The TV Zone

Well, this may be it: Amy Ryan may have left "The Office," for good.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news just before the weekend, but I'm not telling fans anything they don't already suspect. In last night's episode, Holly (Flax, beleaguered human resources manager at Dunder Miflin) left the office, left Michael, and - in all likelihood - left the show behind, forever. It was an extraordinary episode (directed by Stephen Merchant, entitled "Employee Transfer") and pretty wrenching, for poor Michael.

As you are all aware, she joined up last season (see clip below) when Toby took off, and while no one expected a long run, it mighta been nice if she had lasted just a little bit longer. She's in Clint Eastwood's "Changeling," and has a big future in the movies, and already an Oscar nom as well.

BTW, her Oct. 9 ep, "Business Ethics," was one of the great episodes in "Office" history - a keeper.

I asked NBC a little while ago about her future; word from the producers is they "don't know" if she's coming back.

Courtney G.?

Of COURSE you remember her. She was the pint-size dynamo from Commack (now living in Dix Hills) who very nearly upended the field in last spring's "So You Think You Can Dance," by winning - but alas, ending up in fourth place instead.

In any event, she's back on the Island next Wednesday for the "SYTYCD" tour at Nassau C.(7:30), and Newsday own dynamo, the "American Idolista" extraordinaire, Ronnie Gill, spent a few minutes with her recently - a piece runs in the paper Monday.

[And before I forget..."SYTYCD" auditions are Nov. 13 in Brooklyn, at the Mark Morris Dance Center, 3 Lafayette Ave.)

She is/was/has been a Knicks City Dancer, and told RG, about a visit back to North East Dance Academy in Commack, where she started dancing, to teach the kids the Dancers' routines: "There’s no place like Madison Square Garden. It’s historical, the world’s largest arena. It's amazing performing there because of the energy whether the Knicks are winning or losing [which, ahem, they tend to do on a regular basis; plus I must dutifully add here that Cablevision which owns the Knicks and the Garden also cuts my paychecks too] ... My Knicks girls were so supportive of me" during the Fox run.

OK, here's a clip from Court's "SYTYCD" run - which, she says, was one of her favorite routines...It's with partner, Mark Kanemura, performing a jazz piece to "The Garden," choreographed by Sonya Tayeh... And go to the jump for her audition...

Continue reading "Courtney Galiano, Back on LI" »

Let's get down to trick or treating a little early today, shall we?

Here's our Halloween post of 2008:

Is "Mad Men" done?

That got your attention, I hope. It was was meant to.

Now, I'll get to the list of reasons why the greatest show in basic cable history could have just ended, or have ended its run on AMC.

But first, here's my "*" - or caveat emptor. As longtime readers of 'Zone know, I like to go on occasional flights of fancy; I do this to entertain myself, and hopefully a dozen or so faithful readers. What you are about to read is based on no reporting whatsoever, no inside knowledge, foresight, hunch, or blazing burst of insight that came to me in the night.

It's just reading the basic facts, and - in this instance, Nikki Finke's sensational blog post of a few days ago, where she reported that creator Matthew Weiner's reps were demanding for him ten million per year, in addition to control over promotion, which has sent producer Lionsgate scurrying for a new show runner. None of the Main Stream Media has gone after this story yet because it seems so unbelievable. But I believe it completely.

So, here's why "Mad Men" may be gone - and let's all hope I get the press release later today announcing that Weiner has just been signed to a new deal for a third season:

1.) $10 million is insane, particularly in this economy, and everyone knows it's insane. Particularly insane for Lionsgate, which has chewed off nails on both hands and is working on bone awaiting weekend box office returns for "W" and the much-panned "Saw V."

2.) Carl Icahn recently bumped up his stake in Lionsgate, accompanied by the six most dreaded words in the language - "I believe the stock is undervalued." That's sorta like the Texas chainsaw massacre guy saying, "think I'll go down to Home Depot to see if that Black & Decker 18-volt cordless is still on sale..." Icahn is a killer, and the last thing on the planet he would happily endorse is a ten million buck payout to a producer whose show delivers UNDER 1.5 million viewers per outing.

3.) AMC is a commercial network NOT a pay network, so it MUST base compensation on cost-per-thousand, or eyeballs delivered. Even with a huge premium attached because of "upscale" viewers, ten million smackers doesn't add up. It's telling Lionsgate no deal too, I imagine.

4.) No producer in his or her right mind wants to step up to the plate to do this show, because it's so specific to Weiner's vision, which is why we've gotten no announcement. Besides, the superstars would want a bundle too. Whadaya think Fox paid to get J.J. Abrams back to do "Fringe?" (I'm sure right now he's saying, "not enough...")

5.) Weiner's most insane demand is for promotion. No producer gets promotion at a commercial web - it's an unthinkable demand, or as Don Corleone might say, "That I cannot do."

6.) Weiner obviously wants out at Lionsgate and AMC - my speculation - because he does in fact hate the promotion, one of the great drivers of television circulation, and is disgusted with the low ratings, which he probably blames on promotion.

7.) By floating ten million, Weiner's reps have put the big guns in play, notably HBO and Showtime. They WILL pay that kind of money for Weiner, but they'll want "Mad Men" in the bargain.

8.) Aha, Gay - that's the biggest flaw in your reasoning, says you. AMC already HAS "Men" locked and loaded for the next two seasons, along with the entire cast. It just doesn't have Weiner. Here's what I'd say - AMC's interest can be bought out too. All HBO has to do is float a sufficiently large check, and the entire production shifts over there.

9.) Why would Weiner want HBO or Showtime anyway? Here's the best reason of all. At heart, "Mad Men" is NOT a commercial TV show, as good a job as AMC has done. It'd work best as an hour on a pay web, uninterrupted by ads for Viagra or Listermint. I know this for a fact because that's how I've watched the show, either on DVD or Cablevision's On-Demand. The show, frankly, is ruined by commercials.

10.) My last reason - this season's last episode played like a series finale. Of this, I cannot be dissuaded. If "Mad Men" is in fact done, then Weiner can hold his head up and say, "I completed my vision. I'm satisfied."

Of course, hard core fans aren't. Let's hope I get the press release any minute now.

Yup, it's official - the Republican Nom, who's still looking for that Hail Mary into the end zone will appear on "Saturday Night Live" tomorrow. Surprise? Ha! Do we even have to ask? It's been rumored for weeks though MSNBC broke the story first thing this morning, followed a little while later by official confirmation from the staff.

John McCain's always a good sport at these affairs, and he must have a "hey, what have I got to lose!' attitude at this point. What's intriguing are these various questions: Will Sarah Palin return tomorrow too? That's a real likelihood. And, will Barack Obama as well? I don't remember when two candidates ever appeared on "SNL" at the same time...

My hunch, by the way, is that if they're both on, or all three are on, they CERTAINLY WON'T be at Studio 8 H at the same time; the security would be overwhelming, and it'd be impossible to get the show on. Maybe a couple of remotes though...

There's absolutely no point in my going to "SNL" to get answers to these questions. The standard pro-forma response: "We don't comment on rumors..."

Here's what I believe to be Mac's last appearance, in the season finale last May:

Yes, I'm as much in the habit of self-promotion as the next needy, desperate, neurotic TV writer. I have to remind myself now and then that I actually did get it right - once or twice, anyway. .

Almost exactly two years ago, I pegged "30 Rock" as one of the best comedies you'd see that season, and by golly - as Kenneth might say - I was right.

Everyone else was waxing endlessly about the genius of Aaron Sorkin, and how rich and melodic and splendid "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" was.

But I hated it.

"30 Rock?" A joy. And still is.

"The Office/30 Rock" remains the best one/two punch on the boob tube.

Now dear reader, go to the jump for my old 2006 review, and thanks for tolerating my sad, dare I say, pathetic neediness. Then, watch tonight...

Continue reading ""30 Rock:" Another Review. My Old One" »

Question: What happens if next week's election is dull and obvious by (say) 11 a.m. and the networks have to pretend that there's actual DRAMA going on out there for the next ten hours or so?

Answer: Entertain us!

And that's what CNN has in store. Though it probably won't get a HUGE road test on Tuesday, the network has plans for its first-ever use of hologram technology.

Howzit work? Well, Wolf's in NYC, and Candy Crowley's at Obama headquarters, and Wolf decides to see Candy face to face; she says "beam me up, Wolfie" and a second later, she's virtually standing next to Wolfie, err, Wolf.

Here's the relevant graf from the recent press release:

"Adding to what promises to be one of the most technologically advanced events in CNN’s 28-year history, CNN will enhance interviews with remote correspondents and guests using hologram projection. The network has built sets powered by hologram technology at both campaign headquarters making it possible to project three-dimensional images into the Election Center. From the New York set, anchors will exhibit more natural conversations with newsmakers and CNN correspondents in the field by interacting in real time with their 3-D virtual images."

Oh yes, you're thinking, Wolf could even beam up a president-elect (but he has to be careful because you all remember what happened in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine," when Captain Sisko ordered Chief O'Brien to beam up Odo, and poor Odo didn't quite make it...)

Why hasn't CNN done this before? My hunch - other than what happened to Odo, it IS tricky technology. You can't jar anything, and the set has to be very still; if Wolf sneezes, then the hologram will dissolve into a billion pixels...Candy or the Prez-elect will not like that.

Remember "Obama for Prez" last night - that half hour commercial that aired at 8 across seven networks (except for ABC?)

The final figure: 33.553 million viewers.

Yup, that's a big figure - especially for a commercial.

Here's what Nielsen said a minute ago in the presser:

"On Wednesday October 29, 2008 the Obama campaign purchased a half hour of prime time television on CBS, FOX, NBC, Univision, BET, MSNBC, and TV One to present a program produced by the campaign. The sum of the audiences for these seven networks was 33,553,000."

The breakdown: CBS, 8.6 million; Fox, 7.1 mill; NBC, 9.8 mill; Univision, 3.5 mill; BET, .7 million; MSNBC, 3.5 mill; TVOne, .3 mill.

Monday night football: Steelers, Redskins, McCain, Obama.

And just when you thought the electioneering was over. Here's the word from ESPN, sports fans:

"On the eve of the presidential election, ESPN’s Monday Night Football game November 3 will originate from the nation’s capital when the Pittsburgh Steelers meet the Washington Redskins. Before the polls open the next day, ESPN’s audience will hear from the candidates when Chris Berman interviews both major party presidential nominees, Republican Senator John McCain and Democratic Senator Barack Obama, during halftime of the MNF game."

"The candidates will be on the campaign trail and have agreed to participate one-on-one, pending last-minute schedule changes, via satellite with Berman from the ESPN studios in Bristol, Conn. The conversations will be taped earlier in the day and will air at approximately 10:15 p.m. ET. "

I'm terrified.

Seriously. It's Halloween tomorrow and I'm terrified.

This happens every year at this time. I start to catalog all the stuff on TV that really scares me. I write it down, show it to my shrink, and he tells me - "don't worry, Verne. It's only a TV show! Just turn it off."

Not so easy, Herr Docktor Freud! I have to write about this stuff.

So this Halloween, I decided, I would share with you all my fears - those deep elemental terrors that wake me at night from a deep sleep, and set my heart into palpitations, and my brain into overdrive. These are my own TV things that go bump in the night.

On the eve of Halloween, they are especially scary.

Here goes...

- Cloris Leachman, dancing once again, ever again, with Corky Ballas, or really, with anyone. Ever.

- Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar - backstage.

- Bravo's "Real Housewives" franchise...after Atlanta, what? Toledo?

- Unsolicited DVDs that come across my desktop, notably Volume Two of "Son of the Beach," and the very first episode out of the box, "It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude Beach."

- The end of political season on "Saturday Night Live." Soon, back to regular "SNL."

- That call coming from my editor, ordering a long feature story on We's "My Fair Wedding."

- That call coming from my editor, ordering a 2,000 word "Fanfare" feature on "Hulk Hogan & Family," "E! True Hollywood Story," while insisting that no where in this story can these words or phrases appear - "horrific," sad," "godawful," or "Jesus, so this is what TV has come to..."

- "Melrose Place: The Remake"

- The press conference at the winter press tour for "Melrose Place: The Remake," in which Dawn Ostroff, CW topper, is asked, repeatedly, "have you approached Heather yet...?"

- Watching - and being deeply disturbed by the fact that I'm enjoying - Chapters Eleven and Twelve of "Lipstick Jungle" (entitled, respectively, "The F Word," and "Scary Scary Night." )

- Lifetime and Hallmark Movies - all of them, though particularly "Mail Order Bride" (Hallmark, Nov. 8).

- The new episode of Sundance's "Iconoclasts," starring Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar

- "The Bill Engvall Show." I don't know why really. It's just very scary.

- The forthcoming Oprah Winfrey Network, airing 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Beyond terrifying.

- The name of Campbell Brown's CNN show, "No Bias, No Bull."

- Keith Olbermann's eyebrows.

- "True Blood:" Not the show, but the fact that HBO renewed it.

- Howie Mandel (Am I the only one?)

- "Dr. 90210" on E! (I'm sure I'm not the only one.)

- "20 Acts of Love Gone Wrong" on E! (where else!)

I fell asleep during Barack Obama's half hour commercial last night - during the tour of the soccer mom's refrigerator, if you're interested in the precise spot where somnolence over took my pre-election addled soul. BUT...I did happen to catch this interview on "The Daily Show."

If you missed, well worth watching.

Here's something to realize that you should realize that the Major Mainstream Old Media is not telling you: They've flatly determined, inside their hallowed offices, that Obama has won. It's over. It's not some sort of liberal bias, either, that you may have already ascribed to their motives, but pure 21st century science. The polls have this one over, from sea to shining sea.

The polls - much as some people would like them to be - are not wrong. This is not Dewey beats Truman or even Kerry Beats Bush in Florida (remember that exit poll flop four years ago?) My point is: Last night's interview felt, from where I sat, like an interview suffused with a sense of completion. Not arrogance. Just completion. That it was over. And he had won. And Jon Stewart knew he had won. There was a whiff of this in Charlie Gibson's interview earlier in the evening. (Charlie even asked, as a door closer, the obligatory but irrelevant what O would do if he "lost;" oh yeah, sure, wink wink.)

This interview with Stewart is light-hearted, but touchs on important stuff, notably that old question about whether white voters will vote for a black candidate. O has some good quips, about that so-called "Bradley effect." Check it out...

Jeez, I feel bad posting this so late today, but have had a bunch of stuff to do and didn't have a second to get around to it and know that by now everyone on the planet's seen it, and ...why am I making all these excuses?

Watch!

It's Tina Fey and Conan O from last night.

TF's great quote after Sarah P offered her daughter to babysit her three-year, also in attendance:

"That's exactly what Bristol Palin wants to do when she goes to "SNL' - babysit the toddler of the lady who goofs on her mom..."

Oh praise be. Hallelujah.

"Melrose Place" is coming back.

Don't know how, don't know when. Only know that the CW - the remake network! - has now officially confirmed, after what seems like a decade of speculation, that in fact one of TV's singular prime-time soaps will get a do-over.

Repeat: "Melrose Place" is coming back.

"Melrose Place": Good Lord, was there ever a soapier prime-time soap? It's as if Darren Star said to himself, "well, I already did THAT on 'Beverly Hills,' but I'm pretty sure I never blew up half a block of apartment buildings as an act of insanity and domestic terrorism."

It's almost as if he anticipated "24" or maybe even "Prison Break" with "Melrose."

I don't need to tell you what all this means, other than the fact that brain-toasted TV writers with far too much time on their hands can now speculate about who will make cameos, or maybe even jump-start their idled careers on the new version. I can already hear the questions at the January press tour...

"Ummm, Dawn, there have been reports that Tom Calabro may join 'Melrose Place.' Could you comment?"

Ah, modern-day journalism. And, because I am the practitioner of such journalism, let us begin. Who will be back?

Honestly, any remake of "Melrose" has to begin with Amanda - Heather Locklear - and Peter (Jack Wagner.) Has to. No avoiding this. My sense is that poor Heather is in no position right now to discuss a role that would come to eerily parallel her real-life one. Wagner (he's in "B&B;")? Why not?

A reminder: Peter and Amanda faked their own deaths...

I do like the odds of Calabro's return; Doc Mancini hasn't been doing too much the past few years, or frankly much of anything TV-related since "Melrose" split in '99; I see a definite come-back. Josie Bissett has gone on to "The Secret Life of the American Teenager;" I do believe Jane Mancini survived, but don't hold me to that.

Let's see. Who else? I think we can fairly easily rule out Marcia Cross (Kimberley Shaw) and Doug Savant (Matt Fielding). Their characters died during the run, and unless they're brought back from the dead - always a possibility with "Melrose" - I doubt we'll be seeing them. A shame: Think of the extraordinary cross-promotional possibilities with "Desperate Housewives."

Grant Show (Tom)? Yeah, I think he survived, but don't hold me to that either. Billy Campbell - Andrew Shue - did as well, but I think we can and probably should rule him out. Shue's spent a career trying to expunge the "Melrose" run from his resume; moved to Europe, played pro soccer, and eventually founded ClubMom in NYC.

But I can hear Dawn on the phone now: "Please Andrew...just one quick cameo. I'll give a huge donation to 'Mom..."

Now click on the vid below, and relive the glories of "Melrose" over sixty seconds...

The following took place between 3 and 4 p.m.: Your humble correspondent watched a solid chunk of "24:Redemption."

While the theater premiere took place in NYC this past Saturday (and didn't Mary Lynn Rajskub look fab on the red carpet?) DVDs are hitting the critical community as we speak (which could mean that ripped and burned copies, or bitTorrent editions, could be hitting the Web before too long as well). The two-hour movie arrives Sunday, Nov. 23.

My impressions? So glad you asked. Here are three quick ones and I'll add to the list:

1.) This is a markedly different viewing experience, requiring of the viewer almost NO backstory, or mythology, or history or ANYTHING. If it's not a complete reboot, it's as close to one as I've seen of a major television production in a long time. Point being that viewers - and fans, whose memories may have dimmed after so many years (yes, years) - don't really need to exercise the gray matter (or search the Web) to proceed. You know some of the basic plot details already - Jack's in Africa where he's served a subpoena to testify before a Senate panel (and good luck getting him back THERE), while a revolutionary army in Africa is raising arms and soldiers by kidnapping boys at gunpoint.

2.) Jack looks fine. Sure, what else d'ya expect? For a guy who's been on the lam, and on the sidelines during an interminable writers' strike, JB is still JB, which is to say, smoldering, stubbled, mumbly, and still gosh-darn earnest and passionate about what really matters on this earth.

3.) The first hour - it takes place between 3 and 5 p.m. - is solidly expositional, but not absurdly so, which is something else that adds to a distinctly non-"24" viewing experience. Split screens - I think I count only one instance - are kept to a bare minimum, and there's really not a great deal here to suggest that "Redemption" necessarily wants to connect you with any of the past six seasons. CTU doesn't even appear ONCE in the first hour, not ONCE (Chloe, for all any of us know, has gone off and started a family...But she will be back...not to worry.) Beyond JB, the immediate and obvious blast-from-distant-past faces include those of Peter MacNicol (Tom Lennox) and Powers Boothe (President Noah Daniels); latter's getting ready to cede the throne to Cherry Jones, as prez-elect Allison Taylor.

Here, BTW, is that three-minute trailer that's been circulating for a month or so...

And that nice dramatic photo above was taken by...Kelsey McNeal for Fox.

Finally, and sadly, I'm pretty certain we can say goodbye to Cloris tonight.

In fact, let's just say goodbye right now.

Goodbye, Cloris. You were the best. And by "the best," I don't mean "the best," but something approximating "the most amusing, the most aggravating, the most cleavaged, the most outspoken (if ya know what I mean)."

There's no way she can overcome last night's judge's score of 15 - which is almost as low as you can go on "DWTS" without actually just throwing up your hands and saying "to hell with THIS! I'm outta here."

We're all fond of Clo, but there's been reasonable speculation that the show wanted her gone. If so, success is at hand.

Consider: Temp judge Michael Flatley seemed to give everyone a "9" last night. And then he shreds poor Clo with a 5.

Here's a clip from a disgruntled viewer, if you missed last night, who even went so far as to insert bubble comments...

Did you know that late night comics have been nailing the Republican ticket more than the Democratic ticket?

Surprise!

That's the kind of stuff you learn here at TV Zone. The Center for Media and Public Affairs, which counts such things, has released its late night comic data, and found that since September 1 through last Friday, the Repubs were hit by late nighters 475 times, while O'Biden got clubbed just 69. CMP boss Robert Lichter told the AP that this is the greatest discrepancy (a 7-1 ratio) since 1988, when he first started tracking this stuff.

What does any of this mean? Honestly, beyond the simple fact that Obama isn't very funny, nor is McCain, and certainly not Biden, which leaves...

Do you see where I'm going here? Her name is...

The CMPA, and subsequent news articles based on this research, always tries to tie the late night comic ratio to some sort of voting pattern, but honestly, I have my doubts. If that were the case, then someone named Reagan would have never been elected, nor Bush 1 or II, nor Bubba. In other words, if there's a correlation it may simply be that people vote FOR candidates who are poked at: It's called a "humanizing" effect. Whatever...some of the AP story by David Bauder is on the jump...

BTW, here's a fairly typical/amusing example of Palin ridicule...from early October...

Continue reading "Late Night Comics: Favorite Targets" »

I don't know - I just can't figure these two guys out. I always assumed Dave kinda didn't like Bill too much and Bill kinda returned the favor. (Remember waaaay back in January of '06, when Dave said to him, "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap?")

But tonight's show seems to suggest that these two may be buds; a nice interview, at least based on the transcript that hit my in-box a little while ago. I read it, found it interesting, and so, too, shall you. Meanwhile, Jay Leno has MIchelle O on "Tonight"...To the jump!

Continue reading "Bill O'Reilly, Dave Letterman: Now, BFFs?" »

I wonder why the Friars Club occasionally invites press coverage of its legendary roasts. Honestly, what's to be gained - for either roasters or roastee? If you roast well, per the Friar's hoary tradition, you have turned the roastee into something resembling a night-stalking beast with multiple sex organs (each of gargantuan proportion) and the libido of a thousand nymphomaniacs.

If you then happen to have, as often seems to be the case, Gilbert Gottfried as one of the presenters (doesn't seem to matter if he knows the victim or not) then the whole affair turns into an orgy of scatology that would humiliate anyone within a thousand feet, including pedestrians walking down 55th Street outside who would hear the shriek and groans from within, left wondering, "who died?"

Well, apparently poor Ann Curry did during Matt Lauer's roast on Friday...

Anyway, press usually shows up to these things, laughs along, then writes a nice adulatory piece about the roastee, with the usual conditional clause that "some of the language was indeed so blue that it couldn't be included in the pages of family newspaper...."

Thank God the Village Voice isn't a family newspaper. Check out Tony Ortega's posting right here, then watch the incredibly lame and tame clip that aired on "Today" this morning. (Fair warning - the Voice post contains some pretty crude language, so you may want to skip - but it does explain that Curry reference during this morning's "Today.")

Ortega, in fact, explains why Ann Curry was "beet-red;" believe me, you would be too, and then call your lawyer...

Last night's "SNL" was a cameo parade off "Mad Men" stars - publicity like this you cannot buy - plus, the return of Maya Rudolph. First clip is Don Draper's Guide to Picking up Women... Amusing. The next one is a winner too: Barack Obama's new variety hour, which is solid as a rock...And, I'm sure by now you know the reason Amy Poehler missed last night, but in case you don't...baby boy, eight pounds, Archie Arnett. Congrats to the parents.

Nikki Finke posted this one on her always-engaging blog (deadlinehollywooddaily.com), and I feel compelled to share too...

She said she got this via email. And now, for your viewing pleasure...

"Yoo hoo, Oprah! It's me! Your worst nightmare!..."

This just had to happen and by "this" I mean an article proclaiming Sarah Palin as "The Next Oprah."

It hit the wires this morning, and if you haven't yet seen, the Hollywood Reporter piece is entitled, "Sarah Palin the Next Oprah Winfrey?"

Here's the lede:

"As campaign managers for Sarah Palin plot last-minute tactics to get her elected, Hollywood bigwigs are convening strategy sessions of their own. Their goal: finding the ideal on-air vehicle for the vp candidate if and when she exits politics...."

Yes, friends. This is serious. This is not a joke. Please go to the jump to read more...

(Photo, AP)

Continue reading "Is Sarah Palin the Next Oprah? Tyra? Umm, Rachael?" »

OK, you missed last night's "Saturday Night Live" because...because...whatever.

It matters not. Click the vid below, and you too shall see the big news of the night; I do believe this is the last "SNL Thursday" edition cuz next week, "30 Rock."

The brief logline: Dubya hangs with Sarah Sixpack and endorses John McCain, who doesn't look too happy about said endorsement. But...what's especially notable here - this could be Tina Fey's very last outing as Sixpack. Could be, but we'll see...

Here's the clip...

Unless, of course, you really DO want to pay for it, in which case make your checks out to "TV Zone, C/O Verne Gay" (and please, no foreign denominations.)

As expected, NBC posted the third season premiere - the whole shebang - on Hulu this morning. (But because it's so hard to type in Hulu in your subject field, you may as well just click on the vid below...)

Why the week's jump start? Simple! NBC got a teensy bit of heat from fans - and maybe some internally too - that it had waited waaaay too long to air the best comedy on TV, looooong after everything else had premiered. But it was stuck - after all, it's trying to get "Kath & Kim" going, and "SNL" is locked in at 9:30 through tonight, so...

Post it on Hulu!

(I'm also thinking if I'm TV Guide right about now, I'm feeling, ummm, kind of like an idiot. The mag is giving the show free to subscribers via iTunes; but now the entire world can see it right here on TV Zone. )

Oh, thanks for asking: My quickie review?

I loved it...BUT the second episode of the season, the one with Oprah, is (as I write in this Sunday's paper) "a masterpiece..."

And I'm not blowin' smoke either; it's really first-rate. So onward...click away...

This morning's Variety has what I believe to be one of the more exhaustive discussions of "Mad Men" I've seen, and the guy doing the discussing is none other than creator Matthew Weiner. I could send you to Variety, and Kathy Lyford, who asked the questions, or keep you here, and would prefer to do the latter, but it's so long that that would be ridiculous. So here ya go... There are some good thoughtful questions here, and Weiner is clearly in an expansive mood; there's so much that I've just scanned it. But for you hardcore "Mad Men-iacs," this is a full breakfast.

My quick re-ax: No question about his deal renewal! Unimaginable, unless he set that as a pre-condition (no deal questions). I'll have a little more to say about the "Mad Men" finale in the next day or so, but here is my initial read: Sunday's wrap doesn't feel simply like a season wrap but a SERIES wrap. Really does. The overwhelming sense you (too) will have is that the producers structured this so that it could work as a series' ender - just in case AMC or Lionsgate made the unthinkable decision to pull the plug (they did not, of course) or fail to come up with the money to keep Weiner on board.

They still haven't done the latter.

Please go to the jump to find out what Matthew says about the finale...

Continue reading "Weiner Talks 'Mad Men'" »

My apologies - a reader pointed out that I'd posted a dead vid (ABC probably killed it.)

So here it is again....The very first glimpse of the fifth season of "Lost," probably arriving next January (the 29th) or February (the 5th)...

"Lost" fans will eat this up - even if there's not much to chew on. Nevertheless, there are some tantalizing nuggets herein ...

Barack Obama will be on the Nov. 1 edition of "Saturday Night Live" in all likelihood and maybe then he can give pointers to Fred Armisen about that Barack O impression he's been doing.

A little while ago, he appeared on WUSA / Channel 9 in D.C. - and was asked by reporter Derek McGinty, "are you disappointed [the impression] just isn't very funny?"

Obama laughed - a diplomat to the core - and said, "I've gotta say, compared to Tina Fey and what she's been doing with Gov. Palin, my imitator isn't doing as great a job, but I do know my ears have been getting bigger and bigger each episode. I'm sure they'll get me right over time."

OK, if you wanna watch, go to this link, and scroll to the bottom - the Obama clip is in the bottom right hand corner.

Continue reading "Obama: Gives "SNL" a C+ on his impression" »

Yeah, tomorrow night.

This time, she's trying to get a gig at Mode! (You remember - Kimmie, the mean girl from Betty's distant past.)

In any event, I've swiped these couple of clips from E! Online, and Kristin Dos Santos who first posted this huge news back first thing Monday morning. I'm just getting to it, but better late than never. I thank you, Kristin, and Lilo fans from all the world over thank you...

And no, he's NOT leaving "30 Rock" either!

You see, Alec can walk and chew gum at the same time, and so he's gonna do a once a week hosting gig on TCM, for a series entitled "The Essentials." He'll do it with Robert Osbourne, the fabulous host of everything else on TCM.

Honestly, this is a great move for Alec - who's been increasingly Hamlet-like, talking about whether to be or not to be an actor, and whether he should fight the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune of being on a low-rated TV series for an evil network, or take arms against a sea of trouble - notably his psyche, and ex-wife - and by opposing (or working as a TV host or radio host for a classic music station) end them.

Of course, it could be really boring and he'd fall asleep, perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub...

I'm sorry, but I've been watching "Mad Men," drinking single malt, and you really shouldn't do that at 11 o'clock in the morning. (Hick...)

Here's the much more rational presser:

"Fresh off his Emmy® for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) has signed to co-host Turner Classic Movies’ (TCM) signature movie showcase, THE ESSENTIALS. Beginning in March 2009, Baldwin, who possesses a deep love and understanding of classic films, will join TCM host Robert Osborne in introducing “must see” movies each week, with an eye toward helping viewers better understand why these films are important and the impact they had on audiences and the culture at large. Baldwin has previously appeared on TCM as part of the network’s Guest Programmer series. Earlier this year, he hosted the TCM special Role Model: Gene Wilder, in which he sat down with the comic actor for an intimate conversation about Wilder’s life and career. TCM’s THE ESSENTIALS showcase airs each Saturday at 8 p.m."

"You love me. You really love me...! ---holes."

Can anyone shoehorn this image in their brain? Karl Rove watching "South Park?"

But it must be so: That Nielsen chart that got a lotta mileage yesterday says that "SP" is the show most "heavily engaged" by Republicans. Yes, "South Park."

"The Colbert Report" is the Dem fave. That, I suppose, makes sense.

Here's how Nielsen explains itself: "''Engagement' refers to the amount of attention paid to a television program by the average viewer. Nielsen measures TV engagement by questioning a representative panel of viewers about their recall of specific telecasts’ content.

"Nielsen’s analysis found that the cable programs that received the highest overall engagement scores — meaning viewers were most engaged in the shows’ content — also received the most bipartisan support, drawing high engagement scores from viewers of both parties, as well as from viewers who identify as political 'Independents.'”

Wake up everyone! All this means is that GOP viewers are really into "South Park" because they are so appalled when Butters shoots three guys in the penis, that they just have to write the Family Media Council (or whatever) to register their complaints. They also love Cartman. Dems are into "Raporrrr" because they hate Bill O'Reilly and this is the outlet for their frustration.

But check this out: The independents, AKA, "Undecideds," are loving "The Cleaner."

"THE CLEANER!!!!!"

Good Lord.

They also really engage with "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

I wish they could just make up their minds.

The press release should be hitting my in-box just about any minute now announcing, proclaiming, celebrating the news that Fox News Channel has re-upped Bill O'Reilly for another four years.

The Sean Hannity news is now official - he's been re-upped for "several more years," per a press release from FNC's Bill Shine.

Big news? No, of course not, but expected. Bill O and FNC actually leaked his new contract extension to the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz yesterday; his piece reads that Bill O will make "more than" or "over" (or words to that effect) $10 million per, which seems amazingly coy to me. "More than" ten, could mean - like - $50 million more than ten, or 50 dollars more than ten. What IS the figure, Bill? I think I smell spin here...

I imagine a lot more than $10 million simply because without either him or Hannity, and with Roger Ailes' energies and attentions focused in a thousand other places, the network's future is murky indeed. Honestly, I can't think of a place more dependent on one single individual - Bill O - than FNC. Without him or Hannity, FNC might actually be in a dog fight with MSNBC; imagine.

So, I imagine this should probably read "under $15 million...and over $14 million..."

Begs the question: What other role, if any will he have at the network? He says to Kurtz he's dropping his radio show, so that means time and energy will be freed up. Brit Hume's leaving; will he have some sort of role on "Special Report?" Unlikely, but still an outstanding question...

Interesting aside on this deal: Both are for four years, which - I believe - is the duration of a presidential tour of duty. Bill O's last deal was for four years too, and I imagine they've been four year deals for as far back as FNC has been on the air. But if the polls are to be believed, this does mean that Bill O will be spending the next four years counter-punching the Obama administration, and the same with Hannity, only more so.

We await the press releases on Shep, Greta, Alan...

(Pix: AP)

Talk about your odd couples.

"Dexter:" One of the better shows on TV.

"Knight Rider:" One of the worst shows in the entire history of the universe, even pre-dating the Big Bang...(But, hey, I still love you, Kitt...)

Both have earned new season pick-ups.

In "K R's" instance, it's actually gotten an order for the "back nine," which means that - unless viewers awaken from their lobotomized near-comatose state and realize to their great horror that they've been watching this show - it'll air the rest of this season.

"Dex" got a fourth and fifth season pick-up. That's no surprise because CBS has figured a way to "monetize" this, by drawing subs to Showtime, and then airing watered-down versions on the Big Network over the summer.

"Vote for MEEEEE!!!!!"

My God, is the fix in on "Dancing with the Stars," or what? For some reason - probably some reason to do with demographics, ad rates, money, finance, profit, and the continued dominance and preeminence of the Walt Disney Company - "DWTS" judges have effectively decided that either Brooke Burke or "Commander" Cody Linley will win this competition.

That's it. Over. Done. Don't even bother voting anymore. Your votes no longer count. As long as the judges continue to give 9, 10s, and - I'm sure if they could - 11s and 12s to Burke and Commander Cody, this edition is over.

I don't get it.

They're good, I suppose, though last night's jitterbugs were almost insufferable - obnoxious, cute, treacly and just plain gross. But the judges LOVED them, the Cutesy Twins, and they always do, because - as mentioned - they've decided to crown one of these two.

But there is still hope.

I believe Warren Sapp could win this thing.

I believe Warren Sapp SHOULD win this thing.

I believe Warren Sapp WILL win this thing.

If the judges put a brake on their bias for the Cutsie Twins. If they do...

Sapp was the best last night. Easily the best. Style, poise, passion - Kym Johnson too. It's up to the voters now. They have to do the work. Let's see if they do.

(Pix of QB Killa from his Buc days, courtesy James Borchuck, of the St. Pete Times.)

"Hey, Squidward, look who the kiddies picked..."

Kids have picked the president and anyone who reads the polls can pretty easily guess the results. But what's so interesting about the Nick tally, announced last night - other than the fact that Nick says the total of 2.2 million cast was the highest ever - is how close the votes were.

The tally: Barack Obama, 51% of the vote (1,167,087), and John McCain, 49% (1,129,945).

Hey, I thought the polls said O is ahead like 35 percent?

Nick always dutifully and redundantly point outs that the Pick the President vote is not scientific, though in a statement Linda Ellerbee says, "It’s important to take note of who won the ‘Kids’ Vote,’ simply because so many kids vote the way their parents will."

That's certainly true, but many don't, and what's amazing is just how well McCain did here. He's hardly an instantly or effortlessly "appealing" figure to young kids, unlike O, who clearly is - yet for some reason, plenty of kids checked "McCain." A good sign for the struggling Senator? Maybe...but the kiddies have picked the one who prevails in November four out of the last five prez elections.

Are you the last human being on the planet Earth who doesn't know about that Katie Holmes cameo in tonight's "Eli Stone?" No - I am, only because I've studiously, strenuously, assiduously stayed away from any mention of stunt casting on primetime shows this season (other than O on "30 Rock") if only because stunt casting is so incredibly tiresome. But ABC has promoted this so relentlessly, so breathlessly, so insanely that I've finally thrown in the towel.

Mrs. Tom Cruise is on tonight's "Eli Stone."

There. So noted.

There have been a few good clips out there that offer a glimpse of this curious Stone apparition, but this one is the best I found.

"Of COURSE I'll take the job, Barack...whatever you say..."

Let's let this roll around on our tongues - "Oprah Winfrey, Ambassador to the Court of St. James..."

I do like the sound of it. (Don't you?)

Can you get some sort of honorary knighthood or ladyhood if you take this gig? "Lady Oprah?" or "Dame Winfrey..."

Once again, I'm letting my imagination run away from me, or just maybe Financial Times columnist columnist Gideon Rachman is. He's citing "well-placed sources" that suggest Oprah might get the nod for the most prestigious ambassadorship of them all.

I'm serious.

HE'S serious.

THIS is serious.

I think it could happen. Maybe it could happen. Who knows...?

Reason: Oprah has talked for so long about abandoning the show that one of these days it'll actually happen. What would it take for her to leave? The Court of St. James?

Here's what Joshua Keating is saying in his "FT" blog:

"Rachman acknowledges the idea sounds ridiculous, but there is a tradition of major campaign donors being rewarded with ambassadorships. I have to say, though, this would probably be a worse career move for Oprah than for Obama. If the world's most-powerful celebrity really wants to get involved in international diplomacy, there are probably more effective and enjoyable ways she can go about it on her own."

That's true! Just look what happened in South Africa, and that principal!

On second thought, don't look at what happened with the principal.

Oprah has been trekking the "international diplomacy" route for so long that maybe even SHE'S getting a little bored of the whole thing.

How nice to visit the Queen every so often, or maybe drop in at 10 Downing Street?

The more I think upon this idea, the more I'm intrigued...

Veeeeery intrigued.

(Photo: Reuters)

I've now officially run out of things to say about Sarah Palin/"SNL" - so much so that I've resorted to making things up (see below) - but one can't let the day slip away without a quick refer to Alec Baldwin's defense of her appearance in today's HuffPo.

I'm not a hundred percent certain what he means with his Kissinger reference, but he clearly comes to Palin's defense here, AND "SNL's."

Says Alec in the key graphs:

"[SNL] is not Meet the Press. It doesn't 'ask the tough questions' or 'set the agenda.' It attempts, with varying degrees of success, to make people laugh. That's it. Whether they skewer and savage people in order to do so, they don't care. When you come on a show like that, you are prepared in advance to get worked over. Palin knew that. Palin came on to be a good sport. And she was. She was polite, gracious. (More so than some of the famous actors who come through there, believe me.)

"However, I assume that, like Meet the Press, SNL feels an obligation to offer their special forum to any and all public figures and officials who are current. Headline making. And in SNL's case, would make for a hit show. Several people decried SNL for giving her a spot on the show. You're kidding, right? The woman is the Vice Presidential nominee of one of the two major parties in this country. Don't put her on SNL? With all of her exposure and the Tina Fey performance? What reality are you in? "

(Above, Jack Donaghy, of GE, with Sarah Palin.)

All smiles...

[As usual, the real drama and fun behind the Sarah Palin visit to "Saturday Night Live" must have taken place off camera Saturday night, and we at TV Zone, in lieu of anything better to do, tried to imagine the conversation that took place between Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey just before show time.]

Tina: No, Lorne. This is it. No. I'm not doing that. Not gonna happen. I've done everything you've asked. Everything. Gone the extra mile. Turned up Thursdays. This has ruined my life, my image, my SOUL. I'll be this person FOREVER. Enough.

Lorne: Tina, just one little hug. A quick one. I'm not talking a warm lingering hug, or some air kiss - although that would be nice. It's the photo op for the ages, the one on every front page, on every telecast from here to eternity.

Tina: YOU hug her. I'm through.

Lorne: Ok, no hug. A handshake and a smile - that warm Tina Fey smile, and then both of you turn to the camera, and wave, and say "Live from New York..."

Tina: Go to hell.

Lorne: OK, let's go for comedy then. While you're doing the press conference, she comes up and takes over the podium...

Tina: ...no...

Lorne:...and she pushes you out of the way...

Tina: ...no...

Lorne:...and you push back...

Tina:...No...

Lorne: ...And there's a scuffle at the podium - you knock it down....then the moose comes out...

Tina...no...

Lorne: ...And then the three of you grapple with each other and fall into he mosh pit of reporters....Todd walks out with a shotgun and starts firing...

Tina:...no...

Lorne: 'Course it's a fake shot gun. HA HA! Darrell walks out as McCain and he grabs the gun...

Tina: [Calmly] What part of no don't you understand?

Lorne: Then how about you and Marky Mark come up to the podium...

Tina: Don't you see what I've done? I've humanized her, given her comic dimensions, made her a real person, maybe added a few votes, and helped the campaign. If McCain/Palin wins, then I can take some of the blame and it'll all be on my shoulders - I can never go to a party again in this town, never, never look in the mirror again. I'll be forever the woman who got Palin elected, and if she becomes president then I can take some credit for that too, and I may as well just throw myself out the window now. In fact, I won't do that because if McCain wins, I'm leaving earth. Really. I'm gone. The next shuttle. I'm outta here. This is the worst hell imaginable, the worst possible hell - that somehow, deep in my DNA, there was something that would make me look and sound like this woman...and I am now forever HER. Why did this ever happen to me. Lorne, you've turned me into Dana Carvey - forever Bush. Oh God, how did this happen...

Lorne [not listening]: And then you and Marky Mark fight with her over the microphone, and then all three of you say "Live from New York..'"

Tina: Lorne, you're not listening to me. I can always tell when you're not listening to me. I hate the woman. I despise her and everything she stands for. Enough. this is it. No more Palin. I'm through, forever...

Lorne: Better yet, Marky Mark hugs Palin and you get jealous and say, hey, howabout ME pal...

Tina: Lorne, goodbye. See ya...

Lorne: And then...

Tina: [Eyes widen, in horror] I know what this is leading to. I know exactly what you want..the cameo on "30 Rock." For chrissakes, Lorne, that's where this is leading. A cameo on "30 Rock." That's why you wanted me to re-shoot the second episode. That's why you had that woman over there yesterday, and you said all along it was just a little tour of the set, and that's why Alec's here tonight..

Lorne: Tina, please. There's another Emmy here, and it's just a quick scene. Tracy's selling his new porn video game, and Palin walks by and he asks her if she'd like to take a look and Liz Lemmon walks in, and...

Tina: What's Mars like this time of year? Jupiter, Pluto...

(Pix: Reuters)

Hey, one of the cultural TV events of our time takes place - Sarah Palin on "SNL" - and you gotta blog, right?

Anyway...very funny open. A classic. And I suppose just one quibble on reflection: Why did the two - you know "who" two- never actually meet on camera, thus squandering a a photo op for the ages, and maybe some natural comic material as well? How comic? Words would not even have to be spoken - just the juxtaposition of those two side by side would say it all.

Whatever. Sarah Sixpack's "SNL" appearances were brief but memorable - the two clips below will get you up to water cooler speed. Tina/Sarah opens with that fake press conference. And, a few yards away on 8H, Sarah/Tina stands next to Lorne (and calls him Lauren - perfect!). Alec Baldwin sidles up, confuses Sixpack for Tina/Sarah (it's OK, everyone's confused) and then wonders how Lorne can let Tina go near that "horrible woman..."

Sarah tells Alec that it's OK - her favorite Baldwin is Stephen anyway. The funniest line of the night, by the way.

Lorne informs Alec that this is the real Palin, and Alec - with flawless thespian timing -says, "you're MUCH hotter in person."

Palin? A good sport, and does a perfect job of saying "Live from New York..." If this election thingo doesn't work out, she's got a future here in Sin City.

Sixpack's next moment? She turns up at the tail-end of "Weekend Update," and tells Seth Meyers, "thanks for the chance but I'm not going to do the piece we rehearsed [in retrospect, the second funniest line of the night]. It was really fun but my gut is telling me it's a bad idea for the campaign..." Fortunately, Amy Poehler remembers the bit - a nice hip-hop number with lines likes "when I say Obama, you say Ayres, I say Obama, you say Ayers..."

Also: "you mother-humpin' moose..."

Song ends, Sixpack ends her "SNL" career with the line, "I'm Sarah Palin - good night and have a pleasant tomorrow..."

(Hey...wait a second: If you you're reading this, then I'm probably making you miss "SNL," which I very much doubt, and I also very much doubt any one is reading this instead of watching "SNL"...This blogging business is very silly, don't you think?)

Plus, Wahlberg and Oliver Stone appearances two minutes in. Our cup runeth way over.

Plus...Samberg and Wahlberg finally hug it out (and prove my theory that this animal whispering business really was an elaborate stunt to get a nice plug for Wahlberg's new movie, called...ah...um...whatever it is.)

Grade: A -

And...the Palin rap!

Here's a pretty good clip of tonight's "Late Show with Dave" appearance of Tina Fey. I wish I could actually GIVE you the clip, but CBS - lovable control freaks that they are - refuse to give out the embed code so that we TV blogger types are forced to direct you to their Web site.

So be it. Leave TV Zone now. Click on this clip. It's pretty funny, and well worth the four minutes it takes to watch.

Oh forget all this business about Sarah Sixpack on "SNL" tomorrow night...

In it's effort to go for broke...to throw that hail Mary pass into the end zone (whatever)...to be the MOST IMPORTANT SHOW ON TELEVISION..."SNL" will have Mark Wahlberg on tomorrow night, too.

And, apparently, he is going to b**** slap Andy Samberg.

Andy, take tomorrow night off.

This blog post is, by Internets standards, old news to Wahlberg fans, but (hey, I don't even know how to spell "Internets). This morning's New York Mag "Culture Vulture" broke this sensational news AND spoke to Marky Mark:

"Everywhere I go, someone asks me about [the Oct. 4 "Talking to the Animals" skit] and I say something different every time. It depends on whether I want to be serious or sarcastic...I wasn't unhappy with it. It's just that after seeing the Tina Fey–Sarah Palin thing you were kind of hoping for something on that level. That's legendary. But they actually called and asked me if I would do something on the show this weekend, but I can’t stay until Saturday, so maybe we’ll film something in L.A. Lorne Michaels called [my agent] Ari [Emmanuel] and asked him. So, you know, maybe. We’ll have to do something funny this time around."

NY Mag asked, Will he be talking to farm animals? "No, we’ll have to think of something funny to do." Ba-dum.

If you haven't seen the "Talking to Animals" then - please, don't take this as an insult - you are the only person on the planet armed with a computer and Internets connection who hasn't. MM has been genuinely annoyed about the thing - and I still don't understand the point of talking with animals, but Samberg's got the guy dead to center. MM has threatened physical violence.

Seriously, I think this whole thing is a hoax to get people to that movie that MM's starring in - can't think of its name, nor can hundreds of millions of other movie goers. MM must be close personal friends with Lorne Michaels who knows personal stuff about MM, such as the fact that he talks to donkeys.

Here are the two clips you need to watch to get up to speed - first, the animal skit, and the second, last night's "Kimmel" appearance.

Ah, modern American culture...

Yes, the strangest moment - the moment where I scratched my head, said "whaaa..." and figured that I needed to have my hearing checked.

It came toward that part where Dave Letterman was haranguing ... errr, questioning John McCain over his choice of Sarah Palin as veep. Dave was wondering what sort of qualifications she had, if any. And here's what Mc said:

"Look, in all due respect, one of the people I admire most was an obscure governor of a Southern state called Arkansas. And he turned out to be a fairly successful president. I mean, Ronald Reagan was a cowboy – no experience in international affairs. Look, I think she has shown leadership. I think she’s shown executive ability. And I think she has shown a degree of reform that we need – does anyone think we don’t need to clean up the mess in Washington?"

OK, have you found the Waldo in this quote? Sure you have, and here it is:

"I mean, Ronald Reagan was a cowboy..."

Now, I can't profess to know everything about Ronald Reagan, but I'm almost certain that his resume never included the word "cowboy." He was the governor of California. An actor, too.

But cowboy?

Dave was so caught up in his prosecution that he forgot the most obvious follow-up of them all.

"What do you mean, 'cowboy?'"

And continuing with our new feature here at TV Zone, we've got "catching up with the day's news" - that quickie digest that gives you everything you need to know about the medium you love, in 10 seconds or less. And away we go...

Palin a Go on "SNL." Yup, Sen. John McCain finally confirmed what has long been expected on last night's "Late Show with DL" - that she'll go on the show, maybe even this week. "I think she is, yeah," said he. "Probably get more of an audience than our debate did."

Debate Seen by 56.5 million. Just in case you're wondering how many people DID watch the other night. That was the official tally from Nielsen, just released. Here's what Nielsen says: The debate was "carried live on ABC, CBS, NBC, Univision, BBC-America, CNBC, CNN, FOX News Channel, MSNBC and MUN2 and on tape delay on Telemundo. The sum of debate audience on these 11 networks was 56,523,000. FOX broadcast network did not carry the debate because of the Major League Baseball League Championship Series."

Glenn Beck joining Fox News. What!? you say. He's not already there? No, it just seems like these two were made for each other. He leaves CNN Headline News for FNC, where he'll anchor a 5 p.m. show in the spring.

"30 Rock" up a week early for TV Guide subscribers. Yeah, this streaming video is an oddball arrangement, but looks like it'll take care of fans who are bugged by the fact that the TV version is so long in coming ("Rock" premieres the night before Halloween). In next week's issue, Guide'll give readers some sort of download code they can use on iTunes to get the show. For free? Not sure.

"Mad Men" back for third season. Lotsa noise on whether it'll be back, which you can attribute to that word "posturing." Matthew Weiner's looking for a raise, and AMC is probably not looking to give one out, so spec (as raised this morning in the NY Post) is that it could head either to HBO or Showtime. But that seems unlikely because Variety is reporting that AMC has now picked up the third season option, though still no firm deal for Weiner. My seasoned hunch: That'll happen eventually, too.

Palin finally sits down with Bri Williams. Finally! The Mc/Palin interview will air next Wednesay and Thursday on "Nightly." Brian is the third and last of the major Big Three anchors to get Palin.

The gift that should keep on giving for at least a few more days - before he gets REALLY old - is Joe the Plumber, and that was the loci and foci of last night's opener of "SNL Weekend Update Thursday." An amusing opener, indeed, with some funny lines, and if you missed, let's just say Joe the P has now been reduced to imaginary friend who wields a magic plunger. Take it away...

What did I think of the McCain-Letterman make-up?

More importantly, what do YOU think? Go to the jump for the full transcript, plus the Top Ten; yeah, you can see much of this on tomorrow's morning shows, but if you prefer to read -- and who doesn't! -- here you go. My thanks to CBS's incredibly hardworking and always gracious "Letterman" crew, including Lana Kim and Tom Keaney for this ... Letterman, as always, surrounds himself with great people.

What did I think? It was merely OK; Dave's a good interviewer, and a smart one, but my overwhelming impression is that the questions he tossed at McCain -- the Palin ones anyway -- felt old, or "old," as in "two weeks old." All this harangue about "Is Palin Qualified?"

GET OVER IT, DAVE!

Of course she's not.

It was like he picked up the question list he had written out two weeks ago, when it was semirelevant, and then asked the questions that every pundit in the universe had chewed over so relentlessly that any answer at this point is plausible, or simply boring. Dave was stuck in a time warp - as if he had been transported back two or three weeks when "Is Palin Qualified?" was actually a vital question.

He should have asked Mc this: "You are shockingly behind in the polls, and need to pretty much win every state to win both the electoral college vote AND the presidency. How, pray tell, do you intend to do this? "

Or: Can you beat both the economy AND Obama?

I could go on, but I won't. David Letterman is a serious and highly intelligent guy, but I felt like tonight he was off his game, off his timing, and off his immediacy. I was disappointed -- if only because I hold him to such a high standard.

So, ho hum.

Anyway, read the transcript. (Or watch the clip.) It's blistering, and his passion is evident. You can make up your own minds...

(Photo: John Paul Filo/CBS, via Reuters, but it's not from last night...)

Continue reading "Letterman and McCain: Ho Hum" »

Here's some sad news and yet another reminder that time, and life, passes very quickly. Edie Adams has died.

Edie Adams: A member of one of the great shows in TV history ("Ernie Kovacs Show"). She won a Tony for her Daisy Mae on Broadway - in "L'il Abner" - though millions may best remember her as the beauty who sold Muriel cigars.

I don't remember the Kovacs show - which profoundly influenced David Letterman - but I do, vaguely, distantly, remember those Muriel ads. To me - a mere babe - Edie Adams was impossibly beautiful, a heartbreaker with whom I fell head-over-heels in love. And only in first grade was I.

Fortunately, never took up cigars, but when I hear that name - Edie Adams - a distant and happy memory is invoked.

Another one of the greats is gone.

Now, two quick clips. The first, for you young 'uns, is a clip of the old "What's My Line?" which was a hugely popular show in the '50s, in which celebrities would come on, and the blind-folded celebrity panel would try to guess who they were. There's a funny punchline here, and I'm afraid I'll have to telegraph it a little bit: Adams did a famous impression of Marilyn Monroe on "Kovacs;" (Ernie, her husband, died in a car accident in the early '60s; he's sitting next to her.)

Next, the Muriel ad, with a Stan Getz track no less.

"Yoo hoo Dave! It's Me! Sixpack! Gonna help ya get ratings!!! You betcha!!!"

Faithful readers (I love all fifteen of you!) know that yesterday I idly mused about the possibility of Sarah Sixpack Palin turning up tonight on ""Late Show with Dave." I lay out all the reasons why this may happen, and rather than repeat myself, here's the link.

But viewers last night learned that - yes! - Palin may come after all.

Anyway, during cross-talk with Paul last night, here's what ol' Dave had to say:

Dave: [McCain's] got a lot of explaining to do. So that’ll be fun. And he also…he also hinted when I talked to him on the phone, that maybe he’d be bringing Sarah Palin. We know that’s not gonna happen.

Paul Schaeffer: Was that a hint or was that more of a campaign promise?

Dave: I think he was trying to make me feel better. Like, “oh, I know we’ve got the hook in Letterman now. Let me just…” But I don’t think she’ll be here. Miss Alaska will probably not be here.

Paul: That would be nice if she came though.

Dave: Are you kidding me? How great would that be?

Paul: To have the two of them. That’s really the only way I think that he could make up for what he owes you. Because didn’t he say to you…wasn’t it something like, “Maybe when I come back, I’ll bring Sarah Palin?”

Say, it ain't so. ANOTHER Joe?

This Joe, I swear, is Michael Chiklis. And if he's not Michael Chiklis, he should be Michael Chiklis. And what timing: The finale of "The Shield" is just a few weeks away. Amazing, and my congratulations to FX.

"Vic, when you're done covering up murders, doing crack (guess you don't do that anymore) or pursuing your generally corrupt ways, would you mind dropping by - I've got a hell of a problem with my sink."

But enough with Vic. Here's my question. As a candidate for the president of the United States, when you come to Long Island, and Hempstead, no less, and make the focal point of the entire last televised debate about a plumber named Joe (Wurzelbacher, from somewhere out in that wilderness known as "Ohio"), don't you think you should at least find a plumber named Joe in, say, Hempstead?

Ok, let's assume there's no Joe the Plumber in Hempstead. Go crazy - see if you can find one in Uniondale, or maybe Garden City. There MUST be a Joe in Franklin Square. There is a Joseph Bruno Plumbing in Ronkonkoma, though I guess "Joseph the Plumber" doesn't have quite that TV pizazz that "Joe the Plumber" does. To get a real honest to goodness Joe the Plumber, you've gotta go all the way to Haverstraw, for Joe's Plumbing & Heating. I'm sure Joe's getting a lot of calls today, none of the them related to snaking the bathroom drain.

OK, let's say you can't find a Joe in Uniondale. There's Joe D. Plumbing in Williston Park. There's Joe's Trucking in New Hyde Park. What's the matter with Joe the Trucker? There's Joe the Golf Caddie in Westbury - though I guess a discussion of golf scores during a presidential debate doesn't work quite as well as plumbing. There's Joe Moran's Painting and Wall Paper Hanging in Cedarhurst. There is Joe Ludwig Plumbing & Heating in Babylon. But I doubt this Joe wants to be known as "Joe the Plumber." I suspect it's just Mr. Ludwig, the plumber. That's not too TV-friendly either.

Howabout Joe D Plumbing in Cutchogue? No, that's Joe D.

"Joe, you were the winner," Tom Brokaw said last night - that's "Tom, the anchor."

Here's my question, though: Which Joe?

There's a clip of Joe below. He sure doesn't sound like he's from Long Island. He sure doesn't sound like he's from Ohio. He sounds like he's from the McCain campaign. Whatever.

The TV debates - pretty much all of them - are now forgotten, consigned to the dustbins of our collective memories. The words, the charges, the claims, the baloney have all been mashed into one big ball of noise. The election's up next.

But we will in fact remember one person.

You know who that is.

God, if he'd only been from Coram.

This is the shocking media story of the day - maybe the week, maybe the month.

TV Guide - one of the great media franchises of the last century, which grew with a nascent medium (and in turn helped that medium grow) - has been sold for one dollar.

Seriously. One dollar. I knew the credit market but rough, but THIS...?! Don't worry. You'll still get your Guide, assuming you still do get your Guide. For how long? That is now the only question that matters.

Here's the full story for Ad Age. It has to be read to be believed. (As always, vigilant TVtattle.com located this one.)

We all know about John McCain turning up tomorrow on "Late Show with DL" to hug it out with Dave. (Blah, blah, blah...)

But here's an intriguing thought: What if Sarah Sixpack Palin turns up as well?

I'm floating this, and it's based on nothing other than my love of political theater and John McCain's love of political theater, and the fundamental belief that this surprise guest would be political theater of the first magnitude.

I think McCain - in other words - should get Sixpack over to the Sullivan, and here's why. As you know, Jay Leno hinted broadly last night that Joe Biden just might bring along a special guest for the Thursday edition - wink, wink.

Of course, Barack Obama will show up.

Question: Have you ever heard of a politician who WOULDN'T turn up on the top-rated late-night talk show? Ever? Once? In a million years?

So here's the logic: McCain now knows that Obama-Biden are plotting an end-run around his Dave appearance Thursday night, so McCain SHOULD be thinking of a way to make a full end-run around THEM, too. Sure, sure - the McCain show will get a lot of press, lots of precooked jokes and bits by Dave ... the two of them probably will walk arm in arm down Broadway, kinda like Dave-Oprah did. Wonderful photo op. Etcetera.

But what would be sensational? Unpredictable? Let's see: As McCain makes a dramatic entrance on stage, and just as Dave prepares to lance him with a thousand bards, ripostes and faux-angry "how could you walk out on me!!" jokes ... along comes Sixpack.

Ka-boom ... The front page of every paper in the world on Friday. Lorne Michaels would turn a brilliant shade of GREEN.

Will this happen? Probably not, but it should ...

You know Gale Harold, right? He's Susan's - Teri Hatcher's - boytoy in "DH," Jackson Braddock. Now comes word, via TMZ, that he's been hurt in a motorcycle accident. Not many details, but here's pretty much the full post from the Web site: "He's being treated at the L.A. County - USC Medical Center in the Intensive Care Unit. We're told his shoulder was screwed up. Harold's rep just issued a statement saying his shoulder was fractured and he's in stable condition. And the slightly ominous words - 'Everyone is hopeful for a full recovery.'" Harold also starred in "Queer as Folk."

Now, about that album...

Remember David Cook?

Hahahoohooheehee...!!

That's a joke question. Of course you do. One of the best, maybe the best, contestant in "AI" history. Anyway, the first album is out Nov. 18. Mark the day.

This is a big deal, seriously, for lots of reasons, but let's focus for the moment on the most obvious - whether the album will be a huge hit, or not, and whether the performance serves as some sort of reflection on the show's staying power. You know the drill - slow sales = low viewer interest in "AI." Jordin Sparks seemed to get off to a slow start post-"AI" leaving everyone (OK, me) to kinda speculate that this might not be a good thing for the show. Then...you couldn't turn on a radio without hearing one of her hits. But I'm thinking "David Cook" will be a big seller right out the gate - if the Chris Cornell-penned hit "Light On" is any indication. That seems to be everywhere now too, and it's the big single on the big new album so....

(And by the way, I do believe Archie's album is out the week before, on Nov. 11. Who will win the battle of the 'bums?)

(And by the way again, I see that the Chi Tribune's Mo Ryan reports that DC will be on the Nov. 1 edition of "SNL;" check out her blog to find out some more stuff about the candidates' appearances too...)

Honestly, I think 19 Entertainment and Dr. Evil will be verrrry pleased...

Doin' great...

Here's your top-20 list from last week - the third week of the fall season. All the numbers you see here are adult 18-49 ratings, which are pretty much the standard barometer of TV success, as you're well aware.

Rule of thumb: Any show that's NOT in this top-20 list should be concerned, to varying degrees. The big shock so far? In one word, "House," which comes in at No. 40 on this list. I can't imagine what's going on. [Note to "House" fans! See note below...] Other trouble spots: "Chuck," "Ugly Betty," "Pushing Daisies," all of which are also MIA. I'd like to lay this off on DVR or other post-broadcast viewing patterns, but you'll note that top players in that category - like "The Office" - are in fine fettle.

["House fans note!" Good, I'm glad to see you're paying attention. I just got an update from Fox relaying last night's ratings: "House" scored a 5.1 which is very healthy indeed. So forget everything you just read about the show. But seriously, it does seem to have started off slowly this season. "Fringe" copped to a 4 rating, too - also fab.]

1 CSI CBS 10/09/2008 1 7.1
2 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ABC 10/12/2008 1 5.9
3 GREY'S ANATOMY-THU 9PM ABC 10/09/2008 1 5.6
4 NBC SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL NBC 10/12/2008 1 5.2
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN CBS 10/06/2008 1 5.1
6 SNL:WKND UPDT 10/9(S)-10/09/2008 NBC 10/09/2008 1 5.1
7 OFFICE NBC 10/09/2008 1 4.8
8 NFL REGULAR SEASON L ESPN 10/06/2008 1 4.6
9 SURVIVOR: GABON CBS 10/09/2008 1 4.4
10 DANCING WITH THE STARS ABC 10/06/2008 1 4.3
11 CRIMINAL MINDS CBS 10/08/2008 1 4.3
12 CSI: NY CBS 10/08/2008 1 4.3
13 CSI: MIAMI CBS 10/06/2008 1 4.0
14 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER CBS 10/06/2008 1 4.0
15 HEROES NBC 10/06/2008 1 4.0
16 E.R. NBC 10/09/2008 1 3.9
17 EXTREME MAKEOVER:HM ED-8P ABC 10/12/2008 1 3.8
18 BIG BANG THEORY, THE CBS 10/06/2008 1 3.7
19 NCIS CBS 10/07/2008 1 3.7
20 LIFE ON MARS ABC 10/09/2008 1 3.7

Sometimes, for no good reason whatsoever, I overlook some important or semi-important developments in the day's news because I'm so intently focused on Tina Palin, or Oprah, or Cloris Leachman.

So to catch up with some recent, semi-notable stuff, here goes:

Rocco DiSpirito out at "DWTS." What!? Surprised? Of course not. He was out last week, too, making him the first "DWTS" contestant to get ejected two weeks in a row. And I still thought Cloris had him beat.

Amy Sedaris gets a show. Amy? You know her from Comedy Central, a few hundred movies (like "Elf") and almost every time you turn on "Late Show with Dave Letterman." She's funny, a good guest, and Dave loves her and tells her as much each time she's on, which seems weekly. I believe (no surprise) Worldwide Pants is a partner in the show, as is Fox. When/where it'll air, TBD. Here's a clip from a recent "Late" appearance...

Colin Callender out at HBO Films...Colin? He's one of the old guard at the flailing pay cabler, and yet another one out the door. Who's left from the glorious old days? I guess that would be Sheila (Nevins) - the doc and news boss - but her exit would be unthinkable. It's not like he's had flops - most recently "John Adams" - but I imagine the urge to purge at HBO is so great that just about anyone once closely tied to deposed HBO chief Carolyn Strauss should be very worried...

Matthew Perry goes to Showtime...I know that you knew about this yesterday, but if you didn't, you now know about it now. He'll do a comedy - a dark, down, depressing, disparaging comedy, which probably makes it more of a drama - for Showtime called "The End of Steve." He's a TV talk show host in Rochester. Question: Has Chandler Bing ever been to Rochester? Does he know what a "Rochester" is? Does he know it snows there?

William Monahan - who wrote "The Departed" - is producing a series for CBS. This, under the Robert De Niro/Jane Rosenthal shingle at Tribeca. Should be a good drama, no doubt, and another New York-based production. If all goes well, on the air in fall of '09.

D.L.Hughley's gonna do a comedy show for CNN. It bows Oct. 25. A comedy show on CNN? Oh, why the hell not. Everyone wants some of "Colbert"/"Daily Show"/"Weekend Update" magic dust weeks 'fore the election. What happens afterward ...? Also, remember "The 1/2 Hour News Hour" on Fox News? Didn't work... Hey, what's happening with Joel Surnow, who fronted that? His "Night and Day" pilot with William Fichtner got picked up by TNT.

And...that's our little feature, "Catching Up with the Day's News." Hope it was informative..

(Above: Thanks to Pittsburghdish for the "Extra" logo)

Yes, we're a culture deeply tied - I wouldn't use the word "addicted" here - to the tell-all autobiography, where the formerly adored object of our collective youth (whomsoever that may be) reveals in exquisitely painful detail their struggles with addiction, sex, violence, greed or any other human failing under the sun. And over the past few weeks, we've heard so much about the forthcoming Maureen McCormick autobio, "Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice," that we pretty much have braced ourselves for anything and everything. But still...

The interviews on this morning's edition of "Today" pretty much blew away even our - or at least my - worst expectations. In other words, it was even worse than I expected, and I don't think I'll ever forget this line, as relayed to Al Roker: "I was freebasing, and the only thing I cared about was the sex and the drugs ..."

Al asked whether anyone ever prepared her for the day the show would end; no, said she. The cast just "got a call," and that was that. Welcome to showbiz.

Over a year ago, when the book deal was announced, the press release read, in part: "This autobiography will be a remarkably cautionary tale and inspirational wake up call for today's celebrity youth culture."

As promised.

Hey, Letterman, McCain, together again this Thursday. You heard? Of course you know of this news - so old it's got hair on it, and of course you didn't hear of it here first in TV Zone because (well) SOMEONE had to mow the lawn.

Anyway, Dave got right around to McCain on last night's show, just as you might expect because this WAS the first instance of Dave being back on the air since the Saturday announcement and McCain HAS been only the most reliable joke generator on "Late Show" since Hillary's pantsuits. When the audience gave him a tepid applause just before the monologue - and you can be assured the audience was told to do so - Dave said, "Please settle down. This isn't a McCain rally." Couple more Mc jokes: Letterman said that McCain has been predicting victory in this Wednesday's debate.

"He also told Custer the surge was working."

He spoke of "McCain's big week..." First some travel, then prep for the debate, then the Wednesday debate, then...

"He cancels on me again."

Guest Sarah Silverman mused that "because I just don't want to see you hurt again, make Mc the second guest, after someone like the Super Nanny.

Per Dave, "We can't get the Super Nanny."

You'll be hearing a lot more about this huge Thursday reconciliation right here over the couple days because I just can't help myself. But seriously, I doubt Mc will cancel again.

If it's Monday - it is! - I'll be off but should be back in time for Giants/Browns and "DWTS." Meanwhile, be sure to check out tonight's new pilot, "My Own Worst Enemy." It's pretty good and seems to contradict, at least for the moment, the generally accurate notion that NBC can't seem to do anything right on the new series front this season. Thanks for checking in...

Meanwhile, here's a "sneak peek" - or, more accurately, a one minute, fifty-three-second long commercial for the show:

Here's something that almost makes you wonder -- so THIS is what our courts are up to: Christie Brinkley got a restraining order barring her kids from watching tonight's train wreck of an interview between Babs Walters and Peter Cook.

It's all here, in black and white, in New York Magazine's "Daily Intel":

"Christie Brinkley obtained a restraining order in court yesterday to prevent ex-husband Peter Cook from letting their two children, Jack, 13, and Sailor, 10, watch his much-publicized interview with Barbara Walters tonight on "20/20." Brinkley also insists that Cook, who has custody of the kids for the weekend, keep them away from his Sag Harbor home in order to avoid prying media eyes."

Now, my Questions:

1.) Why would they want to break away from "SpongeBob" f or THIS? (No conceivable reason.)

2.) If police are giving out restraining orders barring kids from watching TV, maybe I could pursue a number of restraining orders myself, right?

3.) Let's see - which kids shows should have restraining orders placed on them? (Anything on Cartoon Network -- but that's a whole network. Can you get restraining orders on networks? )

4.) Why would Cook let the kids see this anyway? Isn't it all a terrific embarrassment? Oh wait, I just answered my own question -- his threshold for humiliation was incinerated MONTHs ago. There is no threshold remaining...

5.) How will Christie keep the kids from watching later on the Internet, which is where kids watch a lot of their TV anyway?

I could go on. But I won't. This is just all too sad ...

Well, actually: "CSI" has a great first night. Last night's new season launch - the one about the hunt for Warwick's killer - was seen by 23 million viewers, making it the most viewed show of the new season on poor maligned broadcast TV.

Twenty-three million: That's still a very big number, even these days.

Meanwhile..."Life on Mars," the terrific new ABC series with Harvey Keitel and Jason O'Mara, was seen by just under 12 million, and considering the tough competition, that's pretty good, too. "Eleventh Hour" - which I believed switched the second episode of the season with the pilot, perhaps because the original pilot was so very bad - was seen by just a hair fewer viewers than "Life," which isn't so hot considering that "CSI" was its lead-in. (Of course, "Life" had "Grey's Anatomy" for a lead-in, so...)

Who among you saw the "South Park" season premiere on Wednesday night?

You, you, you and you?

Good: Can we discuss?

Here's a question that is posed only at the risk of sounding idiotic - insofar as the answer is almost always as idiotic as the question:

Did "South Park" go over the top here?

Now, "over the top" and "South Park" are two sets of words that are almost never placed in conjunction because "South Park" always goes over the top, and never, not once, has NOT gone over the top, and when it does not go over the top, then fans will say that it's over, and to hell with it, and let's just move the hell on.

So Matt and Trey pretty much live over the top always

But I think that "The China Problem" was "over the top."

Steven Spielberg and George Lucas raping "Indiana Jones"? (And forget about Butters shooting not just one guy in the private parts, but three guys.) There were - by my count - four rape scenes, and we didn't see the one where they supposedly raped Yoda as well. Thank God for small favors. Funny? Not even remotely, and probably not supposed to be - just a comment on how Paramount fraked up the re-make of "Indiana Jones" this summer.

But stop right there: Paramount, as in the megastudio which is owned by Viacom, which owns Comedy Central; as in the company which signs Matt and Trey's paychecks (and big ones they are).

There is already Web chatter that this is gonna explode; go to Drudge to get the links. But honestly, I don't see how it can't. What's the conversation between Spielberg's reps and Brad Grey's people?

"Oh, you know Matt and Trey! They were just having their fun! No harm, no foul!"

Uh, no.

This could be explosive. We shall keep you informed.

Certainly the big TV story of the morning is the fact that Barack Obama has purchased a half hour of time on Oct. 29, to air at 8 p.m. - which means that "Gary Unmarried" and "Knight Rider" will get bumped.

Question: What happens if O outdraws "Knight Rider?" Will NBC sign him to a production deal?

What's interesting about this is the half-hour business. I believe in the trade it's called a "block buy" and it's not a big deal at all. The networks even have a rate card for it, and per my dusty recollection, it used to cost about $500,000 for thirty minutes back when Ross Perot did it during the '92 campaign; in other words, it's a lot cheaper to buy a half hour than half a minute. (These block buys usually are set aside for politicos.)

Anyway, CBS and NBC will take Barack's money, but for some reason ABC doesn't seem eager to up-root "Pushing Daisies" (and honestly, I don't blame 'em, though ratings for the Wednesday block have been very soft.)

All this got me to reminiscing about Ross Perot and his aborted '92 run (remember? He said something about Bush having doctored photos of something and that he didn't want the Bushies to upset his daughter, about to get hitched? It was all a hoax, apparently, and part of the great political theater that RP brought to the whole process...)

These half hour buys can be tricky, though, because they can be insanely boring - even more boring than "Knight Rider." So I pulled up an old clip of Perot's infomercial, just to show you how riveting these block buys can be (in the right hands). Take 'er away...

I was in a tizzy yesterday trying to get a lot of stuff done, and somehow missed the biggest news of the day (stock market, looming recession/depression? what do they compare?) Maybe you were in a tizzy and missed this as well.

Sarah Palin wants to get on "SNL."

She told reporters Tuesday, when here at TV Zone I was beating the Sarah Sixpack-to-"SNL" drum so loudly, that she'd "love" to get on the show.

Here's more quotes, as relayed via the Associated Press:

"Palin told reporters on Tuesday she'd love to appear on the show with Fey.

"'I love her, she's a hoot, and she's so talented,' Palin said. 'It would be fun to meet her, imitate her and keep on giving her new material.'

[Question: Sixpack imitating Fey? What would that be like?]

"From the moment Palin was selected as John McCain's running mate, [show emperor Lorne] Michaels said he barely had time to consider the idea of Fey impersonating her. Others did it for him.

"'The next day the doorman in my building said, 'What a gift, you're going to have so much fun with Tina Fey,'' he said.

More from master Lorne:

"Michaels is enjoying the ride, letting Fey know that she only has to impersonate Palin through Nov. 4.

"But what if she is elected the next vice president?

"'I think we'll find somebody else to play Sarah Palin,' he said. 'I don't think she's going to be playing Sarah Palin for the rest of her life...'"

So, let's review. We've got Sixpack telling the world she wants to do a cameo. We've got Lorne telling the AP he'd love to have her, and Seth Meyers telling me he'd love to have her.

This is going to happen, friends. This is definitely going to happen. The only question is when? I'm not sure the holiday is the best day for a Palin appearance - "SNL's" first "Weekend Update" special of the month airs tonight at 9:30 - but maybe next week.

But it will. It will...

Now, about an "Oprah" interview...

Well, yes, this was inevitable, I suppose. The Barbara Walters interview. Absolution. Professed regret. Protestation of innocence.

And all that.

The ritual is as predictable as the sunrise, and now Peter Cook will partake of that which only Babs can offer - a somewhat sympathetic ear and millions of viewers in the bargain. ABC has posted outtakes from tomorrow's "20/20" interview on ABC.go.com, and here's a video clip. If you want to read some of the outtakes, then read on...And if you don't, God, I understand. I do...I do...I do...I do...Ad infinitum.

Per his philandering, says he:

"I was seeking a connection I could not find in my own marriage. I think the emotional aspect of our lives had changed. I think we were both feeling more like we were living with a brother and sister than a life partner. … I think I just suddenly realized when I was getting attention from someone else that this is something that is missing in my life."

Per his needs, said he: "I wanted a little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building. Just the tremendous amount of work I was putting into my family. … My world became her world. It had to be that way. … There came a time when I pulled up [to] the driveway to the home that I found, that I built, that I lived in, and I felt like I was a guest in someone else's life."

Per his hopes: "My hope is that the world will see that I'm not the scum bag pervert that I've been painted to be. The misinformation that came out during the trial is the elephant in the room. It's the elephant in the room for my kids. And I'm hoping maybe if I can correct some of the wrongs."

And per Christie: "...I think if she does [see the interview], what I hope comes of it is that she takes the time to heal herself. And she goes back and remembers that I made a mistake, but that I am that person that she wrote the poems about, that she raved about in magazine articles and anybody who she could get … twist their ear to listen. I am that person today, that I was then."

Whatever.

(Rob Wallace/ABC News)

"Sarah, what can we do to convince you? Name it...anything...Lorne? He'll be nice. Promise."

No, no, NOOO!

That is, no Sarah Sixpack Palin on this Thursday's special primetime edition. This, my friends, is the official word from no less an authority than Seth Meyers, whom I just got off the phone with.

When I asked Seth about said rumors - that Palin might actually show to meet Tina Fey Palin face to face, thereby setting off a quantum reaction that would make the disappearing island in "Lost" look like child's play, he said: "Of those specific rumors, there's no truth. We do have an open door policy, but there's nothing specific yet, but our window of opportunity is before the election. We'd love to have McCain and Obama on again, too. Our doors are always open."

So...let me get this straight. Sarah Sixpack has told "SNL" no way, and that "I'm gonna pass up a chance to get on every front page of every newspaper in this wonderful land of ours, just so's I can talk to some nice ladies at a PTA function in Omaha."

And...that she'd much rather do a boring placid interview that would stretch the bounds of tedium with some local station in Dubuque rather than appear on this Thursday's "SNL," where she'd have a chance to make fun of herself, AND Tina, AND get McCain some more votes, AND prove to America that she's really a cool lady and all that other stuff that comes with appearances like these?

Are you telling me this?

Would somebody please get me the number of her chief media consultant so I can speed-dial the pup and utter these five words: "You, sir, are a nincompoop."

Anywhoo - as Sixpack might say - I asked Seth (who's also the show's top writer) whether she might turn up for one of the other two Thursday specials this month or the Monday pre-election one-off. Sayeth Seth: "We'd love to have her [and] we spoke to her earlier [before] the time Tina did her, and it seemed like something was going to work out." The problem, he says, is "the schedule. They're all pretty busy."

What Seth seems to be saying - if I may be so bold - is that Sixpack could still show up on "SNL" this month.

Do I need to spell out the reasons to her media consultant WHY!?

Well...You DO have a favorite and you know you do but you're trying to think beyond Fey/Pallin and are drawing a blank.

That's why this contest, just brought to my attention, should help. It's a wonderful thing, and I recommend it, if only because this offers a wonderful chance to wile away the rest of your work day looking at old clips as you decide exactly what was the best political impersonation. There are so many, going back thirty years, that trying to establish a favorite is like going to one of those highfalutin ice cream parlors and trying to choose between bubblegum choco-mint, and Fall Pumpkin Forage a la Mode. (And they both cost ten bucks for two scoops.)

Anyway, when your boss comes by to ask you why you're wasting your afternoon as the recession/depression looms, you can say: "I'm trying to discover the best 'SNL' political impersonation of the last thirty years. Any other questions?"

Go right now to Chicago Trib's Red Eye edition for the contest and details, or if you want to see my favorite "SNL" opener (for the moment; I'll change my mind later),. then click on the classic below....

What would happen if "Sarah Palin" came face to face with Sarah Palin at 30 Rock Plaza?

Would some warp in the space time continuum open up, thus creating a black hole right beneath the GE building, which would promptly be swallowed, followed quickly and irrevocably by a "tipping effect" in which the ice rink would then tumble into the hole, followed by the Warner building, and next that Atlas Shrugged statue, Fifth Avenue, and pretty soon, the rest of Manhattan?

You do know that Einstein predicted all of this, right?

But really, what would happen? Would Sarah Six Pack tell Tina Fey, "enough o' yer ribbing, lady. I'm gonna have off at ya!" and then...swing? Would Tina - so deeply embedded in character that she'll never probably be able to ever go anywhere again for as long as she shall live without some rube pointing and saying, "LOOK Mabel, it's Sarah!!!" - then turn to the real Sarah and say, "look here, little missy. I don't know who ya are or why yer trying to look like me, but get outta here 'fore I call security..."

Possibilities are endless, as you can see, and bet whatever you have left after the market crash that this Thursday on NBC, the greatest face-off of the season may well take place on the primetime edition of "Saturday Night Live."

Yes, the real Sarah Palin may do a cameo.

Now, you can see I'm swaddling this rumor in "mays" or "coulds" and "who the hell knows." But I bet it's gonna happen. There are millions of reasons why, all good, and I guess I can think of at least five for the moment:

1.) McCain desperately needs a humor boost, as the world plunges into recession/depression, and most of said world seems willing to believe that he's somehow responsible for it. Humor is not something McCain's been associated with of late, except humor (see: Sarah Sixpack) of the wrong sort.

2.) "SNL" needs to keep the ball rolling. And what a ball! Show's up like 40 percent in viewers this season, and all or mostly due to Fey's exquisite rendering of the running mate from Seward's Folly. And if you haven't seen her on "SNL," then you've watched the next morning on TV Zone, where I've dutifully pasted the repeats, which has added up to another three or four dozen views, at least!

3.) NBC really really really wants to get this Thursday off on a mighty roll - what, with the new "Kath & Kim" sitcom arriving (very good, by the way.) And it's dear old "SNL" - twice as old as its average viewer - that will once again save the entire network. Sarah, please please please come on by (says the honey-toned Lorne Michaels.) "We' ll be real nice to you and donuts are free! Bring the kids!"

4.) Palin gets to joke with Tina/Sarah about her portrayal, and it doesn't matter how leaden the lines, how sodden the delivery, she'll bring the house down. It will be - in short - one of the great "SNL" clips in history, no matter how innocuous.

5.) Most important reason for this appearance is here, at number five: The Palin/Palin face off will appear on the front page of every newspaper in the metropolitan area, including the Newsday, which will then register record circulation gains for the day, and ensure the job of the TV writer through at least Christmas.

So you go, girls!

We (and by "we," I do mean "I") can hardly wait.

Meanwhile, friends, if you've read this far, I do have an update. Go here for the latest...

Cripes, Misty's definitely leaving and no surprise there - especially when the poor woman hobbled on stage a little while ago. Here are the basic details: Misty May-Treanor, Olympic gold medalist in beach volleyball, and a pretty good hoofer, too, confirmed she had ruptured her Achilles' tendon during a Friday rehearsal for the Lindy Hop. Hobbling on stage with aid of crutches and her left lower leg in a cast, she told viewers that she heard a "pop" and at first assumed she could continue dancing because "I thought, 'I'm an athlete ... [but] it felt "like nothing was there ... I knew something bad had happened."

"I never thought in a million years, especially in ballroom [dancing], that I'd hurt myself." Surgery Tuesday and no big deal with respect to the volleyball biz because "I was planning on taking time off anyway." She's the first to leave the hit show while in progress because of an injury. Country singer-songwriter Sara Evans left the show a couple of seasons ago, citing personal reasons.

"DWTS" will announce tonight how it'll work around May-Treanor's early exit. Could Kim be coming back?

Good news for two good shows: "The Mentalist," which may well be the first genuine break-out hit for fine Aussie (Tasmanian-born) actor Simon Baker, got an order for an additional six episodes this morning, per CBS.

I also see (via TVtattle) that "Entourage" got a sixth season order. That's no surprise either - show's great this season. And I woulda posted last week, but had troubles with my blog, so will post now: "Fringe" also got a full season pickup. Happy to hear about that one as well - the show seems to be improving each week, and so do the numbers.

Do you live near this lovely park in Roslyn (and yes! You guessed correctly: It IS Roslyn Park at East Broadway and Main). Then...TV Land wants you. The network's casting as we speak for some reality show called "Under One Roof," and for some reason, wants North Shore families (in Nassau, as opposed to Suffolk...maybe cuz it's closer to NYC production offices, but I'm guessing.)

Go to the jump to find out more details, but judging from this list, network's looking for the well-heeled to star in this show. When I asked why the North Shore only, Katy Sarge, casting producer, told me via email, that "I think the producers picked [the] North Shore because they don't realize that all of Long Island has potential to have wealth!"

(I'm not sure what this means, but I'm just the messenger, not the messangee.)

She adds, "The show will film for 7 weeks. We are choosing 4 families for the series."

As mentioned, the jump has more stuff. Reality series on TV Land? Yeah, like everyone else they have realities series, though if you put a gun to my big toe, I couldn't think of one. Sounds like it might be fun, though for the life of my big toe, I don't know what any of this has to do with classic repeats.

Oh, yeah: Here's the email I guess you need to go to for more info, and I think you're supposed to ask for Katy, who seems very nice.

casttvland@gmail.com

Continue reading "TV Land: Calling All North Shore Families" »

Maybe you're wondering about last night's "Simpsons" and maybe you're wondering why there was a dedication to Paul Newman and maybe you're wondering why "Simpsons" would dedicate an episode to Paul Newman and maybe you're wondering whether you should get another cup of coffee right about now.

But wonder no more! Grab the caffeine and I'll tell you right now why Paul got a rare tribute at the tail end of last night's episode (the one where they go to Machu Picchu, etc.) Newman - way back in a Dec. 1, 2001 episode - voiced himself, and Paul (as you may guess) wasn't in the habit of appearing on animation shows, even great ones. The episode was called "The Blunder Years" and was a parody of "Stand by Me." I don't believe the ep appears on anyone's top 25 lists (as, say, other classic parodies like "Cape Feare") but what the hay.

Your wondering is over. Enjoy the coffee.

Ever heard of this show called "Worldfocus?" It's a new PBS news program and launches in eight hours or so. Interesting because this is the first national launch of a news program on PBS in years and years, and if my recollection is correct, replaces the BBC feed that Ch. 13 aired. "WF" is, in fact, a co-production of WNET/13 and WLIW/21. For a first look at this show, go to Ch. 21 first, which airs at 5, and then at 6 on Ch. 13. (Show's only a half hour.) What's so unique about the program is that it'll have an international focus - unique because international news has been out of favor on the three major commercial broadcasts for a very long time. Go to this link to find out more.

Looks like it's true, though an official confirmation is due later this morning. Misty May- Treanor is expected to withdraw after she was injured in practice Friday. A Saturday statement didn't look too encouraging: "Misty May-Treanor sustained an injury on Friday and received immediate medical attention," producers say the in a statement. "Despite previous reports, she did not break her ankle."

("Previous reports...????")

"Doctors will reevaluate her condition on Monday and determine the outcome of her participation on the show."

Well, you can probably predict what they'll say - what SHE'LL say. (Why would a world-class athlete continue to work through an injury? No reason at all.) She won't be the first withdrawal. Sara Evans left midway in the third season and the show did go on. Still, MMT looked like a keeper - talent, stamina and charisma.

Some figured "SNL" would forgo a Veep Debate rip this Saturday because some figured Sarah Six Pack Palin had done so well that she was satire-proof. Some were dead wrong. Last night's opener was quite good - an equal opportunity offender that took potshots at Gwen Ifill (Queen Latifah) and maybe even chewed on Joe Biden's (Jason Sudeikis) leg a little harder than Six Pack's. The opener was long but astutely keyed in on those moments Thursday that were either indictable or obviously absurd. No need to give those away - you can guess - but the city of Scranton will be sending a letter of reprimand to "SNL" (and probably wonder why it's opened its arms to another NBC classic.) Here's the replay:

Quiz! Who's The Guy in the Background?

Silly silly me...Biggest story of the day (bailout? What's THAT?) and I completely forgot to mention it...

Almost...70...million...people...watched the debate last night.

Un. Be. Lieve. Able.

Here's the relevant graf from the AP story (much easier cutting and pasting than re-writing myself):

"Nielsen estimated that 69.99 million people watched Palin and Biden on either ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, CNBC, BBC America, Telemundo or TeleFutura. The figure does not include PBS or C-SPAN, which also showed the debate, but PBS estimated its audience at 3.5 million."

As a long-time observer of the TV scene - pretty much my whole life, just like you - I can say that I've never seen numbers like this for a stupid Veep debate. Aren't veeps the ones that are supposed to cut ribbons?

Wow.

Seventy million.

Twenty million more than watched her boss debate Barack O.

Yes, Helio Castroneves has pleaded not guilty to those tax evasion charges, if you hadn't heard.

Here's the full AP story with all the details:

MIAMI (AP) — Two-time Indianapolis 500 winner and TV "Dancing With The Stars" champion Helio Castroneves pleaded not guilty Friday to charges that he used offshore accounts to evade U.S. taxes on more than $5 million in income.

The 33-year-old race car driver, who appeared in court in handcuffs and leg chains, was ordered released on $10 million bail. His lawyer, Mark Seiden, said Castroneves would depart later in the afternoon for a weekend race in Atlanta.

"We would enter a plea of not guilty," said Seiden, standing alongside a visibly shaken and frowning Castroneves.

Terms of Castroneves' release allow him to travel for work in the United States but not abroad, meaning he will likely miss a race later this month in Australia, Seiden said.

A grand jury on Thursday indicted Castroneves on charges of conspiracy and six counts of tax evasion for purportedly failing to report to the IRS about $5.5 million in income between 1999 and 2004, according to court documents. Each count carries a maximum five-year prison sentence.

Also facing charges are Katiucia Castroneves, the driver's sister and business manager, and attorney Alan R. Miller of Birmingham, Mich. They did not enter pleas but were ordered released on bail of $2 million and $250,000, respectively.

Another Castroneves attorney, David Garvin, said he was disappointed that the tax dispute could not be resolved without criminal charges.

Remember how this was going to be NBC's "pilot-free" fall? Where no one would have a clue what a show looked like until it got on the air, and - surprise! - "Knight Rider"! It was supposed to be one of those cost-cutting decisions, in part - that NBC would go straight to series and get the show on the air quickly and painlessly ... without the intercession of stupid annoying critics who compare everything they see to Shakespeare ...

As one pal told me, the NBC strategy was, "we don't need no stinkin' pilots ..." Or stinkin' critics either.

Well, suddenly the missing NBC pilots are everywhere - not quite locusts, but definitely grasshoppers. Check out tv.yahoo.com right now - it IS your lunch hour, after all - and watch that episode of "Sanctuary" that you forgot was on tonight (on Sci Fi), or spend 22 minutes with "Kath & Kim." It's there ... right now ... you just have to click this link ... yes, this one ... and one of the most anticipated pilots (which wasn't supposed to go to pilot) pops up before your very eyes.

Ah, the magic of the Internet.

Here's my insta-verdict on "Kath & Kim": I love it. One of my favorite new series. But don't take my word for it - go to tv.yahoo.com and draw you own opinions. Here's my own quickie caveat on the Yahoo screener: The quality's horrific. Really. That's a problem. At least you can make out the faces and hear the punchlines, though.

In any event, there's no need for TV critics anymore. We've been outsourced by Yahoo.

Thanks, NBC.

The place to be right now is down the hall, around the corner and just over by the bathrooms where that great and near-mythological meeting place in American life and lore is located.

Where wisdom is dispensed, gossip spread, sports scores discussed, dates made or broken. You know: The water cooler.

"What did you think of Sarah?"

Or: "What did you think of Palin?"

(The use of first name in the question implies total support; use of last name implies skepticism.)

The simple fact that a question at this moment has more currency than a blanket statement -- "oh my God, what a train wreck" -- is the single biggest indication that Sarah Palin triumphed last night.

For it is written: It doesn't matter what the commentators said last night after the debate, but what your friends and colleagues said the next morning.

For it is also written: The fact that you are asking a question means that you're looking for a simple confirmation of the conclusion that you've already come to.

In this instance, that she did just fine. Expectations for a Palin disaster were so widespread that all she had to do was show up, nod and smile. The water-cooler judgment would still be benign.

Whenever I see an effective television performance by some made-for-TV politician, I reach for this book "YOU Are the Message: Getting What You Want By Being Who You Are." It's all there in 200-or-so pages -- why the performance matters, and how to get the best performance out of yourself when performing is either the first thing that comes naturally or the last.

The author was Roger Ailes, whom you know to be the chief of Fox News but was once (even more notably) the top Republican media consultant in the country. Irrespective of what you may think of Ailes, his book is full of wisdom and insight -- the manifesto for every political media consultant in the world, even though hundreds of books like this have been written twenty years after it first went into print.

The single biggest fault with the book is the title: It should read, "YOU Are the Message: Getting What You Want By Being What Others WANT You To Be."

What did Palin want viewers to think? Well, foremost, that she's not a blithering idiot.

Check.

That she could sort of think on her feet.

Check.

That she could pronounce the name of that guy in Iran, which even McCain had trouble with.

Check.

That she could restore some of the credibility lost after the Couric interviews and the Tina Fey parodies.

Check. Check.

That she mastered the art of not answering questions (and knowing the moderator wouldn't press hard for answers).

Check.

That she could use humor (even though she cynically set up Biden with the "can I call you, Joe?" so that she could come back with the "Say it ain't so, Joe" line).

Half-check.

What did she get from Ailes' book? I'd say just about everything, but just to pull a couple things out, I went for Ailes' advice on eye contact. That was was one of Palin's key strategems last night -- eye contact, with the audience, and NEVER with Gwen Ifill, because that would have meant looking DOWN, or with Joe Biden because that would have meant looking sideways and a little UP. Straight ahead, into the camera, locking on 50 pairs of eyes, and defying them to dislike her or what she had to say. Ailes had this to say about eyes: "Some people have the feeling that going before an audience is like going into a lion's cage. To me, that's a negative thought. But even if I were to think that, I'd keep my eye on the lion."

So many people -- and who knows? Maybe even McCain -- expected a belly flop last night, that Palin could -- and did -- work that to her advantage. Ailes wraps his book up with this: "If you can get the audience to pull for you, you'll always win. After all, audiences are just like you. They're human. They care. They're sympathetic. The audience wants you to succeed."

What's amazing the morning after is that no one seems to be asking the other obvious water-cooler question. "What did you think of Biden?" He was very, very good, in fact. But it's almost like he wasn't even there. I'm sure Ailes would have a lot to say about that, too.

Here's something that's hard to believe, but Helio Castroneves, winner of "Dancing with the Stars" -- and oh yeah, incidentally, who also happens to be one of the world's great Indy car drivers -- has been charged with tax evasion.

Here's the story from the Indy Star, via USA Today.

Meanwhile, TMZ is reporting that he has pleaded not guilty to seven charges.

We've got our first winner out of the 2008-09 season gate: "Grey's Anatomy," which squeaked out an 18-49 win over "Desperate Housewives." Its rating? A 7.4 in this demo, which is a very solid number.

Please go to the jump for the full list - it's a long one - but there are several interesting stats worth pointing out. Foremost, last week was the first full week of the new season, and a risky season it is for the major networks: After a bruising and profoundly disruptive writers' strike, the webs were afraid viewing patterns would be "unsettled" - which is a euphemism for "lower." So far, fear is justified.

Some of the Big Guns - "GA" as an example - look like they've emerged unscathed, though because I haven't got year-ago comparisons for you, it's hard to gauge just how much lower (and they generally are lower) than last year's first season numbers.

Looking at these numbers, here's a general rule of thumb to keep in mind: Anything below a 3 is basically a borderline number (though it's generally acceptable for anything on CBS). By that standard, you'd assume CW (for example) is less than thrilled with those "90210" and "Gossip Girl" numbers, except that both are apparently higher than last year's time period performance, so maybe they're happy with 'em.

First chart you'll see on the jump is the 18-49 list; scroll below to the total viewer list; figures are posted in millions, and just glancing at this list, I can assure you - the networks are not thrilled. "House" - one of the true powerhouses of prime-time TV the past few years - was seen by only 7.5 mill, per this list, on the 23rd. Yikes.

(P.S. Ignore the "1" on each line; it simply refers to the total number of telecasts.)

Continue reading ""Grey's Anatomy": Week 1 winner" »

Rosie's back. And you knew she would be. NBC has just confirmed -- officially -- reports that Ro will headline a variety show on Nov. 26, the night before Thanksgiving, and most notably, the last day of sweeps.

Here are the key grafs from the presser:

"Rosie O'Donnell will return to television on NBC with "Rosie's Variety Show" an hour-long variety special featuring a wide array of celebrity guests, musical acts, comedy skits and a giant primetime giveaway for both the in-studio and home audiences – all for a live broadcast on Wednesday, November 26 from 8-9 p.m. ET..."

"Said O'Donnell, 'This is a dream come true for any performer. Old time variety, live from New York with a nod to Ed Sullivan, Carol Burnett and memories of Sonny and Cher.'

"O'Donnell will bring back the grand tradition of the variety show format to television, much like such iconic series as "The Carol Burnett Show" and "The Ed Sullivan Show," while including brand-new elements for a new generation of fans.

"The special will feature a topical monologue, musical production numbers and hilarious comedy sketches from Rosie and her in-house acting company, as well as performances from today's hottest artists. In addition, the special will showcase a spectacular array of guest celebrities and many surprises ... and it's all live!

"A signature element of the special will also spotlight a massive primetime giveaway in which the home audience will have a chance to win incredible prizes – along with the studio audience."

Some quick "just wondering" questions:

1.) Why air this the night before Thanksgiving -- a tough night for NBC, and in a tough time slot (now occupied by "Knight Rider")? Aren't most people on the road?

2.) NBC clearly hopes this will do well, and maybe lead to a series, but why didn't the network just go ahead and order a handful of episodes, as opposed to just one?

Well, there goes the tent.

Neal E. Boyd, the insurance salesman from Sikeston, Mo., won the $1-million pot last night on "AGT." (Tent reference? I bet my last remaining possession on the ill-founded belief that Nuttin But Stringz would win, once again securing my rep as the blogger who calls 'em wrong every time.)

Here's MSNBC's write-up:

“What has happened to my life?” Boyd said with a laugh after claiming the NBC summer reality show’s $1-million prize and a headline gig in Las Vegas.

Boyd, 32, came out on the positive side of what host Jerry Springer called the closest vote in the show’s brief history. He won by less than half of 1 percent over 26-year-old Eli Mattson, a pianist and singer whose bluesy-country style earned him many fans. "

Now, here's an early performance by Boyd -- "Nessun Dorma," from "Turandot." Trick here is to hit that high-C, which he appears to secure not once but twice. Follow this by a performance of same by the world's most famous tenor of the last thirty years ...

Julia Louis-Dreyfus - whom we can all pretty much agree is the greatest comic actress working in television today - is burning up the late night circuit because (you know) "The N.A. of O.C." is back.

On last night's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," she had this inspired bit about stealing Tina Fey's Emmy, which she argues rightfully belongs to her, insofar as TF said as much during the recent Emmycast.

Then on Monday, she had this amusing bit with Dave Letterman. Worth watching and it's only a minute long, as Dave continues to mine the McCain business of last week...

There's something strangely comforting and old school about tonight's new series on CNBC, "The Entrepreneurs" - tucked out of sight on the network at 10 p.m. and hosted by Donny Deutsch. It says, in so many words, that new business launches are still possible and all you have to do is work hard, have an original idea, some common sense, and plenty of luck and you too could wind up with a dream come true - something so wonderful and outrageous that even a looming Great Depression can't derail it. The series is full of hope, and hope is what people need right now. This one leads off with a couple of guys named Jason Osborn and Jason Wright - former models with Wilhelmina - who got the bright idea of packing their own granola called Feed (the second story is about Sara Blakely, who created Spanx.) These guys seem like nice guys - not vipers or boardroom barracudas - with a very good granola. They mixed it themselves, sent it around to stores in Manhattan, and now have (only a handful of years later) a business approaching three million in sales.

The show's fine, but I'd like - maybe you'd like too - a wider angle that never comes: How many other granola makers are there out there? Who are the big players? What are the marketing and distribution challenges? How much does it cost to make this stuff? And how much to market? Who are their consumers? What's their demographic and "psychographic?" How's that changing..? And so on. These are Biz 101 questions, but without answers, the Two Jasons - who apparently have already had a lot of media coverage - get what amounts to another free ride. The wide angle would make their story even more compelling.

Grade: B -

Come on! Do you honestly think I know? The guy who predicted Marie Osmond would win "DWTS"...Who bet the ranch on Archie winning "AI"...who was ninety-nine percent positive Gene Simmons would win "Celebrity Apprentice"...

Now, today, I've got a feeling about Nuttin But Stringz...

Those guys are gonna win tonight. I've made my prediction. I've bet the ranch (actually, the tent...the ranch is now gone)...I'm ninety-nine percent certain.

I mean, how could these guys NOT win?

I'm starting a countdown - apropos of nothing other than the fact that one is required to fill up a TV blog with ruminations about TV - to the day when George Clooney finally says "yes" to a final appearance on "ER." He will do it. I am certain. The only thing I can't quite predict is the exact day when his PR man, Stan Rosenfield, comes out with the statement saying something to the effect that GC will in fact make one final cameo ...

... on the show that made him world-famous, started his career and got him to where he is right now. (Other than innate smarts, talent and a good career barometer, which he does have.)

Of course, Clooney could also argue that "ER" wouldn't be around without him, and he might have a point, but not quite as convincing as the one just made - that GC would be an eternal ingrate if he doesn't make one single last farewell appearance, for the sake of the show, his old boss, John Wells, and to those fans who have actually stuck with the series all these years.

So the countdown begins.

Now, you're thinking, "come on Gay. There has to be a reason you're doing this now." And I do have a reason: Clooney led off the terrific "American Masters" series on Warner Bros. last week. His was the very first mug on camera. The very first guy this film by Richard Corliss chose to pick to reveal to the world as a symbol of this empire.

Why Clooney? In part - admittedly very small part - that he was the biggest name outta "ER," which was one of the most successful (arguably the most successful) Warner Bros.' TV series in history.

He sat down to do this interview, which belies the ridiculous quote Stan gave the TV press when "ER" boss David Zabel said recently he hoped to get GC back on the show. '''He is on record as saying he is not coming back," Rosenfield said last week. "It is something he has already done. He is busy making movies."

And busy doing interviews for Corliss.

So what say you, George? A short day doing a cameo for "ER"? Donate your earnings to charity.

The countdown begins.

I'm hearing that some people are actually surprised that Cloris Leachman remains - perhaps to become the next Marie Osmond of "DWTS" - while they were surprised that Kim Kardashian got the one-way exit ticket last night. Why? What could be their reasons? Playmates almost never win this competition, while the core audience is composed of enough AARP members to keep the somewhat grayer contestants in the hunt for at least a few weeks. Plus, you will note that votefortheworst.com - that puckish site that encourages viewers to vote for the worst - has put its muscle and passion behind Cloris. Kim could have only wished she'd been selected for this distinction.