The TV Zone

In all the excitement yesterday about "Lost," I almost entirely forgot to mention: Fox gave critics a first look at "Fringe," the new J.J. Abrams series for the fall. (Was the timing a coincidence, on the day of the "Lost" finale? I think not...)

Here's my quick read: Good, very good on occasion, though not quite the spectacular eye-candyfest I expected. It also skirted self-parody at moments, but that's OK. Near-self-parody is, after all, par for the course with a lot of TV sci-fi...

Why is "Fringe" such a huge deal? Because it's Abrams and was the subject of a network bidding war and because - to a certain extent - this a retro-"X Files," with a truth-is-out-there ethos and a tug at the hearts and souls of those many millions who have made "Lost" (not to mention "Battlestar Gallatica," "Heroes," and...) a small screen classic.

"Fringe," by the way, WILL be a hit. That is a given.

There's much much to commend the production - notwithstanding the off-screen bloodline, which includes "West Wing's" Alex Graves and big screen scribe Alex Kurtzman. Joshua Jackson - "Dawson's Creek" - is on a career revival bender with this, and newcomer Anna Torv - who I honestly believe I have never seen in ANYTHING - is terrific. (Torv's an Aussie and was born in Melbourne.) Plus...Lance Reddick is here, while Mark Valley lends a whole new meaning to the word "transparency..."

Best of all is John Noble, though. He plays mad scientist Dr. Peter Bishop, released from his padded cell to help Torv's FBI agent Olivia Dunham find the secret formula that will save...Sorry, I can't say anymore or Fox will do what they do to crix who give away plot lines four months before show premiere (See: John Locke.)

Noble is quite a story: A veteran Aussie actor and a star theater director down under, he was also Anatoly Markov on "24," while "Lord of the Ring" fans will vividly remember him as Denethor, the foul-tempered lout of a king willing to hand over his kingdom to the Orcs.

(Above, Torv; picture from Scificool.com.)

Apparently Massapequa's own Germanakos Brothers - Bill and Jim - were such big hits on "The Biggest Loser's" fourth season (they won!) that the show's returning to the Island next year to seek cast-members again. That's the word from Reveille co-boss, Mark Koops, who told me this morning that he'll also hook up with the Germanakos twins to help in the search. Show returns this fall - no contestants from LI - but Koops (who's producing MTV's "Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for the Next Elle Woods," debuting Monday) said he wants LI contestants for the January '09 edition.

What else are the Germanakos twins up to? They do have a website, so...

Former CBS News heavyweight, and best-selling author, Richard Cohen, is launching a radio show on WABC this Sunday. Cohen - who's waged a long battle with MS and has beaten colon cancer twice - told me "that there are TV and radio doctors all over the place but no where is there a show that is all about the patient's voice. So this show is gonna be people telling their stories...The whole idea is to give them voice, and not to the doctors." He adds that "what I discovered is that there's a real sense of community and connection with people who are sick, and I have learned that they draw strength from each other."

His two books, both big sellers, are "Strong at the Broken Places: Voices of Illness, a Chorus of Hope," and "Blindsided: Lifting a Life Above Illness: A Reluctant Memoir." The show is also called "Strong at the Broken Places" and title comes from a famous line in a letter Hemingway once wrote to Sherwood Anderson: "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places."

Show bows Sunday at 6.

This has been a hell of a week for the dearly departed in television, with the deaths of Sydney Pollack (a classic TV director before he was a classic big screen one), and the amazing (and amazingly) prolific Earle Hagen, who helped create the soundtrack of our TV lives. And - of course - Dick Martin.

Now, exeunt, Harvey Korman.What can I say about Korman - dead yesterday at 81, after an illness associated with an aneurysm - that hasn't been said already? He was simply one of the great comic TV actors and personalities of all time, up there in the front ranks with Jackie Gleason, Lucille Ball, Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, Sid Caesar, Jonathan Winters, Bob Hope, Johnny Carson...and, of course, Carol Burnett, with whom he was so closely and memorably allied all those years ago.

Sorry, but to have known and loved Korman - as so many of us did and do - you had to have been of a certain age at a certain time in a certain America, which was in the throes of a horrific war in Vietnam and in a state of what seemed at times to be near-civil war at home. Yet there was Korman, glorious Korman, who seemed to make everyone forget about it all in the midst of some utterly silly, ludicrously over-the-top, Kormanesque moment.

His mouth would turn up ever so slightly, and his mock frown would turn into a grin because it just couldn't help itself; then a giggle, followed by a guffaw, would be emitted, and Harvey Korman - along with about thirty or forty million other Americans - would burst into laughter and then into tears.

Korman was the greatest. I love him to this day.

(Above, two classics for the ages.)

Well now, LOCKE as Coffin Man.

Of course.

I mean, DUH. It was so obvious all along.

I'm just kidding. It was never obvious - or, I should add, never obvious until about a few minutes in last night when we learn that Jack's holding an obit for one Jeremy Bentham. That was the dead - pun intended - giveaway. The clue so obvious that any of us who just happened to be reading deep into the British and Scottish naturalist/rationalist philosophical movement of the 18th century (and what fun reading that is!) would instantly pick up on. (Plus, he created - per Wiki - the penopticon, a sort of big-brotherish architectural concept that allows the jailers to look at the jailed, but not the other way around. What this has to do with Locke, I'll leave to loftier minds...)

In any event, Bentham/Locke. Locke/Bentham.

I loved the way last night's finale threw a curve ball, though, with Sawyer getting on the helicopter. At that minute, the millions who actually love this character were heart-broken; so THIS is Coffin Man, they sighed. Until he jumped out. Then they were happy again. The Michael-as-Coffin-Man theory ended abruptly just at the moment Christian appeared and said: "You can go now, Michael." (That pretty much officially sealed the deal for Claire, too; she is no longer amidst the living either.)

If there was any doubt about Locke, that was erased just after ten last night, while Hurls was playing chess with Mr. Eko (invisible) and he asks Sayid, "why are you calling him Bentham? His name is...?" But Sayid doesn't let him say it.

Anyway, we knew the name, which gave us a whole hour to cook up new theories about how Locke got off the island, and why he should be off the island. (I couldn't come up with one.)

All in all, last night's finale was splendid - a first rate thriller from start to finish. There were so many nuggets of pure unalloyed joy strewn throughout that I can't think of which one to pick up first, but surely that high camp moment in the blue crystal ice cave, while Ben is turning the wheel, muttering about how he hopes Jacob's satisfied. That ranks as one of the best. (Imagine: You crank a wheel to achieve just the perfect Casimir effect, and a whole island disappears; easy as baking a cake). Keamy as the villain who wouldn't die - until at the worst possible minute? Perfect touch, again. Stray pieces of dialogue that should keep everyone stoked all summer, like that peculiar exchange between Charlotte and Miles.

Miles: "It's just weird you wanna leave, after all the time you spent trying to get back here." Charlotte: "What do you mean?" Miles: "What DO I mean?"

Yes, what DOES he mean. What does ANY of this mean?

Whatever. TV's best show isn't in the answer business.

The terrific AMC series, "Mad Men," has a second season return date. Calenders ready? The day's July 27 at 10. Meanwhile, AMC has also said there'll be a "MM" marathon on Sunday, July 20 starting at noon. All thirteen episodes from the first season. As you know, "MM's" about ad guys in the '60s and is written/produced by an evacuee from Sopranoland, Matthew Weiner.

Some things you just can't make up, like this morning's appearance by the Two Davids - Archuleta and Cook - on "Today." This was their first morning show appearance post-"Idol," and of course, one of the big questions goes to Archie: What was it like having a stage dad hounding you all the time, and did that create tension on the show? (The question, via Matt Lauer, was much gentler, but the intent was the same). Then the camera pans off to the side - and guess who's on set AGAIN, stage-managing his son yet one more time? Daddy Dearest. He had that ol' characteristic baseball cap; but he was also scowling, not cheering. Wonderful! Said Archie, "my dad's a great guy," and he wasn't distracting at all during the show's run. Noted.

Way too much to say about this morning's much-touted Scott McClellan nterview on "Today" - for reasons not relayed by the show, the show got former-Bush-minion-of-the-moment-trying-to-sell-book, Scott McClellan, while other morning competitors were left sucking wind. (Doesn't matter - his various quotes will be all over the place in a little while.) But this one thing DID stand out: When Meredith (Vieira) was nailing him over whether he was just "trying to make a buck" - which always sounds like an odd question out of the mouth of someone who makes $10 million a year - he responded, that anyone who brings up that charge "isn't familiar with PublicAffairs," his publisher. Unintentionally funny line because PA - a fine publisher, by the way - is also one of cheapest on the block. Advances of around $10,000 for books there is not considered unusual - even less - though I imagine McClellan will get a nice royalty check.

Here's a little bit of insidery news that may be of interest to frenetic consumers of blogs about TV and other assorted tube trivia: TV Guide's Michael Ausiello is joining Entertainment Weekly.

"Ausiello," you reasonably muse? He's the Boy Wonder of the TV beat, a scooper of ridiculous proportions (oh how I DESPISE him) who regularly breaks stories about cast changes on many shows. (He also - I believe - has produced an amusing VLOG, for TV Guide.) A big loss for the troubled mag, but a heck of a get for "EW."

Here's a shockeroo: Scott McClellan, stumping for his new book, will appear "tomorrow live in his first cable interview to discuss...'What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception' on "Countdown." Airs at 8. Keith just LOOOVES the Bushies (with his own special brand of affection), so this booking is hardly unexpected. Plus, McClellan will almost certainly be all over the evening news shows tonight, and oh yeah - "The Today Show" tomorrow.

Well, it does appear that "The Celebrity Apprentice" - which remarkably featured hardly a single celebrity during its first season - will actually get a genuine celebrity next time. Tony Danza has signed up to do the new edition, though I imagine a call to his reps will result in one of those "Mr. Danza does not comment on his reality show appearances," or, "Mr. Danza and Mr. Trump are close personal friends, but he does not discuss his business arrangements," or, "Discussions are continuing but Mr. Danza would prefer to decline further comment."

So, I just won't make the call.

But it's true: Tony is booked. What else has he been doing lately? (I'm not a hundred percent certain, but I believe he was in a Vegas version of "The Producers," and was Bialystock in the Broadway one for a while; plus, I think he just published a new cookbook.)

Personally, I'm excited about Brooklyn Tony - who (did you know?) grew up in Malverne? Trumpster should also sign up Judith Light and Alyssa Milano, just to make this interesting. Plus, I imagine he's still a pretty good boxer. Should make the boardroom sessions more lively.

Anyway, expect other big (or biggish) names next season - bowing in Jan. of 09. "Celebrity" actually was a modest hit, reversing years of decline.

Gary Dourdan - late of "CSI" - has pleaded guilty to possession, but no jail time; he'll enter a treatment center, etc. TMZ had this a little while ago. Meanwhile, a little more Dourdan news: He'll be back on "CSI" in the season premiere (which was shot in something like hours after this season's finale was shot and produced.) Should say: He'll be back in FLASHbacks, as it's kinda hard, even for a TV show, to revive a dearly departed character. (This news, courtesy TV Guide, which quotes show boss Carol Mendelsohn as saying that the season premiere this fall will be the "last" time the entire original cast will appear together, including Jorja Fox.)

Yes, as expected, AFTRA - the big actors union that reps some 50,000 working actors - cut a deal last night with the studios on a "tentative" three year contract, and now it's SAG's turn.

SAG's the more powerful, more prestigious of the thesp unions, and whether we'll have a fall season this year or not pretty much lies in its hands right now. The AFTRA pact may seem like a good sign, but not so fast. They'll allow studios to use clips of repped-actors (without their consent) while SAG has dug in its heels on that issue.

SAG's been away from the bargaining table the last couple weeks because the producers wanted to cut a deal with the more malleable AFTRA. Mission accomplished. SAG doesn't look like it's in such a giving mood though; SAG boss Alan Rosenberg said in a letter to members, "We have said no to management’s demands of you to give up your right to consent to the use of clips containing your images"...and "SAG wants to cover ALL new media projects, no matter how low the budget. We should not allow major studios and networks to produce non-union new media projects without SAG actors because they have low budgets."

More detail than you want perhaps, but the message: It ain't over by a long shot. SAG's contract ends June 30. New talks begin shortly.

So you missed "Today" and are wondering what happened when the three anchor amigos showed up to talk about the Sept. 5 telethon to raise money for cancer research...you are wondering if there was any news...or if this was an amazing thing...or something that you really needed to see to make your day truly wonderful and complete.

Wonder no more. We have the clip here. (No news...no headlines...no wows...But this certainly does sound like a worthy cause, no?) They did get into a discussion of the war, and the merits (or demerits) of network coverage; here's the clip of that...

Back in the day when award ceremonies weren't as media-mad events as they are today, the Emmys were held after the TV season ended.
Forty-five years ago this week, the 1962-63 Emmys were handed out to such programs as "The Defenders" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show."

And the Best Actress statue went to... Shirley Booth, who starred as a domestic extraordinaire in the sitcom "Hazel." Actually, the official name of the award was quite a mouthful -- Outstanding Single Performance by an Actress in a Series.

Have a look:

I have searched high and I have searched low for clips of the one appearance of the great Sydney Pollack on "The Sopranos" - almost exactly a year ago, which was perhaps his last TV acting appearance.

But alas, no luck. It was a wonderful performance, this: Pollack as the homicidal oncologist serving a life sentence for a triple murder, who blithely advises a cancer-riddled Johnny Sac to fugetaboutit - you've got five years to live so go ahead and enjoy yourself! Have a cigarette! (He was overly optimistic - by about four years and eleven months...)

Pollack's Warren Feldman also had an interesting backstory, relayed in a classic "Sopranos" line. Said he to Johnny about the dispatch of his wife: "I killed her aunt too, I didn't know she was there... And the mailman. At that point, I had to fully commit."

I called up Terence Winter, the brilliant "Sopranos" scribe and executive producer, who wrote this particular episode ("Stage 5," airdate: April 15, 2007.)

[And by the way, some big Winter news: He just turned in an HBO pilot based on Nelson Johnson's book about Atlantic City, "Boardwalk Empire: The Birth, High Times, and Corruption of Atlantic City;" Martin Scorsese and Nicholas Pileggi are attached. It's about AC in the '20s and - of course - Winter's treatment is a fictional one...]

Here's what Terry told me about this amazing cameo:

"Yeah, it was a dream come true working with him. He was sort of the definitive character I had in mind when I wrote that, thinking, I wonder if we could actually get him [Pollack]? I asked Georgianne Walken ['Sopranos' famed casting director] and [she said,], 'why NOT Sydney Pollack?' I said, if you think you can get him, then by all means.

"Georgianne called and he told her he loved the show, wanted to do it. David and I were ecstatic. He really WAS that guy [Feldman] - he brought a combination of strength, intelligence, warm, a natural likability but he was also a tough guy. He brought all of that to the role.

"He flew in his own place [to New York] from Los Angeles, and I can't believe that at that point he was 71, but he seemed like he was a fifty year old, just so sharp, so youthful in every possible way, and not just physically, but in terms of [his knowledge base.] He was showing me the stuff he had on his computer, and was so much on top of every new change and development in the computer world. He was so computer savvy...He was also learning how to fly, and was learning it on the computer...He had spent a week in flight simulation which he said was exactly the same as flying the plane, and he had all these [training] programs [on his laptop].

"We couldn't wait for lighting and set changes just so we could sit and talk to him and pick his brain about Hollywood history. He had such a wealth of stories. I was really reluctant to ask him questions but he was completely open about Redford and Stanley Kubrick...It was great, you'd ask and he'd start to talk and the circle around him just got bigger and bigger as he'd regale us with these great stories - all solicited by us.

"He only worked with us a couple days and he had to learn how to make a hospital bed, which is a something hospital nurses can do with their eyes shut, and he was saying, 'I don't know if I can do this' but [on camera] he looked like he'd been doing it a hundred years.

Said Winter, "he was just a lovely,lovely guy."

(Above: Photo from the U.K.'s Guardian.)

Do not be fooled: This morning's splendid post-Memorial day tease on "Today" is just a tease. Yes, Katie Couric will be back on "Today" to make a "major announcement" tomorrow morning but it's not a particularly big deal at all - or let me rephrase, not a big deal of the "career" variety. A TVNewser tipster says that it will be to announce a joint network "telethon" for cancer research (though Newser reasonably asks, why isn't she going on "Early Show?

We end the season on the subject of lips: Whose lips locked with whose, and why those lips locked and whether those lips will lock with someone else's next season or lock a little longer with the person whose lips they were already locked to.

Or whether, after the glow of finaletime wears off, the liplockers will wonder: What was the hell was I THINKING?

Lips on "Grey's" are no incidental characters, nosiree. This show is cast on the basis of lips and if your lips don't cut it, then try for some other show (say, "NCIS," where lip-locking is only incidental.) I'm not sure Hahn's lips necessarily cut the mustard, but they pretty much have to now, considering whose lips her lips are locked to.

Mer and Der, in the Dream House with A View of the World (still unbuilt, and I'm willing to bet, will remain unbuilt through next season too)? That's right - the most famous lips locked in the glow of perfectly arranged candles and (I don't know about you) but I'm glad there's never a drought in Seattle because (by God) I do believe Meredith would have been arrested for pulling the same stunt in (say) Los Angeles county.

Der had to run off to break the bad news to Rose. Here's the conversation: "Rose, I can't lock lips with you anymore because I just locked lips with Mer, and I can only lock lips with one woman at a time."

So can Torres - and what lockable lips she's got! Funny last scene, as the camera focuses onto Mark, his lips twitching. Here's what was going on in his mind: "I wonder what a three way lip lock would be like?"

Good old Mark. Always thinking about lips.

Lexie and George: They locked lips, though God knows whether Lexie was wondering whether she would have preferred to lock lips with Yang, who didn't force her to peel a banana. (Banana...hmmmmm.) Yang's suddenly being nice - and I honestly think she does "mean" better than "nice" - and so she deserves some lip-locking, but with who? (Miranda?)

Let's see...who else. Chief. Yes. Locked lips. Bailey? No locked lips. Dr. Wyatt. Ditto. Izzie and Karev? Locked, then unlocked.

I don't know about you, but I can hardly wait until next season. (Note to self: Buy chapstick.)

So "AI" is still big after all these years: After a so-so season, and ratings declines on some nights exceeding ten percent, that big brassy go-for-broke finale last night did the trick. It was seen by a total of 31.7 million viewers, up from 30.8 million last year.

Remember last week, how Sue Simmons got all frackin' crazy on Chuck Scarborough on the air, and during a promo, asked him what the frack was going on?

Well, Sue should have been so lucky: Not only did her remarkable verbal gaff NOT get her fired, but it got her a nice PROMOTION. The station just announced that Sue is going back to the catbird seat, the 6 p.m. news, where she'll be paired with ol' Chuck once again. She was demoted from the 'cast last year, and pushed to late nights. But ratings got even worse during the early evening.

"The lineup change is designed to play to the strengths of our core talent and best position us for our upcoming move to a 24/7 local news operation on our digital channel," said news chief Vickie Burns, in a statement.

What happens to outgoing 6 p.m. anchor, Lynda Baquero? She stays at the station, but will "move to a new reporting assignment."

OK.

Chuck n' Sue were an anchor team at 6 for something like half a century (minus twenty years.)

And for a final answer to that question: Did the F-bomb hurt her career? Looks like it enhanced it.

Today marks 16 years since Johnny Carson's final "Tonight Show" aired. I'm not sure late-night TV has ever been the same.

Here's a clip from the "Today" show that was part of a weeklong tribute to Johnny:

Excuse me while...please pass the salt...I eat crow...for breakfast.

Thanks. Mmm. Ewww. Not good. Too tough.

But then, what the hell, I'm used to this. It's my morning after tradition - the morning after "American Idol" ends for another year, and the morning after I've picked another wrong winner. At least I was half right this year. I knew a David was going to win.

Yeah, this has gotten to be a grim tradition. I think my picks over the years have included - Justin Guarini, Josh Gracin, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Kat McPhee, Melinda Doolittle, and now, David Archuleta. Where oh where are they now? On the pile heap of popular culture - the once and formerly famous. The coulda beens. The maybe shoulda beens. The coulda-if-enough-people-woulda voted for 'em beens.

I look on the bright side during these morning-after breakfasts: I coulda picked EJday, or John Stevens, or Sanjaya. Not enough crow in the world to make up for those picks.

What happened last night? Why no Archie?

There was a method to my Archie madness. I figured on a few things happening, each of which may or may not have happened, but clearly didn't happen ENOUGH. One, momentum. That precious commodity in "Idolland" that says when you're on a roll, you stay on a roll. Archie peaked at the right time - the final night of the entire season.

Of course, upon further reflection...I also realized that Archie peaked weeks ago, at the outset of the Hollywood Rounds, and never went much beyond that. He was always good - consistently good. He just didn't get a whole lot better.

Two, the youth vote. I figured that all those teenyboppers and tweenyboppers and beenyboppers would be sending in their text votes, therefore rendering that busy-signal calculus (that had David Cook ahead for weeks) essentially meaningless. There are no busy signals when you send in a text vote, so how could one then tell whether busy signal duration was even a factor?

Of course, upon further reflection...you realize that busy signals ARE an important factor. They DO show which way the wind is blowing. They DO indicate trends and favorites. For all I know, text votes are a negligible factor in an "Idol" victory.

Three, you could buy all that stuff that "Idol" didn't want Archie to win because of Daddy Dearest, or simply because it figured DC was in the sweet spot for record sales, while Archie still wasn't quite there...or whatever.

Of course, upon further reflection...Maybe DC was simply better. The more interesting of the two. The guy who took risks. The guy who chose and performed interesting music by interesting artists, like Chris Cornell. The guy who had a more fundamental understanding of popular music, while Archie's choices too often reflected Daddy Dearest's.

I don't know. I'm through with theories, and further reflections, until (of course) I think up some other ones....

Back to the bird.

(Personal guarantee: No crow was injured during the production of this blog post.)

Michael Jackson on the finale of "American Idol...?"

Michael Jackson on the finale of "American Idol...?"

MICHAEL WHO ON WHAT!!!???

The estimable critic and TV observer, Hal Boedeker (AKA TV Guy) and my counterpart at the Orlando Sentinel, has picked up the best damed rumor of the day, and maybe of the whole month. To wit...[see above.]

I'm gonna front another rumor, based on nothing but hunch and fevered imagination: What about Janet? (see below)

Hal addresses the MJ possibility with sort of a slack-jawed disbelief...and then, I got to wondering. Remember how - coincidentally - "AI" finally got use of the Beatles songs after years and years of wangling on EXACTLY THE SAME DAY that MJ got a bank reprieve and managed to hold on to his beloved Neverland Ranch?

So...what if...what if..."AI" secured his loan on the condition he appears tonight?

I have no idea whether this is true, or speculation of the most ridiculous sort, but get your sequined glove out of the closet, dust off that ancient vinyl of "Thriller" (or "HIStory," your call), and plant yourself in front of the set. This might turn out to be even more of a morbid curiosity than Celine serenading Elvis...

Personally, I'll bet Paula heard the wrong rumor - I'll bet JANET JACKSON will be on tonight. She's got a new album to promote, so...get your wardrobe malfunction ready, etc.

(Above, the You Know Whos; courtesy: People.)

Hah! Fooled ya! Thought you were gonna see a clip of David Lee and Nate Robinson jamming together? (Or given this post's nostalgic bent, Bill Bradley and Earl the Pearl belting out "Stairway to Heaven?")

No, this isn't about our beloved sixth-place lottery pick team and corporate sibling-to-be.

This is about another Knickerbockers, a classic one-hit wonder, a garage/frat band from Bergenfield, NJ, who were probably the first American band to truly nail the Beatles' sound. Close your eyes and you're sure to think -- as I did back in 1966, the first time I heard this song -- that The Knickerbockers' "Lies" is actually the Fab Four performing under an alias.

Dig this clip (especially the saxophonist who never plays his instrument!):

You know and I know that reality TV is a crock-pot of contrivances and choreography - that what goes on behind the screen, and even before the shooting starts, is of equal or greater importance to what goes on before our eyes.

So first, to Kristi. Of course she won last night. There was simply no way she could not win. How is it that no one - and I do mean no one - has pointed out that she is a world-class athlete, and one of modern history's preeminent skating champs? She has the stamina of ten mortals, and not just stamina, but an ability to control her body in ways that maybe one out of a million, no, out of ten million people, could ever hope to achieve.

Does anyone really think Adam Carolla had a chance against her?

Yeah, Apolo Ohno is a world-class athlete and so is Helio Castroneves. Guess what? They won too! (Jason Taylor? - of course, he is, but a 255-pound linebacker has different skills beyond the dance floor.)

What's my point here? That "DWTS" stacks the deck each and every season. The stars are carefully chosen to match the audience's demographic profile, but in the end, a champion is chosen by the show long before the shooting even starts. Kristi Yamaguchi was preordained by producers to win this thing because "DWTS" has been stung by charges that the show's audience, overwhelmingly comprised of older female viewers, vote overwhelmingly for male contestants. Even though the three judges' scores count for HALF of the total, viewers still went for the guys.

And no way was "DWTS" going to allow that to happen this year. Yamaguchi was so splendid that she got a perfect 90 the last couple of nights; she and Mark Ballas ended up with the highest judge total of any contestant in the show's short history.

Did she and Ballas deserve it? Of course. But the simple fact remains: "DWTS" stacked the deck to avoid embarrassment.

Now, the two Davids. As I've been yapping in this blog all season, "Idol" did a little deck stacking of its own this season. There were so many pros and semi-pros and former pros in the final 12 that the idea of this being even remotely an "amateur" comp was turned into a travesty. "AI" was hellbent on avoiding the Sanjaya Syndrome - that dreaded instance when a sub-standard performer is pushed to the front of the line by tone-deaf teenyboppers and websites like votefortheworst.com.

There's nothing wrong with "pros" - Melinda Doolittle was one, and so were plenty of other worthies in past seasons, while David Cook and David Archuleta are (of course) wonderful. (DC, as you know, cut records long before this show, and wasn't just a bartender trying to make ends meet in Tulsa, as "AI" legend would have it.)

Please - I'm not trying to be difficult, obnoxious, cranky, mean-spirited, and just plain snotty (even though I am, certifiably, all of these things). I'm just pointing out the obvious: The best have reached the finish line on both of these shows because their respective networks and producers long ago determined that the best SHOULD reach the finish line.

It's a good rule of thumb to remember that in TV, most everything usually happens for a reason, and that there's much more to these "competitions" than meets the eye.

Lets set the wayback machine for 50 years ago this week: May 20, 1958.

Topping the charts was one of the sweetest songs ever recorded, 'All I Have to Do Is Dream," by Rock and Roll Hall of Famers the Everly Brothers. It's their second of three No. 1 songs (preceded by "Wake Up, Little Susie" and followed by "Bird Dog.")

Check out this performance from some long-forgotten tv show:

This should be the easiest call in "DWTS" history - a bet so sure that that the term "sure bet" even seems inadequate. That Kristi Yamaguchi is the best of the final two, proved again last night almost effortlessly, is beyond self-evident. The judges and the show have her exactly where they want her - in the top three, and then, doubtless, into the bottom two, and finally standing alone, with Mark Ballas, at the end.

The first female victor of this show since the first season.

Kristi Yamaguchi will win tonight.

She's SUPPOSED to win tonight - that's why "DWTS" picked her in the first place. A female contestant so good - so outrageously good - that it would be theoretically impossible for her to lose. Or statistically impossible. A female champion and a chance for this show to finally shut down the chatter that viewers (overwhelmingly female) vote only for male contestants, and preferably for male contestants who show their abs as Jason Taylor did last night (oh, and not to be outdone, Cristian too.)

If Kristi doesn't win, then "DWTS" has a little problem - a dance competition that really isn't a competition, but more like a beauty contest.

Say, "Mr. America: The Hoofer Edition."

So Kristi must win. Should win. Has to win. And absolutely, indisputably WILL win.

Unless...unless...(This IS "DWTS" after all.)

Meanwhile, some of the big polls out there bear this conclusion out. AOL TV's poll this morning has her the winner. Yahoo TV's poll not only has the winner, but the massively overwhelming winner, scoring almost 60 percent of the vote (while the bottom two guys don't even crack 30 percent.)

It's over.

Here's last night's freestyle round:

TVtattle.com has found - and posted - what I'm pretty certain is the very first look at the new, re-engineered (for new and re-engineered fans of) "Beverly Hills 90210." This is more than a straight promo - a little bit part promo, part trailer, part advertorial. It runs about two and a half minutes, but gives a pretty clear indication of what to expect.

[What's "90210," you ask and why should anyone care? HA HA!! Ho ho, hee hee..oh that's a good one. Very dry wit you are in possession of, as Yoda might put it...]

CBS News should be announcing...oh...any minute now...that the great Bob Schieffer has just signed a new contract that'll keep him at the network for at least four more years - as host of "Face the Nation."

This is a big turnaround from a year ago when Bob had pretty much decided to get out while the going was good. He had planned to retire, until CBS News boss Sean McManus asked him to stay past inauguration.

This - of course - immediately set up speculation by TV writers, who added two and two together and came up with seven (we write about TV; we can't add). Aha! (we mused.) This could mean Bob will be taking over when Katie Couric leaves "Evening News," as has been reported (and re-reported) so often that it'll be huge news if she stays.

In any event, I asked Bob about the new contract and whether this means a little show with the initials "EN" is in his future. Said he:

"This is just about my continuing role at 'Face the Nation.' Covering Washington is still more fun than anything I know, so when Sean asked me to stay around, it was hard to say no."

(Above, Bob, courtesy the New York Observer)

Pete Townshend hasn't died before he got old. In fact, today the Who's leader turns 63.

Here's a clip from an amazing performance of "My Generation" (complete with instrument-smashing, whadya expect?) from the "Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" from September 17, 1967 (BTW, Bette Davis was also a guest on this show -- I'm wondering what the heck she may have said to Pete, Keith and the boys backstage).

Turns out "The Office" not only turns out pretty darned brilliant finales - like Toby's exit, of last week - but manages to inspire first-rate parodies too. (I'm not sure what that means, but it means something.)

Yes, I've gotten in the habit of catching up with "Saturday Night Live" 24-48 hours later; much easier on the brain, plus no commercials, and it's left to the vigilant bloggers (not to mention NBC) to post stuff that may change the culture (or may not.) But Saturday's "Japanese Version" of "The Office" - a digital short featuring both Ricky Gervais and Steve Carell - was pretty darned brilliant too. (See if you can guess who plays Jim...Dwight...Pam...) You sorta wonder why this is funny, and leave it to Gervais to explain one of the reasons why at the clip's conclusion.

Take a look now, and after the clip, some more "Office" thoughts/questions...

OK, that was fun. But now I'm wondering: What about that "Office" spin-off? I was told by Shari Anne Brill - one of the most plugged-in programming executives on Madison Avenue (she's with Carat) - that NBC may well not have a clue about what the spin-off will be about. And if she believes this, then NBC's got a problem, because if you're an advertiser, you're kind of reluctant to put money down on something that may be non-existent.

That may explain why Toby may be off the show, at least for a while. Toby is Paul Lieberstein who - you are probably aware - is one of the show's creative forces ("Office" is one of those rare shows that actually uses actors who are also its WRITERS.) It also looks like Ryan - B.J. Novak - may also be away for a little while too; like Lieberstein, he's another one of those rare "hyphenates."

So here's my little question: Are Lieberstein and Novak off to work on the spin-off? As writers - NOT as actors. For all I know, this is common knowledge to hardcore "Office" fans, but it would be news to me.

Meanwhile, who was Holly in last week's finale? You know! That was Amy Ryan, a fine New York actress (Queens-born) who was Beadie Russell in "The Wire." What a great casting move by this show.

Here's the Presumptive Nominee's open from last night - only OK, and the usual raft of predictable "old" jokes. (And thanks to Jonyyeh for posting so promptly):

Today's installment of Places We Wish We Could Go To This Weekend takes us to Freedomland, a noble attempt to create a history-based Disneyland in da Bronx.

The park lasted from just 1960-64, but to those boomers who went there (the site is now occupied by the massive Co-Op City), the memories are indelible. (bet most of you can still sing the words to the commercial: "Mommy, daddy take my hand/take me out to Freedomland.")

Here's a great clip, showcasing Freedomland's many attractions.

Last night's Larry King/Ryan Seacrest smoochfest didn't produce much news at all, but it did provide a very quick opportunity to dash that report of a week or so ago that RS was in discussions with CNN to replace Larry King one of these days.

Rumors which I sort of believe.

King was dutifully going over all the stuff Ry does on a daily basis, and then, this:

KING: You have your own TV production company. There were even rumors you were going to join CNN, which, we can tell viewers, there's nothing to that.

SEACREST: No, the only rumor is...

KING: So my question is...

SEACREST: ...we're having dinner Thursday. That's true.

KING: That's true.

SEACREST: All right.

KING: So my question is, when do you sleep?

["When do you sleep???!!!" Boy, that Larry King sure knows how to knock out those tough questions.]

My questions: Wouldn't you like to know what Ryan was going to say before LK cut him off? And why did they dispense with this in two seconds when LK had actually PROMOTED this very subject on air for the last few days?

I honestly think there is something to the rumors; CNN is absolutely thinking about an LK successor - that's a fact - and the network would be foolish to not have Seacrest on its radar. Whether you like him or not, the guy's a skillful live broadcaster who's quick on his feet.

And speaking of quick on his feet, here's a priceless exchange between LK and RS:

KING: Who will be the next "American Idol?"

SEACREST: David.

KING: Or can't you say?

SEACREST: David.

KING: Oh...

SEACREST: Guaranteed.

KING: And so you're going out on a limb here.

SEACREST: Guaranteed, David.

Sure you want to know what a TV writer for the Newsday does, don't you? Well, I sit around, watch DVDs, think deep thoughts about "Smallville," and occasionally even get out of my foxhole to see the real world.

Today was my Lohan day. Yes, I interviewed Lindsay Lohan's mom and kid sister, and it was pretty much the highlight of my entire morning. They were over at the Waldorf to promote this new reality series called "Living Lohan" which - I can assure you - is a frightening show, though not quite the trainwreck I anticipated.

Quick impression of Dina and Ali. First, mom. She's gimlet-eyed, shrewd, and not even remotely the Mommy Dearest I expected. She also has a certain facility with the press - an uncanny ability to anticipate any question because (no doubt) she's heard every one a thousand times (I believe I was twelfth in line in a highly orchestrated junket by E!, which is fronting "LL.") She affects an extreme distaste for the paparazzi though I was left with an inescapable impression that she secretly courts these press demons from hell; she calls all the pap attention "hurtful," though just outside the door lurked TMZ and "Extra," and...

Ali seems like a great kid - lanky, reed-voiced, and somewhere still in that halfway world between childhood and adulthood. She talks about how much she adores her older sister and her mother, and the unmistakable impression one is left with here is that she’s absolutely sincere.

The show (bowing this Memorial Day)? It's one those typical reality grab bags, featuring all these slice-of-life "reveals;" there's Dina arguing with some record producer ("I'm not gonna jam some album down [my daughter's] throat.." An assistant scrawling down notes. Kids arguing in the hallway. Ali taking a meeting with some musician, Jeremy, who wants her to record his music (it has sort of a Maroon 5 sound.)

The narrative turns creepy when Jeremy turns up on some Internet site bragging about how he's dating Lindsay.

The frightening part? That Dina would seem to display such spectacularly poor judgement by allowing cameras in her home, and ushering her 14-year old daughter into that cesspool called the music business.

Here's what she said in response to all this:

"Initially if you'd asked me two years ago, would we do something like this, it would definitely be a no - I never even thought reality [TV] would be existence now. But there are so many rumors about us, and I feel that we're in the power seat right now so I'm able as a mom to say - this is our life, check us out and move on so we can be normal."

"We live a normal existence in suburbia [Merrick, natch]," she says. "I do the food shopping, the laundry. There is so much sensationalism out there and people are so obsessed with celebrity. This doesn't consume us. It really doesn't and by showing our life [on E!] we'll show that I don't get up and crack the whip and say, 'wake up Ali and go be a star.’"

You almost don't even have to ask Lohan about the rumors; they hang about her, like a thick fog. Of her other daughter's well-publicized drug and alcohol problems, she says, "I don't mean to go in depth with that, but with any family across the country, it's a problem. It would happen no matter where you are or what business you're in, and God willing, people learn form their mistakes."

So why tempt fate a second time with your youngest daughter ("Living Lohan" also follows Mom and Ali to Las Vegas, where the fourteen-year old aspiring singer records another album?)

"If I told Ali, 'you're a singer and you want to be an artist but you can't because [the paparazzi] are going to trip you up. But that's with any career. It's like me telling my son, you can't play lacrosse because you're going to get hurt."

Here's Ali on her mom:
"She's our manager and like any other mother in the world she's trying to help her kids fulfil their dreams. I just hate it when people twist that and make her into some kind of crazy backstage mom. She's a mom like anybody else and I want people to know that she's the greatest mom in the world."

[Mom and kids; AP photo]

That's the headline out of Fox's new fall schedule (other than the fact that a "24" prequel will air late November.) Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" will air Monday's at 8 in January. "Fringe" will air Tuesdays at 9 this fall.

This is worth noting if only because these two are the standout "must-see" shows of the fall on any network, per industry buzz (though I guess you must add CW's "Bev Hills 90210" remake to that frothy mix.)

Both are not merely big budget but huge budget; their pedigree is TV royalty; and...they actually sound good too....

Here's the Fox description of "F," produced by J.J. Abrams, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman..."When an international flight lands at Boston’s Logan Airport and the passengers and crew have all died grisly deaths, FBI Special Agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) is called in to investigate. After her partner, Special Agent John Scott (Mark Valley, “Boston Legal”), is nearly killed during the investigation, a desperate Olivia searches frantically for someone to help, leading her to Dr. Walter Bishop (John Noble, “Lord of the Rings”) [but] he’s been institutionalized for the last 20 years, and the only way to question him requires pulling his estranged son Peter (Joshua Jackson, “Dawson’s Creek”) in to help. When Olivia’s investigation leads her to manipulative corporate executive Nina Sharp (Blair Brown), our unlikely trio along with fellow FBI Agents Philip Broyles (Lance Reddick, “The Wire”), Charlie Francis (Kirk Acevedo) and Astrid Farnsworth (Jasika Nicole) will discover that what happened on Flight 627 is only a small piece of a larger, more shocking truth."

And "Dollhouse:"

"'“Buffy' alumna Eliza Dushku is Echo, an “Active,” a member of a highly illegal and underground group who have had their personalities wiped clean so they can be imprinted with any number of new personas. Confined to a secret facility known as the “Dollhouse,” Echo and the other Actives including Sierra (Dichen Lachman, “Neighbours”) and Victor (Enver Gjokaj, “The Unit”) carry out engagements [and) immerse themselves in all manner of scenarios – romantic, criminal, uplifting, dangerous, comical and the occasional good deed. After each scenario, Echo...returns to the mysterious Dollhouse where her thoughts, feelings and experiences are erased by Topher (Fran Kranz, “Welcome to the Captain”), the Dollhouse’s genius programmer....Her memories begin to return and she slowly pieces together her mysterious past. [Show] revolves around Echo’s blossoming self-awareness and her desire to discover her true identity. But with each new engagement, comes a new memory and increased danger inside and outside the Dollhouse."

Now...the rest of the fall lineup:

Monday:
"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" (8)
"Prison Break" (9).

Tuesday:
"House" (8)
"Fringe" (9)

Wednesday:
"Bones" (8)
"'Til Death" (9)
"Do Not Disturb" (new sitcom about NYC hotel called the Inn; 9:30)

Thursday:
"The Moment of Truth" (8)
"Kitchen Nightmares" (9)

Friday:
"Smarter...5th Grader" (8)
"Don't Forget the Lyrics" (9).

Saturday:
Song remains the same.

Sunday:
Ditto.

(Above: Eliza Dushku, AKA Faith, from "Buffy" days...)

This week marks National Police Week, honoring the men and women of law enforcement and the difficult, but rewarding job they do every day..

With that in mind, here's a great clip from my favorite cop show ,"Car 54, Where Are You?," with Officer Francis Muldoon and company singing a ditty celebrating the policeman's lot.

CBS is going to officially announce its new fall sked in just about five minutes, so we may as well get straight to this. Here's what to expect this fall. Nothing earth-shattering, best I can tell (other than aforementioned cancellations.)

And away we go:

Monday: "Big Bang Theory" (8).
"How I Met Your Mother" (8:30)
"Two and a Half Men" (9)
"Worst Week" (9:30; new sitcom.)
"CSI: Miami" (10).

Tuesday: "NCIS" (8)
"The Mentalist" (9; with Simon Baker)
"Without a Trace" (10).

Wednesday: "The New Adventures of Old Christine" (8)
"Project Gary" (8:30; new sitcom)
"Criminal Minds" (9)
"CSI: NY" (10).

Thursday: "Survivor" (8)
"CSI" (9)
"Eleventh Hour" (10; Bruckheimer!)

Friday: "Ghost Whisperer" (8);
"The Ex-List" (9; new drama)
"Numbers" (10).

Saturday:
The song, such as it is, remains the same.

Sunday: "60 Minutes" (7)
"Amazing Race" (8)
"Cold Case" (9)
"The Unit" (10).

You've probably heard by now but I think these two cancellations qualify as bona fide shockers. Their demise was all over the trades this morning, and I'm waiting till now for official confirmation, so now you can consider this official.

What happened? Beats me: I thought "Shark" (and the deleriously loquacious James Woods) had a pretty sizeable following, and talk a mile a minute though he can, the guy's got some talent too.

And "Moonlight?" Another shock. But will it be vampiratical and rise from the dead like "Jericho," when a few million fans send in plastic fangs to Les Moonves? I wonder...

Woods? My own personal fond reminiscence: Last July at the TCA he took the stage and proceeded to discuss everything from the 1923 Dodgers, to Hegel, to metaphysics, to quantum physics, to primetime TV, to his lovelife, to CRITICS' lovelives, to the weather. I think he barely even mentioned the show. It was amazing. Thousands of words piled out of him, and the stenographer who was paid by CBS to type out all his words literally began to smoke...and I don't mean cigarettes.

I really liked the guy. He was so enthusiastic and so splendidly NUTTY. He was the highlight of the whole darn convention. And now his show just got cancelled.

I know, I know. "The Adirondacks" or "American Idol"..."Adirondacks" or "American Idol."

But trust me on this -- "The Adirondacks" is worth a visit. I pretty much forgot to review this for today's paper -- what, with Sue Simmons' scat attack on the air the other night, I've just been plumb distracted. But it is truly worth the visit.

Produced by some upstaters in Buffalo (WNED) and written by Tom Simon for Working Dog Productions, this isn't your usual beauty shot doc with pretty pix of the High Peaks or splendid autumnal vistas, though that is here. It's a thoughtful look at the people who make up the culture of this vast American treasure, and the perils they face -- and, as a result, the genuine perils the Adirondacks face. This is a program for anyone who loves this place, or wants to love it, or wants to understand why people love it ...

I'm getting tangled up here. That happens. But it's good. (And besides, Syesha's gone tonight.)

"The Adirondacks" airs on WLIW/21 at 9.

(Above, photo by Carol Weeks.)

In today's Newsday, you'll find a really great article taste-tasting hot dogs, which I read avidly even though I am a vegetarian.

And reading about all those Hebrew National and Nathan's franks, inspired me to track down one of the few "hot dog" songs, Perry Como's "Hot Diggity!" a No. 1 hit from May, 1956.

Yup, that should just about do it.

The fat lady has sung and she's not even fat, and she's not even a lady: She's a he and he's from Utah, accessorized with a stage dad from hell, a golden voice, and appealing stage manner and enough charm, presence of mind, talent and apparently even drive to win this thing outright in a week's time. David Archuleta WILL win this thing -- it's writ in the stars and there's nothing anyone can do about the stars at this point.

Not that he was great last night -- he wasn't. No one was. Lord, for a penultimate "American Idol" edition, that was a massive let-down. The first choices were good (the judges') and from there it went downhill fast. Syesha -- who's pulled off this winning combo as a fashonista with a slinky seductive lounge lizard act over the last few weeks -- even acted as if she could win this whole thing after her first number. Then, Peggy Lee? PEGGY LEE?! Not that there's anything wrong with PL, but "Fever" is one of those songs best left to the original crooner.

David Cook? He seemed awfully, awfully pleased with himself, didn't he? He sort of affected that perfect rock-star mien -- as if all this competition business is something he has to go through en route to a glorious career. Was that a Switchfoot song for his own choice? Blander than unbuttered toast. His final (Aerosmith) was good (and he always is good). But I didn't feel the joy as did Simon ...

Finally, we're left with Archie. He did three songs -- a Billy Joel and that old chestnut from Dan Fogelberg. Plus, there was that Chris Brown in the middle. That one was HIS choice and a crafty one it was. Every one of his 'tween fans in the audience knew that song cold -- even if middle-agers on up didn't. I'll bet the 'tweeners loved his version (of "With You") even if the judges didn't. "... oh, I'm into you and girl no one else would do ..." Randy actually thought he sang the word "boob!" (I Googled the lyrics and the actual word is "boo." Not a naughty word at all, I believe.)

At this point of the game, the 'tweeners are all that counts and they're gonna bring this on home for their boy.

Archie wins. This thing is over.

This I would have liked to have seen: Tracy Turnblad, the winner of "Dancing with the Stars." But this I am not going to see. Too bad, really - but then, I've REALLY struggled to care much about this season anyway.

With Marissa Jaret Winokur/Tony Dovolani gone, this is what's gone with her - the grin, the personality, the never-say-die, and the enthusiasm so infectious and (seemingly/doubtlessly) genuine. She really DID dance as if winning this comp actually MEANT something which of course it does not. This leaves the field to the field to the final three, and quickly, let's assess their chances: 1.) Front-runner Cristian/Cheryl: Who cares whether they were in the bottom two last night. That's an old "DWTS" trick just to throw you off. He's got the looks/charm (as does Cheryl Burke) and the bad arm; that's the winning combo this season. 2.) Jason/ Edyta: Athleticism pays off, plus constant photo shoots for the likes of TV Guide/EW where he shows off his pecs. Plus, these last three-runners virtually tied with the judges Monday; they're not that far apart. 3.) Kristi/Mark: Said it before. Say it again. She won't win. Will go into final two. Audience gasp audibly when Cristian/Cheryl announced as winners. And life as we know it will go on.

(Above: How 'bout that ABC photo?!)

And speaking of parties, NBC held one for the press and advertisers last night over at 30 Rock under a tent; theme was "The NBC Experience," and the whole point was to remind everyone that NBC was still in business even though it was not unveiling a new fall schedule this week along with all the other networks. (NBC took the wraps off its lineup in April ...)

Conan O gave a few remarks to those assembled, and here are some outtakes: Since NBC always liked to be ahead with announcements, he wanted to take the opportunity to say that he would be retiring in 2025 from "The Today Show"; (at that time, he'll be relaxing with his third wife and planned to "audition for [my] second wife right after this speech..."

He mused on NBC's choice of a tent for the party: For previous upfronts, the network had thrown galas in wonderful places: One had been held a few years back at some "historic" venue, then another the following year at the "hallowed" Radio City Music Hall ... "Now we're all sweating under a tent; please join us next year when we're at the falafel stand on 42nd Street."

He gave a nod to his successor, Jimmy Fallon, in the crowd; JF takes over at "Late Night" when CO moves to "The Tonight Show." He then said: "Because of a great negotiation and a very good agent, this show will still be called 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien' after I leave ... "

And because there's a YouTube for everything...here's the YouTube...

(Above: MSNBC pix of CO; no monkey suit or mustache last night, though.)

Mary Wells, the great Motown singer of such smashes as "My Guy" and "Two Lovers," would have turned 65 today.

Ms. Wells passed way too young, dying July 26, 1992, from larynx cancer.

Here's a terrific clip of Mary singing her No. 1 hit from 44 years ago this month:

See all the great stuff you find out when you watch daytime TV? Scoops so big that a modest little blog can't possibly track them all. Here's the latest: Mariah Carey told Ellen on (ummmm) "Ellen" a little while ago that she'll hold another wedding next year.

This is good because many people -- including you -- may have been bummed they didn't get an invite to the most recent one -- you know, that one with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. So, there's still hope. She told E a little while ago that "not a lot" of people went to the wedding to keep the publicity crush to a minimum. "Three of my friends, and he had three people he wanted ... Didn't want other people taking pictures, because of the hoopla of trying to make something into a publicity stunt, which is what anybody will think [this was] anyway."

[Why would anyone think that?]

"So instead of trying to say, 'you're invited but don't tell anybody,' we'll just have another one next year."

She did -- in fact -- show E pictures of her new tattoo -- an immodest little butterfly thing in the small of her back; "you could etch that out if things don't work out," advised Ellen.

(Above: MC from the AP)

Blink and you might not even know that ABC just announced a new fall schedule about ... oh ... 35 minutes ago. It looks the same ... smells the same ... largely IS the same as the one that appeared last fall. 'Tis no huge surprise: ABC was in good shape then and is in good shape now, and when "good" is the dominant flavor of your prime-time fortunes, then there's little reason to change.

And speaking of "good," there's a new Mike Judge animated joining the schedule, tilted "The Goode Family." Also (as expected), "Scrubs" will join up sometime midseason.

The most intriguing thing here? A new Tyra Banks beauty pageant -- no details -- that joins up midseason, too.

Otherwise, there are no surprises with this schedule. "Boston Legal" will return -- that was reported last week. The new David E. Kelley show, "Life on Mars" is here too (absent Kelley.)

But why go on. Here's the lineup, with the network's capsule descriptions of new shows to follow ...

MONDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars”
9:30 p.m. “Samantha Who?”
10:00 p.m. “Boston Legal”

TUESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Opportunity Knocks”
9:00 p.m. “DWTS" results.
10:00 p.m. “Eli Stone”

WEDNESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Pushing Daisies”
9:00 p.m. “Private Practice”
10:00 p.m. “Dirty Sexy Money”

THURSDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Life on Mars”

FRIDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Wife Swap”
9:00 p.m. “Supernanny”
10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY: 7:00 p.m. “AFHV"
8:00 p.m. “ExMa: HE"
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

And...the newbies...

"Opportunity Knocks" (reality/game):

"Our mobile team will arrive at 'Anywhere, America' in a semi-truck that is full of flat screen TVs, new furniture and big cash prizes that the family can win right there. We will take the action of a game show directly into our contestants’ homes, setting up shop in a family’s front lawn."

"Life on Mars":
"The series revolves around Sam Tyler, a modern-day police detective who, after a car crash, mysteriously finds himself transported back to 1973 and still working as a detective."

"The Goode Family":

"The Goode Family is obsessed with doing the 'right' thing, whether it’s environmentally, politically or socially. Unfortunately their efforts often have unintended comic consequences."

"Ashton Kutcher/Tyra Banks" reality show:

"A beauty pageant unlike any you’ve ever seen, from executive producers Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks."

(Photo: Of You Know Who. Courtesy, Time.)

Blast from the Past alert: "The Electric Company" is back. Seriously - it is back, though not in repeat, but in originals. Sesame Workshop announced the re-launch a little earlier today saying the new series will carry "the same goal of the original series, combating the literacy crisis facing America’s second graders, but...re-energized to recognize the media-driven generation of today."

For a generation of people who were kiddies in the early to mid-seventies, this is hugish news - in those days, second graders actually watched educational shows like "Sesame Street" and "TEC;" today it's endless repeats of "SpongeBob" or "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. "TEC" was a genuine hit, of sorts, and featured - for all I know, even launched - Morgan Freeman's career. Plus, there was Rita Moreno ("hey all you guuuyyys...!!!)

Show production begins tomorrow and series will launch on PBS Kids in January of '09.

Here's a quote from Sesame Workshop: "The literacy crisis today is as pervasive and alarming as it was in 1971 when we created the first version of The Electric Company,” said Scott Cameron, Director of Education and Research for Sesame Workshop. “We know that if struggling readers don’t get the literacy help they need by the end of second grade, they are in danger of never catching up. Children in low-income families are particularly at risk..."

And here's a clip featuring Morgan F in the early show...

Yesterday, there ran in the Newsday a huge piece on "Seinfeld," penned by your's truly. And in one of the great oversights in recorded TV history, I neglected to mention a character who made/defined the entire series. He was an ineradicable part of "Seinfeld" - the postal-worker-down-the-hall-from-hell. Yeah, Newman - don't ask me how this oversight happened, or why. The answer would not be satisfactory anyway.

So, to make amends, here's a clip from "The Finale" (I'm pretty certain it's from "The Finale;" "Seinfeld" experts are invited to clarify; and thanks to Judgevalkenheiser for posting on YouTube.)

What's Wayne Knight been up to these last few years? Plenty (he's voicing a character on the forthcoming "Cat Tale") and of course had that long run in "3rd Rock," was "Al" in "TS 2I," and on and on and on.

So, sorry, Wayne. Sorry, Newman. Sorry, fans.

I know you - you're just like me.

You like to get your official announcements tied up with a nice neat bow, maybe a cherry on top, or some whipped cream (or whatever...this doesn't sound very appetizing, does it?)

In any event, as I - and virtually everyone else on planet TV with a blog - has been reporting almost since the dawn of man, NBC has finally made Jimmy Fallon official - Conan's replacement - and just to prove it sent out a press release with lots and lots of quotes. Here are just some of them:

"We couldn't be happier to have Jimmy back on NBC and to have our number one-rated late night team fully in place for the future," said NBCE big cheese, Ben Silverman, "Jimmy is more than just a likeable guy and a great comedian, he is genuinely interested in what people have to say."

"Jimmy's proven track record and personality make him a natural for this important role that will bring a new generation of fans to 'Late Night,'" said Big Cheese # 2, Marc Graboff. "He will put his own distinct mark on late night humor just as he did on 'SNL' and in his other creative endeavors."

Added Rick Ludwin, Executive Big Cheese in charge of Late Night and Primetime Series, NBC Entertainment, "Simply put, Jimmy has all of the qualities for a late night host -- in addition to being funny, he loves talking to people on and off camera, he's a talented comedy writer and his time at 'SNL' demonstrated not only his ability to entertain, but also the work ethic and dedication it takes to succeed at hosting a nightly show."

(Above: Image stolen from some website called Lemon Pepper; nice pix of our boy after a long night out on the town.)

Yup, Ryan Seacrest - host of some singing show on Fox - will actually have work to do this summer. He's gonna executive produce a show on mothers and their cherished boys entitled "Are You a Moma's Boy?" Should premiere right after the Olympics, on NBC.

Only question you want answered by this point: Will he host?

Not sure. Not sure. Will get back to you on that.

With this show, Ry's doing what any hugely wealthy young guy who really REALLY wants to be The Next Dick Clark would do - start up a production company, litter the landscape with shows, hope one of 'em sticks, and then make his first billion (and get on the cover of Fortune, which will devote 2,000 words to "The Genius of Ryan Seacrest.") He's also said to be in discussion with CNN about the "Larry King Live" slot - I kinda believe this although CNN has said it's bogus. Meanwhile, his ramped-up production company is also producing that immensely silly Denise Richards' reality skein, "DR: It's Complicated." That bows on (I beleive) E! around Mem Day.

What do we know about "Moma's?" (Until five minutes ago, blessedly nothing...ba dum...)

Here's Ry's own voice on the show: "Anytime I make a decision either personally or professionally, I have to ask myself...what would my mother say? Like it or not, I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real."

(Above: They even kinda look alike. Courtesy: People.)

There was no bitterness when Isaiah Washington left "Grey's Anatomy" - and there's no water in the ocean and the moon is actually made of moldy green cheese. (Check it out...it's true..)

But still, viewers could be forgiven for doing a little doubletake a couple weeks ago when Cristina Yang walked by a bulletin board to glance at a pix of Preston Burke; I certainly did, and even backed up to take another look. Was it an obit? What WAS that? (Burke had been awarded something. He had the ol' characteristic blank look...)

It was all incredibly harmless, but now guess what? Washington has filed a complaint with the Screen Actors Guild over the shot! "They have the rights of the character to advance the story, but not the image," his lawyers told ABC's lawyers (according to the Hollywood Reporter.) Yes, IW wants a "financial settlement."

That's right - he deserves money for the emotional trauma this must have caused. May I suggest 34 cents?

It's deja vu all over again: Jennie Garth has joined the CW re-make of "Beverly Hills 90210," which is expected to get a pick-up this week, probably as a companion to "Gossip Girl."

Now this IS a surprise since she's the only original cast member who seems to want anything to do with the re-make; she's reprising an older and even wiser Kelly Taylor (who else?) and will only be on set part-time; she'll do a handful of episodes but not appear in every one. She'll apparently play a guidance counselor at West Bev Hills High.

What about the other core folk? Honestly, with Garth/Kelly aboard the remake is gonna HAVE to deal now with the question of "whatever happened to..."

Really: Whatever happened to Valerie or Donna? I don't recall how the show wrapped nearly a decade ago, so for all any of us know, they're still out there, in TV limbo, awaiting "character/arc resolution." Or, will the rest of the old front-line eight pull a Clooney and say no way, ever. A shame because it's not as if they're headlining major motion pictures these days. Tiffani Thiessen's (she's 34 now!) biggest post Valerie role was (I suppose) "Good Morning, Miami." Tori Spelling (Donna) was in "Smallville" a spell. Dylan - there is only one Dylan and that would be Luke Perry - was in "Oz." Jason Priestley's done a ton of stuff, but he hasn't been hugely discriminating (as "Love Monkey" proves.)

Let's see...ah yes, of course: Shannen Doherty, who lives in the tabs, was in "Charmed" its full run. Ian Ziering? "Biker Mice from Mars."

I rest my case.

There must be some sort of study somewhere that says when "Saturday Night Live" has turned against a candidate than it's all over, really over, for said candidate. And so, to this past Saturday: The show opened with as direct an "It's Over, Hill" cold open as you're likely to see anywhere. There was some chatter early on in the post-strike season that "SNL" had thrown its weight behind Hill, at least during the Tina Fey-hosted show, but that chatter seems kinda ludicrous in light of this Amy Poehler moment, in which her Hill explains that "I'm a sore loser...My supporters are racist...I have no ethical standards..."

That's right - Daddy Dearest was banned, or at least banned from the back stage, if you're just catching up to this news Sunday morning.

But the big question now is: Why? Could he have been harassing the remaining two contenders (as reportedly is his wont?) Interfering in some other way distracting to the other front-runner, that being David Cook?

Meanwhile, this outstanding question: Will his absence from the backstage, where he's been right in Archie's (David Archuleta's) face right up until game time, have some impact, positive or (gulp) negative on the presumptive winner of "American Idol?"

TMZ first reported the banishment late Friday and the AP confirmed yesterday, saying that Archuleta - AKA Stage Dad from Hell, in TMZese - had meddled once too many times, and that the straw that broke the camel's back was when he insisted on fiddling with lyrics on last week's song.

But this seems very thin to me. Meddled in lyrics? He's been meddling in lyrics all season; he's the MEDDLER from Hell. What could possibly have been so outrageously different this time, leading the show to banish him just two weeks from the finale?

Here's the AP on the details that the show cared to release:

"Jeff Archuleta's intense backstage involvement had become a source of concern for the series, the person connected with 'American Idol' said — but it was a lyric change on Tuesday's show that pushed producers to act.

"Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering 'Stand by Me,' one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday. By adding a verse from Sean Kingston's 'Beautiful Girls,' the father incurred additional costs for 'American Idol,' the person said. "

What!!??? "Incurred additional costs?" This is a show that can "incur any cost"" it damn well pleases - it "incurs additional costs" like trees "incur" leaves or the sky "incurs" stars.

This, in other words, smells like a bogus reason to mask what could be the real one - was he perhaps doing something to interfere with the competition's outcome and something which might not withstand scrutiny if the other contenders decided to object?

Simply, the ejection of Archie's dad was the most sensational development of this season, and that's no exaggeration.

Before you decide this isn't a big deal, here's what TMZ reported weeks ago on Archie's "Star Search" days:

"We're also told the father of the year harassed Tiffany Evans, his 'Star Search' rival, lurking outside her practices, even trying to coerce her into drinking milk before a show to ruin her voice. She didn't listen (obviously) and went on to win. Sources also tell us Daddy Dearest sometimes screamed at his son and has even withheld water during rehearsals, even bringing his son to tears. As far as 'Idol' goes, we hear papa's wrath is still in full blossom..."

Remember "Living Lohan," the E! reality show that'll follow Lindsay's mom and kid sister Ali around their house in Merrick? Of course you do. How could you not!

Well...we have an airdate: Monday, May 26 at 10:30 p.m. Here's the pitch from the press release:

"The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today," said Lisa Berger, Executive Vice President, Original Programming and Series Development for E! "This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."

I've sat here all night and day puzzling over "Cabin Fever" from last night. My eyes have dropped out of their sockets. My brain cells - several hundred million worth - have expired. There's nothing left to do but take a sledge hammer to the computer and put it out of its misery.

There was so much - SO VERY MUCH - that to even encapsulate, categorize and otherwise de-mystify any of it would be a tremendous waste of my time and your's. It was the richest mythology episode of the season, and I'll leave it at that.

But let's re-visit one tiny little detail that requires some clarification. During the pivotal scene with Richard Alpert (he's back!) and the young John Locke, a series of articles are laid out on the table, and JL is asked to choose those which he already owns. He bypasses the mitt, picks up the vial of granular substance, gets the compass, pauses briefly over the book, then gets the knife. Miffed, RA storms out.

Here's the question: What was the book?

It was called "Book of Laws." Not "THE Book of Laws." And definitely NOT "Book of Law;" that would take fans down a very precarious and unpleasant path, for that particular book was written by a 19th century mystic who made William S. Burroughs seem like a normal dude. You will - and no doubt - already have Googled the title, "The Book of Laws," but it's a dead end. (Yeah, the title referred to a law tome from the Plymouth colony in the early 17th century...) Could it actually refer to that? Seems doubtful. Very doubtful.

Could Darlton have thrown a Red Herring in our midst, sending "Losties" down a path that leads nowhere?

Naaaah. They'd never do that. (Would they?)

NBC has scheduled a conference call Monday to make what is already the worst kept secret in television official: That Jimmy Fallon will take over as host of "Late Night" when Conan O'Brien heads west next year to take over "Tonight." Many people will - doubtless - wonder about Fallon's talk show chops, etc. You know the gripe: "He's never hosted a talk show...how can he...?" Etc. But NBC does have a pretty good track record at this hour; I believe it's batted a thousand at 12:35 over the last two decades, so I'm assuming it knows exactly what it's doing...

In fact, Fallon brings to mind the guy he'll be competing against - Craig Ferguson, the very gifted "Late Late Show" guy who was a standup, author (of a novel, and soon, his own memoirs). Letterman of course briefly hosted a daytime talker, but he was a weatherguy, for crying out loud. Fallon - I am certain - will do just fine. His biggest challenge: Fergie, whose numbers are building...

You know what I wish I could do this weekend? Head over the GWB to Joisey and spend a fun day at Palisades Amusement Park. Alas, ther park has been gone since the end of the summer of 1971, replaced by high-rise condos.

If you went to Palisades Park (or listened to the radio in the 1960s), then surely you know the words to their song.

Interesting interview with "Lost" co-boss, Damon Lindelof, who tells the Hollywood Reporter that when the show ends for good in a couple of seasons, he and his other half, Carlton Cuse - both known to fans as "Darlton" - will "go into hiding for many, many months" at an "undisclosed location."

Here's the outtake from this morning's story:

"David Chase set a great example when he went off to Paris after 'The Sopranos' ending, which is great because all these people are going to be asking, 'What does it mean? What is it?' " he said. "The fact that there's no one really around to answer that question, it forces people to come up with what they think it means. We can guarantee our show will not end with a cut to black, it will be more clear than that. But whenever anything you love ends ... there's a certain disappointment."

What means this? Just another little "Lost" mystery. Separately, Darlton confirmed that they'll get two extra hours padded onto the last two seasons, for a total of 34, to wrap up their grand mystery. (And speaking of DC, he just signed a one-picture deal with Paramount; no word on what the movie will be, but it will be a "drama,." the studio confirmed.)

This is an off-beat post about an off-beat show, so if you're in the mood for neither, please move along. But it does bring to light a curious social phenomenon - a kids show that may be promoting cannabis consumption.

The show is "Yo Gabba Gabba," which airs on Nick Jr. (and I believe Noggin.) Yesterday, ABCNews.com posted a very good piece on the program, though noted that it's become not exactly a huge hit among kiddies aged 2 to 5 but among kiddies aged 18 and older. The piece was perplexed by its popularity and wondered exactly why something like this should encourage college kids to get stoned while watching it.

Watch this clip and you'll see why - it's one of the most viewed "Yo Gabba Gabba's" on YouTube and is truly a peculiar experience. Meanwhile, check out the next clip, from "Lidsville."; "Yo" (bowed in '07, renewed for '08-9) was directly inspired by the '70s lunacy of Sid and Marty Krofft, the grandmasters of bizarro kids shows. "Lidsville" was just one Krofftian oddity, and by no means the oddest.

Here's "Yo" - fasten your seat belts and remove any and all illegal substances from the household...Do not allow teens or college-aged students to watch....

Now, "Lidsville." Yikes...

You woke up this morning and sobbed into your coffee. "Oh God - NO NO NOOOOO ... Not JASON."

Honestly, I can't imagine why you feel that way, but I'm trying to be "empathetic." (I think it's a good thing to be "empathetic," don't you?)

The fact is, seriously, there are people out there who liked the Guy Who Shot The Tambourine Man (his line, and a good one, too). I liked GWSTTM; liked him a lot. Nice personality, good teeth, and I suppose if I could "dred" my hair up that way, I'd give it a try too. Jason was laid-back; I loved the way a couple weeks ago the camera caught him unawares just before an elimination, and he yawned loudly -- as if all this "Idol" business were getting in his way of a good night's sleep. (There is such thing as being too laid back, I suppose - so laid back you forgot the lyrics.)

I think he has talent but -- forgive me -- I can't vouch for it. His rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was really fine, and liked his do-over of Izzy's "Over the Rainbow." But he did say it best last night -- he was the guy who shot the tambourine man.

Anyway, here's the point of this post: Jason will be fine. I did a semi-exhaustive study of contestants who have been bounced fourth from the end; it would seem an ignominious end to an "Idol" dream, but it's not. According to my semi-exhaustive study, the fourth-from-the-enders have actually fared better than the third-from-the-enders; and, of course, one fourth-from-the-ender, Chris Daughtry, has fared better than most winners.

Why is this the case? I haven't a clue, but the facts bear me out. Tamyra Gray (Season 1) got a gig with "Rent"; Joshua Gracin had and has, I believe, a reasonably successful country music career; LaToya London's had a good run in "The Color Purple" (and done a ton of other stuff); and LaKisha Jones has done fine, too (though no huge breakthrough, to speak of, that I'm aware of). Only one fourth-from-the-ender, Anthony Federov, still seems to be in the career hunt.

Third-from-the-enders? I believe the only stand-out success is Elliott Yamin; even the Best Singer in "Idol" History (By Far), Melinda Doolittle, still seems to be struggling a bit. (Jasmine Trias? Yes, I hear she's a superstar in the Philippines.)

So take heart, Jason fans. The career's just beginning. GWSTTM will be back before you know it.

We have it here. Rather, we have borrowed it (like a coat from a nightclub) from the OK! Magazine website: The very first pictures of Lindsay Lohan on the set of "Ugly Betty" on Saturday. (I'm excited. You?) It's a big picture, but LL looks good and isn't wearing a coat, thank goodness. (She appears in the season finale, then five more episodes next season.) And thanks to TVtattle.com for locating this...

Check out tonight's terrific "Law & Order" episode, entitled "Strike." It's a little bit of tv history, and the very first time - I believe - that this classic has actually ripped from its OWN headline.

The backstory: Early this winter, "L&O;" superscribe, Rene Balcer, was walking the picket lines outside a major LA studio when he got tapped by someone in an SUV; turns out the guy was a mid-level studio exec who was sick and tired of the noisy strikers getting in his way, and decided to teach one of them a lesson. Wrong guy! Balcer - "feisty" is his middle name - got into a scrap with the jerk; no damage to either.

But here's the lesson: Never pick a fight with someone who runs a show that borrows heavily, if not exclusively, from real life. Revenge served up tonight. It's about a bunch of striking legal aid workers in NYC; one of them Frank, is particularly obnoxious. "You think we're gonna get a contract singing Kumbaya," he tells one of the strikers (pragmatically.) Cut to the next scene: Frank is quite dead. First clue: Some guy in a black beamer who was sick and tired of the noisy strikers getting in his way...

Added bonus: There's also a Suffolk County storyline.

(Right, Anthony Anderson - Det. Kevin Bernard - on "L&O.;)

As I said this morning, the Oprah/Barbara Walters' encounter on "Oprah" yesterday was a gift that keeps on giving, and as additional evidence, we now go to US Magazine, which is quoting Star Jones' response to the discussion that revolved around her....ummmm....fat yesterday.

Honestly, when Babs said Star was so "obese she could hardly" walk onto the set, I pretty much did a double-take, and said to myself, "did Barbara Walters just call Star Jones Jabba the Hut?"

It was an amazing moment - not quite Cruise Punctures Oprah's Expensive Sofa, but a notch or two below.

Here's what Star told US as she left what the mag described as a "tennis workout" (though it does read like a pre-cooked statement:)

“It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character.”

(Right, the old Star, who waddled onto "The View" set each morning, per Babs.)

The LA Times has today's big scooperoo: The entire production of "Ugly Betty" is moving to New York next season.

This is a big deal for New York and for its production industry - minuscule by Hollywood standards, of course, and which was rocked in the wake of Nine Eleven. A show like this could employ some two hundred techs, stage hands, and various other production personnel, though more importantly for viewers, the visuals of this already visually striking show could change. Expect a lot more outdoor shots, like "Law & Order," and a more visceral New York look.

Why to NYC? The Times reports the show and Disney want to take advantage of recently enacted tax credits.

(Right, America's about to love New York.)

WNBC/4 and NBCU made this dramatic announcement just a short while ago: The station plans to launch a 24-hour news channel a la News 12 (or NY 1). They'll break ground on the new "content center" this summer, and the channel will launch in the fall.

Meanwhile, here's an interesting quote from the press release:

"Additionally, the company announced plans for the creation of a new, state-of-the-art Manhattan facility that will consolidate rooftops across the city. While details are still being finalized, NBC will remain 30 Rock’s largest tenant and the home of NBC News, NBC Sports, NBC Entertainment ('Saturday Night Live' and 'Late Night with Conan O’Brien'), and WNBC. All other business operations will move to the new facility as will employees currently at three additional Manhattan sites. The move is expected to take place in 2009."

No word on where this "new facility" will be located, but one assumes Ch. 4 employees were happy to see the word "Secaucus" no where in this press release.

I have one major question: Will Chuck and Sue play a role?

Here's some very, very (very) intriguing gossip, that may well be of the "where there's smoke there's fire" variety:

MSNBC is reporting as we speak that Ryan Seacrest is "in negotiations" to take over Larry King's role at CNN by year's end. Courtney Hazlett of "The Scoop" has this, without the usual round of denials, but suggests that he'd be "adding" to his hosting duties. That's absurd -- there's no way Seacrest would or could do both CNN at 9 and "Idol" -- unless, of course, he's like some sort of Cylon from "Battlestar Gallactica" and has a body double out there (hmmmmm).

No, he'd leave "Idol." There has been bounteous speculation on this very subject -- Ry to LK's slot -- in the past, but always pooh-poohed. Hazlett pulled up an old quote from the Times, which cites LK's tacit approval of such a move: “He’s the classic generalist. The only thing I don’t know, and I’ve gotten to know him pretty well, is how versed he is in politics, world affairs. Does he read the paper? Is he interested in Iraq? Because if he is, he’s going to be very good.”

(Not to be a snotty twit -- because of course, I'm not -- but how well do YOU know those things, LK?)

Seacrest, I imagine, would be fine, assuming he knows how to ask questions and how to listen; he's certainly no dummy and is quick on his feet, and he's done the show before. Can't imagine how he couldn't handle this -- but let me think a little while and I am sure I'll come up with several ways he couldn't. Would viewers of this show with an ancient demographic embrace this relative child? That's another matter altogether.

Could LK be moved aside if Ry is available? Of course. We reported right here at TV Zone not too long ago that CNN neglected to give LK a lock on his 9 p.m. time slot when he got his new contract. Katie Couric is interested, too, and if CNN wants to keep this vital hour open to someone with bona fide news credentials, who do you think might be a better pick?

This would also be an elegant out for "American Idol" and Ry; the show's going to do some overhauling next season, and you know what happens with "overhauls;" first, the set is changed, then the host, then ...

But -- as always -- I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure I'll get the e-mail denial any minute from CNN, telling me how "bogus" the MSNBC story is, and that "we love Larry, and that he'll be the host at 9 p.m. FOREVER!"

It's a beautiful spring day today, and I really want to escape the office. Unfortunately, all I can do is time-travel in my mind. For some reason, I keep focusing on a place where I spent many great spring days back in 1964 and 1965 -- the New York World's Fair.Here's a video that brought back many memories of those days in Flushing Meadows:

Yes, it's now official: Yesterday's interview between Barbara Walters and Oprah is the Gift that Keeps On Giving.

As soon as I find the video of that unintentionally hilarious exchange between the two over who was a mistress and who wasn't, I will post (if you can't wait, go to Huffpo right now, which has it up.)

Meanwhile, as you see a couple posts below, I charted all the fibs, white lies, stretches, malefactions and other assorted whoppers that Babs dished on "O" yesterday, and I'm certain there were many more (which just calls into question, what can we actually believe in her just released memoir? Just asking.)

Anyway, she has now been caught red-handed -- by ME! Yesterday, she told Oprah how she knew Ro was trouble from the git-go, and how Ro never wanted to "ride the bus but drive the bus ..." Of course, everyone knew that -- but then why did Babs say right after Ro was reprimanded for saying Trumpster had gone bankrupt (he hadn't) that the hiring of Ro was such a great success?

Just to show you how Babs has been shifting her story on this subject. (You can argue, perhaps, that I'm just being mean here, and that Babs was being protective to the still employed Ro, but I'm still intrigued about just how "protean" her recollections on this subject have been.) I've posted this on-air correction that aired on "The View" in early January '07. Now, excuse me while I head over to Rosie's Web site to see what she's got to say about all this ...

No surprise here: What R&B; singer with the "bloody ugly feet" from Monday danced off stage forever last night?

(Personally, I thought his feet looked just fine, Len.)

Actually, Mario -- who pretty much wins hands-down for the most gracious exit speech this season -- looked positively thrilled he got voted off. (Time to get back to my career! This thing has taken up enough time already! I've got a life, for crying out loud! This is hard work! Etc.) If he was thrilled -- secretly -- I totally sympathize.

Anyway, we're on to the semifinals next week. Kristi K is the "putative winner," and was from day one, but who knows? That one-armed bandit sure looks like he could steal this whole thing yet.

Fascinating interview -- just concluded -- with Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey, and I was left to wonder: How much of this is the truth? Really, I'm fairly certain I caught some major whoppers here, but with Babs, you can never tell for certain. If these are fibs, they are very good fibs, and she's kept her story straight over the past couple of years. (Oh, she's a clever one, that Barbara.)

So let's just go through some statements, one by one:

"She [Star] wanted to promote those things so she could get them for free [for her wedding]. We drew the line. She started to do it on other TV programs .... audiences began to see her as this greedy bride."


But Barbara, she did it on YOUR show! She turned "The View" into an infomercial for every unity candle, ring pillow, flower-girl accessory and bridal garter under the sun. You drew the line?! Oh please -- you, the boss, did nothing, as long as the ratings held up.

"I don't hire and fire on 'The View' ... the network came to us [and said] you have to tell her we're not going to pick up her [Star's] contract."

GAG ... SPLAT ... GASP ... Sorry, I just spit out my coffee. You don't hire and fire!? Oh, that is delicious, rich -- a malefaction of glorious proportions. Barbara Walters is the most powerful woman on TV (besides the woman sitting across from her), but she doesn't "hire and fire"? (although 20 seconds later she said she hired Rosie.) The network "told her...?" The network has never told Barbara to do anything. She tells them what do, including what hoop to jump through, and when, and how high and how often. She fired Star. Period.

"She [Star] does People Magazine and says, 'Barbara's lying [about firing her] ... ' I had such affection for her, and I was furious with her ... yes, I was lying to protect her, and now this happened [and] the network decided she shouldn't come back the next day."

For the first time in my life, I feel sympathy for Star Jones.

"She [Rosie] began to think of me as her mother. That was both good and bad."

No -- she began to think of Barbara as the boss -- a tough, hard-hitting boss who's demanding behind the scenes but sweet as pie when she's on camera.

"From day one, she took over the show ... it was very difficult ...Things were OK until she got into a feud with Donald Trump."

Wait! You just told 10 million "Oprah" viewers that it was always very difficult. Fact is, Babs wanted Ro to boost ratings, but she wanted her to keep her mouth shut when Babs was talking. That wasn't gonna happen -- ever.

"I never said I'd fire her" as Donald Trump said she had promised in a phone call.

I believe Trump -- 100 percent. She told him Rosie was out.

"Bill's feeling is if they went to commercial, she'd walk off-stage."

This whopper refers to Bill Geddie, who set up the famous shot of the screaming match between Ro and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. He went to a split screen while the spittle was flying -- that hardly seems like a directorial flourish by someone who expects the star to walk off-stage. No -- he and Babs were exploiting this blood feud for all it was worth. (Ratings, baby, ratings ...)

"I will always have the greatest affection for her,"

No comment.

Louis Armstrong had his only chart-topper with his version of the theme from the then-hot Broadway musical, "Hello, Dolly!" It broke a three-month run at the top by the Beatles, but remained No. 1 for just one week, yielding the following week to Mary Wells' "My Guy."

Here's Satchmo belting it out in a live performance.

I suppose Cristian said it about as well as anyone last night:"Shoulda started dancing with one arm way before..." Shoulda and probably coulda. Who says you need all your limbs to dance well, or even very well? Cristian/Cheryl had a better two-fer last night than anyone else, and -- if they keep this up -- might even win "DWTS." Even with one arm, he's still a favorite over Kristi Y because women vote for men, and she's a woman, so...

All this business last week about "will he or won't he...?" The clever and erroneous leaks to TMZ and Extra, which not only predicted but SAID he would bow out? The padded elimination show that held out on his "final decision" until the last millisecond?

A gimmick -- another one of those staged "dramas" designed to stoke interest in a show that's had little this season. There was no way Cristian was going to back out, ever. He proved last night -- beyond any shadow of a doubt -- that you can handle this comp with one arm, without even breaking a sweat.

That said, they were both very good. They got their best scores ever (a total of 57), and 29 for the Mambo. Here's the replay of that performance:

Thinking of reprising my old blog, "The Rosie Watch Never Stops." She's EVERYWHERE these days, and I do mean everywhere - I believe I saw her sky-diving over Manhattan the other day (scary sight.) But watch a show, any show, and there she is.

It's called, "going to the opening of an envelop." She can't resist the invitations; sure, she's selling a book, but one is left with the unmistakable impression that she's selling herself again too. A new talk show? Something? Anything? She was just on "Today Show's" fourth hour with Hoda and KLG, and, as always, tripped through all matters great and small. She defended Rev. Wright: white preachers, she claimed with the usual Rosie-esque bravado backed up by nothing but hot air (and a lot of it) have said much worse she claimed. (Yeah, swell, Ro - but that's not the point, is it?) She defended Miley Cyrus; oh that poor girl. "We're a country that sells sex to kids on a daily basis."

She's right about that, but should that rise to the level of defense in Miley's case, or - rather - her creepy father's case? "I've had photos taken by Annie [Leibovitz]. It was the most intimidating thing that ever happened...dressed like a witch's gown in Times Square; Parker was one [and] walked onto set while she was snapping. She said, don't worry I won't use those. Guess what one she used?"

Babs Walters - memoir out tomorrow - got the treatment too; the ladies from "FHOTS" ("Today") quoted some snip from the book - something about Ro's a "great talent with emotional issues." Ro said: "It's just like Rev. Wright - some people confuse passion for rage. I have a lot of passion about things...passion on that show was not number one. If someone on that show said something insane, I said, THAT's INSANE!!!"

She says she "forced [Babs] to be more emotional than what she's comfortable with..."

Ro had some very nice things to say about Babs, but very not-nice things about the show's director and producer - latter's Bill Geddie who threatened to quit if Ro stayed (Babs addresses this in her book, but it's old news...)

"Sorry the way it ended? [her departure]. Not really....when...the director and the executive producer goes against you. The director has a four day rehearsal to get a shot of this [coffee cup]. They were waiting for the split screen; it was a choice and they made it into 'Hardball.'"

She's referring, of course, to that famous screamathon between her and Elisabeth...Now THAT was TV the way it oughta be...

Now, it's Hillary Clinton's turn to do the Top Ten, which has become an official stop on any campaign trail. No word on what she'll do, but this is her 11th trip to a show that has spent virtually its entire life zetzing her, her husband and his various and many paramours. But a campaign's a campaign, so ...

Obama's stop was last Thursday, and I'm certain an inevitable question will arise as to whether she has an unfair advantage, by going the night before the two big primaries tomorrow in North Carolina and Indiana. Seems inconceivable, but -- really -- who knows? There almost certainly will be someone in Muncie who wakes up tomorrow morning and says, "I was going to vote for Obama, but after seeing Hill do the top Ten, I'm gonna vote for HER. Who cares about issues? It's the Top Ten delivery that matters most-..."

On man, what is this country coming to, anyway?

And this, just now breaking: John McCain will do "The Daily Show" this Wednesday. Says the "TDC" presser, "this appearance will mark the Senator's 13th time on the show, more than any other guest, but his first since becoming the presumptive Republican nominee for President of the United States. Senator McCain's last appearance was on August 16, 2007. Prior to that he appeared on April 24, 2007, the eve of his official announcement that he was running for the Republican nomination."

Yes, all ye long-suffering fans of one Lindsay Lohan (and "Ugly Betty"): You can now officially celebrate, or whatever. She's joined the show, and the first day on the set was yesterday (Saturday). Meanwhile, she's also signed up for five episodes next season.

Variety first broke the news this morning, while noting that her first appearance will be on the May 22 finale; the five-episode deal is billed as an "extended guest shot" by the trade, but that probably doesn't mean it'll be as inconsequential, in terms of on-screen time, as Britney's "guest shot" in "How I Met Your Mother." With a five-episode deal in hand (not counting the finale), you'll almost certainly be seeing a lot of Lindsay on the show next season.

How big a surprise is this? Not huge: The guest role has been rumored for weeks, but the five-episode arc was not expected. Despite all the usual stuff that surrounds her in the gossip press, Lohan's actually been pretty busy in recent months. She's in what's called "pre-production" on three films, "Ye Olde Times," "The Manson Girls" and "Dare to Love Me." She's no stranger to TV, either, and pretty much got her start there -- briefly as a kid in the old and forgotten Bette Midler sitcom, "Bette," and later, there were a couple of cameos on "That '70s Show"
and (how could we forget, ever?) Disney Channel's "Get A Clue."

What will she do on "Ugly?" She's an old school friend of Betty Suarez (America Ferrara), and they run into each other in the finale, per Variety. Betty's doing well at the mag (of course -- she saves Daniel every week), but Lohan's character is apparently in bad shape.

Tom and Oprah, together again. Nice view. Nice house, too. Plus that couch -- also a beautiful thing, unsullied by feet. A happy couch.

Actually, today's encounter, ending just a little while ago, was fascinating -- seriously. Strange fascinating, but that's OK, too.

This was an air-clearing, let-it-all-hang-out (and please, keep both feet off the couch) affair.

The Queen came to Cruise and Cruise came to talk -- about, really EVERYTHING, and in fact so much of everything that after a bit, the head started to spin. The stuff about Suri. The pregnancy. The couch. Brooke Shields. It was enough grist to satisfy a platoon of paparazzi -- assuming they believed any of it.

Plus, the interview -- eventually -- turned into a string of denials. "Never happened ... not true ... all bogus ... lies, lies and damn lies." He didn't exactly say those words but you know the kind of interview: O fishes stuff out books and National Enquirer articles, and Tom says the stuff is bogus.

But it was better than that.

The couch, of course, came up immediately: "I'm on your couch," Oprah says. "I'm sitting." Tom says of the couch jump -- jokingly -- "you were egging me on. You were egging me on." And one wonders -- did he really believe that? Given the chance to do it all over again, he'd probably still do it all over again: the jump, the inane, hyped nuttiness of that encounter three years ago. Said O, "I had no idea it was going to turn into an international brouhaha." (It was bigger than even that, O -- it was the beginning of Cruise's box-office decline, and the beginning of the end of his long relationship with Paramount, and the beginning of a long, pitiless slide into ridicule; the interview that he would rue.)

O wouldn't give up on the couch: Was he angered, sad, hurt by the jokes? "Those are things you just have to take in stride ... it became sort of a confluence ..."

Yes, a confluence.

Like, the comments about Brooke Shields' postpartum depression, and the Matt Lauer death match. Said Tom, "It came out wrong. Brooke and I have always been friends." He still doesn't believe in meds, "but I was feeling pressed in the interview with him." So he came out sounding like a nut. "Obviously I could have handled it better." Obviously.

Scientology? Much on that, too, with Cruise insisting that he "believes in God," but declining to explain what Scientology -- what he called a "religion" -- is about. People should just "read about it." Read about it?! Ha! The unintentionally funniest line of the chat. Right: go out and buy "The Invaders Plan: Mission Earth." Nice bedside reading.

Then, the second funniest line, from O: "I gotta take a break. I gotta pee so bad."

Ah, daytime TV. Where it all hangs out.

Bottom line: Chastened and bowed, Cruise will soon have another movie to sell and a reputation to salvage. (This is all tied to the 25th anniversary of "Risky Business," and O's 25th year in the biz.) This was a first step, a big one. Calm, cool, collected, feet on floor and head together, Cruise did a good job of actually looking sane.

Marvin Gaye gets some big-time props Wednesday night when PBS' "American Masters" series turns its attention on him. (You'll be able to read a review by my colleague Verne Gay, Marv's long-lost bro, in Wednesday's paper. Verne changed his last name to avoid cashing in on the singer's fame.)

Here's a clip of the master himself -- Marv, not Verne performing his signature 1971 hit live.

Another fine, fine "Lost" last night, and we're left with these themes (class): Fathers and sons (and daughters); death and transfiguration (or resurrection); and that "Lost'" age-old fave, "Life is but a Dream." Hurls as the mad man, who speaks truth to the deluded? That's another nice twist that I never saw coming.

I'd like to get into greater detail but time -- not much right now -- and the fact that I STILL haven't caught up with last week's episode (and will this weekend) leaves me behind the eight ball here, but I think we can all agree on the possibility that last night offered momentous developments and a momentous consideration: That the Oceanic Six may all be dead, after all, and that these flash forwards exist in some half-lit world out of time and space. I'm babbling -- I tend to do that -- but Hurls' declaration that "we're all dead -- we never got off that Island" has to rank as one of the most gorgeous shockers of the season to date. Which means that Jack and Kate's post-Island love nest is but a ... yes ...dream, or nightmare, too.

The fathers: That Jack's would return is neither surprising nor unexpected, but that CLAIRE'S? Never saw it coming, and certainly have no idea what it means -- and why it would mean that she'd leave Aaron, thus setting up the other possibility that Claire, at least in this world, will never be seen again. (In which "world?" Is the world of the Island the only real one, while the flash-forward world is the land of the walking dead? Meaning: That those who remained behind were alive, perhaps, while those who left were not? And that possibly Aaron is dead, too? Puzzles upon puzzles ... )

[Meanwhile, 'my bad: an insightful reader reminds me of something that I ENTIRELY FORGOT - and rather than explain, here's the full comment from Tody OB: "Maybe I'm not reading your comment above correctly, but you do know that Claire's father is Jack's father Christian? It was established a while ago in a Claire-centric episode and hinted at in an Ana Lucia episode.....

Doc Jensen at EW.com has posted a very intriguing theory that Claire is a ghost herself already; that she never survived the explosion of her house. And that's why Miles took such an interest in her. Check it out; he splains it way better than I do."]

I must run now, before I say anything else that I may regret [see above], but here's another thought: Does anyone believe that the bodies beneath the dirt, the ones that Miles uncovered (while hearing voices), were actually Karl and Rousseau. I can't imagine they were, but...

(Above: Finally, together, forever and ever ... ?)

The Godfather of Soul. The Hardest Working Man in Show Business. Mr. Dynamite.

No matter what you called him James Brown was one singular sensation. Tomorrow he would have turned 75 and in his honor, here's a clip of JB at his absolute insanest, performing "Night Train" from the classic 1964 "TAMI Show." Dig it!

Ro was just on "Rachael Ray" - still is, if you got a set nearby and have nothing better to do - and I have to say, she's kind of "on." She had an amusing story about Martha Stewart - that in a minute - and of course had the usual, pre-set answers about the inevitable "View" questions, which are now so tired, so boring, so incredibly lazy that they rank right up there with "what's wrong with Paula?" Who cares? You know Ro's gonna say only nice things, bland things. The best Ro interview would be one where there is absolutely NO question whatsoever about "The View."

Anyway, OK, what did she say? That she had a great time there, really liked all the ladies, really loves and admires Babs...I'm falling asleep just writing this. Of Babs, she admitted - nothing new - that "we did a little dance, we did a little dance. We did a mother/daughter transference " (Interesting, in Bab's new memoir, she writes about the famed dressing room battle, "Perhaps [Ro] thought of me as the mother who had once more abandoned her...")

Ro also told this story about Martha: "When she went to prison, I called and left a message on her [machine]...never heard back...but while she was there, I got an email that said, would you like to visit..I wrote back and said yes, then went to visit her....Never been to an adult women's prison before...I walk in looking all sloppy and she comes out looking she's just come from a...photo shoot...Here I am in prison for six hours, talking to her, so I said to her, what do you miss the most? She looks right at me: 'The flavor of lemons.' I said, holy crap. She misses the flavor of lemons. Not her dog. Not her family. She misses the flavor of lemons."

(Above, Ro and Martha, from last year's Halloween "MS Show.")

Here it is, fresh off of YouTube -- last night's Ten Surprising Facts about Obama. Naturally, Paula figures into this; so does a horse, sleep, Omaha, and Lauren Conrad....take 'er away...

Here I am, with a copy of Barbara Walters' new about-to-be-much-hyped autobiography, "Audition," open on my lap. I stare down at the pages. The words are searing, soaring, and salacious...I wonder: Is this Jackie Collins or the great Babs Walters?

You've heard by now: She admits to an affair with the long-gone Massachusetts senator - and African American Republican - Edward W. Brooke. It's right here. On page 254. Let me quote...

Oh damn. I can't. This is embargoed until next Tuesday, when it goes on sale. But lemme tell ya - this is a side of Babs I never knew. Let's call it the "fun" side. (Controversial side? Perhaps that too - Brooke was married at the time.)

Babs does talk about this to the other queen - that'd be Oprah - on next Tuesday's show. The AP's Frazier Moore got a look at the transcript of the pre-taped show. Here's the top of his story: "After three decades of keeping mum, Barbara Walters is disclosing a past affair with married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, whom she remembers as 'exciting' and 'brilliant. Appearing on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" scheduled to air Tuesday, Walters shares details of her relationship with Brooke that lasted several years in the 1970s..."

I wish I could tell you what Babs has to say about Rosie, and Star, and Meredith, and...

We'll all have to wait until next week....sorry.

Barack Obama will be doing the "Top Ten" on "Late Show with You Know Who." in a few hours,and will do so remotely from Indiana, where he is for reasons too obvious to spell out. Last time he did the "Top Ten?" Last January. Subject of tonight's countdown: Things You Didn't Know About O, although I'm told that still hasn't been quite worked out.

Meanwhile, "Live with Reeg and K" will have Repub nom John McCain on the show on Wednesday, May 14, I've been informed. Set them TiVos...

And here's tonite's Top Ten: (Thanks to Maureen Ryan of the Tribune for getting this first:)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN

"Surprising Facts About Barack Obama"

[
10. My first act as President will be to stop the fighting between Lauren and Heidi on “The Hills.”

9. In the Illinois primary, I accidentally voted for Kucinich.

8. When I tell my kids to clean their room, I finish with, “I’m Barack Obama and I approved this message.”

7. Throughout high school, I was consistently voted “Barackiest.”

6. Earlier today I bowled a 39.

5. I have cancelled all my appearances the day the “Sex and the City” movie opens.

4. It’s the birthplace of Fred Astaire. (Sorry, that’s a surprising fact about Omaha)

3. We are tirelessly working to get the endorsement of Kentucky Derby favorite Colonel John.

2. This has nothing to do with the Top Ten, but what the heck is up with Paula Abdul?

1. I have not slept since October.

Here's last January's "Top Ten," BTW...

Don't look now, but an actor's strike could now be looming, with both sides -- actors and the major studios -- saying that they've effectively reached an impasse.

That's right -- possibly another, long, crippling strike. Help!

"Possibly." But not necessarily "probably." Let's keep our heads on.

Here are a couple of interesting things you may (or may not) know: First, there are a significant number of writers (I've no idea how many) who think the recently inked WGA/studio pact was and is a lousy one. I talked to one prominent producer-writer not too long ago -- who shall remain nameless -- who even predicted ANOTHER writers' strike a couple of years from now when this one lapses.

Some are flat-out angry about their deal, even thinking that for all the agony Hollywood went through that they basically ended up with pittance. I'm also told the actors don't want to make the same mistake.

And here's another thing: Many major productions, like "CSI," are wrapping their seasons very shortly, and barely taking a minute before they start work on their new season; many shows want to get four or five episodes in the can by July 1, just in case actors -- whose deal wraps June 30 -- decide to walk. This way, the networks can at least launch the fall season with some fresh stuff that could carry them through November sweeps.

It's hard to say how bad the breach is between the Screen Actors Guild and the AMPTP (studios), but it's not good.

Here's what AMPTP wrote (in part) members yesterday:

"When we requested an extra week for the SAG negotiations, we told you that there were 'significant gaps' between the parties.

Candidly, we must offer the same assessment of the negotiations today, with just over two days to go. Although both parties have spent considerable time in the negotiating room, we are not yet close to an agreement."

It then said "SAG initially rejected the framework for new media that was established through the DGA [directors], WGA and AFTRA Network Code negotiation," then cited "SAG’s willingness to work with the existing new media framework (albeit with more than 70 changes) was conditioned on AMPTP addressing SAG’s demands in traditional media areas. Unfortunately, these demands – including a doubling of the existing DVD formula and huge increases in compensation and benefits – would result in enormous cost increases that we are not willing to accept."

SAG responded: "we are prepared to bargain continuously, for as long as it takes. The AMPTP knows we did not state that they had to agree to all of our non-new media proposals. We expect the AMPTP to negotiate in good faith and we will do the same."

I for one am amazed at the coverage of the latest L'Affaire Paula. The poor, dear, befuddled girl burbles something about seeing Jason Castro's two songs on Tuesday's show, and the Times devotes 5,000 words for an above-the-fold story, as if the war in Iraq and a recession here at home were stories that could wait. Paula! That's the big news. Then, a commentator from "EW" portentously warns the viewers of "GMA" this morning that "if she can't handle the rigors of the show," maybe she should be replaced.

Rigors?! RIGORS!!!?? OMG. I mean, seriously, OMG.

What's the issue here? That judges see the rehearsals? Of course, they do. They've always said they do. The show has said they do. What difference does it make if they do? (I guess that adds to the rigors.) Is there a federal statute that bars this? Or: That their comments are scripted? Anyone who believes that is either foolish or has never seen the show. The judges' greatest "sin" is an occassional rhetorical sameness -- as if something, everything, is "too pitchy," or "too karaoke," or (from Paula), "I love you, I love your spirit, I love your wonderful voice, oh my God ..."

I can see Paula sitting in her dressing room before the show, scribbling those words down, then memorizing them.

But I guess the rigors of the show are so great that the judges have to script their comments, right?

What's the issue? That Paula screwed up or said something silly? Would you like a catalog of all the instances she's screwed up or said something silly? There is neither time enough in the day nor column inches enough in the Times to chronicle them all. Yet there was still enough Web babble yesterday to prompt Ryan to last night even give the poor beleaguered lady a vote of confidence -- that the rumors weren't true and that she would remain "a member of our family."

Fact is, the press treats the show as if it's shocked-shocked that there's gambling going on here. It's a reality show, which of course is a contradiction in terms; there is no reality in reality TV. "Idol's" most significant issue -- "failing" or "sin" seem too strong -- this season was stacking the ranks with pros and semipros, like Carly Smithson. But that's not the subject here. It's Paula being Paula again. Oh brother -- like that's news?

Bottom line: Paula's vital to the success of this show. She's going nowhere.