The TV Zone

Welcome to the Most Important Show on Television! Or the MIST, when the writers' strike is called early Thursday morning. (Okay, IF it's called.) In a lackluster - or actually pretty abysmal - season so far, "DWTS" is king or queen, in part because the show's not prey to that new phenom known as "live plus 7," when a show's overall rating is actually accrued over a week's time. Most viewers, I imagine, check out "DWTS" in real time, or "live," which makes it a genuine water-cooler show. With a looming writers strike, that should only add to its, ummm, watercoolerishness.

Last night? Mostly blah. (That will NOT add to its watercoolerishness.) The first three contestants underwhelmed, though Scary overwhelmed. Let's get to our wrap:

Sabs: Clever the way they - she - got in all those plugs for the Cheetah Girls movie; was this a commercial or pre-dance routine. I couldn't be sure. Sabs, as always, was good, but I think the judges (at least Len and Bruno) nailed it: This foxtrot seemed like a lot of hard angles, with abrupt moves and grooves. She's far better than anyone else, but tonight was a passion-free zone.

Jennie: Her mambo was tacky; all those frills and all that booty-shaking. Come on! She's become one of the best dancers in the comp, or at least one of the gutsier ones. She's better than THIS silly display.

Jane: If Jennie was tacky, this was beyond tacky. I can't even think of a word - OK, tawdry, way beneath Jane. And that outfit! (Not the one pictured here, of course, which is actually quite nice, I think.) Calling Britney.

Cam: I may be the only one in the country, the world, who thought Cam really nailed last night's samba; the music was perfect, and his dancing excellent. He goes up in my estimation every week.

Scary: Queen o' the night. A really first-rate performance (the rhumba.) Nothing about it that missed, in my humble - and admittedly ignorant - opinion. But what the heck? Who else knows anything about sambas or mambos or bambas or whatever. Most of us are lead-foot ignoramuses; all we can do is judge the overall aesthetic quality of a dance routine (or: If we like it, it's good). Scary was best of the night.

Marie: Fright night for Marie. This is her last night. This should be her last night. She's gone. Those times she flopped on the floor? I actually thought she passed out again, or as Carrie Ann so delicately put it, "I was a little uncomfortable seeing you down again..."

Helio: Yup, 'Neves back. A very good cha cha cha cha cha...