The TV Zone

Must-see TV on Thursday night really is back.

Tomorrow’s episode of “30 Rock” (9:30 p.m. on NBC/4) may be the funniest episode of the season — yes! even more laffable than “The Office” Christmas party. This is one show that is hitting its stride before our very eyes, getting better each week and pretty much obliterating the notion that it was an afterthought to the misconceived “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.”

There’s so much to love about this one: Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) ends up as Jack’s “date” to a birthday party in honor of Gerhardt Hapsburg, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne. And of course Jenna (Jane Krakowski) schemes her way there as well because she wants to have her Grace Kelly moment.

But Gerhardt is no fairy-tale prince: He’s a shrunken, deformed halfwit played to comic perfection by Paul Reubens (Pee-wee Herman), which reminds us of what a great comic Reubens is (was) before he was sidetracked by publicly being the master of his domain. At the party, Jack runs into his ex-wife (Isabella Rossellini) — and suddenly Liz becomes more than a beard.

Did I mention that Liz — an amalgam of Mary Richards, Rhoda Morgenstern and Carrie Bradshaw — has become my favorite female TV character this season? Sorry, Chloe. Sorry, Pam.

.

You've got a life. I don't. Which is why I watched both "24" and "Heroes," more or less simultaneously, to understand the unusual outbreak of paternity on both shows. Do the networks plan stuff like this - two father storylines the same night - or does it all just happen by accident? Let's start with...

"Heroes:"

George Takei!

Couldn't you just see fourteen million (or so) Trekkies pop out of their overstuffed chairs last night? "Heroes" has now gone where few other shows have in recent years - to Takei's agent. There he was, a brief shot of that craggy (almost) 70-year old face, staring at his long-lost son, Hiro. It was hard to say who was more shocked. (Hiro, soto voce: "Oh GOD - my dad's SULU!!") Actually, he just said "father...!...?" Claire found mom a couple minutes later, and - no - she's not Nichelle Nichols but wouldn't that have been the sweetest casting gimmick in modern TV history?

Takei - a.k.a. Mr. Nakamura - didn't say a word. But what's there to say? "My son knows how to rip the space/time continuum to shreds? Big deal." We'll learn more about Mr. Nakamura next week and he's doing a conference call with reporters this Thursday. I shall report back. By the way, Takei's been busy, but mostly with busywork - bit parts on "Cory in the House" or "Malcolm in the Middle." Nothing to write home about. Now the Great Takei is ready for his close-up. Thanks, "Heroes."

"24:"

James Cromwell!

But of course, we already knew (and so did the rest of the western world) that Cromwell was Jack's designated dad this season. It's been Widely Reported/Widely Promoted - especially in the wake of a bunch of stories asking, why not Donald Sutherland? (Lots of reasons, but none that make any sense to me.) Cromwell - other than the fact that he looks about as much like Jack as George Takei does - was just fine, though anyone who just saw "The Queen" - he plays Prince Phillip as a dolt, blowhard and ninny - will probably be confused. At the end, Graham's henchmen cart dad and Jack away. Will they survive? Will Jack kill someone? Will that "someone" be Graham? And is dear old Dad really just a dupe, or maybe something or someone else? Answers ahead at 12 noon.

And by the way...did you know Karen Hayes - adios! - was married to Bill "Blowdry" Burchanan? I sure didn't.

And by the way again...An astute colleague of mine, Rob Kahn, points out that Graham's son, "Josh," is probably Jack's son. Paternity test, anyone?

I do believe we have an early winner on "American Idol" and the name is Zitzmann - Nick Zitzmann.

Regular readers of this blog - all six of you (thanks, mom) - know that I have been championing someone who may well be the finest bad contestant in the history of "American Idol." (See a couple entries below.) Nick's got it all, but best of all, he so completely unnerved Simon "The Shiv" Cowell that the latter very nearly had a spiritual crisis during the audition. To watch Simon suffer makes this show pretty much all worthwhile, so hat's off to you, Nick.

Utah's own Nick appeared during the Seattle try-outs, sang a Righteous Brothers song, and stole a million hearts and broke as many eardrums. Evidence of his growing popularity: A fan club has been launched and I'm relatively confident Nick did not launch it. The hit counter on the fan site - www.NickZitzmannfanclub.com - now reads just over a hundred thousand visitors. Meanwhile, check Nick's Myspace profile, nickzitzmann.org, where we learn that he is (as suspected) a computer programmer and (also suspected) a great guy. "Welcome American Idol viewers," he writes. "I'm glad to see that the media and people in general are coming around to accept that at least I tried. I do, however, think I could have done much better than I did."

You did just fine, Nick. You've got style. You've got courage. You've got a future. Now, about that record deal...

A quick quiz: Did last night's "American Idol" take place here...

Or here?

You are correct, sir/madame! It took place there, or - I should say - over there, in the Swamp, which may partly explain why last night's "American Idol" audition all seemed like a monumental waste of time. It's been two (or three?) years since "American Idol" came to New York, yet technically, this wasn't even New York, but the Meadowlands. (Okay, last night's auditions did take place at Chelsea Piers, but the twenty thousand wannabes first descended on the Swamp.) I guess "Idol" rationalized that because the Giants play over there, this vast fetid tire/body storage area is somehow part of the sovereign state of New York. Uh uh - doesn't work that way, people. This is Jersey and Jersey it shall forever remain, yet producers worked feverishly to dig up whatever contestant they could to confirm to the rest of the country just how a.) ambitious, b.) neurotic, c.) histrionic, d.) obnoxious all these exotic New York specimens truly are. Even the four judges - Carole Bayer Sager holding up the other end of the table - seemed terribly bored by it all. Night one, and they're out until 3 a.m. getting blottoed (if we are to believe one of the more histrionic contestants). All except Paula, who - we are assured by her representatives - has never even looked at an O'Doul's. Either hung-over or as benumbed as the rest of audience, Simon went missing for most of day two. Sure, sure - some good performers but most came from points north (Rotterdam), south (Virginia), and west (Santa Monica.) That's Santa Monica, California, by the way. Not Santa Monica, New Jersey.

I ask you: Couldn't a city (the one over there east of the Swamp) that has more talent per square block than any other city in this country have produced just ONE "Idol" wannabe last night who actually came from Manhattan?

(And in what's become something of a new "Idol" tradition, we're actually seeing ex-contestants return for another shot. Nicolas Pedro - made it to Hollywood last season, then dropped out because he couldn't remember his words; remembered 'em last night but how could anyone forget "Fly Me to the Moon?" By the way, he's from Taunton, Mass.)

All in all, a bleak night and - mark my words, if you care - New York (or the Swamp) won't produce an "Idol" this time either.

And by the way: I am in the minority here. "Americanidol.com's" on-going straw poll, "What City Had the Most Talent," New York came in first (33 percent) compared to second-place Memphis (16 percent.) Notably, 34 percent say "the best is yet to come." Here's hoping...

What a family. What a glorious family. Last night's "24" certainly raises a host of questions, like: Where's Mom? Locked up in a supermax somewhere?

Late morning on "24" and the revelations just keep on coming. Valencia is no longer. Abu Fayed is carting around enough plutonium to render the rest of LA County uninhabitable (and uninhabited) - but has no clue how to use it. There's another evil guy out there, who was supposed to be played by British comedian Eddie Izzard (who quit after a day of filming.) Oh, yeah, Morris and Milo still hate each other's guts.

But the showstopper is Graham. You remember Graham: The brains behind the brainless President Charles Logan of last season. Turns out he's Jack's brother. "You should have killed [Jack] when you had the chance," Graham says casually to a thug/associate. 20/20 hindsight didn't do ol' Gra any good last night. The last we saw of him, he was sucking on a plastic baggie, courtesy Jack - who decided to drop his personal ban on torture for reasons of sibling rivalry. (Imagine these two guys growing up? Deciding which Saturday morning cartoon to watch probably ended up with calls to the EMS...) Dad is Phillip Bauer, and he's apparently the arms merchant who may or may not have been the bagman for a Russian general who got the nukes to Sayed who...whatever. He's gonna be played by James Cromwell. His torture session awaits him.

The best stuff: The helicopter, by far. It crashes to the ground with a thunderous and fiery roar. Kudos to the special effects guys. And is it just me, or was this some sort of backhanded homage to Graham's Paul McCrane, who ended his most excellent run on "ER" under the thunderous and fiery fuselage of a helicopter?
The silliest stuff: The brotherly love scenes. Think about it: Here’s Jack, beating the bejesus of a brother he hasn't seen in years, simply because he wants to find out where dad is. Yup, "24's" back.

Rocket Romano, pre-chopper accident.

Fair and decent-minded people are appalled each year by the early rounds of "American Idol," when the unfair and indecent show producers pick through vast crowds of "Idol" wannabes in search of the nerdiest, saddest, most clueless contestants for Simon to stick pins in.

They found them in Seattle - a veritable cornucopia of sadsacks who truly believed they had a chance. So why not some revenge? If Seattle was the worst of the worst, then who was the worst of the worst of the worst? Whoever gets THAT crown has a future ahead of him - lemme tell ya - and my nominee for the William Hung award is Nicolas Zitzmann, of Midvale, Utah, who sang (or claimed to sing) "Unchained Love.." (no such song - it's actually "Unchained Melody," but under the circumstances, who really cares.)
Zitzmann was a marvel, a genius, a master, and I think it'll come out in short order that this was one of the great put-ons in "Idol" history. He had the whole act down perfectly - the hair, the shirt, the eyes - or Lord, what eyes! He should speed-dial Hung's agent and get a record deal immediately. Next step: Buy out a few hundred copies of the CD, then have them shipped (COD) to Simon at the "Idol" production office. Revenge is, after all, best served via the U.S. mail.

Wow.

Did that do it for you? Shock you to the core? Sow doubt and confusion in your head - about "24," America's future, and Jack's state of mind?

I'm speaking (of course) of Jack Bauer's brutal dispatch of Curtis Manning in the closing minutes of last night's two-hour rock-em-sock-em 9 a.m. (and-the-day's-just-begun) finale. That's right: Curtis gone, forever (and "forever" really is forever in "24.”) The nuke? Horrible. We'll get to that in a minute. But the killing of Manning, played by veteran Jamaican-born actor, Roger Cross, is one for the ages in "24" lore. If Jack ever had any "innocence" - a ridiculous word in the context of Jack - it is utterly abolished now. To kill Curtis Manning in pursuit of The Greater Good now officially establishes that there IS no Greater Good in the "24" universe.

Curtis joined up in Day 4, and over the last couple of seasons always seemed to be in the right place at exactly the right time. The time he saved the kidnapped Audrey Raines and her old man, Secy. of Defense James Heller (played by the one/the only William Devane), or last season when he partnered with Jack to get inside that gas refinery to find the Sentox or was it Julian Sands?... Curtis was a standup guy, and now, he stands no more.

The nuke? Astounding, and pretty much unexpected. But this was hardly "The Day After" - ABC's '83 telepic about the apocalypse - or even "Jericho." Let's assume for now that casualties were "limited" and by that I mean limited primarily to the moron who delivered the trigger. But we'll see how "24" finesses the fall-out next week ("Thank GOD, it was a remote section of Los Angeles," Bill Buchanan mumbled to Chloe O'Brian, who stared balefully at the silver-haired, dim-bulbed CTU commander...)

Meanwhile (being a dilettante up there with the best of 'em) I ruminated on Jack's Nietzschean hue in a piece in this Sunday's paper. You all know ol' Freddy "God is Dead" Nietzche, who before going completely insane wrote a vast body of philosophy and hundreds of rather brilliant if occasionally rather infuriatingly obscure aphorisms. Stuff like: "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger" (which Jack must have inscribed on his business card.)

Or this: "If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

And so it goes with Jack. After Curtis, the abyss stared back. Now it's time to gaze someplace else, Mr. Bauer.

It's Friday, so let's recap the week: On Monday, Rosie said Donald had a comb-over and a major gas problem, then he wrote a letter to Rosie claiming that Babs told him that he should "never get in the mud with pigs," and then later backstage, Rosie called Babs a witch (though she may have actually used that word that begins with a B), while Trumpster called Babs a liar, and Babs called Donald "pathetic," after which he "wished she had not chosen me as one of the 'Ten Most Fascinating People'...' and then not too long afterwards, Madonna explained to Meredith Vieira that she was in the middle of the Indian Ocean when she decided that "if people are giving Rosie a hard time, I wish they'd stop."

Did we miss anything?

Probably, but who cares. This is what American culture has come to. Jay Leno explained it this way the other night: "President Bush wants to send in 20,000 more troops to Iraq because he believes it will stop the fighting. Stop the fighting in Iraq? We can't even stop the fighting between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump..."

And speaking of Jay, he was subject of today's show, and no doubt, he stroked his ample chin when he heard what Ro had to say about him. Yes, yes, she said very nice things - that he's "sweet," and helped her in the good old stand-up days, and then this: When he leaves "Tonight, "well you know, he could do whatever he wants. If he wants to...I'm sure they'd move 'Nightline' [for a Leno-hosted show.] I guarantee it."

And I guarantee this: a few senior executives at NBC and ABC spit out there coffee when they heard that prediction.

Meanwhile, we end the week with this important news: the newspaper on-line trade magazine, Editor & Publisher reports that the Gallup poll actually probed Americans' feelings about the Rosie/Trumpster war this week. According to E&P;, Trumpster is winning the battle by "a hair" - obviously a combed-over one.

Here are the numbers: Ro gets 63 percent "unfavorable" ratings while Do gets 48 percent unfavorable.

Rock on, Rosie. You've got some catching up to do.

It's a weird, weird, weird, weird world we live in. Proof? "The View." Further proof? Rosie. Even more proof? Madonna. Absolutely definitive proof? The Donald. And today - improbably, but, when you stop to think about it, probably - they all rolled around in the Zeitgeist together, making our lives just a little more interesting. First, "View:" Rosie and the gang managed to steer entirely clear of the Elephant in the Room on this morning's edition. Also, Rosie insulted no one. Even managed to agree with Babs on a couple of occassions. And didn't bellow ONCE at Elizabeth when the latter had the termerity to disagree with her thoughts on the war (and virtually everything else under the sun.) Maybe Ro was trying to PROVE to Warner subsidiary, Telepictures, that she really can host a talk show again, or go through 44 minutes of showtime without getting Trumpster to speeddial his lawyers. Yes, Telepictures, with whom she is in discussions - per the Post and Us Magazine - to get her own talk show again.

Next Madonna. During this morning's excruciating interview with Meredith Vieira on "Today," she had this to say, and we quote in full:

"Well, I mean, Rosie's a good friend of mine, and I have to tell you,
I didn't know anything about it. Somebody told me about it when--I heard
about it when I was in the middle of the Indian Ocean. So I sent her an
e-mail, and I said, `Is everything OK? What's going on? I have to hear it from the horse's mouth.' And basically, I mean, I -she's a stand-up comic. I think all stand-up comics talk about provocative things in their monologues before shows, and I think that's a commonplace thing. I don't know exactly the content of what she said, but I have a feeling that if every stand-up comic was penalized for saying politically incorrect things or provocative things, I think they'd all be hung in the public square. So if people are giving Rosie a hard time. I wish they'd stop. I don't think it's fair. But, you know."

Now, will someone tell me what this means? What's "it?" Or who's "it?" Or "people?" Is there a pact among "The View" hosts and their ilk to not mention the Elephant in the Room by name ever again? Is it just going to be "it" or "that man" from now on? Will the word "Trump" ever be spoken on "The View" again?

Or this: "In the middle of the Indian Ocean..." On a raft? Whaaa?

Anyway, I've got another question. If Madonna has now officially come to Ro's defense, how long before Boy George does? Just a thought...

Oh, glory, glory, GLORY! There is a God in TV heaven, and He (or She, your choice) continues to smile down on the odd little creatures which He so impishly created. Yes, we speak of Rosie and Donald.

If you missed this morning's "The View," here's the quick re-cap:

The gang comes out, with Barbara at one end of the table, and Rosie propping up the other end: "Well," Ro bellows. "He's at it again!. How 'bout that Barbara. I'm OK. You OK? I'm OK. You Ok?"
Said Babs, and this is the direct quote: "That poor pathetic man."
Cue to wild applause, and Babs then looks down at the table, no doubt wondering, "is this what my life has come to?"
There were then high-fives all around, with some more hot air from Ro, claiming (again) that DT is "obsessed" her with and that "his show ['Apprentice'] tanked."

Meanwhile, somewhere in the glorious city of Gotham, DT is squinting furiously at a TV set and - BOOM!! - DT did what DT has suddenly become so very fond of doing. He dashed off a letter, which was quickly sent to "Extra." Herewith, the juicy stuff:

"Barbara Walters has taken the low road for the sake of her show rather than the sake of her morality. She lied with Star Jones and now she has chosen to lie again. She refused to discuss my recent letter [see: Tuesday edition, below] because she knows it is true and so does Rosie. They didn't even have the courage to mention me by name. It was sad to see Barbara read her statement off a cue card. Rosie just pushed her out like a ("pathetic") puppet. Barbara has become a sad figurehead dominated by a third-rate comedian and I now wish she had not chosen me as one of the "Ten Most Fascinating People...'"

And so on. He also rebutted Rosie's claim about the tanking, and referred to some recent "Nielson" numbers. (DT, it's spelled "Nielsen.")

OK, fans, I've got some comments here, but foremost: Shouldn't Trumpster be out building buildings or something? But there he is, studying "The View" every morning, then pounding out joyously hilarious - albeit unintentionally so - commentary to Ro and "Extra." "I now wish she had not chosen me as one of the "Ten Most Fascinating People...'"A classic line! Sure to be posted in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations some day! One for the ages!

But I've got to admit, I think Trumpster's right on this one. Babs did chicken out (and did fudge the truth, long and hard, on Jones.). By not naming Trumpster, she averted any possible legal unpleasantness, because - really - she didn't technically lie: "That poor pathetic man" could have been a reference to the doorman she refused to tip over Christmas. Who knows?!

I'm still giving Ro another month. Babs has the long knives out, and not just for DT...

As you watch "The View" these days, be sure to pay careful attention to the guest host because she may well be the one to replace Rosie. Judging from the recent tab coverage, only an idiot can assume at this point that the Rosie O'Donnell association will continue much longer. Babs and Rosie at each other's throats! Green room wars! Barbara Walters dumping on Rosie! Rosie calling Babs a [witch, though the real word actually begins with a "b"]! Or, per the ever-reliable Rosie watcher, TMZ, there's now a letter that Trumpster sent to O'Donnell this morning (seriously) in which he alleged that Babs had told him that "working with [Rosie] is like living in hell" or..."Donald, never get into the mud with pigs." Of course, Trump is a totally reliable source on these matters. We believe everything he says. (Don't you? I do.)

But I give it a month before the press release comes out reading: "Rosie O'Donnell has decided to pursue other opportunities in the talk show arena/movie arena/sitcom arena/game show arena/magazine arena..." No, scratch that last one. Anyway, the point is, it's over. I repeat: Over. This is sad because Rosie has made the show almost ridiculously interesting. Today, per example: There she is, chatting gamely with "Last King of Scotland" star, Kerry Washington, "about "astrology...energy days...I believe that the tides - and that we're made from water and it affects the way we feel. Yes, I do believe..."

You can't make this up, nor would you want to: From Tides to Trumpster. We get it all from Ro. But really, I'm gonna miss her. Greatly. She's fun. Nutty but fun. And unlike Star Freebie Jones, she's yet to plug anything.

What was that gas smell today? I don't know, but why (coincidentally) did it continue waft over the fair metropolis of Gotham just as "The View" swung into action? I castigated DT (Trumpster) last week for ill-timed, ill-mannered, ill-everything remarks re: Rosie. Today, I castigate RO. Back from vacation - and some vacation! - she gets right down to biz: Trump, she averred, is the "Eveready comb-over bunny" and that he's "obsessed with me." There was more: He was the guy who caused the gas smell. What a riot: Borscht Belt here she comes.

A couple of pointers, Rosie. Foremost, the gas joke. Not too funny, not too funny at all, considering that there werel a couple million people still wondering whether this was some sort of insidious terrorist attack (even by 11:15 a.m.) Also, what's "eveready?" And "obsessed" with you? No, you're obsessed with you. Finally, this business about the comb-over. I've seen Donald Trump's hair up close and personal. I've gotten to within about ten (or so inches) of it. I've stared hard at it. Examined the color, checked out the roots. From this examination, two things can be deduced: This is not a rug (yes, I wondered), and Thing No. 2, this is not a comb over. The follicly challenged occasionally resort to comb overs; Trumpster resorts to something else, although I can't be entirely certain what that is. Comb overs, by the way, can be quite attractive. As an example, check out the picture of this gentleman:

Now, check out this picture of Trumpster:

I rest my case, such as it is.

Anyway, here's the point: Enough. Grow up. We're bored. Rich people squabbling like brats is unbecoming. After all, they usually hire flacks to do the dirty work for them.

As Donald Trump continues to make a monumental ass of himself in full public view, I feel compelled to rant on this subject yet again - if for no other reason that there are billion other more important, vital and significant issues in the world and this takes my mind off of them for the time being. I caught some of the Mereith Vieira/DT exchange from this morning's "Today Show" (thank you, TMZ!), and it was the usual babblefest, (though noticed that DT is now reducing his Rosie rips to shorthand.) The whole affair has now officially become the Monster that Ate the Donald: Whereever he goes, someone wants to ask him about Rosie! They are now tied together forever, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Wikipedia entry ("Rosie/Donald;" or, see: "Donald/Rosie") is already on-line. There he is, on his own network, expecting a free and uncluttered plug for Sunday's "Apprentice" premiere, and what does he get from Vieira? Rosie!

Donald, my friend, you have no one to blame but yourself, or - as my dearly departed granny used to tell me before administering a richly deserved whacking - you reap what you sow. What do you expect Vieira to ask about? The weather?

What's somewhat interesting about the Monster that Ate the Donald is the potential impact this will all have on "The Apprentice" - the now anemic "Apprentice," I hasten to add. In a review Friday (one of the nice things about blogs is the ability to shamelessly self-promote), I state that his playground hysteria has undercut his authority in the boardroom. How could it not? Check out this soundbite from Greta Van Susteren's show the other night: "I was at one performance where practically everyone walked out because her mouth is so foul. She's not a very talented person. Interestingly, she failed with her show. You know her show did very poor ratings, she went off the air. She then did a magazine a total catastrophe; I mean a total disaster..."

Donald, think about what you said. "Practically everyone walked out?" If true, that means you endured the entire performance to witness the evacuation. I guess it didn't bother you that much. "Foul mouth?" Yes - like just about every other standup with the exception of Leno/Letterman. "No talent?" She can't sing or dance, but she's indisputably talented at the (admittedly absurd) craft of talk show babble. "Magazine...total catastrophe?" Certainly for Gruner + Jahr and the exec who greenlighted it; but I recall the thing at least had ads, even if it was unreadable.

Here's the thing Trumpster, you need good advice and I'm here to offer - even though you (and no one else) will ever likely read what I'm about to say. Revenge should absolutely be served ice cold, so here's what I'd do: Cancel the rest of the interviews, then call up some chin-stroking heavyweight like Charlie Rose and offer a raft of on-air mea culpas. "I overspoke, Charlie...I want to apologize to Rosie, and everyone else I insulted...It was a mistake...there are bigger problems in the world than this little tiff...etc. blah blah."

Next morning after this interview - guaranteed to hit the front pages of every newspaper in the world - you then quietly call up Barbara Walters. Here's the text of that conversation: "Barbara, we've been friends a long time, but this whole incidence caused me enormous harm - some of it of course self-inflicted. Unless you get rid of Rosie when her contract is up - if not sooner - then that friendship is over, and I will make absolutely certain that anyone I know in the entertainment world, including stars from NBCUniversal, will never appear on 'The View.'"

Barbara will huff and puff, but Rosie's days will effectively be numbered.

Oh Donald, by the way - you're welcome.

Why is it that when television turns its lonely eyes to Oprah, those lonely eyes mist up, then avert themselves from the most basic questions of all? Case in point: Diane Sawyer's misty-eyed treatment on this morning's "Good Morning America." Her exclusive interview with O was fine - to a point - but unless I fell sound asleep at some point (entirely possible, by the way) did she not fail to ask the following? What kinds of communities did the girls come from? Ages? Level of education? Selection process? (Newsweek reported that the acceptance rate was below Harvard's...) And most glaring ommission of all: What kind of education are they going to get? Standard curriculum? (Whatever that is)? Will this be K through 12? (I don't think so, but nice to know). And what exactly does a school for leadership teach? What will Oprah teach or lecture about? And how long can she remain in SA while juggling the demands of everything else she does (show notwithstanding?) And...I could go on and on. But why bother? There's one simple solution here: Diane, if you don't mind, please return to SA for followups...