The TV Zone

Here's exhibit A,B, C (and maybe even D) on why some people think Big Media is so full of itself and why they may well be right. On Monday morning, millions awoke to the spectacle of "Today's" Matt Lauer informing them that - henceforce - the war in Iraq would be referred to as a civil war. And then, the network spent the rest of the day fitting its square semantic peg into a round semantic hole. Brian Williams declared it a "civil war." Andrea Mitchell declared it a "civil war." And then - oops - first thing Tuesday morning on "Today," NYT uber-columnist Tom Friedman said, not so fast. This isn't a civil war, he declared, and went on to accurately describe the situation on the ground more akin to chaos as opposed to NBC's preferred tag. The LA Times did a thoughtful wrap this morning on the civil war over "civil war," quoting the Associated Press's international editor, John Daniszewski, who said (in a statement): "From a dictionary and academic point of view, many experts already consider Iraq to be immersed in a civil war. However, there is a contrary school of thought that a civil war should be more narrowly defined as one cohesive force opposing another inside a country - whereas in Iraq the fighting and violence often seem multifaceted, chaotic and anarchic." In other words, Friedman and the AP got it right once again. Now, we all patiently watch and wait, as NBC quibbles over semantics while everyone else calls this war what it more precisely is - chaos and anarchy.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 22, 2006

HERE'S ANOTHER CLASSIC '60s TV ROCK 'N' ROLL MEMORY....Since it got awfully lonely on "Gilligan's Island," the writers often had to think of inventive ways of dropping in "special guests" onto the island (Phil Silvers, Don Rickles, among others) to interact with the castaways and then get the hell back to civilization.

On this 1964 episode, the show's brain trust dragooned a semi-obscure faux-British band called the Wellingtons. These were the guys who sang the theme song on the show's first season, btw. (hey, I remember seeing them on "Shindig!") and pretend that they were a Fab Four-wannabee band called the Mosquitoes.
(Those grown-ups really must've thought they were brilliant with their insect analogies.)

Anyway, the Mosquitoes ended up on the island because they needed a place to avoid their rabid fans. Here. they serenaded Gilligan and Co.

A brilliant idea, no? How come Mark Burnett hasn't airlifted The Killers or Arctic Monkeys onto "Survivor" yet? Just asking.

TONIGHT'S PICK
Check out tonight's Andy Griffith Show (9 p.m., TV Land). Elinor Donahue -- yes Princess from "Father Knows Best" -- guests as a new pharmacist who comes to Mayberry. And in that vein, "Biography" (8 p.m., Biography Channel) profiles Don Knotts aka Barney Fife (or Ralph Furley if you're in that younger demo.)

We begin with a quiz that anyone can answer - except, I suppose, soldiers, who just ain't edeecaded enuf to figur out whadda "newz chanel" is...
The question: Chris Wallace will interview on this weekend's edition of "Fox News Sunday" at 6 p.m.:
a.) Nancy Pelosi
b.) O.J.Simpson
c.) Homer Simpson
d.) John Kerry..

Correct! The answer is D - for the senator from Massachusetts who came brazenly close to dislodging a midterm that was already in the bag for Democrats by saying something really, truly, unbelievably idiotic about U.S. troops (that they're unedeecated...) and then refusing to apologize.

For shame, Senator, for shame.

And now, time for amends. Kerry will sit down for his first post-gaff interview on Sunday with Wallace, who explained in a phoner a few minutes ago that "he's been on the side of a milk cartoon for almost three weeks now...and will come out for the first time" on "FNS."

"No ground rules," says Wallace, who adds that "I expect we'll go over the whole controversy and what damage it may have done to his running for president in 2008."

So, how badly did that bullet to the foot damage his prospects in two years? "It certainly wasn't helpful and there are questions once again about how politically deft he is...but I've seen people come back from much bigger mistakes - look at Trent Lott being named to the Senate leadership after praising Strom Thurmond...It's a big deal for now [but] remember, this is a guy who was counted out as politically dead in 2004 two weeks before the Iowa caucuses..."

Will Wallace get an apology out of him on camera? Let the betting begin...

Will someone stop him before he kills again?

We're not talking here about O.J. - whose TV special about the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman should only slightly disrupt his on-going search for the real killers. We're talking about Mike Darnell, chief of Fox reality programming who may be a bantamweight but packs a heavy-weight wallop in the unscripted programming department. At the top of Darnell's resume is "American Idol," but below lurks some of the most notorious programs in TV history. Unburdened by guilt, conscience or - especially - taste, the Darnell rogue's gallery makes writing about TV fun.

Watching's another story.

While O.J.'s Nov. 29/30 Fox interview special, "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How it Happened," may well rank as the most sordid enterprise in the entire history of media dating back to the Pharaohs - congrats, Mike! - there's a lot of competition. Here are some other Darnell inspirations:

"Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?

Sure, we all do. But it'd be nice to marry one who hasn't violated a restraining order (guess you can't have everything.) This 2000 special began the millennium off with a bang - huge ratings followed by huge revelations, like the fact that "millionaire" Rick Rockwell had threatened to kill an ex-fiance, per a Smoking Gun scoop. The show was pulled and Fox conducted an "investigation" into ways of keeping reality TV on the up-and-up.

"Mr. Personality"

Here's a concept: Put masks on a bunch of guys and a woman and then let them get to know each other and fall in love. Sweet. But look who hosted: Monica Lewinsky. The masks had more personality than the people who wore them, while some meanies at various websites had a field day with this. Suggested one, Monica could give the female contestants advice on "101 things to do with a cigar..."

"Who's Your Daddy?"

The Darnell genius strikes again? A woman put up for adoption years earlier has to choose her biological father from among 25 men. Lots of laughs, tears, retching. Not many viewers though for this January 2005 misfire.

"Married by America"

Why bother deciding who to marry when America can do it for you? Anyway, that was the idea behind this 2004 series even though - once again - Mike was ahead of his time (or something.) Fox filed for a divorce within weeks.

"The Chamber?"

Torture in a game show? Do we smell a Darnell inspiration here? Yes we do. "The Chamber" liked to either fry or freeze contestants en route to the prize money. At least no one died - except for the show, canceled after a brief run in 2002.

"Man Vs. Beast."

A self-explanatory title (a Darnell specialty.) Animals got to compete with humans and sometimes it was hard to tell which was which.

"The Littlest Groom"

"Just when you thought Fox had sunk about as low as it could go," began one outraged entry on a reality TV website... A little person seeks true love in a February sweeps special in 2004. Enough said.

"The Swan"

And yes, we save the best for last. Less-than-comely women are given plastic surgery, gratis, then pointers in how to dress or hold a soup spoon. As Wiley E. Coyote might put it, "genius - PURE genius."

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 15

Remember “The Mothers In-Law?”

It was a short-lived comedy (1967-69) about two sets of very different neighbors (Eve Arden and Herbert Rudley; Kaye Ballard and Roger C. Carmel) whose kids married each other. Great premise, but it’s not particularly well-remembered today. Although it should be.

One particularly groovy moment occurred when the proto-punk band The Seeds ( nudge-nudge wink-wink drug reference alert) performed their one and only hit, “Pushin’ too Hard” (a genuine punk classic!) on the show. You know it was one of those decisions by the show’s producers (who included Desi Arnaz) to get the “kids” will tune in. The episode originally aired on April 28, 1968 and is entitled, "How Not To Manage A Rock Group"

As you can see, it is priceless.

THIS JUST IN AND IT'S BIG:
Brady Bunch" star Barry Williams will play Mr. Howell and Dawn Wells will star as Mrs. Howell in the latest incarnation of the "Gilligan" musical.

Book me on the next plane to Florida

I was in Florida last week on a long-planned vacation and didn't learn of Ed Bradley's death until I saw his picture staring up at me from the USA Today in front of the hotel door. "Shocked" is one word to describe my immediate reaction, closely followed by that old standby that's used any time an admired professional acquaintance passes from the scene: "Saddened."

Saddened because Bradley was indeed a great broadcaster, and saddened because I never got to know him particularly well. For the most part I was an admirer from afar - like any other civilian who had seen his work and wondered what this grounded and deeply intelligent guy was really like. Sunday's extraordinary tribute on "60 Minutes" was a start, although only confirmed what I had long suspected. Few people knew Bradley well, including some of his closest colleagues on the show. I - and maybe you too- was struck by the absence of Mike Wallace and Don Hewitt; Andy Rooney could come up with the memorable line that "I don’t have enough years left myself to ever get over missing Ed Bradley," though I would have liked to have known more about why.

So, as we say in the blogging trade, now it's my turn. Ed was the quiet one: The George Harrison of this world-famous quartet also starring Mike/Morley/Andy (Harry? He was the fifth Beatle, of course.) He was one of the genuine Naturals in the trade of TV journalism - a fully fleshed out three-dimensional human being who conveyed an aura of authority and sensitivity, of omniscience and curiosity. Bradley didn't force pieces; they emerged from him, as seamlessly as if they were a part of his being. To watch a Bradley piece was to move across a plain of discovery - never quite certain what you'd find on the other side because Bradley wasn't quite certain what he'd find there either. You always sensed that Bradley's voyage of discovery was part of a voyage of self-discovery too; he was trying to find out how the subject matter refracted through his own soul, and as a viewer, you too would get a glimpse of the real Ed.

His style was uniquely and wholly his own. Though he had famously helped "boat people" ashore in a "CBS Reports" broadcast that would persuade Hewitt to bring him to "60" back in the early '80s, Bradley was a protagonist in each of the stories he did. As George, he was the soft-spoken one, the one who empathized without saying a word. His smile and laugh were radiant and so was his intelligence. Bradley, in short, was the perfect embodiment of the "60 Minutes" correspondent and a major reason why this is the single most successful primetime program in television history.

There were controversies of course, though by virtue of that Bradley personality and style, their half-lives seemed brief and unexceptional. Foremost, there was that sensational 1989 piece on daminozide - AKA Alar - about the plant growth regulator (or retardant) sprayed on apples which the Natural Resources Defense Council claimed had been found in juice and which could pose a risk to children - cancer or some other horrendous disease could result, if memory serves. So powerful was "60" that after Bradley/David Gelber’s piece aired, you were almost afraid to pick up an apple. To this day, I peer at the thing wondering: Is that a dusting of Alar I see there? I look at a bottle of apple juice and see a skull and crossbones.

The apple industry exploded, literally. Frantic growers filed a $100 million that was subsequently dropped; the NRDC (and "60") never retracted he claims, though there was plenty of evidence to suggest they were perhaps bogus. Ed - the Quiet One - never backed down. He was even challenged on the Alar story years later by a caller on "Larry King Live," where he was forced (yet again) to defend it: "If anyone can show us proof that the EPA has said that Alar is OK, we'll retract the story. The EPA said Alar was a problem. '60 Minutes' didn't say it was a problem; the EPA did." Well...

Bradley's other controversy was the Audi 5000 - the story that very nearly killed a car. Surely you remember that one? To this day, I peer at the Audi 5000...well, you now know more about my neuroses that you want to. But you get the point: "60" of the 1980s was a giant-killer, and Ed - the Quiet One - helped to wield the ax. This piece claimed Audis unintentionally accelerated, killing or maiming the occasional and misfortunate driver; three years later, the government came to the rescue of the embattled Audi, claiming that - yeah, sure - the thing would accelerate if you accidentally stepped on the gas pedal instead of the brake. "60" never retracted nor did Ed: "It's not a figment of our imagination. It actually happened, whether you believe it or not," Bradley told a caller during that King broadcast.

But that, pretty much, was that. Bradley skirted the implosions and self-immolations that occasionally engulfed "60" over the years. He was above and beyond the fray - a secret to his long survival along with that aforementioned talent. He was, in fact, uncharacteristically furious at impending pay cut over the summer (who wouldn't be.) But that was a matter of pride as opposed to financial need. Ed ultimately got his dime anyway.

There was, nevertheless, one outstanding mystery about Ed, and I vet that now. Why was he never named the anchor of "The Evening News?" On rare occasion over the years, I championed a Bradley appointment; there was no anchor more gifted that Bradley at West 57th. And I do mean none. He was the logical successor to Walter. Both shared a sense of the momentousness of the job, and a sense of its rich tradition. Both could fill the screen, and keep the viewers' eyes firmly affixed to it. Both had rich sonorous voices that could bathe a news story in drama and significance. But both - unlike Dan Rather - never became the story or commandeered it.
Why didn't Ed become the anchor of "Evening News" back in '89 when it was clear that Rather's era had ingloriously ended (or was beginning to end)? A question of race? I never believed that, though often wondered about it. Bradley would not have just been the first solo African-American anchor, but a great one; race would ultimately have become an afterthought.

So why not? Bradley told friends that he simply didn't want the job. He had embraced the "life-style" of "60 Minutes:" the travel, summers off, the months in Aspen and Woody Creek (or East Hampton.) The Quiet One reveled in food, and music and New Orleans. He enjoyed life, and enjoyed the job as well. Why - he seemed to suggest - demolish this perfect balance?

But a few days after his untimely death, I wonder. In news accounts, I learn that Bradley had been diagnosed with leukemia years ago. Did he perhaps fear that the pressure of a bigger job would accelerate his illness? Did he know he had little time left, and that making a Wynton Marsalis concert was more important than making a 6:30 deadline?

Questions we'll never have answers to.

TUESDAY, NOV. 14

Rewinding the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s on your TV

Tonight’s Pick:
EASY COME, EASY GO (ACMAX, 3:20 a.m. Wednesday, Cablevision Ch. 371)

Poor Elvis. It’s 1967 and he’s 32 years old, the youth of America are entranced by hippies and the nascent counter-culture.

Yet here he is still churning out movies, like this one, his 23rd, in which he plays a Navy frogman diving for buried treasure. And singing classics like “Yoga Is As Yoga Does” (check out “Bride of Frankenstein’s” Elsa Lanchester as the Yoga instructor).

Besides that, you might notice if you care, that the cast includes The Munsters’ Pat Priest (the second Marilyn Munster) as the bad chick and Pat “Mr. Schneider” Harrington Jr. as the frogman’s former partner.

Anyway, an Elvis Presley movie, any Elvis Presley movie is beyond criticism. It just is. Enjoy.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 8

TODAY'S VINTAGE FARE FOR THOSE WHO CARE

HEAD ( 6:45 p.m. on TMCXP, Cablevision Ch. 382)

Surely, you recall that the Monkees made one feature film, don’t you?

“A Hard Day’s Night” it aint, but here it is in all faux-psychedelic glory. Bob Rafelson (who created the TV series) and a then-obscure B-actor named Jack Nicholson concocted this stew. (Three years later, they teamed for the much more highly regarded “Five Easy Pieces.”)

Besides Davy, Micky, Peter and Mike, the “cast” — such as it is — includes Sonny Liston, Frank Zappa, Annette Funicello and Victor Mature.

It's almost impossible to describe the plot here. Basically because there isn't any. Never you mind that small problem, check it out, you won't be disappointed.

WEDNESDAY NOV 8

CBS is pulling a "Lost" with its nuke-aftermath drama "Jericho," one of the season's few new hits.

The network announced today that it has devised a scheduling pattern to broadcast the show in two distinct seasons., allowing it to air without reruns. The show will conclude its "fall season" with a cliffhanger finale on Wednesday, Nov. 29 and come back in February with all original episodes for the remainder of the season.

Jericho will return on Feb. 14 with a recap special looking back at the first 11 episodes, followed by an original episode on Feb. 21.. The all-new episode on Feb. 21 will provide a look into life in Jericho the day before the nuclear bombs exploded.

To sustain audience momentum and update potential new viewers, CBS says it will create an online destination for Jericho during the show's 10-week intermission. The site will include original content, interactive elements, recaps and sneak previews.

The King of Queens will return to the CBS with two episodes filling Jericho's time slot starting Weds. Dec. 6

Just in time for tonight's election returns, our TV critic pal (and veteran Dan Rather watcher) Ed Bark has collected the top 10 "Rather blather" folksy-Texan-isms at his must-read Uncle Barky web site.

No. 10: "His lead is as thin as turnip soup."

The other nine are even better.

Rather joins Jon Stewart for Comedy Central's election roundup tonight.

Big soaps news this week:

BETTY WHITE is joining the cast of CBS’ “The Bold and the Beautiful” on Dec. 1 for a limited run as Susan Flannery’s mother. (Who knew she even existed?) Inside word is the cool tube veteran -- White starred in her first series in 1954! -- will hit the show like a typhoon. Read more at the CBS soaps site.

“PASSIONS” episodes just started streaming online after their broadcast debut. They’ve been available for download purchase at iTunes, but now you can watch ’em for free at nbc.com.

PASSIONS -- Pictured: (l-r) top row: Eric Martsolf, Adrian Bellani; bottom row: Charles Divins, Galen Gering, Mark Wystrach -- NBC Photo: Chris Haston

MONDAY, NOV. 6

Vintage fare for those who care

HEY THERE: A SAMMY DAVIS JR. SIGHTING!

Sammy Davis Jr. made one of the classic guest appearances in a 1972 episode of “All in the Family” in which he dropped in on Archie Bunker to retrieve a briefcase he had left in Archie’s cab.
Five years later, he played himself on a memorable “Charlie’s Angels” episode in which the girls become his bodyguards after several attempts to kidnap him. You can see it tonight at 9 on WPXN, which is Ch. 31 over-the-air, but airs as Ch. 3 on Cablevision.

THE QUESTION: Can you name three other series on which Sammy guested during the 1970s? Look for the answer here tomorrow.

ALSO OF NOTE

THE TWILIGHT ZONE (1 a.m. Tuesday morning on Sci Fi). One of the classics, “A Game of Pool.” A pre-Oscar, pre-Quincy Jack Klugman’s a pool shark who finds himself in the game of his life against his long-dead rival (Jonathan Winters).

THE LAST WALTZ. (11 p.m., VH1 Classic) — Martin Scorsese’s memorable filming of the Band’s 1976 farewell concert at San Francisco’s Winterland. It really was a swan song to the ‘60s (but you knew that), with performances by Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Van Morrison, Eric Clapton and Muddy Waters.

FRIDAY, NOV 3

TV for the TV Generation

TONIGHT’S PICK: AIRPLANE! (10 p.m., TV Land)

Still brilliantly funny after 26 years. It relaunched the careers of Robert Stack and Leslie Nielsen (whose “Airplane!”-inspired series “Police Squad!” comes out on DVD Tuesday) And who can ever forget Barbara Billingsley’s turning her June Cleaver legacy upside down with her jive-talk dialogue.

And speaking of the Cleavers...
LEAVE IT TO BEAVER (5:30 a.m., Saturday, TV Land) has an amusing episode (but weren’t they all?: Wally decides to grow a moustache to impress a girl.

ALSO OF NOTE:
BIOGRAPHY (8 p.m., Biography Channel) profiles singer Brenda Lee, who straddled the worlds of rock and country. I’m guessing that by Thanksgiving weekend we’ll be hearing Little Miss Dynamite’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” for the first of at least 10,000 times until Dec. 25.

DANIEL BOONE: FRONTIER TRAIL RIDER (8 p.m., Encore Westerns) — Even I didn’t know that a 1968 feature film was released based on Fess Parker’s TV series. And why should I? This clipjob apparently was put together for distribution outside the U.S. market. But here it is — in which Dan’l encounters Indians while leading a wagon train to the Kentucky valley, resulting in a servant's injury.

THURSDAY, NOV.. 2

Tonight’s TV must-see is: DEAN MARTIN :GREATEST HITS (9 p.m., WNET/13) —

OK, I know when we were younger the idea that PBS would air a Dean Martin special was ludicrous. But this isn’t your parents’ PBS anymore. This show is a compilation of songs from two TV specials by the hippest dude to ever come straight outta Steubenville. We haven’t seen the show, but we're pretty confident he's gonna sing “That’s Amore” and “Everybody Loves Somebody.”

BTW, expect to see a lot more of Dino in ‘07: the late singer’s trust made a deal last week to market his name, image and likeness. Can’t wait to buy that shot glass engarved with the Rat Packer’s mug. Anybody have any thoughts about what Dean Martin merchandise they’d want to own

ALSO OF NOTE

THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW (9 p.m., TV Land) — One of the show’s classic episodess, “Opie's First Love,” in which Opie's party date jilts him at the last moment.

AMERICAN MUSCLE CAR (9 p.m., Speed) — looks at the 1964 GTO, the car that started the Detroit muscle-car craze. And as you know, was one of the handful of cars to have a hit song recorded in its honor. Which reminds me: anybody out there know what ever happened to Ronny and the Daytonas?

Some of you out there still love "The O.C." though your tribe is a dwindling one. The show that once seemed forever young suddenly seemed forever dumb last season, and turned - as some shows can – into a parody of itself. Parodies are fine, just not self-parodies, and so Fox warily ordered a few less episodes this season to see if matters get back on track.

And based on just one episode - gimme a chance and I'll get through the other three Fox so generously offered up for review - I think I can reasonably argue that "The O.C." will probably do just fine in ‘06-07. ("Probably:" You'll note that I'm hedging my bets here.)

Everyone - or at least I think everyone - is back, with of course the exception of Marissa (Mischa Barton), killed in a fiery car crash/season-ender. Her absence, though, does not appear to be felt as keenly as one might ordinarily expect. Death comes rarely to fictional Newport and everyone is usually too preoccupied with other concerns - like, themselves - to give this kind of unpleasant intrusion too much thought. (The episode, "The Avengers," has been in preview on Fox-owned Myspace.com for a few weeks now.)

Ryan Atwood (Benjamin McKenzie) is the most obvious exception to this rule. Brooding and bruised - literally as well as metaphorically - he's living in the back room of some fight club. He occasionally wanders out to tend bar or enter the ring to the get the stuffing beaten out of him.

Meanwhile, laconic wise-guy bratpacker, Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) is on a self-appointed mission to bring him back to the Cohen clan; he's got a lot of help in the episode too. Marissa's mom, Julie Cooper-Nichol (Melinda Clarke) is reaching out - her motives are more obscure and complicated. Also: Taylor Townsend (Autumn Reeser) is still in Paris, though abruptly returns home, while Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson) is turning green at Brown and doesn't seem to be giving much thought to Seth, either. They all want to help Ryan, in their own inimitable fashion.

There's a whole lot more, but unless you've already been, may I politely direct you to Myspace for the streaming version (which ends Thursday night when the TV show bows at 9 on WNYW/5.)

What's so good about "The O.C.?" Foremost, the humor. Once - though I can only vaguely vouch for this - "The O.C." was marked by a sort of self-aware, self-parodying (that word again) humor that was as endearing on some level as the insistent and hyper-cool music soundtrack that sold albums and launched careers. The show's writers knew the show's characters were occasionally silly, trivial and vapid, and the show's characters seemed to know that as well. "The O.C." was built squarely on the conventions of the primetime soap - notably Foxian primetime soaps like "Beverly Hills 90210" - but no one here worried much about some unwritten law preventing them from poking holes in said conventions.

The best stuff tonight revolves around Summer, and her new-found campus identity as loopy environmentalist with a wide range of causes, from chickens to the polar ice cap. There's a priceless scene in a Brown dorm room, with her new friends sitting around in some sort of primal music rap session, with one guy banging away on the bongos and another puffing earnestly on an Australian Aboriginal didgeridoo.

Earlier, one of her new pals urges her on to the latest campus protest - to save the world's chickens. One hopelessly square student who ambles by professes a love for chicken nuggets. "It's people like you who are preventing chickens from flying," she scolds.

"Chickens can't fly," he blandly responds.

Yeah, "The O.C." needs more of this, much more. And who knows? It just might survive the Thursday 9 p.m. deathslot to see another season.

Boomer Tube is one baby boomer’s musings on what’s on that’s of particular interest to those who think the TV and movies of the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s is forever groovy.

I’m stewing today because I subscribe to Cablevision and I can’t get the American Life Network. Yeah, I realize nobody knows about this channel (which is available on satellite), but darn it, I wanna be able to see reruns of “Hawaiian Eye,” “My Favorite Martian,” “The Man from UNCLE,” “I Spy.” Yo, C’vision: you did a real solid when you added Turner Classic movies -- so how about it?

TONIGHT’S PICKS

THE LONG LONG TRAILER (8 p.m., TCM) — Lucille Bell and Desi Arnaz took a break from “I Love Lucy” to film this 1954 comedy in which they play newlyweds who splurge on a trailer for their honeymoon, which includes
Yosemite National Park.

CHARLIE’S ANGELS (9 p.m., WXPN/31, Ch. 3 on Cablevision) — Kelly poses as an unwed mother to find a girl planning to sell her unborn child to the black market. Don’t mess with Kelly.

AMERICAN MASTERS (9 p.m., WNET/13) — “Rod Serling: Submitted for Your Approval” — This doc definitely shows why “The Twilight Zone’s” creator was the coolest thing to come out of Binghamton, NY since the invention of the spiedie (if you have to ask, you’ve never tasted one).