The TV Zone

...Gone.

Yes, gone.

The Woz...

He's gone.

And suddenly, just like that...

"Dancing with the Stars" has ruined my night.

But I'll get over it. Really...seriously...honestly...the Woz was my Favorite Bad Contestant of all Time on "DWTS." He had it all: Aside from my ability on the dance floor (pretty much the one thing I could identify with), he was passionate, interesting, unique, different, fun, outspoken, unusual, a genius...the guy who HELPED CREATE APPLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Good Lord. And who's left? Gilles and Mellisa and a few others whose names I've already forgotten. (With, of course, the exception of LT.)

"It started out kinda weird," said the Woz, upon elimination, using his gift for understatement.

And - he mighta added - it continued kinda weird. The pink boa...the worm...what am I missing here?

But, man, the guy was great.

Oh yes, Holly is going home too.

(Pix of Woz and boa - ABC)

So sad...so sad..so very very bad...

Good news!

Your evening won't be completely ruined by one of the worst reality shows to come out of Mike Darnell's chop shop at Fox: The network has cut back the "Osbournes: Reloaded" show (or whatever it is) to just 35 minutes tonight.

Too bad it wasn't shortened to 35 seconds...35 microseconds...

In fact, too bad it JUST WASN'T CANCELED.

Man, if it wasn't for "Idol," "House," "The Simpsons," "Family Guy" (every now and then, but more often "then" than "now"), the NFL, and [put your own favorite show here] the Fox Network would just fold like a cheap tin can...

Shows like this will make you feel sad for the human condition...but mostly just sad the Osbournes.

"O:Reloaded" starts at 9:25...Do yourself a favor. Read a book or go to bed or hug your children or look at the stars or...

My very kind review, from yesterday's Newsday...

"The Osbournes left the TV stage almost four years ago after an improbable MTV run that actually spawned a subgenre still begging for a name - reality shows about celebrities with a boundless capacity for self-abasement. Some fans declared "The Osbournes" a masterpiece of its kind - an inverted "Father Knows Best" with father as a former headbanger who has an uneven grasp of reality due to an oceanic ingestion of drugs in his past.

Nevertheless, I'd hazard a guess that even Ozzoids will struggle with an answer to this question: Why are the Osbournes back? Is there something we missed during the MTV run - something so charming and hilarious and special that a return engagement was just a matter of time?

The honest answer is no. We got the joke. It wore thin. We moved on. This clan, apparently, has not. The clip reel wasn't merely execrable: The whole thing just felt so slack and lazy, as if the O's had turned up five minutes before taping. Watch if you must - and Fox is guaranteeing that you must by ramming this down a few million unsuspecting throats after " American Idol." But be mindful of Sharon's sage counsel. If you want a good old variety show, change the -- channel.

(Pix: Fox)

Wow. Take a look, if you can, at tonight's pretty unusual and pretty powerful "SVU." Below is the clip and - superficially at least - what is notable about this episode, entitled "Hell," is the fact that this is the first TV program to have ever been shot at the United Nations.

That's just the window dressing, however. This one's about genocide, and atrocities that happen five thousand miles from here. Here's the logline: "The episode deals with a teenaged African refugee who escapes a lifetime of rape and terror, only to become a victim of violence here in the US. She and her friend – a former child soldier forced to do unspeakable things before his escape – enlist the help of SVU detectives to find and capture 'The Devil' – a brutal army leader who escaped punishment in Africa. "

The bad guy - or the "Devil" - is someone named Elijah, or Joseph Serumaga. He's played with scary - and I do mean scary - conviction by Mike Colter. (Colter? Broadway fans may know the name - he appeared in "A Soldier's Story" a few years back; his big screen credit was the character Big Willie Little in "Million Dollar Baby.")

CNN has a very good piece on-line about this episode, and spoke with John Prendergast, co-chair of the Enough Project - an advocacy group that works to prevent genocide in six African nations. He helped write and craft this episode with show boss Neal Baer, and told the network that "Hell" "...dovetailed quite neatly with fiction, and hopefully more people will understand now what is happening in real life with President Bashir and Sudan...because they saw it on 'Law & Order.' "

The closing thought tonight?

"What's the answer, father?" Stabler asks a priest who had adopted the little girl. "To tell Elijah's story," he replies, "and pray someone listens."

Fair warning: This one's hard to watch, but it's also an unforgettable "SVU."

The clip...

Here we go - another week of Pierre DuLaine's picks.

Two people go tonight...who will they be?

Pierre's picks...Holly and Steve-O.

Quickie memory refresher: Pierre DuLaine is one of New York's great dance teachers - a former world ballroom dance champ and founder of the famed Dancing Classrooms - which has taught dancing to hundreds, thousands, of New York City school kids, and has programs throughout the five boroughs and on Long Island...

He has graciously agreed to give TV Zone his "DWTS" analysis each week. He knows what he's talking about, and I usually don't. So awaaaaaay we go! Here are Pierre's observations...

Lil Kim: Very clean, not as passionate and she was a bit too busy. Not as sensual as I'd like. An 8.

Melissa: Very in character with her choreography...a ten.

Gilles: My favorite. He did an incredible job. In character, passionate and sensuous. He was present - it's like doing a part [in a play]. You are engaged in his story...you believed it...a ten.

David: Good energy. an 8.

Chuck: I was disappointed. Not very Lindy-like [they did the Lindy Hop.] Too much slow work too. A 7.

Shawn: What horrible costumes. Oh please. No body wears shorts - and their midriffs showing! But...their choreography was good. I gave them a nine.

Holly: Oh my God, what is she doing t here? Very stiff. No character or passion for a tango. A 5. She'll be out.

Lawrence: Not his dance [the Argentinian Tango]. He was never in charge, no passion, no seduction whatsoever...a six.

Ty: He was very good at partnering and very much in character. I gave him a ten.

Steve-O: Very stiff and mostly uncoordinated. Not enough partnering and unmusical. A five.

Steve: He had the worst marks [and] it was not a tango. But I believe [his fans, the Woz Posse] want him to stay...so a five.

(Pix: Kelsey McNeal / ABC. Is Holly gone?)

Get yer hankies ready, kids.

I know I've got my supply.

"ER" ends this Thursday. I don't why - because I haven't watched the show much over the last couple years (although I do believe the Angela Bassett addition this season has been a master stroke) - but I'm gonna miss the old girl.

A trusted friend is about to leave forever. How else am I supposed to feel?

I've got a couple of clips, in any event... This Thursday...two-hour finale...9 to 11...

The Colbert Space Station...

Or some part of it...like a node. That's the name that the vox populi (Read: viewers of "The Colbert Report") has chosen as its name for some room on the 'station and as you know from various reports last week, NASA is balking.

Last night, Colbert demanded that his name be affixed to the 'station. NASA, of course, prefers to go with the second place choice - "Serenity," even though 40,000 more people voted for "Colbert."

Sayeth Steve, "''Serenity?' That's not a space station. That's an adult diaper..."

Comedy Central sent me last night's clip and here it is...

Well, well. The Woz. The greatest worst contestant in "Dancing with the Stars" history.

And we come down to this: Will you save him?

I'm not so sure now. Here's the thing. You can be pretty certain that the Woz will get very few telephone votes, but what sort of text/computer votes will come in?

Check out search.twitter.com for a sense of what the Geeks are going for...And as you probably know, tweeters have organized a pretty elaborate campaign to keep our boy in the hunt. Check out votewoz.com...In case you already haven't yet.

Here are some sample pro/anti-Woz tweets...

"Steelisreal: I don't even watch dancing with the stars but just voted 11 times for Wozniak."

But then, there's THIS Tweet:

"TVChatHotline: Dancing with the Stars: Woz Stinks Up the Dance Floor with his ...: Steve Wozniak and partner Karina Smirnoff ex.. "

Or this one...

"matthewemay: Watching Steve Wozniak doing the Argentine Tango. Only reason to watch a silly show like Dancing With the Stars. Think he needs his Segway."

Or...finally...this...

"Trakix: Just voted for Steve Wozniak on Dancing With the Stars 22 times and I didn't even watch the show. Let's get him to the finals! #votewoz"

I suppose my point, then, is this: The Woz, if he's saved at all tonight, will be saved by PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN WATCH THE SHOW.

We'll see...

Here's his tango, again...

The trades are full of this story, so just in case you haven't heard: "Friday Night Lights" will be back, and it looks like for two more season - in this case, seasons running 13 episodes each.

Without getting into particulars, this appears to be roughly the same deal as the current one - a window on DirecTV followed by the run on NBC a few months later. It's a remarkable reprieve for a fine show and not entirely expected, given the numbers; it ranks about 18th or 19th on NBC's already woeful schedule, averaging somewhere around 3.8 and 4 million viewers. That would be a great performance for a cable series but a BROADCAST one?

Which is just the point: NBC is happy to get anything, and (in the case of "FNL") happy to get something of quality. But don't forget - the costs are being split among multiple partners. This is not a big outlay for NBC.

(Pix: NBC)

I see that the Worm has been ejected, and no surprise there. Trumpster apparently let him go because of a tendency to - well, he doesn't come quite out and say what that tendency is precisely other than suggest that alcohol was involved.

In fact, I am told that NBC even ran a bumper following last night's show, directing viewers - should they also have a problem - to some phone number, or what have you - while Trumpster posted this brief clip on Hulu, again parenthetically explaining his reasons for said termination...

Continue reading ""Celebrity Apprentice:" The Worm Turns" »

Fox says it's looking for "husky hunks" - the network's euphemism, not mine - to become bachelors in search of the bachelorette on a new dating show.

The only thing between this idea and a patent infringement by ABC?

The dater and datee are big - ummm, heavy, large, not small.

Here's the network propaganda:

"FOX is setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series "More to Love." Executive-produced by Mike Fleiss (“The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette”), the unscripted series follows a single average guy with a big waist and an even bigger heart as he romances several confident and secure plus-size women. Each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle. When the size of competition narrows, he will have to decide if one full-figured lady will become his true love."

And check this out:

“This is the first dating competition show in television history that reflects what most real single men and women look like, which makes it instantly relatable to the vast majority of people in the dating pool,” said Mike Darnell, President of Reality Shows/ Many of Which are Horrific and Jaw-Droppingly Exploitative, Fox Broadcasting Company.

Show out later this year... Be prepared. Be very prepared...

The big news out late today: Katherine Heigl musing about staying on "GA;" the story was based on an AP account from a 100 episode party. But I'm not so sure about this...My interpretation follows...

Here's the piece, as it ran in HuffPo::

"LOS ANGELES — Katherine Heigl said Friday she's ready to stay with "Grey's Anatomy" and the decision rests with the show.

Attending a studio party to mark the ABC medical drama's 100th episode, Heigl said it's premature to think her days as Dr. Izzie Stevens are numbered.

"I was assuming that at one point and I got a lot of shrugged shoulders and shakes of the head, so I don't know if that's a yes or a no. No one will tell me and I don't know how this is going to go," Heigl said, noting series creator Shonda Rhimes' passion for plot secrecy.

"I don't know if I live or die. I don't know how Izzie fares," said the actress, who's played the character since the show debuted in 2005.

"I'm there" if Izzie remains part of "Grey's Anatomy," Heigl said. She called the set "one of my favorite places to be" and said her colleagues are also friends.

She and fellow cast members, including Ellen Pompeo (Dr. Meredith Grey) and Patrick Dempsey (Dr. Derek Shepherd), were on hand for the celebration that included a cake decorated with scalpels and syringes made out of icing.

Rhimes, who's also an executive producer for the show, called the milestone a "huge accomplishment" and thanked the cast and crew for their efforts.

In an interview, she dropped a tantalizing clue about the episode airing May 7."

My interpretation: Honestly, what would anyone expect her to say? Heigl's been outspoken before and it got her nowhere; best to play the game, which is what she's doing here. But it's still intriguing. I've been thinking that the cancer plotline (surgery last week) may be a set-up for something else entirely; Shonda Rhimes is too smart to let this thing play out according to standard soap opera script, so maybe KH is being absolutely truthful - she has no clue how this'll play out, and would be happy to just keep on truckin'.

But still, it's a fair-to-solid bet she'll be gone by the end of the season, with POSSIBLE future cameos - and I don't mean ghost cameos either. Izzy may leave and return too...But the big screen career is the future...

(AP Photo/Chris Weeks)

They love her - they really love her. From '08, and the big winner last night. (AP/Matt Sayles)

Naturally, I kid - pun intended - about the shocks. The KCAs - 2009 version - have come and gone, and here's your list. Is there ANYTHING on this that surprises here? (Selena Gomez maybe.) Nick just announced that ninety million votes were cast for this lot. And that is a bit of a shock because this figure is about three times more than the votes for an average "American Idol" top twelve contestant. This is the reason why the entertainment industry pours so much energy, attention and - last night being the perfect example - green slime into these awards year after year.

-Click here to see fun photos from the Kids' Choice Awards

-Click here to see photos of Miley Cyrus

MOVIES:
Favorite Movie
High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Favorite Animated Movie
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Favorite Movie Actress
Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical 3: Senior Year)

Favorite Movie Actor
Will Smith (Hancock)

Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie
Jack Black (Kung Fu Panda)

MUSIC:

Favorite Music Group
The Jonas Brothers

Favorite Female Singer
Miley Cyrus

Favorite Male Singer
Jesse McCartney

Favorite Song
Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) (Beyoncé)

TELEVISION:

Favorite Reality TV Show
American Idol

Favorite TV Show
iCarly

Favorite TV Actress
Selena Gomez (Wizards of Waverly Place)

Favorite TV Actor
Dylan Sprouse (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody)

Favorite Cartoon
SpongeBob SquarePants

For those who missed last night, here's a good representative clip - the final four or five minutes, with the Rock, who didn't quite nail "Favorite Actor," but after this performance created a whole new image...

Well, it does appear TI's highly unusual bid for a shortened sentence - via an MTV reality series! - has paid off. He was handed a relatively light year-and-a-day sentence on weapons charges in an Atlanta courtroom earlier today. Will probably report to jail in May.

As you may know, he did a multipart reality show - not a bad one either - called "Road to Redemption," about his unorthodox efforts to scare wayward kids straight. It was (apparently) considered part of the community service hours he had to put in exchange for the sentence, but he had already exceeded the 1,000 hours before this show was even counted.

[What sort of sentence would TI have received WITHOUT the benefit of an MTV show? Good question. I have no answer.]

He'll squeeze one more hour out this Tuesday, when "T.I.'s Road to Redemption: The Reckoning," airs at 9 ...

(Pix: Ben Rose/ WireImage)

Been wondering when the "Family Guy" "Star Trek" clips will come in?

Me, too!

Here's a good one. As you know, this weekend's episode is pretty much all-"Star-Trek-the-Next-Generation."

Per Fox:

"The Griffin family heads to the annual Quahog Star Trek convention, but Stewie blows a fuse when he doesn’t get a chance to ask his favorite Star Trek: The Next Generation cast members any questions. He devises a plan, builds a transporter and beams the entire cast to his bedroom so they can spend a fun-filled day together in Quahog."

See if you can identify the voices...

Who is Dylan Ratigan and why should care? Because he is one of the fast-rising stars at CNBC, who anchored "Fast Money" and "Closing Bell," and is - by disposition - a tempestuous guy. But he certainly is engaging to watch, and a talented anchor.

Or, I should say, he was. Ratigan's leaving the network for parts unknown, and his last day is today. What happened? I could at this point direct you to "Page 6," which broke the story this morning, but I suspect there's more to this than what the Post has reported. It's a mystery, in fact. Ratigan - lucky guy - largely escaped the flack attack unloaded on CNBC earlier this month, in the wake of Jon Stewart's massive rip. But...Ratigan would have, doubtless, done a better job of deflecting some of that gale force diatribe than Jim Cramer.

Here's a look at a recent Ratigan appearance on "The View." Still no official word from CNBC about this; will post when/if I get it....

Now, just to clear the air here - that line that Simon used on "Tonight" the other night, in which he declared that he didn't have lunch with the prez because they couldn't match up their "diaries?"

"IT WAS A JOKE." That's the news from last night, when he told Ryan - who questioned him about the comment. "It was a joke," said Sico.

But was it? Sure sounded serious to me...Judge for yourself. Meanwhile, my hunch is Simon got considerable flack for the "Tonight" comment, which led to the clarification.

I suppose only film junkies will get this reference.

But is poor Megan Joy, who I felt so sorry for last night, Susan Alexander Kane?

So, just to tease this a little further out: Is Simon Cowell (or better yet, Doctor Evil! ) Charles Foster Kane himself?

And...at the risk of dragging this out completely beyond all reason or rationale, who then is Jedediah Leland? The critic who gets trashed before writing the review - because he knows that once he does, Kane will fire him forthwith?

Of course I'm talking about "Citizen Kane," and I am making a leap here of almost mythic proportions, but watching Megan Joy's performance of "For Once in My Life," and then listening to it again, and again and again via Youtube, the scene in "Kane" kept flashing through my mind: Poor kept woman Susan Kane, played by Dorothy Comingore, was finally forced to perform her Massenet for the masses, under duress by the powerful, bloated and horrible man himself, who knew full well that all of his papers would certainly provide glowing reviews.

All except the flagship.

Please, don't ask me why I kept thinking about this scene, or why Megan Joy's No. 1 champion (until last night, I suppose) Simon Cowell, reminds me of Charles Foster Kane.

These things just happen. Here's the clip...

See if you agree...There's a reason great art sometimes parallels real life...

Meanwhile, it's over for Megan tonight. This cruelty cannot continue.

Good old Matt: He fought the deer and the deer won.

But, our dear boy did manage to get back on the air this morning. With a sling around his shoulder, he wasn't looking the worse for wear, when he surprised viewers by...showing up.

He's on now - it's "The Today Show," in case you didn't know. And he's joking and having a grand old time.

Welcome back Matt - and just a couple days after shoulder surgery, when Ann Curry informed viewers that the operation went "very well," but Lauer is probably in "a lot of pain."

Not too much. He looks just fine.

And a word of advice, Matt. Watch out for Bambi next time - those things are killers on hoofs.

Meanwhile, Matt did a pretty amusing remote with Tony Kornheiser, of ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption;" he and co-host Michael Wilbon have been having great fun at Matt's expense all week:

Says Korn, on speculating about what REALLY happened - that Matt had gone on vacation with Al, for example. "Al Roker, Matt Lauer...something goes TERRIBLY wrong."

Matt responds: "If I was going to cover this as a scandal, I'd [make up] something like a mountain lion, or Katie Couric jumped out in front of me."

Next: a lot more ragging from everyone, and I do mean everyone - someone from "Good Morning America" shows up with a sign, which reads "Matt [Pix thereof] crossing."

Oh Yuk, yuk.

The poor "GMA" intern forced into hazing duty also had to read a message from the executive producer of said show: "Matt, I hope GE gives you a few months off - anything less would be scandalous." Oh, groan.

Finally, Brian Williams, via remote: "Hey Buddy, you're...probably half-gooned on Percoset" but we were really really worried...Off camera, a deer head butts the "Nightly News" anchor.

Oh, the yuks just keep on coming.

But seriously folks, those deer - they're KILLERS. (Pix: AP)

Welcome, sports fans, to the Tara Costa watch.

What - inquiring sports fans want to know - is a "Tara Costa" watch? Only the best place on the planet to catch up with Tara Costa, who will be the third contestant from Long Island to Win it All: The grand prize on "TBL."

I say this without knowing, of course, that she'll win. Will she? Well, let's put it this way, noncommittally: We'll see, won't we? Tara, clearly, has few friends, and friends are good - if not essential here. She's also learned that she's got enemies. Enemies are bad - if not essential here. What matters most, I imagine, is her commitment to win. If she's committed, she will. If she wavers, balks, lets her emotions get away from, then she won't. It's pretty simple.

So, here's what the "Watch" will do: Every Wednesday around this time, I'll do a post-game catch-up with TC, who'll relay her thoughts, emotions, observations about the night before.

Let's get straight to it: Last night, everyone ganged up on her, and loaded 257 pounds on her car, because - duh - they WANT HER TO LOSE. But she didn't. She pulled the car like it was a Matchbox, got immunity (again) and lives to win another week. But from last night, there were lessons learned. And here's what she told me:

"I remember just feeling like wow this is absolutely insane. I didn't realize how much everyone saw me as a threat and I didn't realize what types of bonds certain people had in the house."

[Last night was taped, by the way, seven weeks ago.]

As she said on the show, that was a big blow, and "I don't want to be in a place where other people don't want me to be..." But a little reality check from pal Laura told her that was a pretty damned silly way to feel...,

"I like to please people but it's not about pleasing people in this game. It's about pleasing yourself , and I remembered why I came here. I let the game part get to me and I didn't see the bigger picture."

And she didn't lose that extra pound, either, to get to a 100 off - the first woman to do so (Kristin, instead, did.) Disappointed? Yeah, sure, of course, but she hasn't been at this weight since she was 13 or so...and there is more to come, one would reasonably assume.

The lesson from last night: "When...you don't have protection...you work harder, and if you work harder, you have better results. I have never relied on the alliances to save me. Just do the hard work and what you put into it you'll get out of it..."

The finale: May 12, and we'll see what Tara gets out of it by then.

This story is all over the trades this morning....

"The political relationship between President Bill Clinton and British Prime Minister Tony Blair is the focus of a movie for HBO penned by "Frost/Nixon" writer Peter Morgan, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

If "The Special Relationship" gets the go-ahead, Dennis Quaid will play President Clinton and Julianne Moore will portray Hillary Clinton, with "Frost/Nixon" star Michael Sheen as Blair.

This would be Sheen's third screen portrayal of former British PM Blair. He played him in two Stephen Frears movies written by Morgan: 2003's "The Deal" and 2006's "The Queen."

If the project is green-lighted, Morgan will make his directorial debut with the film."

And if you are like me, you're wondering...why Dennis Quaid (!)....instead of THIS Guy:

(Pix: AP)

Ah, Woz. Who makes Cloris look good.

And yet he stays again, after getting the second worst score in "DWTS" history on Monday.

(Oh, yeah, Denise Richards got the boot. Yawn.)

And yet, that was just a warm-up. Clearly, the Nation of Apple is voting for one of our favorite contestants of all time. That way, he avoided last night's Dance-off, which slew Richards. She had to do her thing opposite Holly Madison. It didn't really matter who went - as long as the Woz stayed to worm his way again into our affections.

Banderas as Dulaine...

What the heck do I know about ballroom dancing?

Really - what do I know about dancing? Next to nothing...and yet, there I am, week after week babbling about "Dancing With the Stars."

Enough, I say. Enough. Time to hand the reins over to a real expert - someone who can REALLY tell an arabesque from an alegrias...who doesn't (as I do) believe an Argentinean tango is a type of orange...Who doesn't think (as I do) that "'Pirouette," "Plie, "Port de Bras" or "Par Terre" are cities in the south of France...

You get the idea - someone who knows what they're talking about.

And so, I give you...Pierre Dulaine. (Right.)

Pierre's an amazing guy: He's a former world ballroom dance champ and founder of the famed Dancing Classrooms - which has taught dancing to hundreds, thousands, of New York City school kids, and has programs throughout the five boroughs and on Long Island...

Pierre was also portrayed by Antonio Banderas in the 2006 movie "Take the Lead" (also starring Ray Liotta and Alfre Woodard). He's one of New York's great ballroom dance teachers and he has graciously consented to give you, the faithful reader of 'Zone, his own insights into "DWTS" each and every week.

So let's take it away...His prediction for tonight's dance-off? Holly versus the Woz. And, he says, Holly probably goes.

Head on south to the jump for Pierre's scoring/ assessment of last night's show...

Continue reading "'DWTS': Introducing Mr. Pierre Dulaine" »

George Lopez is about to become a late night guy for TBS. Network just announced that he'll do a talk show that'll air on the network weeknights at 11, Monday to Thursday, starting next November.

From the press release: “George Lopez is a special talent, with an everyman appeal that makes him uniquely positioned to be the next great late-night host,” said Michael Wright, executive vice president, head of programming for TBS, TNT and Turner Classic Movies (TCM). “George and TBS are going to change the late-night television landscape and bring a brand-new energy to the talk-show genre by giving it a street-party atmosphere. We’re excited to see this show come to life.”

Certainly a very interesting guy to do this: Has a huge following and - famously - lost and regained a kidney (his wife, Ann Serrano, was the donor). He is also someone not exactly afraid to speak his mind, and has been (variously) critical of ABC, for canceling his show, and Erik Estrada (of all people) for whatever, and probably a few dozen others I'm forgetting. "Outspoken" is a sine qua non for late night TV.

And, of course, there was that famous roast of Jay Leno. Now, George is going to 11, just as Jay is going to ten.

A coincidence? I think SO.

(Pix: George at Sundance; AP)

Let's start taking bets right now: Will NASA name that space station room "The Colbert Room" or...will it go with something entirely different?

My money's on...something entirely different.

Have you heard about this yet? "CR" fans have, and have they ever: In one of the more bizarre flubs in recent NASA history, the agency may have to name a part of the space station after a late night comic.

Note to NASA: What if the guys at "South Park" had tried this stunt? You'd have to name the space station, "The Cartman..." So consider yourself fortunate.

Here's the whole AP piece from late yesterday; but again - I'm pretty certain red-faced NASA will go with another name. Which means...Colbert needs to start another on-air campaign to get 'em to honor this one...

"NASA's online contest to name a new room at the international space station went awry. Comedian Stephen Colbert won.

The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.

NASA's mistake was allowing write-ins. Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, "The Colbert Report," to write in his name. And they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes. Nearly 1.2 million votes were cast by the time the contest ended Friday.

NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters "the most consideration."

Here's Steve..."to infinity, and me-on."

-Click here to see photos of Stephen Colbert, on and off his show

Dave, as you know, is now married, but last night he offered additional details on the sacred and very special day -- he got stuck in mud. Then, was nearly blown off the road. But let him tell the story...

Yes, friends. It's true. It's all true.

Amazing.

But true. A bachelor for most of his life is a bachelor no more.

Dave got married - to (who else?) Regina Lasko.

Here's the transcript from tonight's show:

“On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.”

“Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’”

“…I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I - honestly, whether this happened or not - I secretly felt that men who were married admired me…like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?”

“So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck…So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody’ll come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”

-Photos: David Letterman's wackiest guest appearances

(Pix: A well-traveled pix, by Bauer-Griffin.com, of the happy family in Italy, two years ago.)

You know, as we all sit around and wonder - what the heck WILL Jay Leno do when he goes to 10 p.m.? - tomorrow night may provide a tiny bit of a glimpse.

His guest: Condi Rice

Last week, the prez. Tomorrow, Condi. Does two make a trend?

I'm not sure, but as a smart friend of mine suggested, what happens on those days when a major story breaks or a major news figure wants to spin something in a less-than-threatening environment? By the way, I thought Jay did a pretty good job last week, and in some ways, his was a more informative one than Steve Kroft's interview on "60" last night - Steve, who actually seemed appalled that the president would dare smile when talking about the economy; gallows humor, Steve.

So, if you're a major news figure, why not just go on "The Tonight Show"...errrr, "The Jay Leno Show" at 10?

Clearly, NBC/Leno have no intention of turning the 10 p.m. show into a news/interview program, but there could certainly be instances when a newsmaker could come on?

Here's the press release line: "Former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is scheduled to stop by "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" on Tuesday, March 24 to iscuss her years of high-profile public service, and her new areas of focus following the Presidency of George W. Bush."
.

"ET" is reporting that the Woz - Steve Wozniak - has pulled a hamstring, but no word on whether the dear boy will dance tonight.

This marks the second injury he's suffered - not counting the self-inflicted one last week where he charged that"Dancing with the Stars" producers had (maybe) "lied" about the numbers, which explained why he ended up in the dance-off. As close readers of 'Zone know, he later retracted, saying he didn't mean to hurt anybody, and that he was sorry, and wrong, etc. etc.

But honestly, at the time I wondered whether ABC might exercise some sort of "Woz Clause:" Fire any contestant who gives lip about the secretive behind-the-scenes ways of the megahit. ABC, in fact, never commented on the verbal flaws of the Woz (I can't HELP myself - please stop me before I badly rhyme again) which gave me pause...

Oops. (Sorry.)

As soon as I hear the condition of My Favorite Contestant, will let you know...

In the meantime, vote who will be the next contestant to cha-cha their way of "DWTS" and then see more photos from "DWTS."

(Photo by Adrian Varnedoe / PacificCoastNews.com, as posted on ET)

...leaving the show.

In the world of "One Tree Hill," that's not big news, that's cataclysmic news.

That's a tsunami of news...that's...I'm running out of cliches. Help me here...

But this is what's so curious about this news: CMM announced it on Youtube.

I wonder what kind of morning they're having over at the CW?

The clip is all over the Web now, but better late than never: This features CMM - Lucas Scott and pretty much THE lede on the show - telling fans that he's outtathere. It doesn't look like idle chatter either. He's serious.

BTW, Buddy TV and other sites have speculated that he's leaving, too. Here's Buddy TV's account from a few weeks ago:

'Last week The CW renewed One Tree Hill for another season but rumors quickly started swirling that Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton were leaving the show. Since then, Hilarie Burton has posted a video message to her fans where she clearly implies her exit is already a done deal. Fans of the show made their voices heard. What percentage of One Tree Hill's audience are specifically Leyton fans? In our poll asking “Would you watch OTH without Chad and Peyton?” a devastating 43% vowed not to. Other fans have taken a wait and see approach or even approved."

ZZZZZZZZZaaaaapppp!

Way to go, Edie - out in a blaze of sparks.

But you know, of course, that she's not deceased yet. That last little movement of the finger, that last little unfinished business with Crazy Husband No. 4 (or 5).

Nevertheless, I've noticed that the Curse of Wisteria Lane never means being able to predict your own death - it may be by tornado, it may be by falling power lines. The only only sure bet is that it won't be conventional.

A good episode, but I'm pretty certain next week's episode, the 19th of the season, will be the final denouement of Ms. Edie Britt - Nicollette Sheridan. Last night was just a warm-up.

So to speak.

(Pix: Randee St. Nicholas, ABC)

"OMG, it's that guy from the Today Show."

Where in the world is Matt Lauer this morning?

In bed, with a dislocated shoulder.

(No jokes this early...unless you can come up with a better one than he did.)

Matt was off the air this morning - and no word on when he'll return - after (almost) running into a deer on his bike over the weekend.

He dislocated his shoulder.

I imagine he'll be back on the show Tuesday. What exactly happened? No specifics just yet, but according to Meredith (Vieira), "he ran into a deer; Matt thinks it was hired by the competition." Lester Holt's filling in.

No word on the deer's condition.

And more clarity from "Today." Here's what a person on the show says: "A deer ran out in front of him as he was going downhill. He hit the brakes hard to avoid hitting the deer and fell of his bike. He separated his shoulder and is having surgery to fix it today. We hope to have him back on "Today" later this week. "

I also believe the accident was in the Hamptons, where Matt's got a place.

This is good news, in fact, so don't worry.

She's been a bit under the weather, missed shooting an episode ("L&O;: SVU") as you all know.

Now...the news...She returns to the set Monday.

This Monday, March 23.

She'll shoot an episode with Hilary Duff and Gail O'Grady. Story's about a mother and daughter; O'Grady's character says her granddaughter has gone missing, while Duff's character (daughter of O'Grady's character...sorry, a mouthful) says the child has been kidnapped.

Olivia Benson to the rescue!

Episode will air April 28.

(Pix: NBC)

You've heard of "Southland," right? It's the new cop show that'll replace "ER" in a few weeks.

I think and believe this will be a good show simply on the basis of pedigree - John Wells, whom you all know - and Ann Biderman and Chris Chulack. Latter is a smart and talented veteran producer ("ER," "Third Watch") and Biderman is, I believe, the same person wrote the screenplay for "Smilla's Sense of Snow."

Cast looks good too: Michael Cudlitz ("A River Runs Through It", "Band of Brothers"), Benjamin McKenzie ("The O.C."), Regina King ("Ray," "Jerry Maguire"),Tom Everett Scott ("Boiler Room.")

The clips...

Perfect score. (AP)

Is there any politician in the solar system as skillful or as talented on TV as Barack Obama? We've already cleared up the answer to that question here on earth - there isn't - but maybe somewhere out there, on one of the moons of Saturn, perhaps. But I wonder - could even that guy go on the most famous talk show of them all and still come off as effortlessly nonchalant, bemused, smart, engaged, and funny - genuinely funny - as our president did last night?

Forget about the content of the answers - sounded like the usual old political bullspin to me. But never has bullspin sounded so mellifluous or benign. Watch Obama on "Tonight" and you are left with the impression that this crisis - oops, CRISES - isn't so bad after all, but one of those bumps in the road that we will get over or around.

Honestly, it was an amazing performance. I noticed today that there was some press over some politically impolitic comment about the Special Olympics - that the president had proudly bowled a score of 129, and after Leno's eyebrows sort of arched, he joked about it being like the Special Olympics.

Why, if George Bush had said the same thing it'd be above the fold in the NYT, with a second story reporting that a Senate impeachment panel had been convened. With Obama - just a minor blip, almost instantly forgotten (as well it should be.)

What a near-perfect score for the prez otherwise. The best way to watch last night was "live," so to speak, when your senses were slightly dulled after a long day, and the brain had begun its slide towards somnolence. That's how late night TV - particularly Leno's "Tonight" - is supposed to be watched. The prez walks in, glides in actually, gives Kevin Eubanks a brief hug, like they're old friends, and Jay gets a nice, warm perfunctory one as well.

Just like this historic guest was just another movie star, selling another movie, and getting another pleasant non-confrontational sit-down with the guy who confronts NO ONE.

Not that the right-coast populist talk show hosts, Dave Letterman and Jon Stewart, would have been any tougher: They would have demanded a longer hug, if anything.

No reason to go over everything here - you saw it too - but the "American Idol" joke merits re-telling:

"Well, look, we are going through a difficult time. I welcome the challenge. You know, I ran for President because I thought we needed big changes. I do think in Washington it's a little bit like 'American Idol,' except everybody is Simon Cowell."

Imagine - taking an economic crisis and linking it to "American Idol."

And it worked.

Or this effortless pop culture linkage: How cool, Jay wondered, is it to fly on Air Force One?

"Now let me tell you, I personally think it's pretty cool - especially 'cause they give you the jacket with the seal on it..." But Malia and Sasha are "just not as impressed".

"The first time we went on Marine One, we were passing over the Washington Monument, circling around. Sasha looks over and she says: 'Are those Starbursts?'" because she thought she saw a box them over near dad.

Starbursts: The best touch of the night. If he had said "Gummy Sour Worms," most people woulda scratched their heads. If he'd said "M&Ms;," it woulda sounded like a product placement mention. If he had said "Mars bars," it woulda seemed like he was talking about a candy popular during the Second World War.

But Starbursts - a candy brand that kids (and parents) know as intimately as "SpongeBob Squarepants."

"They've got a whole other level of cool," Obama said of his kids.

And so do you, Mr. Prez. So do you.

Here they are, friends...Highlights from "The Tonight Show." Just in case you missed...

This one's for hardcore "GG" fans only. From the forthcoming "The Grandfather," which stars Broadway great Jim Naughton. Not sure if Naughton's in this one, but I'm told Chuck is. And Chuck doesn't do good...

Remember VH1's "Behind the Music? Of course! It was a hugely entertaining show about rock stars which actually confirmed all the cliches about rock stars while managing to add a few more cliches about them at the same time.

That they drank (oceans). Inhaled (pounds.) Had sex (with millions). And that was just for starters. Bands, naturally, clamored to be profiled. It was narrated by Jim Forbes. Here's a bit of trivia that is so trivial that it's almost sub-trivial: His middle name is "Jude," and during the first season, he went by the name of James Jude, so - I imagine - the subjects of the show could address him thusly: "Hey Jude."

Oh yes, I forgot why I was writing this post. Sorry. VH1 is bringing back the show for ten episodes this year. Hollywood Reporter has the story. No date on re-launch. Original series ran from '97 to '06.

Been thinking - always a dangerous thing - about this "American Idol" rule change business, and now have additional complaints, adding to those from last week. Will list 'em quickly so you can get on with your day:

1.) It's unfair. Yes, to the contestants, at least if last night's execution of said rule is an example. SiCo told Alexis Grace to sing again, and based on that repeat performance, would then decide whether to keep her. But the judges had already told her the song choice ("Jolene") was wrong, so they're simply re-enforcing their original judgment. If the song was wrong, a repeat isn't going to make it right. As a result, Grace over-sang it, and sealed her fate.

Solution? Tell her to belt out her best song, and warn the orchestra ahead of time that it may have to cue to a new number.

2.) "American Idol" has now told the world that it WON'T save Michael Sarver when he lands, as he almost certainly will, in the bottom two next week or the week after that... Sarver knows he's a marked man, and many millions of viewers do too. They may vote for him next week just to keep him in - or not vote for him because they now know he's a lost cause. Michael, meanwhile, knows how the judges really feel.

3.) Some viewers may now suspect that the rule is a bit of sham, and that the Four Amigos had no intention of saving Alexis last night. In fact, they did a little play acting just to pretend that they were weighing her fate, or at least that's how it appeared to moi. They're probably not going to use this rule, I imagine, until several weeks from now. But here's the conundrum: If they do this game every week, then viewers will know who the chosen ones are, and who the chosen ones ARE NOT. The drama of this stunt, in other words, will leak out like air from a tire week to week.

Am I missing anything? Probably. On with your day, friends.

(Pix: Michael Becker, Fox)

I was intrigued by this Lee Cowan story on this morning's edition of "The Today Show."

It's about "The Tonight Show."

This is a good piece, but it understandably avoids the elephant in the room. Prez Obama is going on "Tonight," but not going on "Meet the Press," whose very host intro'd this story. Obama's return tonight isn't in itself terribly interesting at all- he's been on a couple times, and I think just about every candidate, from dog catcher to potential president, has turned up too. What's unique is that this is the FIRST SITTING POTUS to go on "Tonight." That's fascinating and I've yet to see a precise answer anywhere explaining why.

But it is interesting that he's doing this in lieu of "MTP," which has been one of the first stops for just about any president who has a hugely important message to convey. Why, why, why? I address this subject in today's Newsday.

Well, sort of.

I do like to have catchily misleading headlines to get people to read this stuff.

In fact, on this morning's "Today Show," Jim Cramer did make what I believe to be his first public comments about last week's encounter with Jon Stewart. Meredith Vieira was de-briefing some members of the CNBC starting line-up about AIG, when she turned to Cramer, "I can't let you go without asking about..."

...that horrific debacle last week. (She didn't really say that - I did. Actually, it wasn't THAT bad for Cramer, though everyone else pretty much declared it to be career-ending; whatever.)

Said he, "it's naive and misleading to blame the media" for the current economic crisis.

"We weren't behind this. CNBC, in particular, has been out front on this," per a transcript from HuffPo. "I think there are people who bear so much more responsibility [than the media] that it's just wrong-headed -- the politicians, the regulators, the SEC, the lenders, the investment banks. ... It's just a naive focus, it really is Meredith."

He added that he didn't fight back because he was "taught to take the high road."

Right, Jim. Like "Mad Money" is the high road. (Sorry....I couldn't resist. That was uncalled for, Gay, entirely uncalled for.)

That was about it. There were no threats or declarations, like, "if I ever meet Jon Stewart in a dark alley," or "that guy Stewart's a dweeb anyway."

A shame: Nothing like having this thing continue on for a few more weeks. When or if I get a transcript/clip, will post.

Tomorrow night. A rare musical performance on "DS."

Per the show, Bruce'll play solo, and perform "Working on a Dream," from the new album. The show also points out that only four other musical performances have appeared over the years - White Stripes, Coldplay, and...Tom Waits.

Woz spins away...from his charge.

The conspiracy theory is dead...for now.

The Woz has backed down. He now says "Dancing with the Stars" IS NOT cooked, and that the producers ARE NOT liars.

This is an amazing tale.

[Note to TV Zone readers: I'm not backing down. I still think "DWTS" should release the viewer vote totals. What's the harm in that?]

Here's the Woz's full Facebook apology - posted, I am told, before last night's show:

" I have been around the internet conspiracy theory forums for too long.

We know how easy it is to espouse a lot of ideas and build conspiracy theory. No conspiracy theory can be proven wrong, so there are always plenty of die-hard followers.

Yesterday I wrote my suspicions of the secret Dancing With The Stars audience vote tabulations. I wrote that the producers were liars, simply because I truly believed in that possibility, not because I had a shred of evidence.

I hurt a lot of honest people.

Today, a storm kicked up over my allegations. I started my apologies
but it has to go further than that.

The top people of this show, ones responsible for counting audience votes and keeping them honest told me all the specific details of where their numbers came from. More than that, they explained how they can catch onto various forms of manipulation of the system by exactly the methods I had thought out in my head that would work. I was offered an opportunity to see the equipment they use also. You can tell when things are extremely on the level. You can also see why the exact totals cannot be released. That would make it harder to detect fraud. One main way that they detect fraud is when the phone-in votes and text votes and internet votes don't follow each other, percentage-wise. There are other things they look for as well
that IT experts would detect as signals of something wrong.

Do you remember how honest Jarnal was in Slumdog Millionaire? I feel so horrible inside when Conrad, one of the DWTS producers, told me how horribly what I had said injured the show and himself. You can tell when someone is speaking in a way that they can't possibly be a liar or trying to deceive you the least bit. Conrad and the other producers are not liars. They are extremely honest people in my mind.

And nobody could get me to write this if I didn't believe it myself.

In this case they are certainly more honorable and honest than myself.

The only thing I can offer as an explanation is that emotions wind up getting very high on a show like this. I was around some swarming emotions yesterday. Now I feel like a heel who stuck his shoe in his mouth, no puns intended. I have done it before and been on the other
end of it as well, and it's not nice either way.

My last hope is that you can see inside of me and know that I am telling the truth from the bottom of my heart, and forgive the loudmouth emotional notes I wrote earlier.

I'm on to have fun with the show now, and you may see me dance in minutes.

regards,

Woz"

(Pix: ABC)

TV's most successful show? (Certainly one of the most enduring.)

Network's just wrapped a deal with producers of "Two and a Half Men" and "The Big Bang Theory" to keep both shows on the air through 3012.

What's that, you say? A thousand years? Sorry: I mean 2012.

Please, no jokes about how "Two and a Half Men" will still be "a half" all those years from now. (How is it still a half NOW?)

Here's some of the release:

"CBS Entertainment and Warner Bros. Television have reached a multi-year broadcast agreement for the hit comedy series TWO AND A HALF MEN and THE BIG BANG THEORY, it was announced by Nina Tassler, President, CBS Entertainment, and Peter Roth, President, Warner Bros. Television.

The agreement renews television's Number One comedy, TWO AND A HALF MEN, through the 2011-2012 season, and one of television's fastest-growing series, THE BIG BANG THEORY, through 2010-2011.

"Our collaboration with Warner Bros. and Chuck Lorre for these two series has led to great entertainment for television audiences and has been very good business for CBS," said Tassler. "With these shows firmly in place, CBS is well-positioned for more comedy success in the years ahead."

"We are extremely grateful to and appreciative of CBS for the support and long-term commitment they have made to both of these remarkable series with their well-deserved, multi-year pickups," said Roth. "We look forward to many more years of continued mutual success."

(AP Photo)

Oh boy, TVTattle.com has posted THE HOT story of the day, and I'm just catching up with it now.

As posted on CNET.com, the Woz - one of my favorites of the show - is charging that ABC/the producers of "DWTS" - are manipulating the show and though he doesn't quite come out and say so, that's tantamount to saying they're manipulating the outcome.

Mostly he's claiming he shouldn't have been in the Dance-off last night.

Honestly, I agree - shoulda been Belinda and Ty.

Woz says ABC/"DWTS" is manipulating the game by not revealing viewer votes.

NOTICE TO TVZONE READERS: I've been saying the same thing for a year.

Now a computer genius agrees with me.

Here's what he says in this remarkable CNET piece:

"His is suspicious that the true voting numbers, both from telephone and online voting, are never revealed. This leads him to believe that he may be forced into the two-couple dance-off, just to boost ratings.

"The producers play games to get viewers and don't disclose the numbers. If they disclosed the numbers, it would be less of a game, but still suspect. If tomorrow, they claim I'm in the bottom 2 dance teams, including viewer votes, I believe that it's an outright lie," he said.

"He has begun to make his accusations in ABC interviews, too.

"I called it fake about 20 times today on camera," he said. "Each time in the same sentence as whatever comment they wanted about doing a dance-off tomorrow. That way, they couldn't edit it easily to say what they wanted. They kept trying to get me to say what I'd do if I was in the dance-off without using the word fake."

I'm wondering: Can a contestant be fired from "Dancing With the Stars"? We're about to find out.

Here's the point, and it's a good one: ABC should reveal viewer votes. They don't, and there's a reason - because viewers will realize that the people they're voting for are not necessarily advancing.

Just heard this grim news: Liz Smith is reporting that Don Hewitt is at Sloan Kettering, "felled" by pancreatic cancer.

[Now, this update: I'm told he IS NOT in the hospital but will go in this Friday.]

Here's the full piece, from WowOwow:

"Don Hewitt, the creator of CBS’s famous, long-running "60 Minutes," is in Sloan Kettering, felled by pancreatic cancer.

Mr. Hewitt invented the program in his dynamic, courageous and independent manner and took it to a victory it still enjoys. It is the most reliable, in-depth program of news on television. Even after he relinquished direct reins to the show, Don has continued his energetic race to the top with new ideas and concepts and an unending work ethic.

He is a citizen of Manhattan and also of Bridgehampton, NY, where he usually holds court Sunday mornings with pals and admirers in the Candy Kitchen of that little Hamptons town. His loyal wife, Marilyn Berger Hewitt, a former writer for The New York Times, is by Don’s side. We hope against hope for his recovery.

This is a man I admire immensely and we have had our arguments and disagreements through the years, but they have never ended our friendship."

Please allow me add to this: Don has remained very active since "60," working for Fordham, developing other media projects, and he recently authored a big thoughtful piece for Huffington Post. I know the word "legendary" gets thrown around a lot but he really was a legendary producer and director. Will find out more soon ...

Photo by Jon Filo

One fine thing about "American Idol" -- one of admittedly a few -- is that just when you've decided you've figured an edition out, and have reached iron-clad assumptions that can not be broken under any circumstance whatsoever ... you then break your iron-clad assumptions. The show manages this trick in a number of ways but certainly one effective way are the thematic weeks. Those tend to bring out different skill sets, or refract personalities in entirely different ways. Or surprising ways.

Last night: A pretty good night overall. Yeah, some disappointments. Alexis Grace, one of my favorites, basically mimicked Dolly Parton. Megan Joy -- who now apparently has dropped the "Corkrey" -- continues to mystify me. I know she was ill, but what in the name of COUNTRY did the judges see in that peculiar Patsy Cline performance? Lil Rounds? Only...so-so.

Who goes tonight? My wild guess: Allison Iraheta.

Meanwhile, Kris Allen. He was best. Why? Because he took a reasonably well-known song ("To Make You Feel My Love") by a extraordinarily well-known singer (Garth Brooks) and recast in a way that was surprisingly intimate for a show that lauds and rewards out-there performances with gutsy vocals or (especially) high C's that don't break the camera lens. "Idol" reveres drama, so rare is that performance that twists the formula around, as Allen did so well. Sure, the song is corn, but some of the best country is. A winner.

Allen didn't get the most votes -- I'm sure Danny Gokey did, as usual -- but he got enough to keep him around, and make voters pay a little more attention next time ... By the way, I thought Adam Lambert's high-camp drag version of "Ring of Fire" was darned good too, so there you have it...

Here's a nice clip of Allen. See if you agree on second hearing....

(Dan Hogan/Getty)

I KNEW that headline would get your attention.

And honestly...it's a possibility. I'm not sure how distinct a possibility, but one nonetheless.

Here's what I know so far, and will fill in details as they come: As Jackson fans know, tickets for his London concert series this summer went on sale earlier this week and the Brit press - occasionally prone to absolutely insane hyperbole, which is why it's so fun - is reporting that the series that'll stretch over 50 shows has already sold out and is now the hottest selling concert series IN BRITISH HISTORY.

Consider: This is the same country, I believe, where the Beatles and Stones originated.

Jackomania has taken over John Bull, and apparently Simon Cowell whom - the press is also hyperventilating over - has gotten in the act. He's telling everyone that he's making a full-court press to get Jackson on his Brit-hit, "The X Factor," and the booking very well may happen. Why? Because Cowell got Britney to appear on the show last year.

In fact, the Daily Mirror reported last Friday that the deal for Jackson to go on "X" is as good as done. One source told the paper, "He is perhaps one of the few artists who could outshine Britney. The only sticking point is that while Britney had her new album to promote, Jacko’s shows have sold out in minutes and don’t necessarily need the publicity. But Cowell won’t let that stop him. He is determined to get his man.”

Reporters put one and one together and came up with two: If "X," then next stop, "American Idol."

Our dear friend Simon hasn't disabused anyone of the speculation either: He was quoted by the BBC2 thusly, "It's the best platform he can have in America right now. He'd be stupid not to do it."

Haven't paid that much attention to this season's resurgent "The Biggest Loser," but that's about to change - looks like Tara Costa is heading to a win. Tara, 23, is a former plus-size model from New York - though, of greater relevance for a writer from Newsday and a fact which officially supersedes all others: She's from Bethpage.

Go 'page. Go Tara.

The show doesn't make much of her provenance, but last night, it was pretty much unavoidable. While much of the nation's eyes were trained on "DWTS" or "American Idol," Costa went home to face a vast spread of food laid out before her; the idea was to resist, which she did. And though I missed the weigh-in, I think she lost a total of 100 pounds, which I don't believe has been done before at the ranch...

Looks like Ms. Bethpage is now the one to beat.

Here's NBC's quickie bio on Tara, followed by last night's Temptation scene, and another quick refresher on TC...

"Tara is a very charming young lady who carries herself very well. She's a "real" person, doesn't sugarcoat it, and is easy to relate to. Growing up in a small town, Tara developed her loud and sparkling personality. In a single parent home, Tara's mother taught her the necessity of self-achievement and independence. Since those lessons, Tara has become a plus-size model for a top New York modeling agency, graduated from New York University with honors, and accepted a financial analyst position at L'Oreal. "

Jonny Roberts and Belinda...

And this time, the person who's leaving us wasn't injured, thank gosh.

Yes, Belinda Carlisle is the first ejectee of "DWTS," which is too bad because she seemed like a nice lady, but this departure is not particularly surprising either.

A little bit of a surprise tonight? Honestly, I'd have to say the Woz ending up in the Dance-Off; he's a crowd-pleaser everyman who just happens to be a billionaire - someone we can ALL identify with, right? The judges seemed awfully hard on the guy, though. In any event, the Woz lives to see another week.

(Pix: Craig Sjodin / ABC)

Top 'o the morning, everyone. Pleasantries now dispensed, this news: Steve-O did not compete on America's favorite dancing show last night, and may be out for good, joining a growing list of fragile stars who have been crippled by the ABC hit.

What's going on here? Is there anyone who hasn't been damaged yet? By my count, roughly half of the stars are in various states of deterioration, and no one has even been officially eliminated yet. He landed on some microphone on his backside during rehearsal, and that was that.

Does anyone else detect "irony" here? Steve-O, a professional clown (really - he went to clown college...) has done so many things to his body over the years - including the stapling of certain parts of it to other parts - that it's a miracle of modern science that he's not completely dead at this point. At least he got this far in the show without urinating on stage.

Will he return? I'm certain he will - no microphone pack is gonna stop this guy.

Meanwhile, Melissa. I can't say enough about Melissa Rycroft, who just happened to be available to fill in for Nancy O'Dell and who just happened to have stepped onto the dance floor for the first time last week.

Did anyone see how this neophyte danced last night? (Actually, former cheerleader and ballet dancer, so "neophyte" is probably the wrong word. ) I guess Tony Dovolani is a very good instructor.

“I’m pretty shocked, too,” Rycroft told hobbled Nancy O recently. “When I look back, what we did starting at point zero to get to where we were tonight, it’s pretty cool.”

These things happen for a reason, I guess. Meanwhile, check out the next winner of "Dancing with the Stars":

A healthy Steve-O (Matthew Simmons / WireImage Photo)

Welcome to Clips Central, TV fanatics.

My wonderful and hugely talented colleague, Corris Little, has just given me a bunch of clips that should fill your next five minutes happily and profitably. Among these beauties - sneak peeks at this week's "Lost" and "Grey's" AND Carol Burnett's guesting role on "L&O;: SVU."

Plus, I believe the last one is "America's Next Top Gangbanger" ...errr, I think I mean, "Model."

Take it away!

Over, mid-May

Step right up, folks. We got 'em right here - ABC finale dates.

Of note - "Lost" ends May 14, and "Grey's Anatomy" the following night, when we will all sit around the glowing electronic hearth to say goodbye to Izzy Stevens...

Your dates...

Thursday, May 21
8:00-10:00 p.m. "Ugly Betty"

This is amazing news - the prez will actually go on "The Tonight Show" to sell his economic upper-pill plan.

Next stop..."The Daily Show?" "Oprah?" "Doc Phil?" "Martha?" Who knows anymore...

Bloomberg's Roger Runningen had this earlier...The full story:

"President Barack Obama will take his campaign promoting his economic strategy to late-night television with an appearance March 19 on NBC’s “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” a White House official said.

"Obama’s stop on the comedy and talk show coincides with a planned trip to California, where the president has scheduled appearances in Santa Ana and Los Angeles before he returns to Washington late Thursday, according to the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the event hadn’t been announced publicly. CNBC reported the appearance earlier."

And NBC's press release:

President Barack Obama will be making his first sit-down talk show appearance in studio in front of a live audience since becoming elected on Thursday, March 19 on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" This marks the first appearance of a sitting President on a late night talk show.

"Among other topics, President Obama will be sitting down to talk about his economic plan. President Obama made his first "Tonight Show" appearance on December 1, 2006.

>> Photos: President Obama: He's just like us!

>> Photos: Obama's first 100 days in office.

(Pix: Paul Drinkwater, NBC)

(Irving Thalberg, Norma Shearer, L.B.)

This sounds like a darned interesting project by Turner Classic Movies - a ten-part series on movie moguls.

(The challenge? Finding people to say something nice about any of 'em! Nyuk, nyuk...)

"Set to premiere in 2010, MOGULS AND MOVIE STARS: A HISTORY OF HOLLYWOOD will consist of 10 one-hour documentaries, each focusing on a different era of American movie history, from the invention of the first photographs that moved to the astonishing, computer-driven imagery of the present. Each installment will feature rarely seen photographs and film footage, clips from memorable American movies and interviews with distinguished historians and major Hollywood figures.

"At its heart, the documentary series will be a personal history of Hollywood, detailing the personalities, inter-personal relationships, collaborations and conflicts that created an industry and an art form. The series will also serve as a history of America, looking at how moviemakers responded to such major events as the Great Depression, World War II and the Civil Rights movement. As America has change, so has the movie industry, with the rise and fall of the studio system, the challenge of television and online media and the evolution of conglomerates and mega-producers."

(Jason DeCrow, AP)

Oh yeah, Stewart-Cramer has hit a raw nerve.

I think, in fact, said nerve has been carted away to recuperate. Last week's interview actually almost feels like one of those WWE brawls that spilled outta the ring, and into the audience. This is no longer about who won, or who lost - Stewart won, duh - but more about what Stewart's dismembering of the guy says about a whole range of civic issues that are vital to country and democracy.

At least if some comments I got on last week's post are any indication.

There's quite a range of opinion on this one, much of it focusing on the presumption that I missed the point of the interview. Little value in arguing that again - I didn't miss the point and you'll just have to take my word for it - but I do think it's important to clarify one overwhelming mis-characterization among some readers: That Jim Cramer is in some way representative of the failure of the news media to anticipate the debacle that has befallen the world's economy.

Let me now state this as clearly and as concisely as I possibly can: In no way, shape or form does Jim Cramer represent the print news media.

At all. Period. His failures, considerable though they may or may not be, have absolutely nothing to do with the way the rest of the (print) media has covered the U.S. economy and I can't imagine how anyone of sane mind or judgment could ever begin to conflate the two. Stewart certainly didn't make the link, the best I could tell, either.

The print reporters who cover finance - let me add to that, the ones that cover ANY subject - that I've known over the years are honest, dedicated, and hard-working. All of them, the ones I know or have known, got in this business because they cared about the truth, and the difficult craft of conveying the truth. They also care deeply about people, and how the actions of certain people - notably those in power - have a profound impact on other people - notably those without power. I've never known a reporter who piped quotes, or fudged the facts, or made up stories, or created fictions. I've never known one who didn't experience sheer agony over a story missed, or sheer joy over the story that perfectly captured one that he or she set out to capture.

And this notion that the print press somehow missed the economic debacle because it was "lazy" or full of "cheerleaders" or "full of itself" or "willfully stupid" or "incompetent" (those are not actual quotes from my comments, but they DO seem to represent a certain bias among some) is an outright falsehood.

I'll get off my high horse and go back to real TV subjects ("Lost!" "24!" "Celebrity Apprentice!") in a minute, but please allow this one last observation. In fact, the press HAS covered the housing crisis, and sub-prime loans mess, and the hedge fund danger and other stock market shenanigans. It has for years. Plug in the phrase "housing bubble danger" - or "sub-prime mortgages risks to the economy" - into the Nexis's search field, limit the years (let's say from 2003 to 2008) and you'll get so many hits that they run into the thousands. On the New York Times alone.

The print press has covered the economy RELENTLESSLY; it's been a nattering Cassandra on the subject for years, but because it didn't give the exact date and time of the collapse must now be lumped in with Jim "Boo Yah" Boy Cramer?

Oh, please.

Here's a thoughtful comment by Ashwin - and thanks to everyone for taking the time to write in - then please go to the jump for a just a few random examples of press coverage over the years...

"There had been concern about the stability of subprime mortages over a year before banks like Bear Sterns and Lehman Brothers collapsed. I have friends working in the lower levels of investment banks who were telling me how a beating was about to take place. Don't tell me that in 1+ years time there were no journalists with the intelligence and the savvy to understand subprime loans. It seemed as if as soon as the bottom fell out of the financial market, news reporters were coming out of the woodwork to tell us how subprime mortgages were garbage, how there had been insurances sold on these loans that were equally garbage, and how the whole house of cards could be simply explained. Where were all these people before the bottom fell out? People like Cramer..."

Continue reading "Stewart vs. Cramer: Round 3! " »

Now, this: Ron Silver has died. At age 62.

There are many good obits now online, but I wanted to briefly illuminate this extraordinary TV career. Silver - a New Yorker down to his very molecules - actually got his start on the tube ("The Mac Davis Show," per IMDB, waaay back in the mid-seventies.) It was probably a means to supplement his Broadway and movie income, but - like all fine actors - he didn't, or couldn't, just "slum it" on the tube. (The less said about "Skin," the better.) There were many memorable roles, most recently his Bruno Gianelli character on "The West Wing." I've posted a clip below, just to jog memories, and am struck by how remarkable a real-life mirror - to Silver himself - this character was.

Silver was a Zelig-like figure, and just about anyone on the media beat in NYC over the last twenty or so years must have run into him SOMEWHERE. As a political activist of various stripes, he was indeed everywhere, and I remember briefly meeting him at some interview over in Secaucus or maybe Ft. Lee, where we had been interviewed by one of NBC's alphabet-soup networks about some-such issue; I don't remember what the subject was, but it was probably about how badly the networks had mangled the coverage of something.

Silver, I am sure, was passionate and utterly persuasive in his denunciation of whatever it was; I'm sure I was in awe of his sweeping and eloquent disembowelment of whatever the subject was. He seemed frightening, unapproachable. A few minutes later, after he got off the air, he wandered over, introduced himself, and asked if I needed a ride back to Manhattan.

So that's MY lasting memory of Silver - a man of contradictions, but at heart, a good guy.

Couple clips below. Contradictions? There have been a few - a supporter of left-wing causes who then became a huge supporter of Rudy. His Gianelli - a political consultant from the school of Dick Morris - seemed to capture both sides of this remarkable guy and gifted actor...

(Pix: AP Photo/Joe Cavaretta)

Yes, announced this morning, and everywhere now...He said he'll be fine. No apparent reason why he shouldn't. Says he has Stage II prostrate, and if this reasonably comprehensive overview is to be believed, this form is easily treatable, and 'ol Iman will be with us for a long time to come...

(AP/Jacquelyn Martin)

OK, I got some reaction to a post earlier this morning about the Jim Cramer/Jon Stewart encounter, and rather than respond to each and every one of the comments, let me address this thoughtful one from "Nick."

It seems to hit clearly on the central complaint -- that I entirely missed the point of the interview, and that my conjecture about the financial news industry also missing the larger story compounded my error.

Here's "Nick," and my reaction follows:

"Verne, you've seriously lost the plot on this one. You have completely misunderstood Jon Stewart. He is not a comedian; he is a satirist. CNBC looked down on Jon Stewart the same way that Tucker Carlson and Crossfire did and look where it got them both: labeled as the embarrassment of journalism.

"I echo Peter's sentiment above when you ask about the lack of comedy in last night's show. I mean, did you seriously think there was going to be anything funny about it after the host looked at the guest and said, full of fury, "this isn't a f****** game."

"You wanted comedy? Your attempt at self-defense comes off as bad taste. The only person you have to blame for your inexplicable inability to take Stewart seriously is yourself.

"Sounds like you need to read up on the comments your post has generated and do what Jim Cramer probably did last night: take a cold shower and figure out how you missed the boat.

"The idea that the entire financial news industry can wash its hands of this debacle because they were lied to as well (and didn't see much point at actually uncovering the truth) is exactly the irresponsibility that Stewart was fuming at. And irresponsible journalism in the face lying hedge fund managers and investment bank executives who deliberately manipulate their books and the market for their own personal gain IS complicity on the part of the journalists.

Good journalism is a tough job and we need now more than ever."

Thanks Nick and everyone else for taking the time to write....

Now here's my reaction:

First of all, I never implied, said, or asserted that last night's show was funny or was meant to be funny. Many millions of people have lost jobs, homes, pensions, and savings -- and perhaps even a future -- because of the actions of a number of people in the financial industry who deserve our condemnation now and forever more. And there should, perhaps even will, come a time when they have to answer for their transgressions before a court of law. Jon Stewart appropriately and accurately reflected the fury of an entire nation that has been screwed by their likes. There was nothing "funny" or "satirical" in that approach, and I can't imagine how anyone construed that I had said as much.

Second, Cramer is irrelevant. He's a showman -- a bells and whistles guy who does shtick to get a number. There are real reporters at CNBC -- Charles Gasparino and David Faber -- to name two, who have done very good work for this network. Cramer should not have been on last night; Rick Santellli who started this whole thing in the first place should've been. Or maybe Gasparino, who could have at least defended himself. Fact is, CNBC mishandled this horribly.

And third, reporters do report what people tell them, and they do report the facts, to the best of their ability, and they do draw conclusions from those. The reporters at the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times -- and my paper, too -- do a magnificent job in this difficult endeavor day after day. So, my rhetorical question: How did these dedicated professionals miss the biggest story of their lifetime? They reported the facts correctly, and they understood fully the implications of an ever-expanding market in various securities year after year. The word "bubble" became not merely part of their vocabulary but part of their daily professional lives. So, how did they miss the story? One reason -- the story was astronomically complex, and changed quickly -- and profoundly -- from one day to the next. The outcome was by no means clear. Another reason -- they didn't have all the facts, through no fault of their own. Banks -- for example -- hid vast amounts of junk loans on their balance sheets until they were forced to reveal them. An Edward R. Murrow -- to use one writer's example -- couldn't have uncovered that garbage. Neither could an army of highly trained and responsible financial reporters. Neither, it appears, could the former chairman of the Federal Reserve. Maybe Stewart should have him on the show.

Just catching up now to Wednesday's "South Park" premiere. The Jonas Brothers. Purity rings. Kenny. His girlfriend. Ohhhh boy.

"SP" has a way of catching one's attention, and this one is a full-frontal assault on Disney, the Disney Channel, Mickey M-O-U-S-E. Am I missing anyone? Here's the clip. There are a couple of bad words here -- for that I apologize -- but this is what your kids are watching....Me too.

Let's get one thing straight on this subject, may we? Jim Cramer did not come out looking as bad as all the insta-pundits seem to think he did. Honestly, from this insta-pundit's perch, the guy did OK in the face of Jon Stewart's barely contained fury for the most part.

What Cramer didn't come out doing -- to his detriment -- was fight. "I'm a big fan!" Huh? -- you are?! After you got the cr*p kicked out of you on "The Daily Show" all week? What does it take, Jim, to become an enemy of yours? Honestly, that smacked of wussy all the way. If there's a takeaway from this interview, and one that may haunt ol' Mister Mad Money from this day forward, it may simply be that he chickened out.

And yup, Stewart also had him by the short ones when he pulled up an old grainy clip of Cramer talking to someone -- unidentified -- about short-selling on Thestreet.com, with the soundbites suggesting that it was part of the problem and that this former hedge fund guy (turned commentator) named Jim Cramer was part of the problem as well.

Yeah, it looked bad at that moment -- sort 'o like when Randy Orton takes down the Undertaker. Or whatever...

But...was Stewart -- as he certainly seemed to be doing -- suggesting that Cramer was shorting all the stocks he touted on "Mad Money?" And if that was the suggestion, then why didn't Stewart come right out and say so? Cramer had an opportunity to push back on that one, but refused to. Too bad for him. That's what you call "an opening."

But...much of the discussion on short-selling and hedge funds was also financial arcana and I'm fairly certain that there was no one out there last night who sat back and said to him or herself, "by Jeez, Cramer's no better than Madoff....He's the reason for the debacle."

Cramer's defense, and not an entirely unreasonable one throughout the night -- that people lied to him.

Stewart was very good, and below I've posted what I think is the best part of the whole interview -- "When I see that I can't tell you how [frakking] angry I get because it tells me, you all know..." Populist rants play well in this kind of market, but I'd ask Jon: Did you ever read the Wall Street Journal, or the Times? Howabout Fortune? Or the dozen or so big trades like Institutional Investor that covered the Street as well, and are equally -- in fact, more influential than CNBC and poor little Jim Cramer?

Did they call the financial debacle a month, a year, ahead of time?

In fact -- guess what! -- they didn't. So does that mean WSJ is guilty as well, or the Times? Surely they knew about the short-sellers and hedge funds guys as well. So...? That's the logical extension of Stewart's argument, and of course it's an absurd one because they covered the bull market too, and they (often) reported the lies of CEOs too. Not their fault -- reporters report what people tell them.

And one more thing before I bore you, dear reader, into an absolute stupor. Why go after Cramer? He's a tiny target -- why not get the real culprits on? The ones that really truly deserved Stewart's well-founded fury?

Because -- of course -- they'd never come on, so Jim Cramer will have to do.

Still...great television last night, and kudos to both of 'em. More kudos, though, to Stewart.

Missed tonight's big return? Fear not! We have the clips, or some of 'em, and head to NBC.com, or Hulu in the morning, for the full episode.

My review, on the jump...

OK, you want more? On to the jump!

Continue reading ""ER:" George Clooney Clips" »

How I could I have let this date sneak up on me? But it has: George Clooney returns to "ER" tonight.

Here's the coy program description, which has no mention of GC, but he'll be on anyway. Take it to the bank...

"DOCTORS STRUGGLE TO SAVE TWO TRANSPLANT PATIENTS— SUSAN SARANDON, NOAH WYLE, ERIQ LA SALLE AND JULIANNA MARGULIES GUEST STAR—Neela (Parminder Nagra) and Sam (Linda Cardellini) are shocked when they arrive back to the airport with transplant organs only to find that their plane has left them. Dr. Carter (guest star Noah Wyle) gets a surprise visit from an old friend (guest star Eriq La Salle) while waiting for his kidney transplant. Dr. Banfield (Angela Bassett) bonds with an abandoned baby boy that is left at the ER. John Stamos, Scott Grimes and David Lyons also star."

This was widely reported last month, and here's the outtake from People.com: "John Wells, the NBC medical drama's executive producer, wouldn't confirm Clooney's appearance, but he came mighty close. About the March 12 episode, he said, 'If you're a fan of 'ER,' you won't want to miss this one.' And referring to characters Ross and Hathaway, he said, 'I want their story to be very fulfilling in the end.'"

Well, what do you think of this latest rule change? Or do you think of it at all -- after only 10 or so hours of possible rumination? Me? I think it stinks most foul. It's unnecessary. It smacks of elitism. By God, this is anti-DEMOCRATIC. Leave it to a Brit to come up with this... You'd think the Queen herself had a role in this one. "Let them eat cake, those American peasants... They'll watch anything over there...We can change the rules because we are the rules..."

Who is behind this travesty? Dr. Evil, of course. Who is Dr. Evil? Only the most important guy in show business. That's my name -- perhaps his, too -- for the great Oz himself, Simon Fuller, of 19 Entertainment, who sits behind the curtain over there in the U.K., pulling strings with his arch-compatriot, who just happens to share his first name. Simon Cowell: The public face of the evil empire.

(This is what happens when you have too much coffee in the morning...Note to self: Cut back to five cups before 9...)

I'm feeling in a listy mood. Why would -- other than sheer anti-Democratic impulses that only a country beset by a crusty monarchy could come up with -- did "Idol" change the rule?

Let's go!

1.) They don't trust you, the viewer. Leave it to the voter, they seem to think, and they'll keep another Sanjaya in the finalist group, but let a great singer - Daughtry! - go early.

2.) This is an insurance policy. Just in the case voters get it WRONG AGAIN, and don't vote for the "right" singer, they'll be able to pull their fave-of-the-moment (Megan, let's say) out of the fire at the last minute. And dear Megs did come perilously close to the burn zone last night.

3.) What happens the NEXT time voters don't vote for the singer Dr. Evil wants? They'll change the rule again! "Did we say 'once' before the top five," says SiCo. "We meant 'twice.' Sorry. "

4.) The show desperately wants water-cooler chatter - people are talking too much about Da Bachelor, and not Da Idol. Change rules and - to co-opt Mencken's old phrase - stir up the animals.

5.) The show has little confidence in this season's crop, to begin with, but heaven help it if a truly promising singer out this shrinking group has a bad night and gets dumped by the voters. The judges will now be able to throw that person a life line. Is there a future Jennifer Hudson in this group? A budding Chris Daughtry. Howabout a Kelly Clarkson? Her performance up there last night - whether you like the song or not - demonstrated dramatically that there's not another one of HER this season either... Please call Simon if your crystal ball reveals the future super-star because he sure doesn't see him or her. The glam Adam Lambert? Terrifically talented kid - who has a glittering future career on Broadway. He's a performer - NOT someone, I suspect, who will sell a million records.

So now I'm wondering...what WILL the next rule change be? I've got it! A fifth judge will be added later this season. His name...Dr. Evil....

Oh goody, I have for you right now First Looks at "Gossip Girl" and "CSI: NY."

I haven't even seen these yet, but I'm sure they're grand. "GG," as you know, is back Monday. And this "CSI" clip? I gotta believe this is the mucho-hypo'd episode with Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz (Or is it Pete Simpson-Wentz, or Simpson Pete-Wentz...I've been deeply confused over this celeb match made in heaven...)

Let's see - they play Bonnie and Clyde, or something that...

A court ruling...

Yeah, this is today's talker, and no one seems certain what it means, though SiCo's words do give one pause:

"I'm not sure whether the public are going to like this."

Hmm. I see the hand of Dr. Evil here.

What could it be? Everyone's got a guess. I see that Elisabeth Hasselbeck and others are saying that a judge vote will overturn the popular one.

If so, you're right, Simon. The public won't like this. But it could probably be just a onetime veto, or a once-a-season job, or something along those lines. This way, the judges can dump someone they regret ('Noop, are you listening?) bringing through the Wild Card.

The reason to change ANYTHING right now? Just to get people to yammer, and to move the season along.

Here's what WILL happen: Two people will get dumped tonight. "Idol" said as much last night...

Why two? Because as SiCo also said last night, the season ends in "ten weeks." The show HAS to dump a two-fer at some point to wrap this up on time and get everyone out on the road for the tour.

And...I am also reliably told...the TWO PEOPLE WITH THE LOWEST VIEWER VOTE will go.

The judges, in other words, won't drop one themselves.

Meanwhile, there is still a "big surprise" in store....

We'll see.

Suddenly, a front-runner ...

Check this out:

Gay was wrong.

This doesn't happen often, or by "often" I mean, "this is not acknowledged often."

But I got it a little off - the odds that I posted alongside the "Idol" Final Thirteen the other day.

Now, by "wrong," I don't mean egregiously wrong - the intent was clear. But that's not good enough, pal.

So Dr. Jeffrey S. Simonoff, a brilliant fellow and prof at NYU (and grad of Stony Brook) was kind enough to re-calibrate the odds - or tweak them - and I've posted the new ones. His note/explanation is one the jump...

Now, here's what I've done. The first chart: Prof. Simonoff's corrected odds to Tuesday's predictions.

Then, the NEXT chart: I've re-shuffled the figures, based on last night's performances. These are certainly subjective too but hopefully the numbers/odds are the right ones this time...) .

(That nice photo above? By Christopher Isaacson, of the Upright Caberet, as posted in Broadwayworld.com. It was from last year's 2008 "Holiday Blowout;" Jake Simpson is in the background.)

Kris Allen: 1:57
Megan Joy Corkrey: 1:40
Anoop Desai: 1:17
Matt Giraud: 1:9
Danny Gokey: 1:7
Alexis Grace: 1:5
Allison Iraheta: 1:9
Adam Lambert: 1:25
Scott Macintyre: 1:13
Jasmine Murray: 1:81
Jorge Nunez: 1:13
Lil Rounds: 1:4
Michael Sarver: 1:81

Now...the latest odds:

Most stay the same ... but, Allen moves up, and so does Lambert (duh). Allison, who was wobbly last night, moves way down. Overall, the guys are looking better than the ladies ...

Kris Allen: 1:17
Megan Joy Corkrey: 1:40
Anoop Desai: 1:25
Matt Giraud: 1:9
Danny Gokey: 1:7
Alexis Grace: 1:9
Allison Iraheta: 1:25
Adam Lambert: 1:5
Scott Macintyre: 1:13
Jasmine Murray: 1:81
Jorge Nunez: 1:13
Lil Rounds: 1:4
Michael Sarver: 1:25

Continue reading "'American Idol': Tweaked odds" »

You know about that war between Jim Cramer and Jon Stewart, right?

Of course you do. Now, more tales from the front. Last night's show, JS went on "The Hills" and "Dora the Explorer" to argue his case against CNBC and Booyah Boy, Jim Cramer.

Go to the clip and scroll up to about the eight-minute mark OR WATCH THE WHOLE DANG THING. It's funny.

Now, hear this: Cramer is going to be on tomorrow's "Daily Show." The booking was announced late yesterday. To which I say: Well it's ABOUT TIME. CNBC has done a pretty amazingly poor job handling this PR one-man-destructo brigade by the name of Jon Stewart. Cramer's probably the channel's single biggest name - no, take "probably" out - and night after night, Stewart has thrown the wrecking ball at him. CNBC's, and Cramer's response, has been sad and tepid. The damage to Cramer, so far, is pretty extensive. Let's see how Jim handles this booking tonight...

And, let's hope CNBC doesn't pull the plug on THIS appearance too...

Anyone ever heard of "Chaser's War on Everything?"

Anyone ever heard of "APEC?"

(Anyone ever heard of "G4?" )

I'll take that as three "no's." In any case, "Chaser's" is an Aussie comedy team/show, based in Sydney, that is sort of a "Candid Camera" with an anarchist streak (picture that, if you can.) A couple years ago, they performed a stunt at the APEC conference (the Asian-Pacific Economic Cooperation) whereby they got a motorcade got right up to the hotel where George Bush was staying. In the lead car - a guy dressed up to (sorta) look like Osama Bin Laden. The stunt made headlines, and "Chaser" did too.

The episode in question will air on G4 tonight at 11 - G4, being a cable network that caters to young, inebriated men; it's flagship is "Attack of the Show."

But why wait! Here's the stunt...now...

Huuuugggge opener for "Dancing With the Stars:" 21.5 million viewers.

That helped "Castle," by the way -- 11.6 million -- but I gotta think ABC would have liked to have held on to a little more of that lead-in. Meanwhile, ABC is saying this is the biggest "DWTS" opener ever...

Here's more from the news release...

"... “Dancing With the Stars” drew an average audience of 22.5 million viewers and a 5.9 rating, 15 share in Adults 18-49 to emerge as Monday’s No. 1 TV program in viewers and young adults. In fact, “Dancing With the Stars” won each of its half-hours and soared to the top of its time period, outdrawing second-place Fox by 10.8 million viewers and by 40% in Adults 18-49 (11.7 million & 4.2/11)."

The war continues!

Did you see last night's "Daily Show?" Then, say no more, and just click on this clip...it's Stewart on Jim Cramer again. Meanwhile, this clip played on "The Today Show" this morning -- while Jim was watching on a split screen.

Battered Cramer's response: "He's [Stewart] a comedian..."

I can re-purpose with the best of 'em, and right now, I think I'll re-purpose my column from Tuesday's paper.

It's my "Idol" pix, and by all means -- please please please -- head on over to our "American Idol" blog which has other picks as well; my colleagues over there are savvy Idolistas indeed and have key differences with my picks...

Anything can happen tonight and anything will. My favorite to proceed to the bitter end is Alexis Grace, though conventional wisdom says a guy will take it home. Who knows -- tonight's Jacko night, so I await...

Continue reading "'American Idol:' Top 13 Picks" »

Well, I for one am amazed that Melissa Rycroft just "happened" to be available for last night's "DWTS" premiere, and filled in for Jewel (or Nancy O'Dell) who just "happened" to have injured themselves. And she just "happened" to be available mere days after she just "happened" to have been dumped by Bachelor Guy who just "happened" to make her a household name.

And then, she just "happened" to get a call to appear on another ABC show whose ratings just "happened" to have softened last season.

Then, last night, she appeared and just "happened" to be very good and poised even though she just "happened" to step on a dance floor FOR THE FIRST TIME on Saturday morning.

That's a lot of "happens," and a lot of truly amazing coincidences. Don't you think? I guess the reality gods were in favor of this.

Dear reader: You can choose to be credulous, but I choose to be incredulous. Everything happens for a reason on television reality shows. Happenstance is something that doesn't happen.

That said...I thought Melissa was pretty good last night. But then, I wasn't surprised.

Here's a clip, gratis Scoopish... By the way, I wouldn't be shocked if she wins this whole thing. (Nor should you be, but vote here anyway)

>> Meet the Season 8 cast of "Dancing With the Stars"
>> The "Dancing With the Stars" career lift
>> Pet Rock handicaps the field for Season 8

This is what we in the trade call a significant program announcement, and perhaps the program will be too when it airs in a couple months -- assuming that by then, everyone is feeling about as optimistic as they do right now. Which is a shade darker than "pessimistic."

“Michael J. Fox: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.”

That's the name of the special this May (7 at 10) that will be hosted by...well, you know who.

Here's the quote from this afternoon's news release:

"For everything this disease has taken, something with greater value has been given,” Fox says, “So, sure, it may be one step forward and two steps back, but after a time with parkinson’s, I’ve learned that what is important is making that one step count.”

Here's the graf describing this:

"The whole world, shaken by economic woes, is taking a closer look at optimism. Imagine a country which measures its success with a figure for “Gross National Happiness” instead of Gross National Product. Fox visits the secluded Himalayan nation of Bhutan, a modern day Shangri La that stresses the importance of joy in everything it does. Can happiness actually be legislated? Fox is fascinated by this nation’s commitment to the positive well-being of its citizens. "

(Pix: AP Photo/Evan Agostini)

I know, I know: Launching a new TV series on network television in March can be like throwing a rock at the moon and hoping to hit one of the craters...

But, it's been done -- launching the series, not throwing the rock. I have high hopes for "Castle." This seems -- at least the pilot indicated as much -- like a pretty good show, or at least a reasonably entertaining one, or at least a charming one, or at least NOT A TERRIBLE ONE LIKE SO MANY OTHER SHOWS.

My sense, too, is that Nathan Fillion is due. Honestly, I don't think "Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog" is gonna turn into a series anytime soon. Like, ever. So, my sense is that this has got to work for Nathan, who is a very good actor...

( "Horrible's..Blog?" That on-line "movie" produced by TV genius -- a genius, except for "Dollhouse" -- Joss Whedon, and his brothers, Zack and Jed, when they didn't have anything better to do during the strike. Neil Patrick Harris starred, and so did Fillion, and Felicia Day, and Simon Helberg. If you haven't seen it, I've posted it on the jump, but it got a lot of buzz last year.)

Check it out on the jump...

(Pix: AP)

Continue reading ""Castle:" Will This Be Nathan Fillion's Lucky #? " »

I love being part of Paramount's guerilla marketing campaign to get the word out on the May release of "Star Trek."

(Right -- like this is the biggest mystery known to humankind; does it even need "marketing?") Just got yet another trailer for the movie, and this one runs just over two minutes. It's posted on NBC.com, and has been the last couple days. A nice meaty trailer, if you're in the mood...

"South Park," arguably the world's most evil show, is back this Wednesday, and consider this blog post your dutiful reminder. There's not a whole heck of a lot to say about the new season launch, other than this: Kenny has a new girlfriend, goes to a concert (Jonas Brothers) with her, and hopes to round third base when...the Jonas Brothers give him some sort of chastity ring. Kenny then -- just to continue the metaphor -- strikes out at home plate. There is a clip at the "South Park" site, but it contains scatological references, and those just won't do on a family blog. So...you'll just have to go there yourself. Meanwhile...has Steven Spielberg/ George Lucas filed defamation lawsuits yet? Will the Bros?

Sorry, I've been a little out of touch... All that business about Melissa going to "DWTS" kind of took my breath away, and I've been contemplating the meaning of it all...

Contemplation over! There is no meaning...

In any event, I came across this nice sneak peak at this Thursday's "Grey's Anatomy." As you know, show's returning after a two (or was it three?) week absence. This is a big episode and I think may even set up the thread for the rest of this season:

1.) I'm pretty certain this is the episode where we learn Izzy has cancer...

2.) Derek quits. Walks out. It's over. (The ding on his nose? I'm pretty certain that's from the violent dust-up with Sloan...

Sorry, Jase, it's over. I'm goin' dancin!

Admit it: You saw this one from the next county. Melissa Rycroft is joining "DWTS." She'll be the second one, along with Holly Madison, to fill out the dance card, depleted by all those injuries (Jewel, Nancy O'Dell).

Rycroft: Dumped by Bachelor Guy, who is now the most hated man on the planet, or maybe after Chris Brown.

People.com reported this earlier today, and I could kick myself for not realizing this is exactly what was going to happen. (ABC is neither confirming nor denying, which is the same thing as confirming.) Now, we'll all be able to discuss at length whether the whole thing (the dumping thing, on national TV, last week -- come on, how could you forget so quickly?) really was a con job, designed specifically to lead millions of viewers from "The Bachelor" to "Dancing With the Stars."

So now the big question: Did Nancy O really hurt her leg, or was she asked to step aside to make room for a more bankable star?

The rich get richer: That Taylor Swift cameo on "CSI" last night (BORRRRRing!) boosted the show's already stratospheric viewership by 3 million.

Needless to say, it killed in the time period.

21 million viewers.

Taylor just made "CSI" the second-most-watched show of the week. If the new album tanks (Ha! kidding!) and if this singing business gets kind of old, then I have a feeling "CSI" will make a little extra room for her. Too bad her character died last night... I believe "Idol" won the night, BTW, edging out "CSI" by dozens of viewers...

Herewith the math:

"CSI" was "...first in households (12.8/20), viewers (20.80m), adults 25-54 (7.0/16) and adults 18-49 (5.3/13). Compared to last week, CSI was up +15% in households (from 11.1/17), +17% in adults 25-54 (from 6.0/14), +23% in adults 18-49 (from 4.3/11) and added +3.08m viewers (from 17.72m, +17%). This is CSI's best delivery in viewers since Jan. 15, 2009 (Grissom's farewell) and best deliveries in adults 18-49 and adults 25-54 since Jan. 29, 2009."

This is why writing about TV is so much fun - you getta use the words "Jerry Springer," "songwriting contest" and "absolute insanity" in the same sentence.

As evidence: Jerry Springer is mounting an absolutely insane songwriting contest, in which viewers of one of the worst and most-compulsively watchable (though you hate yourself afterward) TV shows ever are asked to write songs about it.

The winner gets something.

God knows what...

Here are the details from the press release:

"Give us your best shot America," says Jerry, in said press release. "We want to see your version of 18 seasons of 'The Jerry Springer Show' put to music "Think of all the wild and crazy characters and topics that you have at your fingertips on this one...you'll be everyone's idol."

[Oh, I remember the time where the hugely obese woman grabbed her husband by the hair and then, with her left hand, grabbed a chair and started re-arranging the guy's face with it; Jerry stood there, with his chin in hand, and I think Steve Wilkos finally broke it up. I'll set this fracas to "Some Enchanted Evening." ]

More from the press release:

"Three finalists will be flown to Chicago and the Grand Prize winner of the "Springer Singer Search" will win $5,000.

"All that is required is that the music and lyrics are original and about "The Jerry Springer Show." Each contestant must create a video of their original song and submit it through www.jerryspringertv.com, or via regular mail on DVD. All mail submissions should be sent care of "The Jerry Springer Show/Springer Singer Search" to 454 North Columbus Drive, Chicago, Illinois, 60611. Entries will be judged on originality, knowledge of the show, creativity and musical talent."

One word: HELLLPPP!!!

Artie Lange was on "Letterman" the other night promoting his new book and had a pretty funny joke about Ronkonkoma. He's probably said this on "Stern," but because I don't pay for radio, I have no idea. But if you haven't heard it yet, worth watching this. Lange's appearances on "Letterman," it seems to me, are usually pretty good -- these guys have simpatico, or somethin'.

Oh, and if you wanna see Dave's interview with U2 last night, that's on the jump...

Take it away...

Continue reading "Artie Lange: Do it For Ronkonkoma" »

I guess you know by now, there are thirteen finalists, not twelve.

Oh, you're a clever one, "Idol," you are.

Good show, though. My Newsday review - should you care - follows these four names on the jump...And congrats to all of 'em:

- Jasmine Murray

- Anoop Desai

Now, Gay's review....

And please head on down to the jump for that...

Continue reading ""American Idol:" Number 13" »

Here's reasonably big news on the "Dancing with the Stars" front: Nancy O'Dell AND Jewel are out...

Quotes and details below, but suffice it to say, this is a big blow to "Dancing with the Stars:" Jewel is one of THE big gets this season, in fact the biggest. Nancy's departure is a surprise, too, but stuff happens when you get out on the floor (and you're not athletically inclined...)

Here's the problem for "DWTS:" It now has to replace TWO female contenders, and not just one - Jewel was rumored to be out a week ago. Holly Madison, the ex-Playmate, will probably get the call, but she's far from a household name (that's her and Hef, below)... Meanwhile, Gilles Marini has physical problems too.

A possibility he's leaving too? Who knows - earlier today when I asked, ABC said "no comment." But check out the line below: "Additional changes to the cast will be announced on Monday's show..."

Oh boy...

Here are all the details...

"Jewel and O’Dell will appear on the season premiere of “Dancing with the Stars,” MONDAY, MARCH 9 (8:00-10:02 p.m., ET) to address their injuries. The women were paired with professional dancers Tony Dovolani and Dmitry Chaplin, respectively. Additional changes to the cast will also be announced during Monday’s premiere.

“Like most sports, dancing can be a demanding, physical activity. Each participant of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ warrants in contract that they are physically fit enough to participate in the competition. We love and appreciate Nancy and Jewel’s competitive spirit, drive and desire to perform their best. Though we share in their disappointment that they can no longer continue, their physical well-being takes precedent above all else. We thank them both for giving it their all and wish them a quick and full recovery,” said Executive Producer Conrad Green.

“When the doctors told me my injuries were so severe that I couldn’t walk, let alone compete, I was devastated that I couldn’t continue the show,” said Jewel. “I have every intention of being at ‘Dancing with the Stars’ this season supporting my husband, Ty, and his partner, Chelsie (Hightower). I hope to be back on the show in the future.”

“Beyond disappointment doesn't even being to describe how I feel about not being able to continue on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’” said O’Dell. “It has been one of my favorite shows since Season One! But I have torn the meniscus in my knee in two places, which requires surgery. ‘Dancing with the Stars’ was a great experience. I'll miss working with my partner, Tony Dovolani, and all the other wonderful people on the amazing production that is ‘Dancing with the Stars’”

Good scooplet in EW.com: Says that the "Seinfeld" core cast will re-unite on "Curb you Enthusiasm" next year. Here are the relevant sentences from the story, just posted:

"Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, and Michael Richards -- will be featured in a multiple-episode story arc on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm this fall.

The cameos will mark the first time that all four actors have appeared together in a scripted TV show since Seinfeld went off the air nearly 11 years ago.

No date has been set for this event, or for Curb's seventh season, which will run for 10 weeks. Curb, of course, was created by and stars Larry David, the cocreator of Seinfeld."

I've watched this clip from yesterday's "Ellen," and she asks the right questions, or they seem to be the right questions - she IS a good interviewer, BTW - but you will notice that she gets around to the "staged" question (4 minutes into this clip.) You will also notice that while she brings the question up, she also kinda answers it for Chris Harrison - that the whole thing wasn't staged.

Of course, everyone seems to think it was (my theory Behind Door # 2 of a couple days ago.)

I'm not sure it matters. Jason is still a horse's you-know-what-and-it-begins-with-an-a...

But Chris here doesn't specifically deny the staging business either!

Watch this clip too....(I'm giving you all sorts of reasons to waste this beautiful morning, am I not...?)

Another thing you gotta watch...this is all over CC's website, from last night's "Daily..."

Apparently, Rick "I'm Mad as Hell and Not Going to Take This Anymore" Santelli pulled out of an appearance on the show, and Dave Letterman proved that if someone pulls out on you, it's even better than if they turn up.

Gives you high-dudgeon material for days...

Is this rant fair? Probably not entirely fair, but who cares? (And see my note in the comments section below for further illumination on the "not fair" biz.) It's still great television. This is a fourth-magnitude frak-up by CNBC: Imagine not letting Santelli on the show! CNBC has committed a sin of its own making - allowing someone else to define them. This is simply a devastating clip.

And I do love Stewart's kicker: "*&%$#& You!"

When you go on "Letterman," they make you work for your supper.

Not enough to do five nights of the show . . . but also had to shovel the snow on 53rd Street, and now had to do the Top Ten . . .

As Top Tens go, this one's very good, and 'cuz U2 does it, this is henceforth a classic Top Ten.

But . . . there's an added bonus here, too: The Edge actually goes off script, with his OWN Top Ten, and guess what? It's a funnier one than the writers came up with. In fact, it'll get a lot of air play over the next couple days, so watch now so you have something to talk about at the coffee machine.

Also watch now before CBS de-activates this clip; they've been circulating a crummy little promo reel that doesn't begin to do this justice . . .

'Noop Dog is back!

So is Tatiana!

Win some. Lose some.

(Honestly, happy to see Tatty back tomorrow night; she's wonderfully weepy, and reminds me of Jason "I'll Love you Forever" Mesnick; when this Molly thing doesn't work out, maybe he and Tatty can get together....)

Digressing again, Gay.

Here are the basic facts from my "Idol" story in tomorrow's Newsday....

The full story...

" Now it's getting a little more interesting.
‘Noop Dog is back. And so is, ummm, Tatiana Del Toro, for tonight’s wild card. Like I said, "interesting."

Meanwhile, Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre advanced to the final rounds of this season's "American Idol" - expected by every "Idolista" with a pulse. Slightly less expected: Jorge Nuñez. It was pretty close - probably by votes in the thousands - between him and Ju'Not Joyner, the big kid (OK, 26-year-old) with the good voice and winning personality.

"Idol" judges also announced their wild card ticket on the air last night. These eight singers had been praised by them the last couple weeks, but were over-looked by voting fans. Tonight, the judges will select three from this small group to round out the final twelve.

The wild carders are: Von Smith (22; KC); Jasmine Murray (16; Miss.); Ricky Braddy (26; TN.); Megan Joy Corkrey (22, UT.); Matt Giraud (23; MI); Tatiana Nicole Del Toro (24, PR ); Jesse Langseth (25; MN.); and Anoop Desai (21, NC).

Last night's winners were not a surprise, though, and the pattern had become as obvious as pink paint. The best singers from rehearsal were stacked up at the end of the competition night, and Lil Rounds drew that card on Tuesday. The 23-year-old from Memphis (Kansas City auditions) was a slam-dunk, per Simon Cowell, who was almost pathologically negative on Tuesday to wards the other singers. "Best vocal of the night," he said. And that it was. She sang Mary J. Blige’s “Be Without You.”

Then, Scott MacIntyre (23; Scottsdale, Az., Phoenix auditions.) The sight-challenged piano player sang a nearly prehistoric song, Bruce Hornsby and the Range's “Mandolin Rain” (1986) with real passion. Easily a winner. He's "Idol's" near-perfect embodiment of this season's "inspirational" contestant.

Finally, Jorge Nuñez, 20, of Carolina, PR (San Juan audition) who sang Elton John’s “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” Message received. "

(Pix: Chris Cuffaro, Fox)

Yes, and it will be right after "Idol." A Tuesday, at nine.

This is, of course, the Osbourne family variety show, "Osbournes: Reloaded."

Here's the Fox propaganda: "Unlike any other series on television, OSBOURNES: RELOADED features audience interaction, rowdy comedy and hilarious stunts that will shock and amuse. Outrageous sensibility and brash humor are at the core of the series filmed on location and in front of a studio audience that never knows what to expect from the First Family of Rock. Whether it's Sharon unveiling a stripping grandmother, Kelly and Jack bringing an unsuspecting playboy face-to-face with his ex-girlfriends or Ozzy soaking the entire studio audience with foam – TV’s most outrageous family is guaranteed to rock the house."

Sight unseen - and if I didn't cover TV for a living, this WOULD remain sight unseen - "Osbournes:Reloaded" sounds truly awful.

We shall see, won't we?

(Pix: AP)

The official AP dispatch on Mariska Hargitay's condition just hit the wires:

A collapsed lung. Again.

Here's the full piece, or rather brief:

"The star of NBC's "Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit" was hospitalized on Wednesday after feeling discomfort from a partially collapsed lung. She is undergoing tests.

Hargitay has been ailing since at least mid-January, when producers announced that she had a partially collapsed lung. Her spokeswoman, Leslie Sloane, said the actress "expects to be feeling better soon" and that production of the show will not be affected.

Hargitay, 45, won an Emmy last year for her role as Detective Olivia Benson on "Law & Order: SVU." She was hospitalized in January for something called pneumothorax, or (a report in E) a partially collapsed lung; show was on hiatus then.

Now, you ask: How could production (in New Jersey, BTW) NOT be affected? Reason: Her scenes have already been shot (I'm reliably told.) But of course, there are a lot of episodes to go...

I met Hargitay some years ago, and she is - or at least struck me at the time - one of the nicest and least pretentious major stars I've ever met; I certainly wish her well at this difficult moment.

(Pix: Bobby Bank/Getty Images)

We now have our top eight.....

And, in fact, there is only one outstanding mystery. (Well, four if you count the three who will come out of tomorrow's still-mysterious wild-card round...)

Lil Rounds....that's an easy call.

Scott MacIntyre....that's an easy call too.

But what of our third? This is where it gets tricky. Ju'Not Joyner, who was good last night, has a real shot, and if this was a game of odds - it is, actually - I'd say he's a 3:1 favorite to move forward. I think Nathaniel Marshall does too - not because he's good, particularly, or at least good last night, but he was memorable.

And that leaves us with Jorge Nuñez. His odds of going forward are 4:1 - actually lower than Ju'Not's, I suspect, because he comes from Puerto Rico, which simply doesn't have a big voting constituency (obviously.) Ju'Not's from Maryland, and that'll help.

But I'm going with Jorge: I believe he will be the third pick tonight, but...I could be wrong.

So let me rephrase: I think he SHOULD be the guy to go forward. Will he?

And if he doesn't, he'll be back tomorrow on the Wild Card...I still think Jorge is a top-12er, along with 'Noop Dog.

I watched Jason again last night - that's right, I am masochistic - and am happy to report, my opinion hasn't changed a bit.

At all.

Even slightly.

He's still a horse's arse. "We're really happy..." "I'm not proud..." "I did the right thing..." He smiled sweetly at Molly. Molly smiled sweetly at Jason. A choir of a thousand angels sang. She said she was moving to Seattle. He smiled. She smiled. Chris smiled. The audience cheered.

I guess no one told her it rains a lot there.

Did he say, "Molly and I will love each other for ever and ever..." Or: "She's my soul mate."

Probably. Ellen knows he's a horse's arse too. Check out the video of her and new bachelorette, Jillian Harris, from a couple weeks ago. She sees right through the clown too. When he's telling Jillian on-screen that he'll love her forever and ever and ever, Ellen flaps her hand in the universally understood "yadda yadda yadda" gesture.

If every one knows you're a horse's arse, up to and including Ellen, then - ipso facto - you must be one.

End of story. A major sweeps special, I assure, will air on ABC this May: "After After AFTER the Final Rose" (check local listings) where we'll all able to re-confirm our opinions all over again.

Meanwhile, Jillian seems nice.

But then, so did whatizname...

"Our love is here to stay, forever. Or until next week."

Wow: This is big, or was big.

"After the Rose" last night - when that cad changed his mind, like some spoiled little baby who decided "I don't WANT that toy anymore - I want the other one that I threw against the wall and broke,so buy me another one, mommy" - was seen by 17.5 million of us.

That's 17.5 million of us who cursed the set...

The finale - when the cad promised his undying love to two women, only to then decide, "meh, I guess I'll just throw Melissa overboard anyway" - was seen by 15. 5 million of us.

That's "TB's" biggest finale in five years.

If you want the nitty-gritty viewer details,please head south to the jump...ABC is feeling generous with the numbers today, and who can blame 'em...?

Continue reading ""The Bachelor" Kills (da Ratings) " »

Here's some big news from the land of "High School Musical:"

"HSM" will return to TV next year as an original movie on (where else?) The Disney Channel; this will of course be the fourth.

Details? Not a whole heck of a lot of 'em, but TDC offers this much: "East meets West in a classic love triangle set against the cross-town school rivalry between the East High Wildcats and West High Knights...

And..."It will include a new cast of characters..." Gary Marsh, the TDC boss, had this to say in a canned quote:

“The 'High School Musical’ trilogy introduced a new generation to the celebrated genre of movie musicals. In crafting this next iteration, we've challenged the entire creative team to raise the bar again - and create something truly worthy of this extraordinary global phenomenon.”

The old "HSM" team is back - screenwriter Peter Barscocchini, and producers Bill Borden and Barry Rosenbush return as the executive producers.

(AP Photo/Disney Enterprises, Inc. Fred Hayes; yes, that's "HSM: Senior Year.")

It's over for "Life on Mars," or will be this May. ABC has given the show notice that it won't pick up another season beyond this one.

And that's that.

TV Week has the story this morning, and quotes ABC boss Steve McPherson, saying that giving the show to May gives it closure and the fans closure...

"We felt it was the right thing to do for the producers and the fans and creatively."

The show began with high, high hopes, even after David Kelley was ejected as show-runner. The new guys, Andre Nemec, and Scott Rosenberg, were parachuted in and put together a terrific pilot. But after that, I fear, the show tailed off into silly-land. I'm a big admirer of Jason O'Mara, but he never seemed to carry the show. Meanwhile, ABC is certainly doing the right thing here - the BBC run was limited too. This "Life" has run its course too.

"A little to the right...Oh, did I tell you? I'll love you forever!"

OK, let's talk about last night's "Bachelor" finale, shall we?

There's so much to say, so little time to say it. There's two theories working here. Both completely opposite...Let's start with the theory behind door number one:

Jason Mesnick doesn't need a new wife. He needs a new psychiatrist.

A new one - because obviously the old one has done diddly-squat.

Where to begin? That shameless parade of Ty before his prospective mates? I wonder what the kid's mother is saying right now? That her four-year-old son was used in the production and manufacture of ABC primetime entertainment, whereby he was dangled like a puppet before her ex's two prospective mates? One of whom he rejected - after accepting?

If she wants to take this before a judge, she might well have a case.

And does anyone, anywhere, with a brain larger than a half a walnut, believe that dear sweet and slight dim Molly Malaney, of Grand Rapids, will last with this guy any longer than the last one - the not-as-sweet former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, Melissa Rycroft?

Their true love ended on the flight back from New Zealand. Or maybe the minute they got out of the pool, with their clothes still on. She called him a "bastard" on the show last night.

Bingo!

Now, dear sweet and slightly dim Molly Malaney thinks this is going to last forever and a day?

I'd go with "the day" part of that equation.

Here's last night's Kimmel appearance...Headcase Jason gives Jimmy some ridiculous reason for saying why he dumped Melissa on the post-game show.

Kimmel asks if there's a chance whether he'll get back with HER...Also, "Do you have the numbers of the other contestants in case you change your mind?"

Ok, and now, the theory behind door number two: That this whole thing was a complete con job. That Jason's a fine actor, and he doesn't need a shrink, but an agent! I see future roles on "Desperate Housewives."

Or maybe "Grey's Anatomy." Jason, as the doctor who cries whenever a patient dies - particularly one he's just fallen in love with, and has proposed to (then reneges on.) His nickname? "McWeepy." Or McCreepy.

\

And course you didn't forget (did you?) that this is U2 week on "Late Show with David Letterman."

Here's a nice full clean clip from a Chinese TV network (of all places) of last night's show closing performance. There are number of other clips on Youtube, too, if you prefer. Watch before CBS deactivates, which could be any minute now...

U2 performing "Breathe," from "No Line on the Horizon" (in stores today!)

First up, let's show you the un-sanctioned-by-NBC clip of Jimmy's monologue from the very first show...Also, the Timberlake interview, in which they do a brief duet from Fallon's old "SNL" Gibbs routine. Plus, an added bonus: a John Mayer impersonation. Now, Mayer's gotta do Justin.

And a very very curious element of this new show from the Timberlake clip: An in-show promo for an advertiser.

Did Conan ever do this? If he did, I don't remember. Here Jimmy asks JT to do Michael McDonald, singing a Bud Light Lime jingle. Justin's game...

(Thanks to XVersusY for posting, and to David Chen.)

Finally, NBC pulled this third one outta the show after taping yesterday and....as soon as I get more (assuming I get more) will post those as well. This is a brief snippet from the De Niro interview...

My first impression of this new show based on this through-the-straw view?

Honestly, probably the same as yours: Some of the stuff is OK, some not OK.The De Niro bit: Lame-o. The monologue, serviceable, with a joke that was almost - oddly enough - very similar to a joke Dave Letterman did in his monologue last night. Timberlake? A very good guest to have on tthe first show...

Big news on the carbon neutral front: "24" has gone, ummm, carbon neutral.

Got the release from Fox this morning. It proclaims how '24" has just become TV's first carbon neutral show..the bullet points:

*electricity from renewable power sources, like wind, has reduced show's footprint...

* Show reduced show’s overall carbon footprint by nearly 940 metric tons of carbon dioxide.

* Integrated fuel-efficient and low-emission hybrid vehicles into the production fleet, saving 1,300 gallons gas.

* Scripts distributed by email...

Well, guess what, "24" fans!!

I accidentally received one on of those "emailed" memos from "24!" It lays out even MORE radical plans for carbon reduction next season...Read on!

MEMO: To "24" staffers
RE: Carbon Reduction

Gang, We're not stopping with 940 metric tons. We're going ALL THE WAY. We will not expend ANY carbon next season. A brief overview of our strategy for the 8th season:

* No cars. That's right. All chase scenes to be conducted on bicycle.

* No guns. Huge contributor to carbon footprint; henceforth, Jack will throw stuff at the bad guys.

* No computers. All those screens? Gone. All FBI communications will be conducted via paper; carbon-neutral pencils will be used.

* "24" changes name to "12:" Yes, our day will no longer be "24 hours" but "12 hours." The hours of crisis will also be conducted ONLY during daylight hours, thereby eliminating the need to use lights.

Hey, am I the only one who pretty much decided this season's "The Celebrity Apprentice" is stuck in a time warp, or a place - long ago and far away - that doesn't exist any longer?

That would be New York City, pre-October, 2008...

It was a strange other-worldly edition last night, even stranger and more otherworldly than usual. Somehow, the Donald's Gold Lamé universe just doesn't seem to exist anymore. It doesn't; it's now nickel-plated. But there was Trumpster - who now says in interviews that we're in a "depression" - pretending that everything is just dandy, same as it always was.

That's because this was all taped last year...

[Oh, who got fired? The Diceman. A surprise? Hell yeah, insofar as he probably has a little more name recognition than most of the other celebrities - certainly vastly more than survivor Brande Roderick, whom no one has ever heard of, ever.]

But back to the other-world quality of the new season - filmed last year before the crash. Can you imagine anyone paying $9,000 for a single cupcuke now? Or Donny Deutsch paying ten thousand for one?

Donny Deutsch?! CNBC has even FIRED him, or canceled "The Big Idea.;" he sure wouldn't be so generous now, one imagines...In fact, he must feel profoundly foolish - "I bought a $10,000 cupcake and NBC FIRED ME!!??"

I'd feel profoundly foolish too....

You noticed too, I assume, that Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb came off of their aerie to pay tribute to another NBC show, right? But they didn't cough up a dime for those lousy cupcakes. Either they've got good sense, or they're just cheap. You'll notice NBC hasn't canceled THEIR show. There's a lesson here, somewhere...

But honestly, the whole episode reeked of the old, bad past - when rich irresponsible people threw money around like it was tissue paper, and knew they didn't have anything to worry about because - hey! - it's a tax write-off.

In other words, rich people behaving in a way that got us all here in the first place.

I wonder if "The Celebrity Apprentice" will adjust to the New World Order? We'll see...

Still kicking?

Whom among us tube-o-holics just HAD to watch last night's big two-hour special "Brothers & Sisters?" (Besides me?)

Who among us HAD to find out about a "shocking death" and whether our band of brothers and sisters was about to shrink by one, due to the shuffling off of the mortal coil?

There were many guesses to be had - and ABC 's carpet-bombing promo campaign of the last few days certainly provided no definitive clues... It could be Tommy, or Saul, or maybe even Scotty or Joe. Most bets were probably on Robert McCallister - Rob Lowe. Promos reveal a weepy Kitty though that mighta just been the baby's arrival.

OK, so who was it? Who bought the farm, kicked the bucket, headed west?

NOBODY!

Nobody died in last night's "Brothers & Sisters." When the show faded to black, all were present and accounted for. (Anybody foolish enough to tune to the last ten seconds would have heard Kitty say to Baby: "It's just you and me from now on," or words to that effect...) In fact, mom was just peeved that Robert planned to return to the campaign trail.

So what gives? Here's what: McAllister, who had a heart attack (that plot detail for the benefit of you who did tune in at 10:59) did "technically" die for about ten seconds, while doctors were applying the paddles. (Kevin even had to tell him, "you did die...")

No one, in other words, died on "B&S.;"

This was a promotional con job of the likes I've never seen before, ever, in the history of TV.

Although give me a few minutes - I'm sure I'll come up with another doozy.

Notice to ABC's flim-flam promo crew: When you tell us someone is going to die, we want to see a cold body. We don't want to see some phony "death," whereby the person is unconscious for a couple seconds and probably just having a bad dream about, maybe, college tuition fees eighteen years from now.

Truth in advertising!

From now on, I will refer to "B&S;" simply as "BS."

(Pix: Scott Garfield)

I've been wondering how to find a way to pay tribute to a fine newspaper that went under on Friday. I pay tribute to fine TV shows that go under. Why not a newspaper? And I think I've found the way...

If you've got 20 minutes or so, and care about newspapers, and wonder what they're about, and why they matter, and the people who put them together...If you care about the news, and if you care about history, and about institutions that really, truly believe they have a role in their communities beyond a purely financial one...If you wonder about just one little corner of a deepening recession and the impact it's had on human beings thousands of miles away from Long Island, living in a community - Denver - that just got poorer on Friday...then please go to jump.

The Rocky Mountain News put together a video tribute to itself on Friday; it's very nicely done and I guess you could say that it's TV too. (I just couldn't let this sad moment pass without saying something...)

Kudos to producer Matthew Roberts who (I'm sure) worked through a few tears to put this one together...And farewell to a fine, old American newspaper...

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