The TV Zone

OK, not quite outer space. Just that Earth orbit where satellites live.

NBC’s “Passions” becomes DirecTV’s “Passions” this September when the satellite service rescues the daytime drama the peacock network is cutting loose.

Can “Days of Our Lives” be far behind?

Daytime -- which the networks used to fill with soaps and game shows so their affiliate stations would have a pre-programmed slate -- has become valuable real estate recently as syndicated talk shows have mushroomed. Local stations would rather contract to run the likes of Oprah/Maury/Dr. Phil, where they keep the ad money, than something like soaps, where the networks suck up the bucks.

Meanwhile, daytime dramas haven’t been doing themselves any favors, failing to find ways to modernize plots for new young viewers, while disappointing older devotees by dumping all over established stars and storylines. Ratings for the stick-in-the-mud soaps keep falling, which makes sense, because, really, how entertaining can the same old scripted who’s-the-daddy antics be in a day of “Maury’s” real-world DNA?

So after NBC said in January it wouldn’t be renewing “Passions” (DirecTV announced its acquisition last week), that put “Days” in danger as the network’s sole remaining sudser. Plus, “Days” is produced by an outside studio, and today’s deregulated networks would rather run shows they own. (ABC, for instance, makes all its own soaps.)

DirecTV’s pickup of “Passions” -- to air on its original programming channel, The 101 -- is designed to lure over some of the show’s 2 million viewers, a piddly number for networks but a big ’un for satellite originals. The soap’s run on NBC (which, ironically, produces “Passions” through its owned NBC Universal studio) ends Sept. 7. The show then re-premieres from orbit Sept. 17. (How much of the existing cast/crew will make the move hasn’t been announced.) It’ll air weekdays in the same 2 p.m. time slot, and DirecTV throws in weekend encores, a la cable’s SOAPnet.

Which is where one might expect “Days” to land if NBC and/or the producer files for divorce. SOAPnet -- created by ABC in 2000 for nighttime encores of its daytime dramas -- has struggled to create signature programming to take it to the next level. The channel ended up canceling originals like “SoapTalk,” leaving it dependent on nightly repeats of that day’s “Days” and other soaps. An original soap of SOAPnet’s own -- well, not exactly “original,” but well-established already and airing fresh episodes rather than repeats -- might just do the trick. And NBC shows all the signs of giving up on soaps completely. “Days” daytime broadcast ratings have been falling like a rock. Yet they’re still a level up from “Passions,” which might now entice SOAPnet. Besides, “Days” has a much more invested audience, after 40 years on the air and some serious seasons of glory in there.

But none of this seems to address the central crisis afflicting soaps today: How to create 21st century excitement in shows behaving in 20th century ways? Plotting is recycled from decades back. Gender roles and cultural values are too often dated. The shows are low-tech relics in a high-tech universe, in terms of both their Luddite conduct (it took forever for characters to get cell phones, learn to IM, et al) and also their cheesy low-definition videotape look. Daytime dramas simply feel like your mother’s genre -- if not your grandmother’s -- which isn’t exactly the prescription for attracting a new generation of fans.

“Passions” making the satellite move doesn’t by itself change that. But it does shake up the status quo. And that’s a start.

[Top: Adrian Bellani and Heidi Mueller of "Passions." Above: Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans of "Days." Both NBC photos by Mitchell Haaseth.]

Giant, humongous, big-black-eared news in kidland:

“High School Musical 2: Sing It All or Nothing!” premieres Aug. 17 on Disney Channel.

Our brother critic Hal Boedeker at sister paper Orlando Sentinel has lots of production scoop today on his blog.

The original 2006 "HSM" repeats tonight at 8 p.m. (in dance-along form), with “High School Musical: The Concert” hitting Disney Channel next Friday, May 4, at 9 p.m. (Sneak peek online starting Monday, April 30.)

Is this your dentist?

West Hempstead dentist Warren Deluty goes on the hot seat of daytime’s “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” this Friday and Monday at 12:30 p.m. on WABC/7. (Two days! Good omen?)

The Brooklyn native and Yeshiva University grad has wife Sheryl along in the studio to cheer him on. If Deluty wins big, he tells host Meredith Vieira, he wants to buy Sheryl a new kitchen. (Awww.)

You, too, can try to “Be a Millionaire”: Contestant auditions start up again Monday, April 30, at ABC’s Manhattan studios and continue through the summer. Casting calls will hit other cities, too. See rules, pre-register here.

[Photo courtesy of Valleycrest Productions, Ltd.]

Ya know, it's easy to be cynical about this biz, with all the blow-dried phonies and lies and obfuscations. But every now and then, along comes someone who scatters the cynicism like rats scurrying from the cellar light.

That would be Reeg.

He's back this morning - as if you didn't know - reminding all of us exactly why he's one of the greatest talents in TV history: Herewith a true master of that almost indefinable art of "morning chat," that millions have tried and few have mastered.

Let's get the little stuff out of the way. He looked great. Lost eight pounds over his six weeks' leave (for heart bypass) but actually managed to look fitter over the hiatus. He wore a blue, natty tie accessorized with a blue, natty pocket kerchief. He was also hilarious. He always is, but couldn't someone, anyone, have expected Reeg to be a little rusty? A little out of step? A little "not himself?"

Not Reeg: He launched into a very funny accounting of his hospital stay, and how he hobbled down the hallways, while elders poked their heads out of rooms to inquire about his health. Quoth Reeg, "I'M DYING!! How are you?" He and Kelly chatted - sincerely, it appeared - about how they missed each other. "I felt my lights were dimmed for six weeks," said she, echoing a compliment he had just given her." Quoth Reeg: "That's a line she used in 'All My Children' in 1988."

On it went. Letterman is on soon. I hear that guy's got some talent too.

He had some great lines: "My first bypass," said Dave, "was 'The Tonight Show.'"

Or, "...a couple heart patients - this isn't a talk show. It's a recovery room."

Dave showed some leg too - a first, I believe - to reveal where some scar once was.

Let me just conclude: If you weren't there to see this return of this master, you missed one of TV's singular moments of the year so far.

The fabulous You Know Who, pre-ticker-surgery.

Yes, this is the day.

You know: The day she says this experiment in insulting half the western world (and Donald Trump's combover) on "The View" is no longer working, and may never have worked anyway, and - by the way - "Barbara and I really don't like each other anyway..."

This is the day that Ro quits.

Ro said a few minutes ago on the show that she will "guest host" some one hour specials on autism (her recent one was actually quite good.) But this is what we call a "smoke screen" in the biz - obscuring the fact that this whole thing has been a huge embarrassment for ABC and Walters, whether they care to admit it or not.

Rosie pooh-poohed reports of dissention - "they wanted me three years, I wanted one..." Babs pooh-poohed said reports: "You keep saying, don't be sad. I am sad..."

Funny. She didn't look sad. Nor did Ro.

TMZ broke the news late last night, and ABCNews.com arrived with the goods about an hour before showtime. Per the website, O'Donnell will leave mid-June, at the end of her contract which - not incidentally - will give ABC some time to find a replacement. (Good luck!)

The website also collected a batch of statements, of the usual "blah-blah, so-forth-and-so-on" kind that are almost certainly baloney. But we offer them to you anyway: Brian Frons, ABC's daytime chief, says, "Going in we knew we would have an amazing year with her, and that anything beyond that would be gravy. But we were willing to take the chance because we understood what a coup it was to entice Ro back to daytime television. So here we are a year later, and while we've tried to come to terms on a deal that would extend her co-hosting duties on 'The View,' we find ourselves unable to agree on some key elements."

My translation: "The woman's impossible!!"

Then this, from Babs: "The departure is an amicable one. I induced Rosie to come back to television on 'The View' even for just one year. She has given the program new vigor, new excitement and wonderful hours of television. I can only be grateful to her for this year. I am very sad that ABC Daytime could not reach an agreement with her for a second year. We will all miss Rosie on 'The View,' and hope she will be back with us often next season. She remains for me a cherished friend and colleague."

My translation: "The woman's impossible!!!"

Finally, this from Ro: "This has been an amazing experience, and one I wouldn't have traded for the world. Working with Barbara, Joy and Elisabeth has been one of the highlights of my career, but my needs for the future just didn't dovetail with what ABC was able to offer me. To all the viewers out there, I just want to say 'thank you' for opening up your hearts and your homes to me this past year. But you can always find me at rosie.com. Here's hoping there's more confetti for all of us going forward."

My translation: "I can't stand these broads!!!"

More from Frons: "That's the business, and something we knew was a real possibility the entire time. So we part as friends, and hope that we can entice Rosie back next year to take part in a series of one-hour specials for us like our recent show on Autism. And maybe, if we're lucky, we'll be able to convince her to guest co-host once in a while as well."

Oh Lord. This just gets better and better. Will someone please tell the truth?

Here's some background. Per TMZ last night, "there is a strong buzz in Hollywood that Rosie O'Donnell will announce Wednesday...that she is leaving 'The View.' If it happens, it's likely Rosie will stick it out through the end of the season.

I freely and happily credit TMZ on this one because at the moment, this is the Web's leading pop culture town crier, and these guys tend to get things right - if, perhaps, occasionally shade such things with a touch of drama.

But this is drama-worthy. Rosie's exit-stage-left rumors have been popping up reliably for months, but on Monday, she pulled an Imus at the Matrix Awards for Women in Communications when, during her intro, dropped the "f-word" and another word signifying (to put this delicately) an erection. Much of this (naturally) was directed at Trump. Problem was, there were teens in the audience, and Babs was on the dias. Per press reports, she buried her face in her hands during this performance.

When I sought a comment from Trump yesterday, I got a hugely uncharacteristic no comment from his rep. That could have signified that maybe DT already knew what Babs already knew and which Rosie already knew - that she was outta there.

DT did have a few choice words on Fox News a few minutes ago. Claims the Trumpster,
"she was fired by ABC and I'm proud to say I probably had a role in it."

At the Matrix Awards, he said, "she grabbed her crotch and said 'eat me...' Many in the audience were young women, aspiring women. It was a totally inappropriate statement, and in light of Don Imus, ABC felt they couldn't live with that. I'm sure that's the reason.

What about this "amicable parting" biz, Trumpster? "Rosie made Barbara look like a fool. Barbara is the happiest person in the world that she's been fired. "

My translation: No translation needed! The Trumpster got it right.

The we-watch-so-you-don't-have-to squad can now definitively report: Heather Mills is out of "Dancing with the Stars."

Yes - Heather's gone, and this doesn't precisely come under the heading "Surprise!" Reason is, she did (in fact) fall last week, ended up in the bottom two a couple weeks in a row, and even seemed resigned to an early departure last night when she ended her improbable six week run with a hand-written speech, calling on viewers to go "vegan," etc. etc.

It was all quite nice, and irregardless which side you've taken in the McCartney/Mills Civil War, you've still gotta admire her spunk and guts. Not easy dancing - and definitely not easy dancing with a prosthetic leg, but she (and partner Jonathan Roberts) managed the whole spectacle with surprising grace and agility week after week. (You go, Heath!!)

Here's one little surprise, if you're looking for one: Her voting total (accounting for half her vote) on Monday wasn't a terrible 23, while Bruno and Len were reasonably enthusiastic. She explained she was suffering from jet lag (back and forth to the U.K. to visit her daughter), and that the paso doble was a new one for her. But...the effort was hardly bad, by any standard. Then, there was the big "swing" finale, and my question here is - how could anyone vote up or down for her based on that? There were too many bodies flying, and it was tough to judge one couple from the other.

Anyway, these are huge, important questions that I throw out there.

Meanwhile, farewell Heather.

Now that you're paying attention . . .

We’re talking about Wednesday’s free mobile look at the Sternster’s outrageous moments (which would include just about any). A Howard TV truck containing peep show video booths will be parked at Heartland Brewery, 35 Union Square West (at 17th Street), from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Wednesday.

More peepery Thursday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. when the Howard TV booth will be cruising around Manhattan.

It’s all to promote this week’s free online peek – er, peep – at Howard TV on Demand, the premium cable channel that offers unlimited, unrated Stern whenever you want, by monthly subscription. The online preview April 25-29, which requires an oath that you’re 18 or over, is “totally uncensored,” and features memorable moments with Pamela Sue Anderson (of course), Jenna Jameson, Jenny McCarthy and other celebs. But don’t count on the public booths being quite so, uh, generous.

Promised to show up personally for Wednesday’s peep show fun are such Sternians as Beetlejuice, Hi-Pitch Erik, Marianne from Brooklyn, Joey Boots, Ronnie the Limo Driver, Crackhead Bob, Sal the Stockbroker, Siobhan, Doug Goodstein, Mike Gange and “the lovely ladies” of Scores.

Random thoughts on Monday’s episode:

That hour really was — for the first time in a long time — truly Old School “24.”

Although it would have been really Super Old School if Jack had pulled a Curtis on Doyle instead of just threatening to.

It seems as if only Dr. House can save President Palmer now. Say, that would be a helluva crossover episode.

Want to take odds that Tom Lennox doesn’t make it out alive this season now that Evil Veep knows he has the incriminating tape?

If Jack rescues Audrey — and is there any doubt he will even if jeopardizes Civilization as we know it — he better marry her.

Just five weeks left to the end of the season. Are we ever gonna learn what Doyle did in Denver? And are we ever gonna see Old Man Bauer again?

Last chance this week to qualify as a contestant for this summer’s “Big Brother” run on CBS.

Friday, April 20, is the deadline for applying via videotape to be a HouseGuest on camera 24 hours a day. Application forms and info are online here.

CBS wants to know who you are and what you’d include among the few items you’re allowed to bring into the lens-filled house on a Hollywood studio lot.

After videotape auditions close, in-person casting calls will continue through the first week of May -- just not in this area. If you’ll be in Grapevine, Texas, or Lincoln, Nebraska, you’re in luck . . .

ABC has upgraded its website video player with a full-screen viewing option to make online tube-watching even more TV-like.

Its debut may be some consolation to fans of “Six Degrees,” the J.J. Abrams-produced and New York-shot serial drama that was a Nielsen dud. ABC pulled the show after its March 30 airing, but says the five remaining unaired episodes will start streaming April 27 (new one each Friday). In the meantime, the previous four outings are already online.

Nielsen ratings for Sunday night's 6.5-season premiere of "The Sopranos" are in -- and they're down 19 percent from the previous season start, according to The Hollywood Reporter. That's still 7.7 million viewers.

HBO's "Entourage," airing immediately afterward, did its highest number ever, retaining an audience of 3.8 million.

All the info here.

[HBO photo by Craig Blankenhorn]

Random thoughts on Monday’s episode:

Did the show’s producers end the Fayed/nuke storyline prematurely because they knew it was running on fumes?

But gee, I wish we had one last chance to see Jack really torture the shaven-headed creep. (Fayed, not Morris).

Where in the world is this show going with the born-again Audrey-being-held-by-the Red Chinese plot?

If “The Nine” wasn’t canceled, would Jack still be chasing Fayed?

Did President Palmer collapse from the extra weight of the backbone he seemed to grow from last week’s hour?

One can only wonder: What the heck Jack smells like after hitching a ride on the undercarriage of a garbage truck?

What did you think of Monday's episode and what may be next? Send us a note....

Catch up with local arts, culture and cuisine online in video streams of WLIW/21’s weekly “Ticket” series, a New York Emmy nominee both this year and last.

The new online archive offers on-demand viewing of Ch. 21’s Wednesday 7:30 p.m. show, which covers the arts and artists’ stories, local institutions (Long Island Philharmonic, Long Island Press), area celebs (TV’s Father Tom Hartman), and other aspects of life around here (religion, food, more).

“Ticket” heads online at the three-year anniversary of WLIW’s five-nights-a-week local lineup, which also includes “Q&A;” (Mondays at 7:30), one-on-one interviews with top decision makers; “Face Off” (Tuesdays at 7:30), featuring local “opinion shapers and risk takers”; the LI portrait “Snapshot” (Saturdays at 7:30), and the roundtable discussion “21 Forum” (Thursdays at 7:30).

Also streaming from WLIW: “Visions of Ireland” and “Healthy Minds.”

It started off badly and then...got only better! The noise. The volume. That gusty, windy, tempestuous moment that - had it been a real storm - would have shut down both LaGuardia and JFK last night. That spittle-flying, shriek-fest. That boisterous, butt-whomping. That blathering, blistering blowout between two blabbering bloviators... (Say that ten times, quickly, please)

We speak, naturally, of the on-air meeting last night between Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera. You have to see to believe, which is why Youtube is one of the great inventions of modern life (see below.) But first, a couple of observations. Foremost, this definitely wasn't staged - you can tell by Bill's quivering lip, which is sure sign that he's moved to DEFCON 1 (..."use of nuclear weapons authorized...") Geraldo, meanwhile, transformed himself into a supersize bottle of Heinz catsup - only a little redder. These guys were mad.

Now, if only Rosie would come on "The Factor"...

For all those who keep asking why Fox News' Kiran Chetry suddenly became CNN's Kiran Chetry - in what seemed like the dead of the night not too long ago - we have your answer: She's the new anchor of "American Morning" on CNN.

Chetry was on this morning and if you didn't look too closely, she almost could have passed for Smithtown's Soledad O'Brien, whom she will replace. That's how it happens in this business - one day you're there, and the next, you're not, with nary an explanation. That's the harsh reality for O'Brien - living proof that smart, solid, professional, and serious are not always guarantees of longevity in TV news. (She was also in the ascendancy, and then not, at "The Today Show.")

The other O'Brien - Miles, who's doubled as CNN's residence space/aviation/aeronautics expert - was on this morning's program, but he's leaving too. His replacement: John Roberts, who was Dan Rather's heir apparent until CBS decided he wasn't.

Chetry, formerly of “Fox & Friends,” was considered a Hot Property so it remains one of the mysteries-of-the-minute why FNC didn’t try to hold onto her. I direct your attention to this amusing tidbit from Wikipedia which is doubtless true, but if not, should be:

“She is married to former Fox News Channel weather forecaster Chris Knowles, but originally did not acknowledge it in her on-air interactions with him. In many awkward exchanges between them, they would each talk about their spouse in the third person. Knowles did acknowledge Chetry as his wife when it was announced she was pregnant with their child, and again on a show while Chetry was still on maternity leave in which pictures of their newborn daughter…”

Don’t you just love the news show biz?

Kiran, in the good old days, not so long ago...