The people at "The Office" need help! The people at NBC need help! They've gone ahead and ordered a spinoff of the show and - as best as the press could tell - don't have the slightest damn idea what it's going to be about.
Or do they? Some unnamed source - not saying who - got a copy of this top-secret memo from Ben Silverman, which he/she has sent to my colleague Andy Edelstein and me. Personally, I think some of these ideas are idiotic - others, not so bad. You be the judge.
MEMO: To Jeff Zucker, Greg Daniels, et al.
RE: Office Spin-Off
FROM: Silverman
We need a plan, gang. Need it fast.Super Bowl's fast approaching. I've cooked up these thoughts for a spin-off. Need reax pronto. B.S.
"Dwight Schrute: The Beet Generation:" It turns out that Dwight's twin brother WASN'T reabsorbed in the wound, but was actually born, grew up, and lived in the farmhouse antic. He's a weirder version of Dwight - watches re-runs of "Good Times!" over and over - and his name is Dwight too. Anyway, Dwight returns to run the farm full time with Dwight and Moses; they grow beets and pot.
"Jan's Plan:" After the lawsuit, etc. Jan moves out - the thing with Michael just wasn't gonna work out and she needed to restart her life. She moves to Altoona to start her own paper company - direct competitor to Dunder Mifflin - and many hilarious scenes whereby Jan and Michael compete, eventually get back together again, etc. Endless cross-promotion/product placement possibilities.
"Michael: After Dark:" With his love life back in the toilet, Michael's a swinging bachelor again. This spin-off explores what he does at night - hitting Scranton's many hot-spots, occasionally getting to Altoona where he runs into Jan...
"Touched by an Angela:" Angela's hot! That's right. You heard me. She's hot - a lusty, luscious lovely babe in the after-hours. Plus, she gets pregnant - a shocker! Front page coverage in the NY papers, or at least PA papers, is guaranteed. Angela Lansbury promises to do a cameo. Endless cross-promotion/product placement possibilities.
"Love Booze Cruise:" Captain Jack is back! And this time, they're having a rockin' great time on Lake Wallenpaupak, where the booze runs freely and so does the love. Michael and gang return for another office party and...Sorry, not sure where this goes from here.
"Andy and Angela:" You've always wanted to know "what if...?" What IF Andy and Angela "get it on." What IF they're a couple. Here's the show! They get married, have a nice home life, have baby ("little Andy"), start new jobs in different offices...HILL-arious situational comedy ensues. Endless cross-promotion/product placement possibilities.
"Missus...Missuss Jones:" Rashida Jones is back. She's the manager of a new office paper supply company in Scranton, and does everything in her power to scuttle the Jim/Pam thing. (Plus, I think R's tight with Foo Fighters, Maroon 5 in real life - cameos! cameos! cameos!) Plus, Endless cross-promotion/product placement possibilities.
"Creed:" Agreed, it's a tough sell to advertisers. We do a whole show based on Creed! There's so much possibility here. Who really is Creed? What does he do in his off-hours? Does he really live in Toronto (so he can stay on the dole in the Canada?) What really happened to his missing toe? Did he really run cults? Has he been in jail? There are many possibilities here, though still working out love interest angle . (Meredith? Not sure. Just spit-balling here. Open to ideas) Plus have already talked with Creed Bratton's agent; think we can get him cheap. Endless cross-promotion/product placement possibilities.
[Note to reader: We can't vouch for authenticity of this memo; may be another one of those hoaxes that are perpetrated on the Internets. But we had to share anyway.]