevin Covais at Borders, 5151 Sunrise Hwy., Bohemia.

Jan. 14, 7 p.m.: LaKisha Jones at Borders, 1260 Old Country Road, Westbury

Jan. 23, 7 p.m.: Tamyra Gray at Borders, 231 Airport Blvd., Farmingdale

Jan. 26, 2 p.m.: Constantine Maroulis will be performing and signing at
Borders, 1260 Old Country Road

We've got the "American Idol" dates for you, right here, right now. So if you're of a mind - and really, who isn't? - get out the new calender and start marking it up:

The show's back Jan. 15, followed by four weeks of audition shows. The Hollywood rounds are Feb. 12 and 13, and the top 24 are announced on Feb. 13; the top twelve guys go Feb. 19 and top 12 ladies go Feb. 20. The first results show - live, of course - is Feb. 21, and the top finalists will go before the cameras on March 11.

Herewith the full list, from Fox:

Tuesday, Jan. 15 (8:00-10:00 PM) Season Premiere, Part 1

Wednesday, Jan. 16 (8:00-10:00 PM) Season Premiere, Part 2

Tuesday, Jan. 22 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Wednesday, Jan. 23 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Tuesday, Jan. 29 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Wednesday, Jan. 30 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Tuesday, Feb. 5 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Wednesday, Feb. 6 (8:00-9:00 PM) Auditions Episode

Tuesday, Feb. 12 (8:00-10:00 PM) Hollywood Round, Part 1

Wednesday, Feb. 13 (8:00-9:00 PM) Hollywood Round, Part 2 –

Top 24 Semifinalists Announced

Tuesday, Feb. 19 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Male Singers Perform

Wednesday, Feb. 20 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Female Singers Perform

Thursday, Feb. 21 (8:00-9:00 PM) First Results Show (ET live/PT tape-delayed) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off

Tuesday, Feb. 26 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Male Singers Perform

Wednesday, Feb. 27 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Female Singers Perform

Thursday, Feb. 28 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (ET live/PT tape-delayed) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off

Tuesday, March 4 (8:00-9:00 PM) Top 8 Male Singers Perform

Wednesday, March 5 (9:00-10:00 PM) Top 8 Female Singers Perform

Thursday, March 6 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (ET live/PT tape-delayed) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off; Top 12 Finalists Revealed

Tuesday, March 11 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Finalists Perform

Wednesday, March 12 (9:00-9:30 PM) Results Show (ET live/PT tape-delayed) – One Contestant Voted Off