The TV Zone

Since NBC's not gonna give Kevin Reilly a decent send-off, I guess it's up to me to do the honors. (Thanks, guys.) Fired just about twenty minutes after he presented his 2007-8 schedule, Reilly has officially left the gig that ultimately slays all (almost all) who undertake it. Okay, he did walk out with a big severance check because he actually did sign a new contract just about twenty minutes BEFORE he presented the fall lineup.)

But here's the thing: I actually think Reilly was one of the better NBC Entertainment chiefs in a long, long time. Get beyond the recent problems - an abysmal primetime performance - and you have someone who brought a considerable amount of intelligence to the NBC lineup. (Yes, he's a Port Washington native and Chaminade grad, which may or may not have something to do with this.) He comes out of the tradition of
Brandon Stoddard and Grant Tinker - a true believer in network TV, maybe too much of a true believer, who imagined that given enough time and enough quality then viewers would follow. He didn't get nearly enough of the former, but was getting closer to the latter.

Consider: He put together the best NBC Thursday night line up in nearly two decades, while "The Office" - HIS "Office," by the way - is one of the great sitcoms in the network's history and - assuming Alec Baldwin doesn't entire lose his sanity which is a big assumption - "30 Rock" has a fighting chance at becoming anther one as well. Meanwhile, "Heroes" (inconsistent) and "Friday Night Lights" (consistent) are two of among the more engaging network hours of the last two seasons. Disasters? Of course - this is network TV - though I never really believed "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" was necessarily a Reilly misstep as much as a Sorkin one.

But his new lineup was underwhelming and my hunch is that when NBC put a toe into the upfront waters, the advertising piranhas bit it off. At that moment, Jeff Zucker made (yet another) call to Reilly successor Ben Silverman.

Anyway, I've put together a brief list of excuses for Kevin - the stuff over which he had little control and which effectively soiled his brief reign.

Feel free to add your own...

Bad timing: He arrives in May '04 on the heels of an all-time NBC lowpoint, with beasts like "Fear Factor"..."Father of the Pride"..."Hawaii".."Medical Investigation"...and (lest we forget) "Joey" stalking primetime and scaring away viewers. As a result, he needed the rest of whole of '04 and half of '05 just to clean up this mess. Meanwhile, NBC's must-see Thursday had turned into must-flee.

Two Dot Oh: This is another little thing over which Kevin had little to no control - "2.0," the code name for cost cutting and GE meddling. A corporate edict comes down that reality shows will henceforth fill the 8 p.m. lineup, while costs across the board are slashed. Reilly's then forced to fill a lineup with one hand tied behind his back.

Digital revolution: Yes, the same monster that's stalked newspapers is now stalking network TV. The long-established "network delivery system" - affiliates kept in line with monthly compensation checks - is fast-eroding as viewers (particularly the younger ones NBC courted) time-shift or effectively program their own network, through iTunes, or mobile platforms, or the networks' own dig playback modes. Meanwhile, there's half a dozen ways to measure audiences these days, all relating to when those audiences actually watch a show. How, one wonders, do you program to a moving target?

Higher expectations: Per numerous reports, GE is now actually considering a spin-off of NBC Universal, which means the books have to be "in order." You don't sell a company if its most visible component - primetime - is in fourth place. That means the pressure to perform is astronomical.

Maybe Reilly's lucky he got out when he did. By the way, there’s an opening at HBO, and in a previous life, Reilly did have a hand in “The Sopranos.”

Anyone who's spent much time with some of these high concept serials like "Heroes" pretty much comes to the conclusion that they're being jerked around.

Anyway, I have. Logic is notional. Plot is something you make up as you go along. Characters are cartoon-cutouts who die, come back to life and - in the meantime - emote broadly, over their love life, or who their father is, or who their mother is, or what their destiny is.

All the while, viewers fend for themselves as they try to puzzle out some rickety "mythology" that makes even less sense than the constantly mutating storylines.

"Lost" has performed this high-wire act particularly well over the past three seasons mostly through loving care and attention to characters - making them just clueless enough to be sympathetic (and believable) and just mysterious enough to be intriguing.

And then came last night's finale. It wasn't merely awful - though it certainly was that - but almost unimaginably disappointing. So this is how the rivalry between "our" people and "their" people end? In a spasm of primetime violence that leaves so many dead I lost count before the first commercial break?

With Hurley mowing one of them down in a VW van? With Sawyer shooting Tom in the chest, after latter says "I give up?" (Says Sawyer, "I didn't believe him..." Didn't believe him!!?? Well then just tie him up, pal.)

On the logic (such as it is) front: Why couldn't Charlie have squeezed through the blown hatch? Why couldn't the Mad Russian stay dead (for once?) Why did Locke have to throw a knife in the back of Naomi? (Wouldn't a simple "give me that damn phone" have done just as well?)

Why did Penny pop up on the monitor? (Is this to be the fate of the ravishing Sonya Walger? Ending each season searching vainly for Desmond?)

And meanwhile, the endless twists on the lovelorn lamentations of one Jack Sawyer - Oxycodone freak, in his former suicidal life - or is it, as seems more likely, his future suicidal life - and hitched (perhaps) to Kate. Clearly, one of the whole points of "Lost" - and a good point it is - has been that characters are on a quest to find what they had lost in their prior lives; this is the second chance that they never really had "on the mainland," while the island is that magical place where personal history is rewritten (though as "Lost" has established, character is everything and the past isn't something that can be shed like a cheap suit.)

But the Kate/Jack tie throws this into the realm of total absurdity: Why, after three seasons, do we suddenly find out about this NOW? Is this the future, or is this the past? If the future, do they leave the island? (Obviously, hence the meaning to the final line...)

Violence, though, is the worst sin. under pressure from ABC, or Nielsen or some other nefarious force, "Lost" decided to shed some subtlety (and mythology) in favor of brute-force action this season. While there were some great episodes, the dangers of this approach became apparent last night. The Others are wiped out (with the exception of Ben) to now be replaced by a whole new batch of Others next season, who aren't actually "Others" but apparently Others Squared: even more evil than the crew just dispatched.

Which means - what? - more death and mayhem over the next 48 episodes?

Bet on it.

Jack and Kate: So let me see if I've got this straight...She meets him at the airport, and...

To those of you who wasted a couple good hours watching what may have been the most monumentally dull "24" finale ever and missed the "Heroes" finale, all I can say is: Too bad.

"Heroes" was a much better waste of time. But then, it usually has been this season.

There's little to be gained at this point to tell you whether it was good, bad or indifferent - the usual critic thing that, quite frankly, is utterly irrelevant when it comes to "Heroes." Even less to be gained by telling you what happened. Too many shades of meaning. Too much inanity. Too many things THAT MAKE ABSOLUTLEY NO SENSE AT ALL. (Ahh, the joy that is "Heroes.") So just take my word - a lot of stuff happened. Let's break some of the major developments down by character; if you want the encyclopedic treatment, go to TelevisionWithoutPity....

Hiro: The guy for whom this show is named, or at least the guy with whom nerdy "Heroes" fans can most closely identify, gets a couple little lessons in saber-rattling from Dear Old Dad, who knows a thing or two about the Bushido code and just exactly why his son was put on this planet in the first place. To fulfill his destiny! That means ditching...

Ando: Who, quite frankly, needed to be ditched at this point. The dork made the inexcusable error of heading over to Isaac Mendez's SoHo loft to take out Sylar all by himself. Anyway, just before Sylar performed scalp removal, Hiro saves him and returns Ando to the office cubicle from when he came. And there he shall remain.

HRG: You know, there's a reason Jack Coleman hasn't exactly burned up the acting circuit since those torrid days on "Dynasty:" It's called "rudimentary acting ability" (or RAA). But by God, he does RAA better than anyone else on this show who is so blessed. Basically had just a place-holding role last night - Talked to Claire Bear every now and then…Turned up for the Big Showdown…Hurt his arm…Seemed to prove that he's a good guy after all, even after blowing away his old partner last week. What does it all mean, Mr. Bennet?

Charlie Deveaux: Yes! Richard Roundtree, Rooftop Man, came back from the dead, but only in a dream sequence, to tell Peter that he's got a great heart, and that he loves unconditionally, etc.

Simone Deveaux: Yes! Tawny Cypress, former Pete squeeze, currently deceased, came back from the dead, too but only in a dream sequence. (And, if you look closely, you could tell she's still mad Tim Kring cut her out of his hit a couple months ago.)

Niki/Jessica: We saw plenty of Niki last night, but almost...ummm...nothing of Jessica, but (ummm) plenty of someone who pretended to be Jessica. (Fortunately, Jessica warned Niki that the person who was pretending to be Jessica really wasn't Jessica because SHE was really Jessica; Niki appeared confused....)
Anyway, Niki finally saves Micah, who has been kidnapped by Lindeman so he could steal the election for Nathan and Mommy Dearest. Lindeman, as you recall, lost his brains last week. I'm almost certain he won't be returning either - except in a dream sequence.

Molly Walker: AKA Cute Girl who can tell where everyone is, was saved - as you know - by Matt Parkman and HRG, and she does manage to quickly locate Sylar. She also gets one of the better lines in the show, after referring to a "bogeyman" who's even worse than Sylar: "Whenever I think about him, he can see me..."

Angela Petrelli: Mommy Dearest, the shrewish, devious Petrelli matriarch really outdid herself last night. She kidnaps Claire so Claire can't prevent Peter from nuking Manhattan, albeit inadvertently. And this was just a week after she steals the election for her other son, Nathan, so he can bring the world together and make everyone feel groovy after her other son kills a few million people. (Talk about favoring one son over the other.)

Claire: She escapes Mommy Dearest/Nathan the hard way - by jumping out a window - but Nathan lets her go anyway. Meanwhile, he seems to be having second thoughts about said destiny. Claire needs to find...

Peter: Yes, dear self-combustible Pete who has now absorbed Ted Sprague's hot-hands trick. And when those two little hands start to light up, watch out. In any event, Claire has been equipped with a very large silver gun to dispatch Pete the moment his hands start to act up, and she seems all too willing to pull the trigger.

Sylar: Who else should meet in the climatic climax but Pete and Sylar - Mr. Good vs. Doctor Evil? But Sylar has no intention of performing one last lobotomy; he's perfectly happy to let Pete go nuclear, until...Hiro runs Sylar through with the blade of his ancestors. Let us be perfectly clear here - Sylar will return next season. The guy has marvelous regenerative powers. Anyway, as he appears to breathe his last evil breath, along comes...

Nathan: Who swoops out of nowhere, picking up Pete - fast approaching meltdown - and carries him a couple miles above Manhattan, where together they make a most memorable fireworks display. And THAT, my friends, is how you stop an exploding man.

Major questions: Will Nathan be back next season? Will Pete? Will Sylar? Will Matt (who absorbed quite a few bullets)? Will Molly? Will HRG learn to act?

I can hardly wait for the answers...

The gang. Or some of them anyway.

Well, it's over. Not just the interminable, absurd, shark-jumping sixth season of "24," but "24" as we've known it since 2001. Next January, or so the show's producers promise, "24" will return in a radically different form. What might that be? A reality show? ("Who Wants to Be Jack Bauer?") A variety show? (...and now on our stage, Morris the plate spinner). A talk show? ("So Jack, how did you really feel when you strangled Fayed with that mechanical chain?" )

Those eight months will no doubt go by as quickly as it takes Chloe to uplink the image to Jack's PDA. But until then, here are our final thoughts on Monday night's two-hour (that's one hour too long) finale.

And you thought Bill Buchanan was just a strait-laced bureaucrat? Who knew the dude could fly a chopper, handle a weapon and intercept a CTU vehicle? The AARP has a new action-hero poster boy.

Josh shoots his grandpa. That's better proof that he is Jack's son than 100 DNA tests.

Awfully convenient that Jack was able to jump off the helicopter within swimming distance of Heller's apartment.

Thanks to my connections in the biz, I was able to see the 61st minute of the second hour: Jack furiously checks his cell phone satellite uplink to see if there's a Denny's nearby. After 24 hours and one minute of saving the world and not eating, a man really craves a couple of Grand Slam breakfasts..

Kim Raver has another series lined up next year. We promise she won't be back. We also wrote the same thing last May when the cast of "The Nine" was announced.

Chloe's gonna be a mom? Now, there's a spinoff!

What are your thoughts about the finale? Give us a shout here.

Here begins the outrage.

How could it happen? Why would it happen? Who's too blame? Why are "American Idol" voters such blithering idiots...?

How could the single best singer in the history of this show have lost tonight?

It is an outrage worth getting outraged about. Maybe it gets our minds off the really important things we should be worried about. Maybe it's a distraction, like talking about the weather (except yesterday's weather, which was not a distraction.)

But really: How could Melinda Doolittle have lost?

You know the results by now. The whole world does. Two pleasant and emminently forgettable singers have made it to the finals. Congratulations to both of them. But with Melinda out, this will be an asterisk finale - a "who cares" finale, a "big deal" finale, a "let's-go-to-bed-early" one.

But I have a point here, besides outrage, and this is it: This may be the beginning of the end for "Idol." The king is stripped naked. We all now know that this show is a farce - smart enough, perhaps, to find a brilliant singer like Melinda Doolittle (and how very rare an accomplishment that was) but so utterly incompetent that it can't even seal the deal. Blame the voting system? Of course, everyone will.

You can hear the spin already - that voters figured she was such a sure bet that they didn't think they needed to vote for her. Or blame "professional observers" like your's truly, who over and over again proclaimed her such a sure bet that everyone else assumes - or believes - she's the surest of bets too. No need to vote for her! Everyone else is!

Or blame Simon (for his accurate endorsement on Tuesday night)? He said she deserved to be in the finale, and he was right - and he usually is. But by such praise did he doom her - the Simon curse, in which viewers zig when he zags, out of pure anti-Simon spite?

Or blame tone-deaf America? We all know this isn't a talent contest as much as a popularity contest.

Or blame the voting system - again? Sixty million votes were "cast" Tuesday, which could be some sort of a ridiculous record. Because of the huge volume, it suggests that the theory behind door number one ( "sure bet") may actually be wrong too. Clearly there was a huge amount of block voting going on, which almost certainly distorted the outcome. Jordin's fan base (younger) is clearly more adept and passionate about pressing buttons than Melinda's, whose fans probably reasonably, rationally and sanely figured - "hey, I've got a life...one quick call should do..."

In any event, all this is trivial and stupid. Who cares? We know who really won. Or at least I know who really won. A glorious career awaits the Great One. Will anybody even remember the "other winner" a year from now?

The Great One is Out. And so is "Idol."

Monday night’s episode was full of slam-bang action. But with next week’s two-hour finale looming, rather than recapping Monday’s show, let's fast forward to May 21 and pose these questions, which better be answered —  or else.

How many of the following will show up? President Logan, President Palmer, Audrey Raines, Bill Buchanan.

Will Jack hook up with Marilyn Bauer?

Will Josh be revealed as Jack and Marilyn’s love child?

What really creative way will Jack find to dispatch Cheng?

What really creative way will Jack find to dispatch his old man?

Will Jack walk away from the job  and decide he wants a gig that’s calmer and better-paid? We hear there’s an opening in a certain New Jersey mob family for an emotional  guy who’s really knows his way around with a gun.

What are your thoughts about the finale? Let us know here.

Are there any huge surprises in ABC's new fall schedule announced...ohhh...just about an hour ago?

Truth?

Not really. All pretty much as expected. Mostly in sync with expectations. No big mysteries. You got the picture.

But there are interesting tidbits, and here you have them:

- "Cavemen," AKA extended GEICO commercial, gets a Tuesday 8 p.m. slot, which would spell doom in the "Idol"-dominated winter months but at least offers a chance in the fall. ABC tries to give it a socially redeeming spin - "'Cavemen' is a unique buddy comedy that offers a clever twist on stereotypes and turns race relations on their head...'" - but they're not fooling anyone. This sounds like a Fred Silverman '70s creation. Here's more: "Inspired by the popular Geico Insurance commercials, the series looks at life through the eyes of the ultimate outsiders - three modern cavemen - as they struggle to find their place in the world..."

- Lotta stars: In case you didn't notice, NBC 2.0's lineup from Monday didn't really promise any stars, or any least any that you've ever heard of. (Ok, that I've ever heard of.) Stark contrast with ABC, which is strewn with familiar faces - Dylan McDermott, Lucy Liu, Peter Krause, The Great Victor Garber, and on and on. (TGVG, by the way, will be in a mid-seasoner called "Eli Stone, about lawyers.) Oh, and...

- Oprah's got what's billed as her first regular primetime series, in which "each week contestants will face a 'big twist' that will test their nerve, drive, ingenuity and passion. Big name stars will turn up throughout the series to join the 'Oprah’s Big Give.'" Over eight weeks, stakes climb, ratings too, and people win bucks. Etc. It's a limited run, so no specific date/time period given, though certainly mid-season with a conclusion during a sweeps month.

- "Grey's" spinoff: Yes, it's got an official name now, "Private Practice," and is pretty much as laid out during that recent two-hour launch.

- What's not on the schedule? Of course, "Lost," which will do a slightly shorter run in the winter. "What about Brian" didn't make it, nor did "According to Jim." No "George Lopez" either, which has already prompted George Lopez to noisily proclaim that he got dumped for a caveman, which he did, and which is kind of odd when you stop to think about. But really, don't stop to think about it.

Here's the lineup:

MONDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars” 9:30 p.m. “Sam I Am,” Christina Applegate, with amnesia. 10:00 p.m. “The Bachelor”

TUESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Cavemen” 8:30 p.m. “Carpoolers,” Faith Ford, in male bonding sitcom. 9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show” 10:00 p.m. “Boston Legal”

WEDNESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Pushing Daisies,” Chi McBride/Swoosie Kurtz/Kristin Chenoweth in high-concept crime procedural. 9:00 p.m. “Private Practice” 10:00 p.m. “Dirty Sexy Money,”Peter Krause/Donald Sutherland/William Baldwin, about rich idealist.

THURSDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty” 9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy” 10:00 p.m. “Big Shots,” Dylan McDermott's back, about CEOs.

FRIDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Men in Trees” 9:00 p.m. “Women’s Murder Club,” Paula Newsome/Angie Harmon, based on James Patterson novels, San Fran woman, solving crimes. 10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY: 7:00 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos” 8:00 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” 9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives” 10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

I think it’s a reasonable assumption that given his many personality flaws on display this season, Christopher Moltisanti would not make it to “The Sopranos” finale.

Still, it was a shocking to see — SPOILER ALERT -- Chrissie being suffocated to death Sunday night by Tony while the pair lay injured in the wreck of the SUV drug-addled Chris had driven off the highway and down a ravine. Maybe Tony was performing a mercy killing to end his nephew’s physical suffering or maybe he finally realized that Christopher was a junkie who could never be trusted.

Tony survived to live another day. Although as is the case with “The Sopranos” this season, the remainder of the episode seriously went off the rails. Tony went to Vegas alone, hooked up with a hot college girl, did peyote with her, which forced the viewers to endure several pseudo-heavy scenes that seemed lifted from the tripping sequence of some bad ‘60s LSD-exploitation flick.

We think, though, that Tony will emerge from his funk — and come back more vicious than ever, determined to totally wipe out Phil and his crew.

Perhaps that’s wishful thinking... The way things are going, Tony may last be seen heading off to a commune in the woods of Oregon.

What did you think of this pivotal episode? Any theories about Christopher’s death? And of course the mother of all questions (the Livia of all questions, if you will) — what is going to happen to Tony?

Your answers are eagerly awaited.

NBC 2.0 lives! It really lives!

What's "2.0?"

The network's promise - or threat - earlier this year that it will lead off each night of the week (Thursday excepted) with a reality or game show. It all comes under the heading of "Money," as in what's cheaper, given the deteriorating economics of the network television business.

As promised, each night of the 2007-08 fall season on NBC will go reality (Thursday, as mentioned, excepted.) Here's the line-up, night by night, and a quick word on what it means and what you'll see:

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
9-10 p.m. "Heroes"
10-11 p.m. "Journeyman"

My read: "Deal's" a major hit, so no need to move, while "Heroes" now owns 9. "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" is but a ghost memory, and for NBC a sober, grim reminder that "expensive," "buzz," "famous producer," "big stars," "fancy set," "press attention" are not what dreams are necessarily made of. Meanwhile, "Journeyman" is about a San Francisco reporter who time-travels.

TUESDAY
8-9 p.m. "The Biggest Loser"
9-10 p.m. "Chuck"
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

My read: "TBL" heads over from Wednesday to this very tough night for the Peacock (and you'll note that Simon Cowell's "America's Got Talent," which was here, is no longer here.) What's "Chuck?" It - he - is from "The O.C.'s" Josh Schwartz, and...well, let NBC tell you: "When Chuck opens an e-mail subliminally encoded with government secrets, he unwittingly downloads an entire server of sensitive data into his brain. Now, the fate of the world lies in the unlikely hands of a guy who works at Buy More..."

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
9-10 p.m. "Bionic Woman"
10-11 p.m. "Life"

My read: What are the chances for success of two brand new back-to-back hours on NBC's Wednesday line-up? Even with another pump of "Deal or No Deal?" (Even if there was nothing else on any other network....?) "BW" is self-explanatory while "Life" is about a detective back on the force after serving years in prison.

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. "My Name Is Earl"
8:30-9 p.m. "30 Rock"
9-9:30 p.m. "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. "Scrubs"
10-11 p.m. "ER"

My read: Well, I guess this means Alec Baldwin has decided to return to "30 Rock." (He had - let's say - an emotional moment recently in the wake of well-publicized problems, when he declared that his TV days were behind him. "30 Rock," of course, doesn't exist without Alec, so NBC must have been very persuasive. (It's called "hey, bud, you're under contract...") Meanwhile, the rest of the night stays put (except, "Office" back formally at 9.) "Scrubs" is a pleasant surprise, but for the fact that there will now be endless stories asking "is this the last season...?"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. "1 vs 100"/"The Singing Bee"
9-10 p.m. "Las Vegas"
10-11 p.m. "Friday Night Lights"

My read: "Lights" gets a reprieve - no surprise there - and a good time period (for it.) "Singing Bee?" A karaoke show. This really is a hugely difficult night for NBC, so maybe a couple of signature shows will help matters (even if "L&O;" could not.)

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. "Dateline NBC"
9-11 p.m. Drama Series Encores

My read: Saturday seems like it's been repeat night forever, so even the merest whiff of "first run" - even if it's "Dateline" - suggests to me that Saturday's long-standing "turn-off-the-light" strategy was an invitation to affiliates to just take over the night themselves.

SUNDAY

(Fall 2007)
7-8 p.m. "Football Night in America"
8-11 p.m. "NBC Sunday Night Football"

SUNDAY (January 2008)
7-8 p.m. "Dateline NBC"
8-9 p.m. "Law & Order"
9-10 p.m. "Medium"
10-11 p.m. "LIPSTICK JUNGLE"

My read: "L&O;" is back - so much for the chatter about a cable venue - and on one of the most important hours/nights of the week. "Lipstick?" Comparisons with "Sex in the City" are beyond inevitable, as this is based on Candace Bushnell novel of the same name. NBC's begging comparisons too: "This fun dramedy follows three high-powered friends as they weather the ups and downs of lives lived at the top of their game." The other headlines here: Members of the trio include Kim Raver and another by Brooke Shields.

George Stephanopoulos may have been the single best decision in David Westin's [ABC News prez guy] career, when he named him host of "This Week," and George may have the single biggest interview on a Sunday ayem show this Sunday (on the campaign trail with Obama, Sunday, WABC/7, 10:30).

Big deal.

More importantly, did you know George Stephanopoulos's dad is an adjunct prof at St. John's? I didn't, which is why I was particularly intrigued by this Sunday's graduation ceremony on the Great Lawn at the Queens campus. Both George and dad will be conferred honorary degrees by the university, which must be some sort of record for St. John's (I'm just spit-balling here, but...first time a father and son ever got degrees the same day...at St. John's?)

Some quick facts about dad: He's dean of the Cathedral of the Holy Trinity (Greek Orthodox) in Manhattan and adjunct prof in the department of theology for twenty-three years. Had a nice chat with the Rev. Stephanopoulos the other day. Said he: "We [father and son] stay in constant touch and see each other quite a bit [but] he keeps his own counsel" - which is to say that he never feeds him questions for "This Week" interviews. "We're both very pleased with the honor being bestowed on us.."

Which is: an honorary doctor of laws degree for son, and an honorary doctor of sacred theology for dad.

And speaking of ABC News' Sunday morning programs (we were speaking of that, were'n't we?) and Long Island connections..."Good Morning America Weekend" will announce the winner of its "Mom's of Invention" series on Sunday's program. One of the three finalists: Elizabeth Wen Zortora of Syosset. Here's her invention: A chopping board with drawers ("My husband does some cooking. He always asks me to help him prepare onions, mushrooms, peppers etc. But when I'm cutting things up on the chopping board, it occurs to me that I'm brushing off everything off to a dish after chopping each & every item...."

Hence, the drawer!! Why didn't I think of that?

Haven't seen it...Never will see it...OK, will see it if imprisoned and threatened with dismemberment (but will close eyes and say neener-neener-neener)....because Lindsay Lohan's "Georgia Rule" looks to be about the worst movie of the year, even if Garry Marhsall was behind it. This is an opinion based solely and no doubt accurately on two extended clips from Wednesday's "Letterman" and last night's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien."

The one from "Late Night" almost certainly killed the movie outright. CO, following interview with LL, introduced the clip which seemed harmless if particularly lame: LL's character was wrestling with a boy who looked to be about ten, and the tussle was broken up by a matriarchial-and-really-trying-to-evoke-Henry-Fonda-from-On-Golden-Pond-but-only-God-knows-why Jane Fonda, who turned a hose on the pair.

Blah, blah, blah. So on and so on. Then, mercifully, it ended, Back to he studio, with LL and CO. Amazed that a critical scene had been cut out of the clip, here's what audience members heard next from LL: "Can I say this on TV? The little boy and I get up, and I say, 'ohmygod, you're [Bleep...]'" Added LL, "it was funny and will make people want to go see the movie..."

Well, no LL: It was not funny. It will not make people want to go see the movie. It will make them wretch. You owe NBC a debt of gratitude for having the good sense to clip the clip. (I won’t say what the bleep is, but you can guess…)

Anyway, here's the broader point. Is anyone taking care of LL? A parent? A friend? Someone she trusts and who offers her counsel that will not only save her career but quite possibly save her from herself? (Apparently not, offering yet further proof that Hollywood enables people, even or especially people with self-destructive impulses who also happen to be good box office.)

LL last night further revealed that that when she turns 21 this July, her friends "coaxed" her to have a big party in Vegas (mentioned on DL, too).

Will it get crazy? asked Conan.

"I'm sure we'll read it will," said she.
.
Conan kindly suggested she just have a quick bite at Chuck E. Cheese’ instead.

Hey, what all those rumors of LL at Disneyland?

"All those rumors about drinking in Disneyland?” said LL. “Where do you get drinks in Disneyland?"

Can't vouch for this, LL, but I think you can get booze at New Orleans Square, but I fear you already knew this.

They talked about a future movie she plans to star in - no name, but this is the one where she plays a stripper. (Not, apparently, "I Know Who Killed Me," which was briefly derailed when she checked into rehab. )

Finally, Conan got around to all those rumors - that meanie word again - of strife with Fonda. "I was late, behaving irresponsibly," said she. "I mean, I was nineteen years old. God forbid I should be late to something for one day, but I was wrong."

(There was a further reminder of the frailty that is so abundantly LL - a tattoo on her wrist, which read, simply: "Breathe." She told Conan it was there to quite literally remind her to breath when she has asthma attacks.]

Next up on the LL 'Georgia Rule' tour was this morning's "Martha Stewart Show." I actually think this was a tougher outing for LL. She had to stir profiterole mixture while enduring intermittent ribbing by MS about her partying habits.

MS: "You're out every night, clubbing...Get your butter in..It will smooth out and you'll be very happy...":

LL: [Wince, though unclear whether wince induced by 'partygirl' jab or non-melting butter]

MS: "You're not upset about that, party girl. I go out every night - [but] not quite the same way.”

LL: [Winces, again, though butter still not cooperating] "It's amazing what they can do with all the pictures now...'" [Meaning...what?]

MS: You working out?

LL: “Kick boxing,” but not recently.

MS: "Excuses, excuses. Party girls always make excuses....'"

Okay, okay: MS was actually pretty nice. She finished up that ornery profiterole segment with this: "She [LL] is so beautiful. She doesn't look like she goes out every night..."

Smile. Wince.

LL's next call is to agent: "What did I do to deserve that...?"

LL learns to make profiteroles today, topped with "partygirl" jabs from Martha Stewart!!

Get yourself to Scranton on Saturday, May 19.

That’s the day the Pennsylvania town is kicking off Office Fest 2007, in honor of the NBC comedy set in their industrial-era burg of 75,000.

Cast members Brian Baumgartner (Kevin) and Angela Kinsey (Angela) are coming in to meet-and-greet, sign autographs, and party on a parking garage.

But if you miss it, there are plans afoot to stage a full-fledged convention -- yes, a la “Star Trek” -- this fall.

Turns out Scranton is seeing an uptick in tourism from fans of “The Office,” who drive hundreds of miles to visit real places the show mentions. Town fathers and mothers are hot to exploit this newfound fame. They drew thousands last December when star Rainn Wilson (Dwight) appeared at the Mall of Steamtown.

Gas up, people. Just 120 miles west of Manhattan.

So, you've got Dave on one end. You've got Lindsay Lohan on the other end. This could be interesting. This should be interesting. This - OK - wasn't too interesting, but some amusing bits nevertheless. Then, there always are with DL.

Letterman was on his best behavior last night. Lohan was on her's. Both were stone-cold sober (Dave hasn't even had a beer in over twenty-five years; Lindsay's reportedly another story).

Anyway, because we-watch-so-you-don't-have-to, here's a couple of highlight's from last nights "Late Show," as Lohan continues her "Georgia Rules" publicity tour (Conan next up; followed by Martha.)

Dave: "Did you have any idea being an actress would bring all this activity" - meaning press attention, etc." Said LL: "It wasn't as terrible as it is now.." (Opportunity missed, Dave. Follow-up question should be - ahem, what activity, my dear?)

Dave says if he got all this attention, he'd crawl under his house. LL says, "so you wouldn't see me clubbing?"

Says Dave, "oh you'd see me clubbing..." Adjusts collar.

Anyway, Dave tells her to not "let the bastards get you down.." [that old line that is usually rendered in Latin but nobody knows what the hell it means then.]

Then he does a true or false test.

Does she have a fake ID?

Says LL, "false..." [Of COURSE it's false...ahem, ahem.]

Did she drive over a photographer's foot?

No, but she should have...

Throw people's belongings in the trash at a club?

Nononono! [She doth protest too much...]

Was once punched by Paris Hilton?

No, and laughs. [Seriously, I think it was the other way around.]

Was once naked in a club?

No, but will do something like this in a future film...[Dave adjusts collar, etc].

How was Fonda (Jane; in "Georgia Rules," who reportedly punched out LL, figuratively speaking, for misbehavin' Lohan-style):

"She taught me a lot of things...like being on time." [Body language suggests that stories of Fonda fall-out are undoubtedly true.]

Caught necking with Regis Philbin?

False.

Got ass-job in Mexico?

Said Dave, "no...that was me..."

Lookin' good, LL! Courtesy: Our friends at MSNBC.

It's official -- Tom Selleck is returning to the scene of his biggest success. No, not Hawaii. Television, people.

He's joining the cast of "Las Vegas," which elder star James Caan recently left. (He'll hand off to Selleck in this fall's fifth-season premiere.) As the new billionaire owner of the Montecito casino, Selleck will have "a mysterious past." (OK, so maybe it does involve being a Hawaii private eye.)

The actor's TV claim-to-fame was starring in CBS' fabulously successful "Magnum, P.I." series from 1980 to 1988. But his CBS sitcom "The Closer" didn't last long in 1998. Selleck did better in a recurring role on "Friends," grabbing an Emmy nomination, and has been a hit in TV movies, too, including TNT westerns and CBS' Jesse Stone sleuth series. (The next film, "Jesse Stone: Sea Change" premieres on CBS Tuesday, May 22 at 9 p.m.)

NBC's announcement here.

If you watched Sunday's "Sopranos" then I'm not breaking any big news here by telling you how Tim Daly's character - J.T.Dolan - came to an end. Quick and brutal - no more details on this needed. But just before he bedded down with the fishes, he revealed that he was working on a script of "Law & Order."

In TV terms, this is what we call "dry humor."

"L&O;" may be joining J.T. any day now, although "discussions" between "Order" czar Dick Wolf and NBC continue. On this point, I draw your attention to Broadcasting & Cable's website, which just moments ago posted this, courtesyof reporter Jim Benson:

"NBC Universal is considering a scenario in which original episodes of the low-rated but highly lucrative Law & Order would shift from NBC to TNT after this season, with production continuing at a drastically reduced price.

"Multiple sources tell B&C; that TNT, which remains heavily reliant on the show’s reruns, first proposed the idea of picking up the originals to NBCU several months ago.

"The offer came after word surfaced that NBC was contemplating canceling the venerable 17-year-old drama, which has seen its ratings sink further this season following its shift to the Friday night graveyard. "

There can hardly be any doubt that B&C;'s report is correct (though "L&O; fans shouldn't be too thrilled either because on TNT, this should mean, oh, about ten minutes of program time and fifty minutes of commercials.)

Question is, can TNT afford "L&O;?" Not an idle question because Wolf once joked that his show was so pricey that it "makes the buffalo on the nickel scream." Note the "B&C;" term, "at a drastically reduced price..."

Would this mean: a.) Sam Waterston and Jesse L. Martin will be replaced by guys you never heard of? b.) The show will move from New York to L.A., or maybe Vancouver, or Toronto? (Of course, TNT has done reasonably good work in drama - "The Closer" - so who knows.)

On the cost front, another tidbit from "B&C;:"

"To continue [on NBC], the production budget of 'L&O;' would have to be slashed far below its current $4 million per episode cost. Executive Producer Dick Wolf was recently reported to be looking at making budget cuts of $11 million per season, or $500,000 per episode, to keep it on NBC..."

Meanwhile, here's the official statement via Wolf's reps: "Negotiations are ongoing regarding 'Law & Order' and 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent' and as always, we do not comment on negotiations."

Lots o’ action Monday night, producing several adrenaline rushes for this viewer. But to reiterate my analogy from last week, it was like watching the 2004 Mets beat up on the Braves in late September when it no longer mattered. In other words, a dollop of satisfaction, but ultimately meaningless.

Anyway, here are random thoughts on Monday’s episode:

Glad to see Old Man Bauer back. Wouldn’t it be something if he concocted all this scheming just to take his grandson on that long-awaited trip to Disney World?

Boy, those mercenaries got into CTU easier than sneaking into a second theater at the multiplex. You might think after previous season’s nerve-gas attacks and bombings, CTU might think about upgrading its security a wee bit.

Now that she’s been spirited away by her father, are we ever going to see Audrey again? Or did the show just waste three hours of our time?

RIP Milo. Now, I bet Nadia really appreciates you.

Memo to Chloe and Morris: You know what, we are really really sick of your bickering.

Back in the day, Jack would have found a way of terminating all of Cheng’s invaders. The boy is definitely losing it.

UPDATED MAY 7 -- "Lost" has three seasons left, containing 48 total episodes, or just slightly longer than two full regular seasons. The Hollywood Reporter writes Monday that the show will air 16 episodes next season and each of the following two.

Click "Continue" below to see ABC's press release.

ORIGINAL POST MAY 4 -- E! Online is posting some "Lost" scoop.

Read it all here.

Continue reading "SCOOP: 'Lost' moving toward its last? (UPDATED)" »

You know… I know… your brother's wife knows… and even the man in the moon knows that last night's special special special two-hour "Grey's Anatomy" will be picked up by ABC in a couple weeks as a spin-off for the fall (or maybe, mid-season but more likely fall.)

It has all the glorious earmarks of "spin-off:" medium-to-big stars, sex, sun, association with major hit, sex, and especially Addison, aka Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, played with full-throated coquettish neurotic splendor by Kate Walsh who absolutely established that she's a good enough actress and compelling enough character to have her own show any day.

Liked, especially, the elevator scenes, and the hidden voice, and the lost sad speech about her diminishing biological potential, as when told by pal, Naomi, that she can't conceive:

"Okay, this is good, this is just perfect. I don't have a baby because I'm focusing on my career, and then I have the other guy then don't have his baby cuz he's no the great guy, and now, I don’t have the great guy or the other guy and I'm finally ready to have a baby and I can't. That is so...exactly what my life is."

And apparently, exactly what this show spin-off will be about - babies, and mid-life tribulations, and regret, and career-versus-motherhood, along with all the other stuff that so gaudily decorates “GA” week after week. It’ll be based in a fertility clinic, though ABC can't use "Inconceivable" as a title because that was the name of a busted pilot over on NBC a couple seasons ago which was - small world alert - produced by Marco Pennette, who's now a show-runner over at "GA" lead-in, "Ugly Betty."

You didn't watch last night? Quickie overview: Addision splits Seattle Grace because she "needed some time to be happy and free," but as you know or can imagine, it was much more complicated than that. She heads to L.A. - which, thankfully, has not actually been destroyed by successive seasons of "24" - where she goes to something called the "Oceanside Wellness Group." Yes, this is the fertility clinic, although they do seem to do some other flaky California things there, too, where the doctors are appropriately gorgeous and fun and famous (Tim Daly, Taye Diggs, Amy Brenneman, etc.) though it's far more important that the clinic’s next to the beach, because that means the sexy boytoy who mans the phones will occasionally head out to the surf and return all wet...

But, I get ahead of myself. The point I raise here is: I believe I have identified the Achilles Heel in this otherwise obvious, fairly well-written, produced, acted spin-off. It is the clinic itself. All creator Shonda Rhimes needed to do, or should have done already, was to call Pennette to figure out just what the problem with fertility-clinic-based shows is (Pennette actually based his on personal experience.)

But I'll save her the trouble. The problem is that there aren’t enough stories. Simple. How many times can you do mixed-up-sperm...impotent husband...randy wife...randy surrogate... In fact, I think I've already exhausted all the possible storylines, and suspect "GA" did as well last night. Hospital shows pivot on characters (who are either in love or in peril) and crises. Plenty of crises. Or…stories that span everything from the dude who comes in with a hang-nail, to the dozens who come in after a ferry accident.

You see where I'm going here. Now we'll see where ABC goes.

You go (to L.A.) girl!

TV, too. Location shoots in New York City hit a record last year, says Astoria’s Museum of the Moving Image, which is sponsoring a behind-the-scenes peek at production on May 20.

It’s a daylong outdoor event featuring tours of working movie trailers and trucks, plus free admission to the Museum, which houses an interactive look at the filmmaking process. The Museum’s 2 p.m. seminar that day, “Made in NY: Careers in Film and Television Production,” features a panel of top New York-based industry professionals, plus celebrity guests.

The event lasts from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. May 20, on 36 Street between 34 and 35 Avenues (the street between the Museum and the Kaufman Astoria Studios, which will be closed to traffic).

Museum info here.

Let's be honest here: I truly think “24” has not merely jumped the shark, but pole-vaulted the damn fish this season. Yet I continue to watch. Look, I’m a Mets fan of longstanding and out of loyalty to the team, I’ve watched September games when they were, like, 30 games out of place. I kinda feel the same way about “24.”

So here are my random thoughts on Monday’s episode:

Jack saves Defense Secretary Heller’s life two seasons ago — and this is the thanks he gets?

Does Heller have an office somewhere in the CTU complex? How the heck did he get to Jack’s holding cell so quickly?

Where did Chloe go? A) Ladies room to cry over Morris B) Beer run C) To Cheng, because she is the component “expert” whom the Chinese baddie so desperately needs.

Best line of the night: Nadia to Morris: You're asking me to indulge your personal melodrama when we're in the middle of an International crisis.

Where in the world is Old Man Bauer? He’s gotta show up sometime in the next three weeks, right?

That CTU shrink’s bedside manner made Dr. House seem like Marcus Welby.